frustrations

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michelangel

Guest
#1
#1
hello, lately iv'e been so full of worried and uneasy thoughts. I am twenty five and a single christian man and i'm afraid this is how i'm going to remain for the rest of my life. i started going back to church about 5 years ago and truly devoted myself to god and the ministry i work in. He has done some amazing things in my life. He has helped me find the courage to go back to school and get out of my shyness and make some amazing friends and be apart of the youth ministry at my church. Iv'e been praying for a girlfriend who also follows the path of god. iv'e met a few christian girls except none of them were ready to be in a relationship because of their commitment to god and their church which i completely respect and i cant date any of the girls at my church because they're too young for me. I don't know if i should just date a girl whose not a christian in fear of going astray from my faith. I feel so alone and frustrated with this, i don't know what i should do. I know when being committed to the lord dating should not be the most important thing but honestly iv'e never truly been in a real relationship and this is probably why i'm so longing to have a girlfriend. iv'e been praying and remained faithful but this is getting me nowhere. i'm only getting older and afraid that waiting on god for the right girl is never going to happen.
 
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Malcyboy

Guest
#2
#2
Hey Michael, reading your frustrations and what you're feeling is totally normal! many christians feel caught between the rock and the hard place that, they really want to date but at the same time, getting a good godly woman(or man if your a woman lol) isn't easy to come by, especially due to the fact that many people are lukewarm in the church anyway....but getting back on track with it all...I would say avoid secular dating, why? because as you stated you may just backslide in your faith, 2ndly any house built on two foundations will not be stable, so will a relationship with two stand points, as a christian, you date with the future in mind, secular people sometimes think about the now, not always dating with intention of eventual marriage (not always case!) but also in terms of children...if you have children, do they come to church or stay at home with unsaved mother? that also cause confusion in the kids...

I know I have married you off on had kids already but these are things that you are best to think about now before its late.. Also, the biggy, secular women and men, deem sex as key in any relationship, they often feel if they are sexually rejected then theres something wrong, rather than seeing it as you are respecting them by not sleeping with them.

I know its highly frustrating and sometimes you wanna kick and scream, but remain faithful, this doesn't mean, don't look and actively seek to date, but it does mean, that ultimately God is your focus, and perhaps you are simply being tested right now, maybe right now, this great desire to date is overwhelming your desire for God and when ultimately you surrender to God and say whole heartedly "Lord, i desire to date BUT, I desire You and Your will first" that is when you might find your dating life will be freer.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
So you think since God hasn't dropped a woman in your lap by the time you're a few years out of HS that you're now in such a desperate situation that you need to run off and find a woman that God would not give you, just to get what you want when you want it? Because if it hasn't happened within a few years after HS then you can't wait on God and you need to get things going on your own will and time. Sums it up right?

Why do you need to be married now? What's the big rush that at 25 your need to be married is so desperate that you're willing to compromise and step out of Gods will to get what you desire?

The reality is marriage is not promised to us. It's not required of us. The feelings you have are just your own desires and like any other desire or temptation, can, and should, be fought off.

Perhaps the reason you aren't married is because you have such an unrealistic expectation that you should be married you're willing to bypass God and take things into your own hands and make choices that are in direct opposition to your life of the past 5 years? And that will likely work against you in the future as well.
 
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michelangel

Guest
#4
#4
Thank you malcyboy for the encouraging words:). Maybe there isn't anything wrong with dating girls outside the church i just have to put god first and know my limits.
 
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michelangel

Guest
#5
#5
Thank you malcyboy for the encouraging words:). Maybe there isn't anything wrong with dating girls outside the church i just have to put god first and know my limits.
 
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michelangel

Guest
#6
#6
i'm not wanting to all of a sudden get married. maybe just causally date. i feel alone and like you said sometimes our own desires get the best of us and that's what i'm struggling with.
 
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Malcyboy

Guest
#7
#7
michelangel said:
i'm not wanting to all of a sudden get married. maybe just causally date. i feel alone and like you said sometimes our own desires get the best of us and that's what i'm struggling with.
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Dude don't worry....Ugly is just one of those people who speak with assumption and without compassion...Unfortunately on this site, many people are just out to enforce their judgements on others, so, take what people say with a pinch of salt, as the saying goes.
 
ChandlerFan

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
#8
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
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#8
Malcyboy said:
Dude don't worry....Ugly is just one of those people who speak with assumption and without compassion...Unfortunately on this site, many people are just out to enforce their judgements on others, so, take what people say with a pinch of salt, as the saying goes.
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Careful there, Mr. Pot. I see lots of assumptions here as well. It's not good to assault the character of others who mean well, and when you do you had better be prepared to look in the mirror as well.



michelangel, I would encourage you to seek to find Jesus to be enough for you whether you are single or dating or married. The rest will take care of itself. I think that casual dating and pursuing romantic relationships with unbelievers will ultimately only lead you into a different kind of sadness and frustration, so I would suggest centering yourself on God and see what He might have for you.
 
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gypsygirl

gypsygirl

Senior Member
#9
Sep 19, 2012
1,394
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#9
i would encourage you to re-focus your energies and desires on the Lord. i believe we go through seasons where God is preparing us for opportunities and responsibilities. just because you haven't met "the right woman" could very well be indicative of the fact that the timings isn't right. God always hears our prayers, but the way He answers them should give us comfort in the fact that His plans have greater purpose that serving our desires.

you never know what the future holds, and what awaits you around the corner. but God does. trust Him, and joyfully wait for what He has for you, right now, tomorrow, and the future. : )

Malcyboy said:
Dude don't worry....Ugly is just one of those people who speak with assumption and without compassion...Unfortunately on this site, many people are just out to enforce their judgements on others, so, take what people say with a pinch of salt, as the saying goes.
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the hypocrisy in your statement is pretty rich, considering you're doing the very same thing. it's ok to disagree with people's opinions, but kindly refrain from attacking people personally for things you're surely not in a position to weigh in on.

and for what it's worth, i've gotten to know ugly a bit, and haven't found him to be lacking in compassion, even if he is a one who speaks with more directness.
 
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Malcyboy

Guest
#10
#10
Hyprocrisy? really, I never started blazing on about how he suddenly is desperate to be married etc, What I said to him was advice which was given out of experience, whether he wants to take it, is his choice, I never told him he is this or that, so do refrain from making erroneous calls okay?
 
gypsygirl

gypsygirl

Senior Member
#11
Sep 19, 2012
1,394
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48
#11
Malcyboy said:
Dude don't worry....Ugly is just one of those people who speak with assumption and without compassion...Unfortunately on this site, many people are just out to enforce their judgements on others, so, take what people say with a pinch of salt, as the saying goes.
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gypsygirl said:
the hypocrisy in your statement is pretty rich, considering you're doing the very same thing. it's ok to disagree with people's opinions, but kindly refrain from attacking people personally for things you're surely not in a position to weigh in on.

and for what it's worth, i've gotten to know ugly a bit, and haven't found him to be lacking in compassion, even if he is a one who speaks with more directness.
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Malcyboy said:
Hyprocrisy? really, I never started blazing on about how he suddenly is desperate to be married etc, What I said to him was advice which was given out of experience, whether he wants to take it, is his choice, I never told him he is this or that, so do refrain from making erroneous calls okay?
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to be clear, the statement above was in reference to your comments about ugly, not, your advice to the OP. : )
 
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Ugly

Guest
#12
#12
Malcyboy said:
Dude don't worry....Ugly is just one of those people who speak with assumption and without compassion...Unfortunately on this site, many people are just out to enforce their judgements on others, so, take what people say with a pinch of salt, as the saying goes.
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And you know this because you've taken the time to get to know me?

Or THINK you know me because you've read some posts?

Talk about making judgments.

It's amazing how many people who don't know me come on here and criticize me while at the same time seeming guilty towards me of the very thing they accuse me of doing. The difference is, usually i am actually trying to help. OP asked advice, and given the information supplied, i gave. As opposed to your comment which only served as a personal attack based off your lack of knowing me personally. Neither did i ask your advice or opinion. You just stuck your nose in unsolicited to attack not only me, but a blanket statement against many other people on this site. But yes, you're the compassionate one that speaks without assumption.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#13
Mar 26, 2014
4,414
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#13
michelangel said:
i'm not wanting to all of a sudden get married. maybe just causally date. i feel alone and like you said sometimes our own desires get the best of us and that's what i'm struggling with.
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What is the purpose of casually dating? To use some girl for an emotional high? To get to have all the fun without any responsibility? If you aren't thinking about getting married you have no business dating, just having such an attitude will make you less attractive to the type of godly woman you want to be with. I understand the lonely, we all do because most of us have been living with it longer than you, but romance isn't the answer to lonely. Save yourself (and your wife) the pain of having to tell her about all those other women you gave your heart to because you wouldn't trust God enough to wait for her. And don't date an unbeliever, that's just a bad idea from the get go. Don't be a fool who has to experience the pain of it first hand.

Malcyboy said:
Dude don't worry....Ugly is just one of those people who speak with assumption and without compassion...Unfortunately on this site, many people are just out to enforce their judgements on others, so, take what people say with a pinch of salt, as the saying goes.
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Ugly has been around longer, posted more, and has way more rep than you. Translation: people know Ugly here and know that you are way off the mark. He has a huge amount of compassion and cuts right to the heart of the issue so a person doesn't waste more time being stuck in their hurt and not knowing what to do about it. Yes he comes across as blunt, but his sizing up of a situation and his advice are spot on most of the time. It is a wise thing to listen to what Ugly says and take it under careful consideration.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#14
#14
michelangel said:
i'm not wanting to all of a sudden get married. maybe just causally date. i feel alone and like you said sometimes our own desires get the best of us and that's what i'm struggling with.
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But 'casually date'? As in dating random women? If that is what you mean then you will find it very unsatisfying. Because it doesn't touch the heart of the issue. You could just have regular friends if that were all.

Or having a 'casual relationship'? Which means pretending to be in a real relationship so that you can do all the 'dating things' but without any real commitment? That, also, will not be satisfying and likely just be tempting to go beyond what would be acceptable. It also trivializes the closeness and intent of dating.

Perhaps you mean to date with no long term intent? Any woman worth spending that time with is not likely to want to be used to fill a void in your life til you get tired of her and never have any plans to commit. Or she will be waiting til you 'wake up' and decide to make things more serious.

I'm not sure which of these you meant, but none will be satisfying and really are only focused on being self serving and using others. Even though you probably don't see it that way, in reality, that's all it is.
 
R

Raine

Guest
#15
#15
Michael,

I agree with chandler fan's advice.

I encourage you to continue going with your instinct that it is not a good idea to date non christians... This is like opening a great opportunity for the enemy to tempt you and lead you down regretful paths. Stand firm in the Lord and trust in him. If he thinks you having a wife will bring him more glory, then he will bring you the right one. You must be careful in your situation to not simply fall for any girl that comes your way because you want to know what a "real" relationship is like.

A real relationship takes a lot of time away from spending with God. It is important for us, in our singleness, to focus on him and grow strong in him so that we can become whole in God and in who we are in God. If we do not do this, then when we go into a relationship it becomes very broken. Like my pastor says, in terms of relationships, "A half of a person and another half of a person does not make a whole relationship. A whole person with another whole person makes a whole relationship."

Many times we seek others to fulfill our desires, but you will be greatly disappointed. No one can fulfill your emptiness like God does. He knows what's best for you and in his timing all things are perfect. So continue to trust in him and walk in this daily. :) Good luck!
 
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blessdani

Guest
#16
#16
Hey Michael
Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that God makes everything beautiful "IN HIS TIME"
so don't worry about it,just keep praying and wait for His time......and I'm sure he'll give you the best :)
 
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kings_daughter

Guest
#17
#17
I'm 25 and single also I will say don't give up hope. Who knows when you stop searching the right woman might just find you. And never get tired of waiting on god. When we try to take things into our own hands that's when we seem to error. I look at it like right now god just wants me all to himself. And the rest will all fall into place.. it will happen.. god knows the desires of Ur heart.. how much do you trust him? See the things he has already done in Ur life.. what's a wife to god? god is unity and love.. He wants u to be happy.. hold on..
 
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Disneymom3

Guest
#18
#18
I know how you feel. Do not go out of the faith. It is hard enough to find a Christian that actually follows everything, let alone a Christian that only follows certain things. I am 43. My husband left me (midlife crisis). He found someone in one year, moved in and happy. I would have never got divorced and here I sit alone with 3 kids. I date and they are all looking for a hook up. I found a man, goes to my church, exactly like me, meets all requirements on my checklist. Only 2 problems. Sex is very important to him. He can not date without it. I go back and forth on this. But want some commitment. He saw this as me getting possessive and then did not want to commit. So this goes round and round.
I ask God why did you show me this man? Did you want us together? Or is this just other thing to rip from me? Why does the man who left his family get to be happy? Now I have a mass showing on my mammogram and have to have tests and I am all alone. There is nothing like having support from a spouse.
Be glad you are young. Men my age can be with any age. But women it is harder. I can not go younger because they usually want kids and I am too old. See if there are connect groups near you. My church has a lot of things for your age, not mine.
 
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michelangel

Guest
#19
#19
yes i meant causally dating as in no sex, taking things slowly until the time is right to get serious. yes i would like to have a girlfriend but still keep my focus on god not go astray. that's the issue. date but keep god in my life.
 
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michelangel

Guest
#20
#20
Thank you to everyone for taking the time to read my post. I appreciate all the advice and reading everyone's point of view. I will keep praying about this. GBU all:)
 
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