My husband left me....

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MistyBlu43

Guest
#1
#1
Well my husband left me and I think it's for good this time. I need to learn how to survive on my own again but I don't know how! I went from having a full-time job to a stay at home mom pretty much. I have a part time job but it only covers one bill when there is car note, rent, electric, etc. I don't know how I should proceed. I don't want to divorce but I may have to. He says he's not talking to anyone but there is this girl that he had some inappropriate messaging with in the past that he has started conversing with again. We are currently separated two days now. He said he would split his check 50% and that's it. I am looking for full-time work but I keep getting rejected. I am wondering is child support and alimony would be more than what he is offering. I have decided and told him that if he is out there talking to other women than there is no coming back and I want a divorce. He keeps mentioning that I said that too and that that can't be love if I would not forgive him for cheating and that I'm being controlling. I just do not see it that way. I can forgive just fine but he makes it sound like his intention is to cheat while we are separated and he wants to be able to come back to me when he is done. It don't work like that!
 
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Motivation

Guest
#2
#2
Why did he leave?
 
M

MistyBlu43

Guest
#3
#3
Motivation said:
Why did he leave?
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We have been having some problems, his is watching porn and iffy friendships with women. Mines is I'm not gone lie, I cannot free my mind from thinking he may harm our child. It's not just him I see in this light it's all men. I have told him that I am trying and praying to not think that way but it is really hard. I do not know if there is something in my childhood that leads me to think this way I just know that I think it and it won't leave my conscious. Anyway, I said something relating to it and he befriended that girl again and said he told me before if I think along those lines again he was leaving. He has never really cared or tried to help me figure out why I think this way. I even thought this way about my Dad being around our daughter and he raised four girls. I talked to my dad about it and he said I should've just kept my thoughts like that to myself. That he would be upset if I told him that too. I know my dad would never do anything to our daughter just like I know he wouldn't, but some part of me just thinks men are a danger to my daughter. I cannot explain it.
 
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Motivation

Guest
#4
#4
Have you all talked to a counselor?
 
M

Motivation

Guest
#5
#5
Do you actually believe that it is all in your head that he would harm your child? Or has something happened and your intuition is leading you to believe that your daughter is not safe around her father?
 
M

Motivation

Guest
#6
#6
I'm asking so many questions because I am trying to get to the root of the problem.
 
M

Motivation

Guest
#8
#8
I know this is hurtful. Rejection hurts especially when the person that is rejecting you is the person who should care the most about you. However, Thank God for Jesus

I've found out that the only person that I can depend on, trust and cast my cares upon is God. It sounds like you are walking around with a lot of unforgiveness. I don't know who you need to forgive, it may be yourself, but first make sure that you have forgiven everyone who has wronged you. Don't hold on to the negativity it festers and eats at your heart.

Trust God. God has you in the palm of this hands. He knows your every need. Lean on him and cast your cares on him and he will NEVER leave you. He will also speak to your spirit and tell you what you need to do in this situation.

The Word of Gods reads:

10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.[SUP][/SUP] 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.[SUP][/SUP] And a husband must not divorce his wife. 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord):[SUP][/SUP] If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.[SUP][/SUP] 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.[SUP][/SUP]

1 Corinthians 7:10-15

God called you to live in PEACE. God has you he always have. Don't trust what you see, hear, feel, taste or smell. This will mess you up everytime. Trust in the Word of the Lord and his Word says that: You are more than a conquer.
 
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MistyBlu43

Guest
#9
#9
Motivation said:
Do you actually believe that it is all in your head that he would harm your child? Or has something happened and your intuition is leading you to believe that your daughter is not safe around her father?
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Well, the lady he talked to before me had three girls and he told me that when she left the youngest didn't want to leave him and so the lady let her stay and she slept in the bed with him. I just felt like that's inappropriate for a stepdad and I guess his looking at porn has something to do with it. That is the only thing concerning him. Sometimes I wonder if I think like this due to my dad liking to look at women, I have noticed him looking at young girls who are probably 16-20 with lustful eyes and once told my sisters friend who was sitting in short shorts with her legs open that she need to close her legs he see some kuddie hairs (yes he really said that). And I guess the fact that my husband told me once he finds it easier to talk to kids instead of adults and that adults just cause drama. Also once we were talking about a 9 yr old girl who got pregnancy by an 18 year old. I told him that guy took advantage if that little girl and he tells me she knew what she was doing. When I brought it up later he acted like he didn't say she knew what she was doing and agreed with me that she was taken advantage of.
 
M

MistyBlu43

Guest
#10
#10
Motivation said:
I know this is hurtful. Rejection hurts especially when the person that is rejecting you is the person who should care the most about you. However, Thank God for Jesus

I've found out that the only person that I can depend on, trust and cast my cares upon is God. It sounds like you are walking around with a lot of unforgiveness. I don't know who you need to forgive, it may be yourself, but first make sure that you have forgiven everyone who has wronged you. Don't hold on to the negativity it festers and eats at your heart.

Trust God. God has you in the palm of this hands. He knows your every need. Lean on him and cast your cares on him and he will NEVER leave you. He will also speak to your spirit and tell you what you need to do in this situation.

The Word of Gods reads:

10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

1 Corinthians 7:10-15

God called you to live in PEACE. God has you he always have. Don't trust what you see, hear, feel, taste or smell. This will mess you up everytime. Trust in the Word of the Lord and his Word says that: You are more than a conquer.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much I really needed to hear that
 
M

Motivation

Guest
#11
#11
You're welcome! Take care!
 
M

MistyBlu43

Guest
#12
#12
Motivation said:
I know this is hurtful. Rejection hurts especially when the person that is rejecting you is the person who should care the most about you. However, Thank God for Jesus

I've found out that the only person that I can depend on, trust and cast my cares upon is God. It sounds like you are walking around with a lot of unforgiveness. I don't know who you need to forgive, it may be yourself, but first make sure that you have forgiven everyone who has wronged you. Don't hold on to the negativity it festers and eats at your heart.

Trust God. God has you in the palm of this hands. He knows your every need. Lean on him and cast your cares on him and he will NEVER leave you. He will also speak to your spirit and tell you what you need to do in this situation.

The Word of Gods reads:

10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

1 Corinthians 7:10-15

God called you to live in PEACE. God has you he always have. Don't trust what you see, hear, feel, taste or smell. This will mess you up everytime. Trust in the Word of the Lord and his Word says that: You are more than a conquer.
Click to expand...
I had to read this again because it gives me hope, but the first part of what you said really stuck out. We as people reject Gods love all the time and I know that has to hurt even more than the rejection of my husband. All he wants is our love and we deny it for sin.
 
G

GodIsSalvation

Banned
#13
Dec 18, 2013
6,733
45
0
#13
I am sorry your husband has put you away, it is not right for him to do such. As it is what it is though, you should return to your parents if it be possible or a goodly family member for the time being to help you get back on your feet. Pray to Jesus and I will too that you and your little one will be taken care of. I believe you will be okay with Jesus, hang in there.
 
A

amymine712

Guest
#14
#14
MistyBlu43 said:
Well, the lady he talked to before me had three girls and he told me that when she left the youngest didn't want to leave him and so the lady let her stay and she slept in the bed with him. I just felt like that's inappropriate for a stepdad and I guess his looking at porn has something to do with it. That is the only thing concerning him. Sometimes I wonder if I think like this due to my dad liking to look at women, I have noticed him looking at young girls who are probably 16-20 with lustful eyes and once told my sisters friend who was sitting in short shorts with her legs open that she need to close her legs he see some kuddie hairs (yes he really said that). And I guess the fact that my husband told me once he finds it easier to talk to kids instead of adults and that adults just cause drama. Also once we were talking about a 9 yr old girl who got pregnancy by an 18 year old. I told him that guy took advantage if that little girl and he tells me she knew what she was doing. When I brought it up later he acted like he didn't say she knew what she was doing and agreed with me that she was taken advantage of.
Click to expand...

The fact that he is watching porn means he is cheating on you with porn. Porn is a sexual addiction and it leads you in a downward spiral...first it is soft porn and then you need the raunchier stuff to get that sexual high. The raunchy stuff can lead to animal and child porn. He said the 9 year old knew what she was doing?!...hello! Warning Warning! I know what porn is like because I have with the Lord's help overcome it. It is one of the most nastiest, evil things to get a hold on you and completely ruins relationships.

I would run not walk to the nearest exit and fight for full custody of your child.
 
A

amymine712

Guest
#15
#15
Also a little background on me. I have been on both sides of porn. I grew up being sexually abused by my father who was addicted to porn and was into the raunchy stuff. No it didn't hurt for the most part...He made it feel good. He quit abusing me when I started my period and moved on to my sisters. He got my brother addicted to porn as part of a "man" thing.

So I was oversexed growing up and it lead me down the path of porn addiction. It took me 5 years to learn about God's love and a godly man's love...to love myself and break the porn addiction. It is not an easy addiction to break so be wary if it happens quickly. There is usually a lot of stumbling.

I am most concerned about your child's well being. The things that lead me in this direction is that your husband would rather talk to children than an adult and the comment about the 9 year knowing what she is doing. These are big red flags to me. I am praying for you both.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#16
Mar 13, 2014
42,717
17,176
113
70
Tennessee
#16
MistyBlu43 said:
Well my husband left me and I think it's for good this time. I need to learn how to survive on my own again but I don't know how! I went from having a full-time job to a stay at home mom pretty much. I have a part time job but it only covers one bill when there is car note, rent, electric, etc. I don't know how I should proceed. I don't want to divorce but I may have to. He says he's not talking to anyone but there is this girl that he had some inappropriate messaging with in the past that he has started conversing with again. We are currently separated two days now. He said he would split his check 50% and that's it. I am looking for full-time work but I keep getting rejected. I am wondering is child support and alimony would be more than what he is offering. I have decided and told him that if he is out there talking to other women than there is no coming back and I want a divorce. He keeps mentioning that I said that too and that that can't be love if I would not forgive him for cheating and that I'm being controlling. I just do not see it that way. I can forgive just fine but he makes it sound like his intention is to cheat while we are separated and he wants to be able to come back to me when he is done. It don't work like that!
Click to expand...
No, it does not work like that. Free yourself from this horrible arrangement.
 
J

jogoldie

Senior Member
#18
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
48
#18
Oh my sister.......im so sorry....you are thinking right.....I raised two daughters and this was always my concern...
Dont think this feeling you get is wrong......let this be known to all.....when we say .....i have intuition....
you know..... that little voice some call it......some say ....I had a feeling....something told me.....that one is always my fav...
Listen to those things.....dont ignore them.......I have found.... that its God ....He is warning us......every time after something
bad happens somebody always says.....something told me we shouldnt have......that was God.....
My young friend....if you need someone to help you through this I would love to part my wisdom in this matter...
I have lived this....and came out the better for it....all thanks be to God......and I can guide you with what I have learned...
As far as child support ......this man doenst get to tell you how much he will pay....the court does......
go to the office for probation....child services...they will guide you through the paper work...they love their jobs....
they will help you....the court told me they have a scale...they take your paystub and his....and they determine
how much you will receive...and while your there they might even talk about getting you help with other things....
like food stamps.....no pride allowed when it comes to feeding those babies...no shame.....thats what its for...
above all.....stay with God....consult with Him on everything people ...including me...tell you.....
He helped me ...all I had when I ran away was my kids and my bible.....and we never wanted for anything....
everything was happening and people were coming out of heaven itself to support me....so focus on the goal...
you are strong and able.....pm me if you need anything...........peace ....jo
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#19
Feb 21, 2014
70,934
9,676
113
#19
If your husband has cheated on you previously, then it's a safe guess that he is cheating on you while you are separated!! Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. This cad wants his cake and to eat it, too. Divorce his lying, cheating self and go for child support and alimony!! He is'nt merely "talking to" other women, not if he's cheated before. File divorce papers, and get custody of your kids, because you will be alot better off without a man like that in your life. Do what is right for you and your child and let him enjoy the bed of lies and hurt that he has to lie in now.
 
Garfield20

Garfield20

Senior Member
#20
Aug 14, 2014
249
2
18
#20
i have overcome a porn addiction myself praise Jesus
 
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