Why are you still single? Answers we wish we could give.

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gypsygirl

gypsygirl

Senior Member
#81
Sep 19, 2012
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#81
Tinkerbell725 said:
Changing the subject or the focus is a good idea, although its a logical fallacy, its still effective and its funny also. I do it sometimes but I dont think men are good at it.
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sorry, i don't find lack of tact, insensitivity and overall kindness a gender issue. more like a jerkface, personality, or EQ problem.

while women are thought to be the "nurturing" or "kinder, gentler" sex, it's not been my experience that women are kinder or more sensitive than men -- gender just isn't a reasonable predictor of that.

now, subtlety and subtext? and understanding unspoken things? yeah, i'll give you that. some men (and even a few women) i know could use some help with that, but it's largely emotional fluency, vs. the logical and concrete.
 
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hoss2576

hoss2576

Senior Member
#82
May 10, 2014
552
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#82
Tinkerbell725 said:
Changing the subject or the focus is a good idea, although its a logical fallacy, its still effective and its funny also. I do it sometimes but I dont think men are good at it.
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It isn't effective though. Once you start throwing lies in as compliments, you then make it difficult for the other person to know when you are giving a real one. As if you say, men are not good at it, seeds of doubt are going to be planted for all compliments once you start giving false ones.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#83
Mar 26, 2014
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#83
hoss2576 said:
It isn't effective though. Once you start throwing lies in as compliments, you then make it difficult for the other person to know when you are giving a real one. As if you say, men are not good at it, seeds of doubt are going to be planted for all compliments once you start giving false ones.
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It's true. If I can't trust what someone says when the only risk is that I'll be a bit unhappy about it, how am I ever going to be able to trust that person to be honest with me about the real and difficult crap of life? And we all need someone to tell us when our choices are not best. I'm usually my toughest critic and know when I've screwed up; I just need someone to tell me that this screw up either isn't important or that they can take care of it so it doesn't mess things up too bad.
 
gypsygirl

gypsygirl

Senior Member
#84
Sep 19, 2012
1,394
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#84
cinder said:
It's true. If I can't trust what someone says when the only risk is that I'll be a bit unhappy about it, how am I ever going to be able to trust that person to be honest with me about the real and difficult crap of life? And we all need someone to tell us when our choices are not best. I'm usually my toughest critic and know when I've screwed up; I just need someone to tell me that this screw up either isn't important or that they can take care of it so it doesn't mess things up too bad.
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hoss2576 said:
It isn't effective though. Once you start throwing lies in as compliments, you then make it difficult for the other person to know when you are giving a real one. As if you say, men are not good at it, seeds of doubt are going to be planted for all compliments once you start giving false ones.
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there IS a difference between insincere praise and focusing on the positive, as grace pointed out though. one shouldn't ever lie. but can we hold our tongue, and/or offer sincere compliments designed to detract from the hideous truth? absolutely. that is the difference

but i think this is an issue that really speaks more to what should be our relationship "bank accounts" with that person.

we should all be eager and diligent to seek out enough of the genuinely positive that we don't have to "thread together" sincere compliments in the wake of the failures (nor the rubble of dinner or a bad hair day).

i'd like to believe that if i were to have a dinner casualty, i'm not so insecure that the absence of flattery would somehow ruin my night.

circling back to the origin of this convo, when i think of the song, "any man of mine" i think of a woman who is so painfully insecure that she needs flattery... and/or involved with a man who is so stingy with kind words that she no longer cares whether it's true or not, because she's starving for validation.

though i can't speak to the bad hair days, because i don't really have them... ; p
 
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Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#85
Sep 6, 2013
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#85
Exactly, gypsy. Also, there's a difference between offering a critique and being ASKED for one. If I ask someone how something tastes or looks or what they think, I do expect an honest answer even if it's not a happy one.
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#86
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
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Philippines Age 40
#86
hoss2576 said:
It isn't effective though. Once you start throwing lies in as compliments, you then make it difficult for the other person to know when you are giving a real one. As if you say, men are not good at it, seeds of doubt are going to be planted for all compliments once you start giving false ones.
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One should never lie. And its not really lying. Its just being subtle. Telling the truth in a gentle and creative way. Although there are some truths that can never be said in a gentle manner but still it wont hurt to be subtle sometimes. :)
 
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anchor82

Guest
#87
#87
God knows why, honestly. I have given it up to him. I've made myself available but at the same time I do not want to make finding "the right mate" an idol. Because in the past I did. And it's been 5 years of me waiting on the Lord's timing, He's brought some into my life, and I've loved them like brothers but they weren't the right ones for me. It was hard to understand at the time, but in retrospect I know this. So whoever this guy is, it would have to be so unbelievably clear.

Maybe I'm not where I need to be yet.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#88
Mar 26, 2014
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#88
OK here's some more funny ones:

Because I'm already in a very serious relationship with my computer(s).

Because my two favorite foods are garlic and onions.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#89
Aug 13, 2014
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#89
I haven't read the whole thread but I'll give my answer to the starting post. I'm still single because I haven't spent a lot of time and energy looking. If I find THE ONE for me, yay! But I've seen a lot of people deliberately try to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, take the first one that comes along and either divorce fast or spend the rest of a really long life regretting it.

The problem, as far as I can see, is some people seem to think if they can find their soul mate they will be happy. They view their current lives as unfulfilled and insufficient and believe a partner will bring the fulfillment and completion they are missing. However I have also observed that if someone is unhappy as a single person this will not change after marriage. Only those who are already enjoying their lives as they are wind up happy when they marry.

Personally I'm happy as I am and I'm in no hurry to change anything (except maybe the random soundtrack or two in my Projects folder.) If and when I find Mrs. Right I'll happily marry her. But I'm not going to force it to happen and I'm not going out of my way to find her. "Que sera sera." Whatever will be, will be.

In the meantime... pass the pistachios please. :D
 
DuchessAimee

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
#90
Apr 27, 2011
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#90
Here's a fun tautology. I'm single because I'm single. And that's okay right now. I'd rather be single then repeat my last relationship. Hands down.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#91
#91
In the past I've been tempted to say, "I'm single because... it's none of your business!" and to leave it at that.
 
MaranathaSoonQuick

MaranathaSoonQuick

Senior Member
#92
May 18, 2010
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#92
"The only girls that are interested in me, I have no interest in." Quote from Harold and Kumar. (I don't watch that anymore.). It may seem harsh but, all would sympathize with me that just anyone will not do. Although, I'm not too picky. Even so, I honestly don't feel all too ready. In my view I still have an education to pursue and a career. Lol, so, in all reality I know why I'm single.
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#93
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
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Indiana
#93
Grace-Like-Rain said:
There are always things a person can say to appreciate the effort made without lying. And I definitely believe in vocalizing appreciation for something (with sincerity).

Woman looks terrible in a dress she just bought? Man says, "I do like the color of that one, but THIS one looks more flattering on you. It really brings out the color of your eyes"

Woman burned the chicken for dinner? Man says, "Thanks for making dinner! The pasta is especially delicious."

etc etc.

Don't just make stuff up, but you CAN train yourself to notice the good things about a situation and focus on those instead.
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really don't work for me. I say what I think and don't do the wishy washy garbage. If it looks like crap I say it. if I dont like it I say it.
 
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Arlene89

Guest
#94
#94
When people used to ask me why I was single, I would explain, "I scare all the men away", then throw my head back and laugh. But this was like... 94% true...
 
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Tintin

Guest
#95
#95
When people asked me why I was single, I would say, "Girls just aren't attracted to me". Thankfully one beautiful woman is.
 
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Arlene89

Guest
#96
#96
Tintin said:
When people asked me why I was single, I would say, "Girls just aren't attracted to me". Thankfully one beautiful woman is.
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Sir, I had to embarrass myself in front of the entire Singles forum population to let you know I am attracted to you (With the help of William's blatant statements). I think many women have been attracted to you, you just haven't noticed. But I'm okay with that, because... I WIN! *Sings the 'I'm so blessed to have Tintin' song*

You are such an Arlene magnet. Just saying.
 
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arwen-undomiel

Guest
#97
#97
Cus the last guy I dated told me he thinks he is sociopathic abusive monster, and maybe I need take to look at the guys I choose to date.
 
DancingForJesus

DancingForJesus

Member
#98
May 6, 2014
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#98
Well, for me, I'm a very (sometimes brutally) honest person, so most of the time what I wish I could say and what I do say are the same thing. Most of the time. Sometimes, I hold my tongue, and often it's for the best.

I've never dated, and people wonder why. I always say "God's person for me hasn't come along yet."

I believe we can only truly be happy with the person God has intended for us. Otherwise, it seems to always end in heart break.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#99
Aug 13, 2014
27,231
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#99
Whoa, whoa, wait a minute... I didn't read the whole thread earlier. What, pray tell, is wrong with quiche? Are we implying it is somehow effiminate for a man to eat, or to admit he likes quiche? It's just a baked omelette, only a lot better... if you do it right.

Tell you what... you make a pan of quiche and I'll trade you for two loaves of my homemade sourdough bread, and we both don't tell anyone. You never know, my chest hair might start falling out if word got out I liked the stuff. >.>
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#100
#100
Arlene89 said:
Sir, I had to embarrass myself in front of the entire Singles forum population to let you know I am attracted to you (With the help of William's blatant statements). I think many women have been attracted to you, you just haven't noticed. But I'm okay with that, because... I WIN! *Sings the 'I'm so blessed to have Tintin' song*

You are such an Arlene magnet. Just saying.
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Yes, I suppose you did have to be pretty bold to capture my attention in 'that way'. I don't know about many women having been attracted to me. The only ones I know of were the two women from church early this year. One of whom was nine-types of crazy and the other who was a godly, kindhearted girl but I viewed only as a friend. So yeah, I'm very glad and blessed to be an Arlene magnet. I love you! ;)
 
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