The guy I was dating a fair few weeks ago has been calling me and texting me several times last night and this morning. And I stared at my phone, seeing his name on the screen, thinking, "Oh, NOW you want to make me a priority in your life rather than an option?" He was asking to do something today. I just texted him saying 'No, thank you.' I told him Friday night that what he was doing made me not so happy and that I was disappointed in him (there's a long story to that one). Then he sat next to me during church on Sunday like nothing was wrong.
I don't want to take responsibility of his shyness or his insecurities, because if I feel like I need to show him the 'way', I fear I will try to control him and 'fix' him. Plus that business is only something the Lord can fix and mend, not me. I don't want to feel like I need to fight for his attention all the time because he's emotionally tied to an older woman with two kids (turns out she's not married, she's separated, I just assumed she was married because she said 'husband' all the time). I don't do love triangles or drama, that stuff will give me grey hair.
I am so tired of 'fighting' for men. I just want to put my sword down and be fought for. I want to know I am worth the fight. So I'm tapping out, I'm walking out of the ring. If you want my heart, look, the Lord's holding on to it. Go ask Him. I'm emotionally leaving the premises.
On a side note: I've never gone to the movies by myself. Some people (cool kids wanna-be's) convinced me it was socially unacceptable to do so, an then I found out many people do it. *Shrugs*. But I want to watch 'The Fault in our Stars'. I don't know if this will just be like rubbing salt in the wound, but I just really want to do it.
(This stuff is still fresh so I'm just going to e-vent, breathe in, be distracted and settle for awhile, and then take this to the Lord so I don't hold on to offense)