My view on the role of a husband is that he should be 1. Best Friend of his Wife 2. Provider of his family 3. Loving Role model for his children 4. Consoler and primary caretaker of his families needs 5. etc.
It is not of my character to verbally tell the roles of others, however, and I don't like using the word role toward anyone other than myself. The best I could hope for is a loving and caring wife, a good mother to the children, and children with pure well intentioned hearts. I think it would be wrong, and also rude, to tell her her role. But I couldn't imagine marrying a person that would even need to be told what to do. I hold the intelligence of a person to high regard.
I'm married to a woman who loves God. She's been a faithful wife. She's also a hard worker and very talented and proactive. I've really been blessed. But I also see that sometimes my wife likes to be in control of things, and especially in the past, she had a problem with her temper. It wasn't an explosive kind of thing, but an irritation that she'd have at times. Once when she was pregnant, we went through a week when she'd get upset over real small things, sometimes really just nothing. She even left the house one night over a comment that wouldn't normally upset anyone, even herself. She was probably having pregnancy mood swings, but it brought out some issues that she'd had throughout the marriage. So I prayed for the Lord to speak to her about a long list of things, things about how she was raised, how she viewed me, how she treated me. She went to this church thing for several weeks one night a week that deals with strongholds, bondages, and all that kind of stuff, a kind of Bible study for self-improvement and deliverance. A few nights after I prayed that prayer, she came home from this Bible study and said the Lord had spoken to her about this long list of things-- the very things I'd prayed about.
Something I'd realized a few weeks before when my wife was disrespectful toward me was that I hadn't consistently prayed for her about disrespect and submission issues. And I hadn't really held her accountable either.
What I have realized since then is that if I am to lead in the home, function as her head in the marriage, and wash her with the water of the word, one small part of my roll is to hold her accountable and point it out if she isn't being submissive or respectful. If she said a harsh word to her mother, or my mother, I should point that out. If she were too harsh with the kids, I'd point that out. If I did those things and she saw it, she'd do the same for me. Is it somehow spiritual for me to not offer a word of correction if she is unsubmissive or disrespectful to me? I used to think that way, like that was humility or something. Now I know better.
If I were a manager of a company, and my workers wouldn't listen to me and treated me with disrespect and I didn't confront it, what would happen? They might all start coming in late. Performance in the office would decline. if I didn't confront them on it, would me a good manager? No, my boss would hold me accountable for the poor performance of my department.
As a parent, am I being a humble, Christ-like parent for not correcting a two-year old who disobeys me, or hits me, or yells at me? No, that's called bad parenting and raising a spoiled brat who can harm others in society.
Many Christians do not realize the importance of offering correction. Leviticus says do not despise your neighbor in your heart, but rebuke your neighbor frankly, lest you share in his sin. Many of the Proverbs deal with the importance of giving and receiving correction. The Bible encourages believers to exhort and admonish one another. This should be a regular aspect of the Christian life. Jesus commanded the brother who is sinned against by another brother to confront him. There are several, much-ignored passages of scripture on the importance of correcting sin to prevent contaminating the body.
Why would we think that husbands are holy for not offering a word of correction when their wives aren't being submissive, obedient, or respectful? It doesn't make sense and it doesn't line up with the rest of scripture. Jesus did not treat the church that way in Revelation 2. Which brings me to another myth.
Some people believe that if a man loves his wife perfectly, that she will automatically submit. Jesus is the perfect husband, yet the churches weren't perfect toward Him. Take a look at Revelation 2-3. The husband doing his role doesn't guarantee that the wife will do hers. Hosea did not turn Gomer into a prostitute. It is not God's fault that Israel went awhoring after false gods. If a man loves his wife like Christ loves the church, that doesn't guarantee she'll submit to him properly. If a wife submits to her husband, that doesn't guarantee he will love her properly. Each is to do his or her role as unto the Lord, whether the other does nor not. The wife's lack of submission does not justify a lack of love on the part of the husband. And a husband not loving his wife as Christ loves the church does not justify rebellion on he part of the wife. It may be easier for a wife to submit to a loving husband.
good one Harley Angel
