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Yes sir I made all of it. The peach thing is actually something I made up ..it's a cinnamon cake with cinnamon butter cream icing and peach pie topping sprinkled with Graham cracker crumbs... i just call it a peach pie cake. And yes sir I can make spaghetti sauce and pork chops and whatever I put my mind to. 
The missions meeting I mentioned is a once a year 5 day meeting we have to be a blessing to missionary families and to hear their burdens and possibly help them out with monthly support.
The missions meeting I mentioned is a once a year 5 day meeting we have to be a blessing to missionary families and to hear their burdens and possibly help them out with monthly support.
T
There's a scale for happiness? Anyway, it's Taco Time!
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like a taco without tuna
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is a taco
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna eat
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like a taco without tuna
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is a taco
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna eat
T
Yesterday I wasn't my usual self. I believe I've been harbouring great anger towards people I've never even met, who've really hurt the one I love. I didn't even realise it, but I do now. Jesus, please take my unforgiveness and teach me to forgive. I want to surrender it all to you. I don't want to excuse their actions but I want to see them through your eyes. Amen.
M
I've been sitting here thinking and thinking and thinking, and stewing about stuff and thinking some more, and I've come to the conclusion that something is really bothering me. I can't pin-point it, though. And so I'm about to ramble on and on until I make a clear space in my brain...hang on to your hats. Or grab a snack. Or skip this post entirely. This might take a while.
I got into an epically awkward conversation with my mother and my aunt (who is fabulosity itself and I haven't seen her in two years so that was fun) about women, more specifically young women, even more specifically young divorced women. They have both been where I am now- which is...where? I've had to take a minute to work that out...
I left my husband over the abuse issue. I haven't loved him in a very long time. We have been separated for...almost six months, and are waiting on divorce junk and finalization and all that fun stuff. I was briefly "in love" with someone, but was thoroughly cured of it fairly quickly. I now find myself realizing that I'm attracted to a couple of people.
I explained this to my mom and aunt, and they did that whole obnoxious knowing-look thing with the requisite accompanying sympathetic smile. Really grated on my nerves. But then I remembered, oh hey! They've both been in this position before, I'll ask them how they handled it.
My mom handled things by avoiding men at all costs for...a couple of months. My aunt, well, she eloped. Three different times (she's been married to her high school boyfriend for around 15 years now though, after tracking him down and stalking him online for a while. She always said he was the one who got away and if she ever found him again she was locking him up and throwing away the key...boy, she wasn't kidding...but they're awfully happy together).
That really wasn't much help. Not that I even really know what I was hoping they would say, but still...I dunno.
I don't need to hear how horribly sinful I am for still technically being married and being attracted to anyone else. I've kicked my own butt for that plenty. I'm glad neither my mom or my aunt went there with any of their advice.
They did, however, want to know details about the two guys, which resulted in me blushing furiously, mumbling a lot, and then being picked on over "internet romance". At which point, I said Get out, they laughed, I laughed, an awkward time was had by all...
The thing that's bothering me, I think...I have not, in the past, shown a whole lot of good judgment when it comes to...anything. Pair that up with a complete lack of self-discipline, and TA-DA! You get the train wreck that is my life.
Fun stuff.
I've been trying to see myself and my situation as others do...and I've not come up with anything particularly pleasant. What kind of person must I be to be where I'm at and yet still be dumb enough to let myself feel anything at all for anyone? I feel like I should be able to shut off certain emotions. Like it's a bad thing that I haven't.
I'm tired of feeling guilty for feeling, maybe.
Ugh! And...grrr! And...other frustrated, disgusted sounds! Yeah!
Possibly the the answers I'm looking for will be found at the bottom of a bowl of chocolate ice cream.
I got into an epically awkward conversation with my mother and my aunt (who is fabulosity itself and I haven't seen her in two years so that was fun) about women, more specifically young women, even more specifically young divorced women. They have both been where I am now- which is...where? I've had to take a minute to work that out...
I left my husband over the abuse issue. I haven't loved him in a very long time. We have been separated for...almost six months, and are waiting on divorce junk and finalization and all that fun stuff. I was briefly "in love" with someone, but was thoroughly cured of it fairly quickly. I now find myself realizing that I'm attracted to a couple of people.
I explained this to my mom and aunt, and they did that whole obnoxious knowing-look thing with the requisite accompanying sympathetic smile. Really grated on my nerves. But then I remembered, oh hey! They've both been in this position before, I'll ask them how they handled it.
My mom handled things by avoiding men at all costs for...a couple of months. My aunt, well, she eloped. Three different times (she's been married to her high school boyfriend for around 15 years now though, after tracking him down and stalking him online for a while. She always said he was the one who got away and if she ever found him again she was locking him up and throwing away the key...boy, she wasn't kidding...but they're awfully happy together).
That really wasn't much help. Not that I even really know what I was hoping they would say, but still...I dunno.
I don't need to hear how horribly sinful I am for still technically being married and being attracted to anyone else. I've kicked my own butt for that plenty. I'm glad neither my mom or my aunt went there with any of their advice.
They did, however, want to know details about the two guys, which resulted in me blushing furiously, mumbling a lot, and then being picked on over "internet romance". At which point, I said Get out, they laughed, I laughed, an awkward time was had by all...
The thing that's bothering me, I think...I have not, in the past, shown a whole lot of good judgment when it comes to...anything. Pair that up with a complete lack of self-discipline, and TA-DA! You get the train wreck that is my life.
Fun stuff.
I've been trying to see myself and my situation as others do...and I've not come up with anything particularly pleasant. What kind of person must I be to be where I'm at and yet still be dumb enough to let myself feel anything at all for anyone? I feel like I should be able to shut off certain emotions. Like it's a bad thing that I haven't.
I'm tired of feeling guilty for feeling, maybe.
Ugh! And...grrr! And...other frustrated, disgusted sounds! Yeah!
Possibly the the answers I'm looking for will be found at the bottom of a bowl of chocolate ice cream.
U
Having feelings isn't the sin. It's what you choose to do with them that leads you down a good or bad road. If your feelings take you in the wrong direction, that's the sin. But if you accept how you feel, but see the wrongness of where these may take you and go the other way, then you're good.
Feelings are like temptations (not always, but in some cases) and temptation is not a sin. Dwelling on or giving in to temptation is when it crosses the line.
But some people love to put others down. Make you think you're wrong for things you can't always control, like feelings. In the past you've always attracted people like this to you. People eager to tear down, not build up. And there are always people like that around to contend with. The trick is to recognize them, the negative influence they bring and get away from them before they can do more damage.
Feelings are like temptations (not always, but in some cases) and temptation is not a sin. Dwelling on or giving in to temptation is when it crosses the line.
But some people love to put others down. Make you think you're wrong for things you can't always control, like feelings. In the past you've always attracted people like this to you. People eager to tear down, not build up. And there are always people like that around to contend with. The trick is to recognize them, the negative influence they bring and get away from them before they can do more damage.
I promise I'll stop posting about my emotional episodes during this transition... Eventually.
Tonight after church I had the beginnings of a headache. I shrugged it off just thinking it was related to a long day at work and other things, but once I started packing, it got worse. It didn't help that I had music on and danced and twirled around to it, making my head spin more.
Eventually, though, it got so bad that I flopped down on my bed and buried my head in a blanket because I was sure I was going to throw up from the pain. I called my mom in and asked her if she'd bring me some meds and water, which she gladly did. Then she turned on my lamp and turned off my light. I lay there for a while, realized it wasn't going to get better and should just take a shower and go to bed.
Once in the nice, hot shower, I cried. Not tears like the other night, but sobs. I know it's a good change coming, I really do. It's just been really hitting me this week.
Anyway, now my head feels better. I feel more peaceful.
And just as a heads up (haha pun), I won't have internet at my new place until the 26th. I can still get on via my phone, and I probably will to post some updates, but just to let you guys know.
Thank you to all who have prayed for and encouraged me, really. I'm very glad that I have CC this time around for this move. I know I am probably annoying at how much I'm posting on me staggering through this. Life is hard but it's beautiful and the body of Christ is a beautiful thing as well and I'm definitely realizing that.
Tonight after church I had the beginnings of a headache. I shrugged it off just thinking it was related to a long day at work and other things, but once I started packing, it got worse. It didn't help that I had music on and danced and twirled around to it, making my head spin more.
Eventually, though, it got so bad that I flopped down on my bed and buried my head in a blanket because I was sure I was going to throw up from the pain. I called my mom in and asked her if she'd bring me some meds and water, which she gladly did. Then she turned on my lamp and turned off my light. I lay there for a while, realized it wasn't going to get better and should just take a shower and go to bed.
Once in the nice, hot shower, I cried. Not tears like the other night, but sobs. I know it's a good change coming, I really do. It's just been really hitting me this week.
Anyway, now my head feels better. I feel more peaceful.
And just as a heads up (haha pun), I won't have internet at my new place until the 26th. I can still get on via my phone, and I probably will to post some updates, but just to let you guys know.
Thank you to all who have prayed for and encouraged me, really. I'm very glad that I have CC this time around for this move. I know I am probably annoying at how much I'm posting on me staggering through this. Life is hard but it's beautiful and the body of Christ is a beautiful thing as well and I'm definitely realizing that.
Being separated or divorced doesn't mean that we don't still have needs and desires. A need to be loved. A desire to be noticed and appreciated. A need for affection, a desire for someone to care. If anything, those needs and desires are even more magnified since we are suddenly alone.
The issue is how we feed those desires. You have to find a constructive way to fill those needs. Obviously, a romantic interest is NOT going to be constructive for a long time. So how? That's what you need to work on finding out. You need to (1) avoid situations that make you crave those feelings in a non-constructive way, and (2) find outlets and sources for those feelings that ARE constructive.
I would suggest avoiding any one-on-one contact with men right now. I would also perhaps ask men that you have developed affections for to please keep their boundaries up, to help you not become too involved. You are vulnerable and they need to be protective of you - even so far as to protect you from themselves. They are maybe feeding a need that you have, but it is with food that isn't good for you right now. It won't help you. You have to find other healthier "food". You need strong female relationships and family relationships. You need a strong church connection. These are healthy for you now.
Hugs and blessings to you Cristen. I know exactly how hard it is. There will be a day when you'll be treading water, and suddenly you'll feel the ground beneath your toes - just a bit - and then more and more, until one day you are able to stand on the bottom and wade toward the shore. That day is coming. Until then just keep your head above water and your toes pointed downward.
The issue is how we feed those desires. You have to find a constructive way to fill those needs. Obviously, a romantic interest is NOT going to be constructive for a long time. So how? That's what you need to work on finding out. You need to (1) avoid situations that make you crave those feelings in a non-constructive way, and (2) find outlets and sources for those feelings that ARE constructive.
I would suggest avoiding any one-on-one contact with men right now. I would also perhaps ask men that you have developed affections for to please keep their boundaries up, to help you not become too involved. You are vulnerable and they need to be protective of you - even so far as to protect you from themselves. They are maybe feeding a need that you have, but it is with food that isn't good for you right now. It won't help you. You have to find other healthier "food". You need strong female relationships and family relationships. You need a strong church connection. These are healthy for you now.
Hugs and blessings to you Cristen. I know exactly how hard it is. There will be a day when you'll be treading water, and suddenly you'll feel the ground beneath your toes - just a bit - and then more and more, until one day you are able to stand on the bottom and wade toward the shore. That day is coming. Until then just keep your head above water and your toes pointed downward.
M
Your entire post...very helpful just wanted to clarify about this part of it...
I've actually not told either of them what I've been feeling. Well, I let it slip, sort of, to one...but I rarely ever communicate one on one with them...which, now I think about it, is quite a change from how I would normally have done things. Keeping my mouth shut for once about what I feel, as far as this kind of thing is concerned, is a kinda huge victory for me. So...yay! On that part. It's like I might be...*gasp*...growing up or something. Bahaha it's about time. Anyway, I just wanted to make that clear- that I'm not feeding these feelings, not trying to drag these guys into my drama or anything. Yeah.
But! Thank you, really...what you said is really encouraging
just wanted to clarify about this part of it...I've actually not told either of them what I've been feeling. Well, I let it slip, sort of, to one...but I rarely ever communicate one on one with them...which, now I think about it, is quite a change from how I would normally have done things. Keeping my mouth shut for once about what I feel, as far as this kind of thing is concerned, is a kinda huge victory for me. So...yay! On that part. It's like I might be...*gasp*...growing up or something. Bahaha it's about time. Anyway, I just wanted to make that clear- that I'm not feeding these feelings, not trying to drag these guys into my drama or anything. Yeah.
But! Thank you, really...what you said is really encouraging
Well if I ever figure out how to completely turn off my emotions I'll let you know. In the meantime I will volunteer to be you backup common sense. And I'll also tell you that still being married and being attracted to other people isn't even that unusual for those who aren't separated. Don't act on it, but you already know that would not be wise. You will get through.
Besides if you manage to shut off all your emotions we'll miss you because you won't be you anymore.
Besides if you manage to shut off all your emotions we'll miss you because you won't be you anymore.
