Can I start again?

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M

MissCris

Guest
#21
#21
Laura-

I have a couple of questions, but don't answer them here if you're not comfortable doing so...mainly I just hope you think on them.

-are you being treated for the depression? Either therapy or meds? If you're not, I strongly urge you to seek counseling for it. Depression messes with us something fierce; it traps us in our own misery, and makes it nearly impossible to enter into healthy, Godly relationships, even just with friends or family. If you're not well, or at least trying to be, it's unfair to expect God to give you things you really need to be mentally and emotionally able to accept. I'm not saying God will give you what you desire if you get past these issues...but wouldn't life in general look so much better if you found your way out of the fog and pain of depression?

-are there any women's groups in your area that you could be part of? I really think you need human connection...face to face support. We're happy to have you here, and we can pray for you and offer words of comfort and advice, but it's still not the same as being able to sit with others in your community, in your situation, and talk face to face about what you're going through.
 
M

Mooky

Guest
#22
#22
Hey Laura,

I would just like to congratulate you on having the stamina and character to not "settle" for any old relationship.
(You have effectively spared yourself alot of uneccessary hurt and baggage which could affect your marriage relationship and have honoured Christ in this area.)
Desiring a life partner is a good desire and I encourage you to persevere in prayer in this matter.

I also agree that depression needs treatment and that it might help to deal with the hurts of the past with a christian counselor - if that is available to you.

I will be praying for your health and for some perspective on this matter.
Sincerely,
Mooky.
 
ChandlerFan

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
#23
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
#23
llc84 said:
I'm going to try again. I know I've left a bad impression on some, and I'm very sorry.

So, I am Laura. I turned 30 in May. I live in Kentucky. I struggle with severe depression, some OCD, and in general I've always been a "glass half empty" kind of person.

My life has never been spectacular. I was bullied physically and mentally by kids because of my weight. I left school in the 8th grade to be homeschooled. When I was 16, I quit altogether.

There has been a few things in my life that I have been adamant on. Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be married and have a family of my own.

It hurts me so much to watch every friend I basically ever had date, get engaged, get married, have a baby, have another, and so on. Both of my best friends have kids in school. What hurts even more is seeing the people who treated me so badly get these things as well.

And me? I've never even been on a date.

I don't have any friends here where I live now except one... and she's married.

I can't relate to anyone my age and now the younger people I could relate to are dating, getting engaged, and getting married.

Lately I have been praying for God to take my desire of marriage away because it hurts too much to deal with. If it's not His will for me to marry, then why have the desire when I don't even want it?

I don't think God owes me anything, but I am thoroughly questioning why it is that people who have hurt me the most can get exactly what I want and I have prayed so long and I don't even have a guy remotely interested in me?

What do you do in this situation when you feel you have hit a brick wall with faith? Because I can't keep believing that God will allow me to marry and have a family. I can't. I don't want to get my hopes up anymore.
Click to expand...
Blind post:

It bothers me a little whenever people say, "Don't worry, the right person will come along. Just give it time," or something to that effect. The reason is that they don't know if God will give you a spouse or not, and they are making promises to you that they can't keep. The truth is that you can't know if God will give you a spouse, but what you can know is that if He chooses not to, it's because it's not part of His perfect plan for you. God loves you so much that He is at work in even the most seemingly insignificant details of your life in order that He might be glorified in your satisfaction in Him. You just have to have faith trust that what He has for you, while it might not seem the most fun, is going to be for your good and His glory.

So don't expect that God will give you a spouse, but don't lose sight of the fact that He has given you so much. And don't see your singleness as a reflection of who you are--that you aren't good enough, pretty enough, whatever enough for someone else. That will only make you a cynical and bitter person in the end. Instead, see the truth that your singleness is a reflection of God's plan for you up to this point in your life, not a reflection of who you are. Satan will try to tell you otherwise, but it's a lie.

This is really one of those things where you have to learn to be content in what God has given you now. You don't have to be content with singleness forever if you have an opportunity to date/marry someone, but it is going to be so huge to be able to learn to be content wherever God has put you, single or married. I would also caution against seeing marriage as a key to ultimate joy and happiness. As a single person myself who has never been on a date, I know that temptation so well. The reality is, though, that women, or in your case men, make horrible gods. We think that having a spouse will satisfy us in only the way that God can, and when we find out that they can't, it's devastating. There certainly is joy in marriage, but it's not the type of joy that can fulfill us. Marriage is simply a gift that is meant to point us up to God in worship. But there are plenty of other gifts that God has given us as single people that we can embrace and that point us up to God as well.

I know singleness can be so hard at times, but know that God knows what you are feeling, and He delights in and cares for you deeply. Allow yourself to trust Him with whatever He may bring you in the future, and seek to find your full satisfaction in Him, and He will never fail to deliver.
 
gypsygirl

gypsygirl

Senior Member
#24
Sep 19, 2012
1,394
60
48
#24
hi laura, first, i'm glad you did come back. : )

second, i'm just sorry you're going through such a difficult time. i can understand a bit about how frustrating it can be when your life doesn't really match your expectations or dreams. it can be crushing.

but here's the deal, i get the sense that you've made marriage and kids as some golden, sacred achievement (daresay, idol?) that you've elevated on a platform for which you measure as a milestone to ascertain success and when your "real life" can start. and by doing that, you've closed your eyes and mind to all the great things your CAN be.

i so GET the fact that being a single, childless woman can make you feel like you're on the outside looking in. because i'm also that person. much of the christian community seems oriented toward families and we, as singles, can feel like after thoughts--as odds and ends that don't fit into the puzzle, or fabric of the community.

but God doesn't see you that way. and as long as you're holding this "achievement" as some thing you have to accomplish to be happy, you won't be able to live in a full, joyful way.

maybe it's time to look at what your life COULD be -- as it IS, right now??? what your life is blessed by? what God is preparing you for in the coming days and the future opportunities?

what about becoming the best version of yourself? the woman that God created you to be???

finally, i want to say, the people who need marriage to feel like their life can begin, or because they need it so badly because it's in "their plans" are simply setting themselves up for failure. in many ways, i believe the person who NEEDS to be married is the one who has no business getting into a relationship.

marriage will not:

make you feel healthy, whole, or enough
give your life purpose and direction
fix your health issues
give you a good self esteem about your body or perceived flaws
give you (back) something you feel you lost out on (in the past) or are missing
take away that nagging loneliness
fix your relationship with God
simply make you happier
take away the problems you have now

seriously, this list could be a page long. instead, i would encourage you to look at how you could be fit, whole and healthy as an individual so that you are prepared to be fully capable and content within the context of a relationship, whether it comes tomorrow, a year from now, or whatever.

and you need to believe you're worthy of health and wholeness---something i'm not sure that you believe for yourself.

hang in there, and take courage, laura. : ) and rejoice in the heritage you have as a beloved daughter.

the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. i came that they may have life and have it abundantly. - john 10:10
 
S

Sunny1989

Guest
#25
#25
Hellloo..Can we be friends
 
K

Kelly723

Guest
#26
#26
I think...you are not ugly, at all.. the thing they said to you, dont let it destroy the beautiful thing that u deserve to have okay. About life partner, maybe it still isnt the right time? But, i always believe, God alwys have wonderfull thing He restored for us. We just never know :) That wonderfull things could come in many ways or form in our life. Be cherished in His love sister. You are loved, and God loves you!
 
L

llc84

Guest
#27
#27
MissCris said:
Laura-

I have a couple of questions, but don't answer them here if you're not comfortable doing so...mainly I just hope you think on them.

-are you being treated for the depression? Either therapy or meds? If you're not, I strongly urge you to seek counseling for it. Depression messes with us something fierce; it traps us in our own misery, and makes it nearly impossible to enter into healthy, Godly relationships, even just with friends or family. If you're not well, or at least trying to be, it's unfair to expect God to give you things you really need to be mentally and emotionally able to accept. I'm not saying God will give you what you desire if you get past these issues...but wouldn't life in general look so much better if you found your way out of the fog and pain of depression?

-are there any women's groups in your area that you could be part of? I really think you need human connection...face to face support. We're happy to have you here, and we can pray for you and offer words of comfort and advice, but it's still not the same as being able to sit with others in your community, in your situation, and talk face to face about what you're going through.
Click to expand...
Ah, sorry I have been MIA for a bit again. But I'll answer here..

My dad was diagnosed with a very rare cancer in January. Up until then, I had been taking medication and going to counseling. I haven't since. Well, I'm still on the medicine, but I don't think it works. Now that the tumor has been removed, he has been 5 hours away at a VA center going through rigorous physical therapy to learn to walk again. I think.. once things quiet down (which is hopefully soon) I am going to seek a new doctor and hopefully find something that works.

And as far as any groups, I don't belong to any. I don't belong to a church at the moment. Another thing I have been putting on the back burner. :( Not proud of that.
 
L

llc84

Guest
#28
#28
gypsygirl said:
hi laura, first, i'm glad you did come back. : )

second, i'm just sorry you're going through such a difficult time. i can understand a bit about how frustrating it can be when your life doesn't really match your expectations or dreams. it can be crushing.

but here's the deal, i get the sense that you've made marriage and kids as some golden, sacred achievement (daresay, idol?) that you've elevated on a platform for which you measure as a milestone to ascertain success and when your "real life" can start. and by doing that, you've closed your eyes and mind to all the great things your CAN be.

i so GET the fact that being a single, childless woman can make you feel like you're on the outside looking in. because i'm also that person. much of the christian community seems oriented toward families and we, as singles, can feel like after thoughts--as odds and ends that don't fit into the puzzle, or fabric of the community.

but God doesn't see you that way. and as long as you're holding this "achievement" as some thing you have to accomplish to be happy, you won't be able to live in a full, joyful way.

maybe it's time to look at what your life COULD be -- as it IS, right now??? what your life is blessed by? what God is preparing you for in the coming days and the future opportunities?

what about becoming the best version of yourself? the woman that God created you to be???

finally, i want to say, the people who need marriage to feel like their life can begin, or because they need it so badly because it's in "their plans" are simply setting themselves up for failure. in many ways, i believe the person who NEEDS to be married is the one who has no business getting into a relationship.

marriage will not:

make you feel healthy, whole, or enough
give your life purpose and direction
fix your health issues
give you a good self esteem about your body or perceived flaws
give you (back) something you feel you lost out on (in the past) or are missing
take away that nagging loneliness
fix your relationship with God
simply make you happier
take away the problems you have now

seriously, this list could be a page long. instead, i would encourage you to look at how you could be fit, whole and healthy as an individual so that you are prepared to be fully capable and content within the context of a relationship, whether it comes tomorrow, a year from now, or whatever.

and you need to believe you're worthy of health and wholeness---something i'm not sure that you believe for yourself.

hang in there, and take courage, laura. : ) and rejoice in the heritage you have as a beloved daughter.

the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. i came that they may have life and have it abundantly. - john 10:10
Click to expand...
Thank you so much. Everything you said has made a lot of sense. It's not easy, but I guess nothing really is.. :)
 
L

llc84

Guest
#29
#29
Bumping this..

Another Christian acquaintance just entered into a relationship. She was a lot like me... it's all she wanted, etc.

Well, now she has it.

She lives about 40 minutes from me and I've seen her once in two years. She always explained that she had no money or whatever.. but yet she has money to do things with this new boyfriend?

Seriously. God knows I've tried to make friends. I've tried to get out of my comfort zone and do things. He knows.

I am about to throw my hands up, surrender and just forget about everything. I feel so defeated.
 
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