Burning Bridges

[zaoman32]

I texted a friend of mine the other day who happens to be a female co-worker. I noticed she wasn't at work so just thought I'd ask how she was doing. The conversation went something like this:
Me: "What's up?"
Her: "Mike I need you to do me a favor, could you pray for me? I'm suspended pending my job, and I don't want to lose."
Me: "Yeah, sure no problem."
Her: "Thanks, I knew our friendship was meaningful for some reason."

Uhhhhhh, did she really just say that? Yes she did. It got me thinking a lot. Particularly about times when I've put myself out there as a "friend" for someone, and they just didn't care, or finding a girl I'm interested in and they just string me along without delivering on anything. I was talking with a friend of mine in the prayer room a while ago, and they told me I deserved more than that. And you know what? They're right.

Good friends are very difficult to come by in my opinion. I am faithfully devoted to those I call my friends, but if our friendship means nothing to that person, why waste my time?

I know some people are very adamant on not burning bridges, but I'd like to hear everyone's thoughts or ideas on this. Have you had a situation where you had to end some kind of relationship because it just seemed one sided? How did you recognize and deal with that situation? Was there any hope of reconciliation?

 

[tourist]

I texted a friend of mine the other day who happens to be a female co-worker. I noticed she wasn't at work so just thought I'd ask how she was doing. The conversation went something like this:
Me: "What's up?"
Her: "Mike I need you to do me a favor, could you pray for me? I'm suspended pending my job, and I don't want to lose."
Me: "Yeah, sure no problem."
Her: "Thanks, I knew our friendship was meaningful for some reason."

Uhhhhhh, did she really just say that? Yes she did. It got me thinking a lot. Particularly about times when I've put myself out there as a "friend" for someone, and they just didn't care, or finding a girl I'm interested in and they just string me along without delivering on anything. I was talking with a friend of mine in the prayer room a while ago, and they told me I deserved more than that. And you know what? They're right.

Good friends are very difficult to come by in my opinion. I am faithfully devoted to those I call my friends, but if our friendship means nothing to that person, why waste my time?

I know some people are very adamant on not burning bridges, but I'd like to hear everyone's thoughts or ideas on this. Have you had a situation where you had to end some kind of relationship because it just seemed one sided? How did you recognize and deal with that situation? Was there any hope of reconciliation?

Two rules of thumb that I follow: never burn your bridges and always leave your options open. Relationships can be tricky with pitfalls and twists and turns. I think that it is important to be yourself, be honest, lead with your best foot forward, be sensitive to the other person and to put her needs above your own desires. For a relationship to grow beyond the "friend" stage it must be centered on the love of God. He will provide the love that is to be shared with one another. Allow God's words to speak through you to the woman that you care about and listen to her words carefully because her words may have come from the heart of God. Pay attention to detail.

 

[Pipp]

I've had to burn a few bridges because the people I was calling friends were very harmful to me spiritually and they were destructive in a very subtle way. I'm still acquaintances with one of them but the others I will NEVER even look back to what we called friendship. I thank God every day they are out of my life.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I texted a friend of mine the other day who happens to be a female co-worker. I noticed she wasn't at work so just thought I'd ask how she was doing. The conversation went something like this:
Me: "What's up?"
Her: "Mike I need you to do me a favor, could you pray for me? I'm suspended pending my job, and I don't want to lose."
Me: "Yeah, sure no problem."
Her: "Thanks, I knew our friendship was meaningful for some reason."

Uhhhhhh, did she really just say that? Yes she did. It got me thinking a lot. Particularly about times when I've put myself out there as a "friend" for someone, and they just didn't care, or finding a girl I'm interested in and they just string me along without delivering on anything. I was talking with a friend of mine in the prayer room a while ago, and they told me I deserved more than that. And you know what? They're right.

Good friends are very difficult to come by in my opinion. I am faithfully devoted to those I call my friends, but if our friendship means nothing to that person, why waste my time?

I know some people are very adamant on not burning bridges, but I'd like to hear everyone's thoughts or ideas on this. Have you had a situation where you had to end some kind of relationship because it just seemed one sided? How did you recognize and deal with that situation? Was there any hope of reconciliation?

I'd have had to respond with "So... is this the only reason our friendship is meaningful?" I personally would soften it with an emoticon, but that's just me. Yeah, that needs clarification. She may have been joking. I hope she was joking.

I agree with you that if the relationship means nothing to the other person, I'd rather not invest my own time and effort into it. I'm not a bridge-burner. It would take a whole lot for me to burn a bridge. But there are times when the bridge does need to maybe not exist anymore.

 

[djness]

Jesus would agree with Usher- Let it burn.

 

[Fenner]

I texted a friend of mine the other day who happens to be a female co-worker. I noticed she wasn't at work so just thought I'd ask how she was doing. The conversation went something like this:
Me: "What's up?"
Her: "Mike I need you to do me a favor, could you pray for me? I'm suspended pending my job, and I don't want to lose."
Me: "Yeah, sure no problem."
Her: "Thanks, I knew our friendship was meaningful for some reason."

Uhhhhhh, did she really just say that? Yes she did. It got me thinking a lot. Particularly about times when I've put myself out there as a "friend" for someone, and they just didn't care, or finding a girl I'm interested in and they just string me along without delivering on anything. I was talking with a friend of mine in the prayer room a while ago, and they told me I deserved more than that. And you know what? They're right.

Good friends are very difficult to come by in my opinion. I am faithfully devoted to those I call my friends, but if our friendship means nothing to that person, why waste my time?

I know some people are very adamant on not burning bridges, but I'd like to hear everyone's thoughts or ideas on this. Have you had a situation where you had to end some kind of relationship because it just seemed one sided? How did you recognize and deal with that situation? Was there any hope of reconciliation?

That was a insensitive thing for that woman to say, but maybe like Grace said, she was kidding, I hope.

I guess more recently I've had friends that I felt like I wasn't sure what I was doing there. One in particular, we planned to get our kids together and play, went to a park, she spent almost the whole entire time on her phone. I was pretty hurt by that. I didn't contact her again after, especially since I felt like her baby sitter. Another friend has distanced herself from me and another friend, we're Facebook friends, but we don't talk on there. She moved to this more upscale neighborhood and her friends live there. It's to bad, but I don't dwell on it anymore.

 

[zaoman32]

She says she was joking, but I also know how she is, and in context with the full conversation I can say, I very much doubt that was the case.

Either way, I think there are times God wants us to move on. Not in an embittered angry manner, but just in a way to recognize that, whatever it is the relationship may be (friendship, dating what have you), is unhealthy, and to let it go. I just can't rectify that bridges must never be burned. Idealistically, and logically yes, if both sides want it to work, if both sides dedicate their relationship to the Lord, of course it will thrive, but that's not always the case.

I have several friends who are not christians, and I prefer that way, (where's my ministry if the only people I relate to already know God?), if they could really careless about our friendship, and they don't have a relationship with God, you cannot force either one of them on them. You may need to let go, but that doesn't mean you don't care about them anymore, it's that you recognize that it's fruitless and there is nothing more you can do in and of yourself to continue it. And constantly putting yourself in a situation where your love is being returned with callousness or carelessness, you're just hurting yourself.

 

[MissCris]

This is something I've been wrestling with too lately- I have a friend from school who is currently a mess; she's on the verge of divorce, but also already planning to marry her boyfriend, and...I get it. I soooo get it. But when she does call me, it's always so one-sided; she knows what I'm going through right now, but never asks me how I'm holding up or anything. It's always about her...and I tryyyy to be there for her, but sometimes it feels like my give a...hoot...is busted. And I wonder, if all I am is a sounding board for drama....she doesn't listen to any advice that She asks for, she won't make up her mind to either stay or go...I can't help her any more. Neither of us are getting anywhere in this friendship.

But...I can't make myself burn that bridge. We may go long periods of time without talking at all, but something in me realizes that even if she doesn't appear to care right now, even if my prayers for her don't seem to be doing any good, even if it hurts me to have to stand back while she flails around lost and hurting...

It's not really about me.

This was hard to come to terms with, and I'm only recently seeing it and struggling immensely with it. But it's not about me. It's not about her, either. It's about being open to being worked through by God for His purposes. If that means I get a little used and abused by people in need...ok.

THAT BEING SAID...
nobody has to be a doormat for anyone. If you feel used, or hurt by, someone... Speak up. It's possible they don't realize they're doing it. It's also possible they totally realize it, but if you let them know you're onto them, they're likely to move on to someone more gullible.

Honestly I'm not even sure what I'm talking about, I'm only just starting to get the hang of like...life.

 

[Nocturnus]

I'm too familiar with this Subject. "Hey Noc, got a computer problem, you're better at fixing these things, will you help? Hey Andrew, can I have you research something for me since you're good at dealing with google? Do you have a copy of so-and-so's album or such-and-such music? Where can I, how can I, what do I have to do to do insert randomd thing here that I can't be bothered finding out for myself?"

Do not misunderstand; I like helping people, enjoy knowing that I've been of assistance, but when you can't even be bothered to message me for anything other than needing my help without even bothering to ask how I'm doing or what's going on in my life, you'd better have some money to fork over to keep me interested for awhile, because at that point you're not what I would consider a friend.

 

[Ugly]

I've burned plenty of bridges. Some i realize i probably overreacted, but many i don't regret. I'm not as quick to burn bridges now as i used to be, either. I try to be more understanding and gracious to friends. But if i felt the need i'm grabbing gasoline and a few packs of matches.

 

[musicguy85]

Sometimes in order to move forward in life, love, or most importantly in our walk with God it becomes necessary to burn a bridge or 2. I don't make it a habit but I have recognized some times when it was necessary for me to continue on in a healthy manner.

There are times when people do you harm and can be a poison to you in many ways. While I think we should be watchful for opportunities to minister or be a good example to these people there certainly comes times when you just have to move on and leave things in God's hands.

In the original post it does sound like the person may have been kidding, but it certainly was a very poor choice of words. If this is a regular thing then I would personally call attention to it respectfully. Sometimes that can be all it takes for a little healthy change in a dynamic.

 

[JesusChica1991]

Yup. I've burned bridges...LOTS of bridges. These people were close friends of mine. But, they were toxic to myself and my spirit. It's not fun. I miss them. But, I don't regret doing what I did.

 

[secularhermit]

Yup. I've burned bridges...LOTS of bridges. These people were close friends of mine. But, they were toxic to myself and my spirit. It's not fun. I miss them. But, I don't regret doing what I did.

Where is the fire to avoid more of those burned?

 

[StoneThrower]

I texted a friend of mine the other day who happens to be a female co-worker. I noticed she wasn't at work so just thought I'd ask how she was doing. The conversation went something like this:
Me: "What's up?"
Her: "Mike I need you to do me a favor, could you pray for me? I'm suspended pending my job, and I don't want to lose."
Me: "Yeah, sure no problem."
Her: "Thanks, I knew our friendship was meaningful for some reason."

Uhhhhhh, did she really just say that? Yes she did. It got me thinking a lot. Particularly about times when I've put myself out there as a "friend" for someone, and they just didn't care, or finding a girl I'm interested in and they just string me along without delivering on anything. I was talking with a friend of mine in the prayer room a while ago, and they told me I deserved more than that. And you know what? They're right.

Good friends are very difficult to come by in my opinion. I am faithfully devoted to those I call my friends, but if our friendship means nothing to that person, why waste my time?

I know some people are very adamant on not burning bridges, but I'd like to hear everyone's thoughts or ideas on this. Have you had a situation where you had to end some kind of relationship because it just seemed one sided? How did you recognize and deal with that situation? Was there any hope of reconciliation?

You can move on without burning a bridge, if she’s not a believer you shouldn’t be invested in anything more than friendship anyway. That was a hurtful thing to say, but her mind is more on the situation than anything else. So what I just tried to say is if she’s an unbeliever than the relationship is a ministry opportunity and now she’s rolled out the red carpet for you, she’s asked you to pray for her, ask her why, and tell her most important need is a savior from hell not the current situation. Gods given you a chance to serve Him dont let feeling slighted get in the way!
I've burned bridges and had no regrets, put if I was honest my pride was the real reason more than the offense. Id encourage you to serve both her and the Lord while you have the chance.

 

[wisebeardman]

I don't burn bridges, I drop a missile on them.

No one can be a friend if you know not whether to trust them.


He that has too many friends has none.


Enemies' promises were made to be broken.

 

[tourist]

Jesus would agree with Usher- Let it burn.

Burn, baby, burn...

 

[secularhermit]

I don't burn bridges, I drop a missile on them.

No one can be a friend if you know not whether to trust them.


He that has too many friends has none.


Enemies' promises were made to be broken.

May I ask?:

Not even Mike Jackson who had too many fans?

 

[JustAnotherUser]

It's funny how there's many people I'm seeing that are having similar problems when it comes to friends. I lost a friend that I had and felt pretty close with for at least few years and out of all real life and internet friends I've had (it was an internet friend but we skyped time to time again), this one probably had to be the best for me because I felt like it was someone I could've connected with and be real to. I couldn't get that from others and usually I'm on the receiving end while they chose me whenever they didn't have anyone else. This happened about a month ago. It was over some dramatic stupid crap and I took something the wrong way from them and it went into levels that really hurt me. I walked out because like you, especially towards the end, I felt like I was the one trying to give what I could and still felt unappreciated. Don't get me wrong, it's good to know that if you're a true friend then you should give more than to expect, but at certain points it made me question if this person was even a true friend to me to start with. Lack of the support that I wish I could've had an ounce of in times that were needed just as much as I'd drop everything to do that for them. We did help in certain aspects but I guess as time goes on things changed. Apparently I got my answer when personally I wish it was sooner than that...

Anyway, I guess the bottom line is that people don't truly know what they really are given and in some cases take advantage of it because they don't seem to actually think or have concern about others. Friendship is losing its meaning, and I think the same can definitely go with relationships even though I barely experienced that. But I've seen others who I'm suspecting that are in abusive ones and there's little I can do. What I've learned most definitely is while having friends and one shouldn't take them for granted, know when to also be alone since there's going to be many points in our life where it will be just that if we're looking for real, caring friends and perhaps further. Sucks, but that's just the type of world we're living in. The other person has to prove that they are as truthful and if you feel doubt within it then chances are your instincts are right.

 

[ronnie2796]

I don't burn the bridges, I just put guard rails on them I guess.

I've had to really distance myself from some harmful, or hurtful people in my life, and I've had to completely change how I view them and what I expect from them. Let me tell you, that's a hard thing to do.

I stop expecting to be loved in return, and instead focus on giving the Love regardless, like Jesus would have us do.
I don't set myself up for more hurt though,..I distance myself, and somewhat avoid interaction. They always know that they can reach out to me for prayer or if they need someone to be there for them, but don't just sit there, begging to be slapped in the face again. That's lowering your own worth, and totally not cool! God thinks you're awesome.

You ARE worth more than that.

This is just my approach, its probably flawed in one way or another, but it seems to be beneficial,..I don't get hurt as much, and I can still help those that I care about if they need me.

I guess, think of it as, You're not the one looking for love from them, you have all the love you need from our Father. You're the one looking for ways to show that to them, regardless of how they treat you.

 

[zaoman32]

I don't burn the bridges, I just put guard rails on them I guess.

I've had to really distance myself from some harmful, or hurtful people in my life, and I've had to completely change how I view them and what I expect from them. Let me tell you, that's a hard thing to do.

I stop expecting to be loved in return, and instead focus on giving the Love regardless, like Jesus would have us do.
I don't set myself up for more hurt though,..I distance myself, and somewhat avoid interaction. They always know that they can reach out to me for prayer or if they need someone to be there for them, but don't just sit there, begging to be slapped in the face again. That's lowering your own worth, and totally not cool! God thinks you're awesome.

You ARE worth more than that.

This is just my approach, its probably flawed in one way or another, but it seems to be beneficial,..I don't get hurt as much, and I can still help those that I care about if they need me.

I guess, think of it as, You're not the one looking for love from them, you have all the love you need from our Father. You're the one looking for ways to show that to them, regardless of how they treat you.

The wisdom of seventeen year olds in this forum astounds me. I think you bring up a very good approach, and in maybe in some, most, or all cases even, a better approach.

MissCris, if it makes you feel any better, I always think of you as a drama sounboard . Just kidding. I think you bring up a great point though. Being wary of the spirit of God in something. It's obvious he wants you in that persons life for some reason or another even if you or someone else doesn't see the effects as being immediate. You may very well be the one thing to build her spirit. Maybe you're the only thing there keeping her standing. Who knows.

Now, in reference to the girl I mentioned because some people seem to be getting very wrong ideas about it. Yes we are/were friends, there was absolutely no interest outside of that. I should also clarify we were not very close friends. I used the situation as an example, not a situation i need advice for,