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Why do I HAVE to have senior pictures? I gotta say, I don't like getting pictures taken. Something usually goes wrong, I end up looking awful, then everyone sees it.
Yeah, how about no. I think I can go without senior pictures. I got some grad pics, and I'm okay with just having that. Those were bad enough anyways.
(No, this is NOT a post fishing for compliments or anything along the lines of, "Oh but you're so pretty, lil.")
Yeah, how about no. I think I can go without senior pictures. I got some grad pics, and I'm okay with just having that. Those were bad enough anyways.
(No, this is NOT a post fishing for compliments or anything along the lines of, "Oh but you're so pretty, lil.")
M
There are a lot of things I can't wrap my mind around today. Like how I could have not noticed all those milk jugs in the fridge. Like how I could have ever considered trying to get my ex to take our son for the summer (since the number one reason I left was to protect our kids from the sort of damage he could do to them). Like how I could have made the mistake of not guarding my heart more carefully so as to avoid the searing pain of having it broken ever again.
I guess it's easy to overlook rotten milk when there are so many more pressing matters in the way.
And it was easier to convince myself that my difficult son would somehow benefit from time with his father, because let's face it, I am beyond desperate for any kind of help at this point. I am seriously losing it, and I see no way out. No glimmer of hope in the future. Meanwhile, my son's behavior gets worse and worse, I can't get him to listen to me for anything, and it's like we're all locked up here together, day in and day out. Even on the worst days, I can't simply call anyone up and ask them to take the kids for a couple of hours. There is nobody but me. I'm it. I guess I'd better learn to deal.
And really, if I'm being honest with myself, getting hurt this way was my own fault. I didn't wait like I should have. I refused to admit that I was wrong to give my heart away so soon. I saw something good, and I wanted it...needed it, I thought. I let fallible, useless human emotions take over, and I thought I was finally giving my heart to someone who would cherish it. I was...very wrong, to think that was ok at this point in my life. I should have known better. Was I wrong about him? I don't think so. I just feel...a little blindsided by the sudden ending, I suppose. Just because it's right doesn't mean it's easy. Kinda hurts like hell. Again, my fault; I should have simply known better.
I've felt God trying to get through to me for some time now, but I've only sort of answered that call. I've raged against him, I've cried to him, I've asked him for things...but I haven't been obedient, I haven't been at all appreciative, and I've utilized my selective hearing when I know he has something to say to me.
All I know at this point is that I can't go any further on the path I'm on. I've crashed and I'm burning and the momentary distraction of the crappy nail polish hasn't done anything but fuel the fire...because ignoring the pain only makes it worse when I'm finally forced to feel it.
I know I sound a little dramatic. I'm ok with that. I know now how wrong I've been. I'm sorry for that. I know I need to let God do His thing in my life now. I'm terrified of that.
I haven't really even begun to deal with the idea of being divorced, let alone the imminent reality. If I can allow God to lead me through this...well, it's my first step ever in the right direction. And maybe, maybe I will finally learn to be alone, and to be ok with that.
I can't take anymore pain.
I also just set off the smoke alarm without even cooking anything (which is the problem...I've been pre-heating the oven for two hours).
I guess it's easy to overlook rotten milk when there are so many more pressing matters in the way.
And it was easier to convince myself that my difficult son would somehow benefit from time with his father, because let's face it, I am beyond desperate for any kind of help at this point. I am seriously losing it, and I see no way out. No glimmer of hope in the future. Meanwhile, my son's behavior gets worse and worse, I can't get him to listen to me for anything, and it's like we're all locked up here together, day in and day out. Even on the worst days, I can't simply call anyone up and ask them to take the kids for a couple of hours. There is nobody but me. I'm it. I guess I'd better learn to deal.
And really, if I'm being honest with myself, getting hurt this way was my own fault. I didn't wait like I should have. I refused to admit that I was wrong to give my heart away so soon. I saw something good, and I wanted it...needed it, I thought. I let fallible, useless human emotions take over, and I thought I was finally giving my heart to someone who would cherish it. I was...very wrong, to think that was ok at this point in my life. I should have known better. Was I wrong about him? I don't think so. I just feel...a little blindsided by the sudden ending, I suppose. Just because it's right doesn't mean it's easy. Kinda hurts like hell. Again, my fault; I should have simply known better.
I've felt God trying to get through to me for some time now, but I've only sort of answered that call. I've raged against him, I've cried to him, I've asked him for things...but I haven't been obedient, I haven't been at all appreciative, and I've utilized my selective hearing when I know he has something to say to me.
All I know at this point is that I can't go any further on the path I'm on. I've crashed and I'm burning and the momentary distraction of the crappy nail polish hasn't done anything but fuel the fire...because ignoring the pain only makes it worse when I'm finally forced to feel it.
I know I sound a little dramatic. I'm ok with that. I know now how wrong I've been. I'm sorry for that. I know I need to let God do His thing in my life now. I'm terrified of that.
I haven't really even begun to deal with the idea of being divorced, let alone the imminent reality. If I can allow God to lead me through this...well, it's my first step ever in the right direction. And maybe, maybe I will finally learn to be alone, and to be ok with that.
I can't take anymore pain.
I also just set off the smoke alarm without even cooking anything (which is the problem...I've been pre-heating the oven for two hours).
K
You know those moods where you just want to be alone, yet you'd love to have that one person you could talk to around, it's one of those nights.
I so badly wish I didn't have certain expectations for myself. Or maybe I wish I could be more freed up or that I didn't care so much. I really don't know.
I need to be more positive.
I so badly wish I didn't have certain expectations for myself. Or maybe I wish I could be more freed up or that I didn't care so much. I really don't know.
I need to be more positive.
U
To those that know all you're going through, you don't sound dramatic. And those that don't know, who cares if they think you sound dramatic?
Maybe your real glimmer of hope, that you're missing, is the very thing you fear. Trusting God to lead, not yourself. Its something i was considering about my own life earlier today and the thought, much to my surprise, scared me as well.
But if you ever get into a car with someone else driving, on a bus, a plane, a train or whatever else, you're putting your trust in someone to guide you, take you to the right places, get you there safely. And these are people who don't see the big picture, can't see more than how far their eyes can go and can't predict much of anything, can be prone to distractions. Emotions. Yet you trust these people with your very life. But when it comes to God who knows all, your past and your future, who created you with a purpose and knows whats best for you better than you yourself even know, you (we) suddenly panic. If we can put our trust in imperfect humans to take care of us, people who may not even care about us, why can't we do the same with a loving God that desires whats best for us? Not easiest, best.
Maybe your real glimmer of hope, that you're missing, is the very thing you fear. Trusting God to lead, not yourself. Its something i was considering about my own life earlier today and the thought, much to my surprise, scared me as well.
But if you ever get into a car with someone else driving, on a bus, a plane, a train or whatever else, you're putting your trust in someone to guide you, take you to the right places, get you there safely. And these are people who don't see the big picture, can't see more than how far their eyes can go and can't predict much of anything, can be prone to distractions. Emotions. Yet you trust these people with your very life. But when it comes to God who knows all, your past and your future, who created you with a purpose and knows whats best for you better than you yourself even know, you (we) suddenly panic. If we can put our trust in imperfect humans to take care of us, people who may not even care about us, why can't we do the same with a loving God that desires whats best for us? Not easiest, best.
I feel your pain,....I am terrified to get my Senior pictures taken. I'm never photogenic,...And then its preserved, and sent to the whole family and then your grandparents and cousins that live half-way across the country think that you look that weird on a regular basis,...
The only reason I'm open to the idea, is,...What if these turn out well, and I never get a good picture taken of me ever again? At least I'll be able to look back on my senior year.
Or I could burn them for fun.
The only reason I'm open to the idea, is,...What if these turn out well, and I never get a good picture taken of me ever again? At least I'll be able to look back on my senior year.
Or I could burn them for fun.
D
How can that be? The internet is only about 30 years old. 
'There is no consensus on the exact date when the modern Internet came into being, but sometime in the early to mid-1980s is considered reasonable.'
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet
'There is no consensus on the exact date when the modern Internet came into being, but sometime in the early to mid-1980s is considered reasonable.'
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet
Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.
Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect, and use every power as Thou shalt choose.
Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.
Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.
Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect, and use every power as Thou shalt choose.
Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.
