To get a divorce or continue feeling as an inferior or garbage

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emcmahon2288

Guest
#1
#1
About 7 months ago I began to walk my talk to try to get a job to prove to the court that I have what it takes to take care of my daughter if my husband and ingot a divorce. I no longer want to be with a man who constantly ridicules me, doesn't care about a word I have to say, calls me uneducated, ignorant etc... If I mess up I get the silence treatment and nothing I do is good enough. The problem is he has a ton of money and I don't have much. All I have is my 9.60 an hr job I have at menards and if I work weekends I get paid 12.10 but still that won't be enough to support me and my daughter which is why I also want to get an education and currently trying to work on it. I'm also a dream act student so the possibilities of going to school are very limited but I will still try. My husband always says to me I have it so good at home and that I don't know what reality I is by working full time and dealing with a lot of problems. And I can respect that but what I can't respect is a man who constantly degrades me just because I'm a housewife and my job is too easy. I am not lazy I wake up every morning to feed and change the baby. I clean, mop, do laundry, work out, cook, run tasks, bible study, get the kids active and the list goes on. Is it possible that he can take her away from me I even though I don't make lots of money. I no longer care about him i just care about her. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#2
#2
Hi...I feel really sad for you. I'm not sure what state you live in but you have parental rights. I find it highly unlikely that he can take your children from you. He sounds like a blowhard thats trying to scare you.
 
damombomb

damombomb

Senior Member
#3
Feb 27, 2011
3,801
68
48
#3
If you love him at all, i would put my foot down and tell him yes i am blessed to stay home with my kids ect. Take up for
yourself and he may respect you more. Draw the line and say no more.
 
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emcmahon2288

Guest
#4
#4
Message to sirk I love in chicago, il and I have on babygirl with him she will be two yrs old next month. I have taken care of her. The one thing he has done and I can respect is take care of her financially but other than that I have done everything else
 
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emcmahon2288

Guest
#5
#5
I have been told that I have had a problem with not knowing how to be an assertive person
 
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Sirk

Guest
#6
#6
As far as the money thing goes....all he has is half yours.
 
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emcmahon2288

Guest
#7
#7
Sirk said:
As far as the money thing goes....all he has is half yours.
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Technically it's not because I am not a resident or citizen in this country I just have a workers permit and that's all. Unless I'm genuinely that naive and ignorant
 
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Sirk

Guest
#8
#8
If you are married to a citizen you are a citizen
 
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AgeofKnowledge

Guest
#9
#9
It never pays to poop where you live. He's going to find that out eventually. Have you sought assistance in a free Christian codependent recovery group such as Celebrate Recovery?

You never know, it might just save your marriage. Or not, but if not then you'll have the tools to cope afterwards.

Celebrate Recovery | Freedom From CoDependency





emcmahon2288 said:
I have been told that I have had a problem with not knowing how to be an assertive person
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MrsClementMelton1122

Guest
#10
#10
You can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens you! I'm going through something similar and its amazing how we give our husbands the power to dictate our destiny. It sounds like your husband is insecure. Why would any man talk down to a woman who takes care of the household....Just think about it.......Your salary or job title DOES NOT DEFINE who you are and whose you are. God has already overcome this world and SATAN will attack our character so that we don't recognize the authority the Kingdom of God provides. When you recognize Gods power you'll never accept another person entering into your life unless they come through the master first. Living with a man who verbally abuses you isn't what I would categorize as GOOD. You have to pray and read God's word. Trust me it works. The more you read and pray you will find yourself gaining courage and strength. God will reveal to you how weak your husband truly is. Your husband hides behind his job, money, job title, house, car, friends, education, etc.....but without that he's NOTHING. Stay strong my sister.....we're in this thing together. I'm one foot out the door myself because I know God will provide for me and my children. The world has nothing to offer me but what God has is eternal!!! I will not live out my life through the opinions of others. So what, you make 9.00 or you don't have a college education. Those things don't define you!!!!
 
lncy

lncy

Senior Member
#11
Jun 16, 2014
117
2
18
#11
emcmahon2288: I agree (but I don't confess to knowing the law over there) with Sirk. As far as I was aware, when you marry a US citizen you become a citizen of that country. And unless there is a legal prenuptial agreement in place, in the case of a divorce, solicitors will push for 50:50 division of assets......well, that's what happens over here anyway.

No man, regardless of who he is (or who he thinks he is), what he owns, how much money he has or his perceived status in society has ANY right to belittle you, your work or the very essence of who you are. It broke my heart to hear how he brings you down so much when he should be supporting you in your role as a mother to his child, and should be appreciative of the hard work you're doing at home, and outside of the home.

There was a chat in the Lounge yesterday that I think you really would have loved to have heard. There were some women in similar situations to yourself and BADDOG (one of the moderators on chat) had some really fantastic, sound, supportive advice for these women.

If you can, post this in the ladies only forum on this. You'll find a lot of women going through the same thing you're going through right now, and a lot of support.

I really hope today is a better day for you. I really hope and pray that you find the strength to get through this and that God helps you realise that you are NOT inferior, you DO NOT deserve to be made feel like garbage. As the bible says..... you are "fearfully and WONDERFULLY made".
 
John_agape

John_agape

Senior Member
#12
Feb 27, 2014
187
7
18
#12
Not being assertive is not a sin.

If you feel intimidated, you need support.

Start with a site such as Ageofknowledge suggested in post #9, or this site:
WomensLaw.org | Illinois: State and Local Programs

Be careful that your husband does not see that you look at sites such as these on a shared computer. Do it at the library if there are public computers there.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#13
Mar 13, 2014
42,717
17,176
113
70
Tennessee
#13
emcmahon2288 said:
About 7 months ago I began to walk my talk to try to get a job to prove to the court that I have what it takes to take care of my daughter if my husband and ingot a divorce. I no longer want to be with a man who constantly ridicules me, doesn't care about a word I have to say, calls me uneducated, ignorant etc... If I mess up I get the silence treatment and nothing I do is good enough. The problem is he has a ton of money and I don't have much. All I have is my 9.60 an hr job I have at menards and if I work weekends I get paid 12.10 but still that won't be enough to support me and my daughter which is why I also want to get an education and currently trying to work on it. I'm also a dream act student so the possibilities of going to school are very limited but I will still try. My husband always says to me I have it so good at home and that I don't know what reality I is by working full time and dealing with a lot of problems. And I can respect that but what I can't respect is a man who constantly degrades me just because I'm a housewife and my job is too easy. I am not lazy I wake up every morning to feed and change the baby. I clean, mop, do laundry, work out, cook, run tasks, bible study, get the kids active and the list goes on. Is it possible that he can take her away from me I even though I don't make lots of money. I no longer care about him i just care about her. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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A housewife is one of the hardest jobs that there is. You are in an abusive relationship and you do not have to live like this. You are in a hard spot. My advice is to try to find a shelter for battered woman. You will be able to take your daughter too. You will also be given sound custody advice. At the very least I believe your marriage will benefit by a separation from your husband. He obviously needs time alone to reflect on how his hateful words and actions are destroying the loving and positive feelings that you once held for him. I would leave him sooner rather than later for the sake of your daughter and for your own peace of mind.
 
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jogoldie

Senior Member
#14
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
48
#14
My sister......no court will take your child because you dont make enough money.........
What the court will do is make this man pay childsupport so you can raise your child......
He says these things to you to trap you into being his slave.....
To hold you down ....to keep you from seeing what he really is......
When I stood up to my husband.....not accepting his insults and lies.....
He changed his approach......he started to beg me to stay....telling me he was sorry ...
And he would change.....that lasted a week....back to the insults.......
And by the way...a housewife is the hardest job there is....the pay is none existant and the
Boss is an jerk...the hours are never ending ......and no place for advancement......
Dont let his threats and ignorance define who you are....
God will give you a way .....because you are His child and He doesnt like people messing with us....
Stay close to God...and no one or nothing will take your baby from you....
when I left God provided for me everystep of the way....and after all this time He is still here providing
for my needs....im praying for you .....be strong for yourself and child.....
May peace and joy find you soon.....jo
 
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emcmahon2288

Guest
#15
#15
Thank you all for all your advice. To answer some of the questions. I cannot be a citizen because I have gone with ten lawyers and due to the fact that my parents didn't put a petition for me when I was small or that they crossed illegally without a visa or nothing. They pretty much crossed under the fence and I was a year old in my mothers arms while this happened I DONT qualify to be a resident or citizen because my husband tried to help me become one. But I'm not hurt or disappointed I know The Lord will take care of my daughter and I. I have a workers permit and some way or another I will reach my dreams to work as a nurse and possibly a PA. And yes the love I once had for him is gone because love is a choice and I chose to stop loving someone who can't respect what I do. I'm also wondering if maybe I didn't cook enough for him. He wants me to cook breakfast, lunch and dinner. I always cook dinner and occasionally cook breakfast. I don't do all three because I do t have that kind if time. But I do cook dinner mostly everyday and sometimes add in breakfast. I also have my 13 yr old teen sister and 6 yr old sis. These three munchkins keep me busy enough. Is it possible that because of my lack of effort in the kitchen that maybe he treats me like garbage?
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#16
#16
My wife does't cook all that much...but we are busy people...and I love her anyway. When she does cool its a real treat and I appreciate it.
 
lncy

lncy

Senior Member
#17
Jun 16, 2014
117
2
18
#17
emcmahon2288 said:
I'm also wondering if maybe I didn't cook enough for him. He wants me to cook breakfast, lunch and dinner. I always cook dinner and occasionally cook breakfast. I don't do all three because I do t have that kind if time. But I do cook dinner mostly everyday and sometimes add in breakfast. I also have my 13 yr old teen sister and 6 yr old sis. These three munchkins keep me busy enough. Is it possible that because of my lack of effort in the kitchen that maybe he treats me like garbage?
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I very sincerely doubt it is your lack of cooking in the kitchen that is making him act the way that he is acting. Did he marry a wife or a slave? Honest to goodness. Your hands are so full. You are doing your level best. Take a deep breath and really look at your situation here. Also look at the situation through the eyes of your sisters and child. They see what you're going through and they may think that it's "normal"....and truth be told, it isn't. The majority of men on this site may back me up on this. I agree with John_agape and Tourist and their advice to leave, find help and end this cycle of abuse.

Oh and by the way, hold on to your dreams of becoming a nurse or a PA. Everything is possible. You just need the right support to get there.
 
J

jogoldie

Senior Member
#18
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
48
#18
You might have to check.....but I think your child is a citizen....and your the mother......I think your covered...
And maybe your husband is deceiving you about citizenship...idk..
And trust me when I tell you......questioning if you ....could have.....or should have....or maybe ....all you want.....
God says ....you will know them by their fruits.....his fruits seem to be a rotten bunch....no doubt....you gave it your
all.....tried to be perfect for him.....what more could anyone ask for......really....
Stop making excuses for him and do whats best for YOU and your child....be safe my friend...
Hold your head high....be an example of what a strong christian woman can be...for the young woman
who are learning from you..........you have many sisters
here for moral support....you can do this.....peace ......jo
 
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Esanta

Banned
#19
Jun 18, 2014
755
3
0
#19
emcmahon2288 said:
About 7 months ago I began to walk my talk to try to get a job to prove to the court that I have what it takes to take care of my daughter if my husband and ingot a divorce. I no longer want to be with a man who constantly ridicules me, doesn't care about a word I have to say, calls me uneducated, ignorant etc... If I mess up I get the silence treatment and nothing I do is good enough. The problem is he has a ton of money and I don't have much. All I have is my 9.60 an hr job I have at menards and if I work weekends I get paid 12.10 but still that won't be enough to support me and my daughter which is why I also want to get an education and currently trying to work on it. I'm also a dream act student so the possibilities of going to school are very limited but I will still try. My husband always says to me I have it so good at home and that I don't know what reality I is by working full time and dealing with a lot of problems. And I can respect that but what I can't respect is a man who constantly degrades me just because I'm a housewife and my job is too easy. I am not lazy I wake up every morning to feed and change the baby. I clean, mop, do laundry, work out, cook, run tasks, bible study, get the kids active and the list goes on. Is it possible that he can take her away from me I even though I don't make lots of money. I no longer care about him i just care about her. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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You sound like a wonderful, committed, down-to-Earth woman juggling a child, a job and a partner who doesn't appreciate you for what you are, and even when he degrades you and ridicules you, calls you uneducated and ignorant, you don't respond by self-destructing but rather by going to look for an education, by standing up for yourself, by working hard and by taking the day-to-day responsibility of having a child and two young siblings by the horns and doing your best to look after them.

He doesn't deserve you. A rational man would feel privileged to have you.
 
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lncy

lncy

Senior Member
#20
Jun 16, 2014
117
2
18
#20
Esanta said:
He doesn't deserve you. A rational man would feel privileged to have you.
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Amen. Esanta......you have summed it up perfectly.

Emcmahon2288, I really hope we've helped you somehow today and given you some hope. xxx
 
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