Thoughts On Adoption

[Matthew]

I have been decided for a while now that if I ever start a family I would like to adopt children rather than have my own, I am wondering if this is a common feeling among Christians or if it is just a personality thing. I have no connection to adoption in my life, through family or friends but my feelings have been going to that direction anyway, and it'd take away of the risk of getting twins.

Having thought about it I realised that putting aside the general unpredictability of life, if I had a child it's future would be assured, the child would be born out of love and cared for by loving responible parents and have the gaurantee of education and healthcare etc..and if the worst happened my wider family would continue to care for them just the same.

There are too many children in this world and many more yet to come who go forward with nothing but an absence laying out before them and a future so devoid of all that should be there that they will likely grow to be a suffering person and that suffering wil spread.

So I realised that my choice would be to create a life or to save a life, I think I would prefer to save one, I would like to know how others view adoption and is it something you would seriously consider?

 

[DieuMerci]

Well I've been seriosuly considering it lately, but not exclusively like you. I'd like to have a child of my own, I wouldn't do anything to prevent that from happening if I got married.

 

[Matthew]

I am not really exclusive on it it's just a preference, I recognise my feeling is only one half of the situation and I'd never entertain the notion of saying to my wife she couldn't have a biological child, that would be massively unfair to her.
I am not against having my own child, I just think adoption is a wonderful thing that has a wider benefit to society in terms of supporting someone who is born in bad circumstances.

I would gladly have a family with both adopted and biological children, just the same as yourself, I just hope my wife wouldn't be close minded to the idea.

 

[tryingtofindhim]

I have been decided for a while now that if I ever start a family I would like to adopt children rather than have my own, I am wondering if this is a common feeling among Christians or if it is just a personality thing. I have no connection to adoption in my life, through family or friends but my feelings have been going to that direction anyway, and it'd take away of the risk of getting twins.

Having thought about it I realised that putting aside the general unpredictability of life, if I had a child it's future would be assured, the child would be born out of love and cared for by loving responible parents and have the gaurantee of education and healthcare etc..and if the worst happened my wider family would continue to care for them just the same.

There are too many children in this world and many more yet to come who go forward with nothing but an absence laying out before them and a future so devoid of all that should be there that they will likely grow to be a suffering person and that suffering wil spread.

So I realised that my choice would be to create a life or to save a life, I think I would prefer to save one, I would like to know how others view adoption and is it something you would seriously consider?

I'm a teen I know, but I was adopted I'm not going to go to details on here but if you want to know more you can message me.

 

[seoulsearch]

This is an excellent question, Matthew. Being adopted myself, of course I support the idea of adoption.

However, I have mixed feelings as well. I have never had a biological relative and while that might not sound important... I grew up with some of my family swooning and talking about my youngest brother (who he looked like in the family, who he would grow up to be like, etc.) because he is my parent's only biological child. I grew up not looking like anyone and was constantly asked, "Are you sure that's your brother... Mom... Dad...?"

When I was about 13, my grandfather wanted to take a "Four Generation" picture that included his mother, himself, my Mom (his daughter), and... my youngest brother. Now, I may be wrong... but shouldn't the oldest son be the one who would represent his generation? But you see, he wanted my youngest brother in the picture, not my brother Scott (who is older) because Brad was the biological child.

I remember being very bitter that day and I think it hurt Scotty very deeply (not just that one event but several things over time), as he has very little contact with my family now. He is married with two children of his own (who look just like him and his wife) and has said he would never consider adoption because he wants children with only biological ties.

I myself am a bit torn--I think I could have room in my heart for both. I would love to be able to feel a sense of completion to something missing all my life biologically (Scott and I were adopted at different times and are not biologically related), but after having been back to the orphanage I came from, all I wanted to do while I was there was leave my suitcase behind and take home two little girls whom I was able to hold... one who screamed something terrible when I had to leave, even though I gave her back to the house mother--in ten minutes, she'd decided it was ME she wanted... and another who followed me out to the door with sad eyes and a look of, "Why are you leaving me?". I asked about sponsoring both girls but was relieved to hear they had been adopted already and were waiting for all the paperwork to be done.

It totally broke my heart!

And I would hope my husband would have an open heart as well.

 

[iraasuup]

You are not alone.

I have more of a desire to adopt children, then to have my own.

I think there are already so many kids out there looking for love. I have plenty of love to give, so instead of ignoring them...I'd rather give them the love, a futrue, an education etc.

I have always had compassion for those in need. I think we should aim to fill the already existing needs, before we create anymore.
However, this is just my own personal preference.

 

[FixYourWeave]

Im curious why you would rather adopt a child than have your own. A child is a child weather its yours or someone elses. I agree with adoption and im all for it, but i wonder why someone would deny themselves their own children then take someone elses, why couldnt you have a child and adopt.

 

[iraasuup]

Having a child for me is not as easy as it is for most.

However, that's beside the point. I guess I just have a compassion for those in need. I always have. So I suppose my yearning for adopting is deeper than it is for having my own child. If I can help an already-existing child, then I will.

I have no problem with having children of my own, nor do I have a problem with having children AND adopting. My heart just isn't in that place... and like I said... having my own child isn't exactly an easy option for me.

 

[tryingtofindhim]

Im curious why you would rather adopt a child than have your own. A child is a child weather its yours or someone elses. I agree with adoption and im all for it, but i wonder why someone would deny themselves their own children then take someone elses, why couldnt you have a child and adopt.

I think he made that point when he said he would prefer to save a life than to make one. I know there are a lot of children from where I was adopted from who need a loving family.

 

[Matthew]

Im curious why you would rather adopt a child than have your own. A child is a child weather its yours or someone elses. I agree with adoption and im all for it, but i wonder why someone would deny themselves their own children then take someone elses, why couldnt you have a child and adopt.

There are there other reasons I would like to adopt and in some ways the desire stems from my own childhood and relationships with my own siblings.

I am the middle child of 5 with two sisters and two brothers, one of whom is an identical twin, and in truth I have never had what I consider to be a healthy relationship with any of them. I am closest to my twin but only in so far as we get on because we are more similar, with the rest I have a civil relationship but no real closeness so I have learned growing up that what makes a family is the effort you make to form a real connection not the implied relationship that comes with biological links, in my household 'being related' has almost been used as a reason to make no effort because being biologically connected seems to be enough, well it may be enough for others but it's not even close to being enough for me.

As a result of all this I don't have any issue with having my own children but I place no emphasis on it like many other people do, in general I agree with Iraasuup, I think I'd rather help someone already here yet abandoned than have a child of my own.

 

[Matthew]

This is an excellent question, Matthew. Being adopted myself, of course I support the idea of adoption.

However, I have mixed feelings as well. I have never had a biological relative and while that might not sound important... I grew up with some of my family swooning and talking about my youngest brother (who he looked like in the family, who he would grow up to be like, etc.) because he is my parent's only biological child. I grew up not looking like anyone and was constantly asked, "Are you sure that's your brother... Mom... Dad...?"

When I was about 13, my grandfather wanted to take a "Four Generation" picture that included his mother, himself, my Mom (his daughter), and... my youngest brother. Now, I may be wrong... but shouldn't the oldest son be the one who would represent his generation? But you see, he wanted my youngest brother in the picture, not my brother Scott (who is older) because Brad was the biological child.

I remember being very bitter that day and I think it hurt Scotty very deeply (not just that one event but several things over time), as he has very little contact with my family now. He is married with two children of his own (who look just like him and his wife) and has said he would never consider adoption because he wants children with only biological ties.

I suppose that is one of the big problems, being part of a family yet not really included in some ways, that must be really confusing for a young child. I have no fear of encountering those kind of problems personally because for me, once I took a child into my family they would stand equal to every other child I might have, biological or adopted, we would all be in every photograph, even a generational one, to me it wouldn't matter how that child came to be in my family, that would be my child in every way that counts and a picture of my family that doesn't have them in would not be a complete picture.

My mother is hoping for grandchildren and I asked her how'd she'd feel to be grandmother to an adopted child, I was surpirsed by the hesistation and the look on her face, like she needed to think about it, in the end she said it wouldn't matter but no matter how anyone else in my family might feel I would not allow my adopted children to be excluded in any way, to me there would be no difference between the two, in the end we are all one big family.

 

[Sharp]

I am the middle child of 5 with two sisters and two brothers, one of whom is an identical twin, and in truth I have never had what I consider to be a healthy relationship with any of them. I am closest to my twin but only in so far as we get on because we are more similar, with the rest I have a civil relationship but no real closeness so I have learned growing up that what makes a family is the effort you make to form a real connection not the implied relationship that comes with biological links, in my household 'being related' has almost been used as a reason to make no effort because being biologically connected seems to be enough, well it may be enough for others but it's not even close to being enough for me.

That's a really good point Matthew - I know what you mean.

For some reason I have the idea in my head that a family with biological children and adopted children would be more vibrant. There would be a mix of personalities, and maybe that would mean more interaction. I don't know. But I wouldn't mind adopting. I'd prefer to adopt children who are not caucasian - again just for an interesting mix.

 

[seoulsearch]

In my experience, adoption is nearly always seen by other people as "second best" and "a last resort". People "excuse" my parents for adopting because they were told they could not have children (my youngest brother is proof that the doctors don't know everything.) But then of course, the next question was why they would adopt internationally (it would have taken 5-7 years for an American adoption, whereas it took a little over 2 years to get myself and then another 2 years to get my brother.)

I do believe God puts different things on our hearts. Some people want to marry someone of another race... others want to adopt children, and I think God puts that on our heart for a reason. The Bible says when you see someone hungry or naked, to feed and clothe them... I've always seen adoption as an extent of that, and God calls us to fulfill His Words in different ways. Not everyone is called to adopt, but I do believe it's a God-given longing for some people and it's in their hearts for a reason.

I have some friends who are young, beautiful, and healthy--but they chose to adopt a little boy from Korea--and are constantly receiving criticism for it (from both people in and out of the church.)

People always tell them, "Just wait until you have a child of your own."

What they don't understand is, that child they adopted is already "their own" in their hearts just as much as any biological child.

 

[Cherries]

well i have wanted children of my own but now i really dont want any, i feel the same tho i want to adopt and no one i know is adopted and no one in my family is either.. theres so many children and not enough parents, i know if i would adopt, that my family would treat them as if it were my own.. if God gives you the desire and passion and support to adopt, he brings a child to you who needs you, then i say go for it nothing should come between you and Gods plan for you and that childs life...

 

[kiwi_OT]

That's a really good point Matthew - I know what you mean.

For some reason I have the idea in my head that a family with biological children and adopted children would be more vibrant. There would be a mix of personalities, and maybe that would mean more interaction. I don't know. But I wouldn't mind adopting. I'd prefer to adopt children who are not caucasian - again just for an interesting mix.

Lol Brad Pitt and Angelina jolie probably agree with you on that point lol

 

[Mordred]

I definitely want my first child to be adopted, it would have its own meaning to it.

 

[kiwi_OT]

Im bit mixed to be honest. I see adopting as a hard thing not short term or long term. When kids grow up they want to know their heritage and ancestry and if I adopted, as a mother it would be hard to have a kid who wanted to know about their birth parents (which I suppose they have every right to).
Up til recently, I was sponsoring a wee 5 year old boy called Paul in Malawi. Even though I had helped to provide things to them, I later found out the father abandoned them and his mother died from malnutriton as a complication of some kind of fever. I was only 19 at the time (Im now nearly 21) and it seriously broke my heart that I was not of age nor had the funds to rush over there and potentially adopt him.

I would still highly consider it. But because I have a very big desire my my own biological children, I would prefer to get pregnant the normal way than ignore the fact that being married and having a healthy child bearing type of body means I ignore that call and only think of children who need adoptive parents.

This might sound wrong and selfish, but I think I would definitely adopt if I kept getting pregnant and only had sons. If I got up to 4-5 sons, I would say to my husband, right I want a wee girl - lets adopt. The same would also happen if I only had daughters.

 

[Mordred]

Take care of other people's mistakes before we make our own. (Sounding much worse than intended, take two seconds to read it again)

 

[seoulsearch]

Im bit mixed to be honest. I see adopting as a hard thing not short term or long term. When kids grow up they want to know their heritage and ancestry and if I adopted, as a mother it would be hard to have a kid who wanted to know about their birth parents (which I suppose they have every right to).
Up til recently, I was sponsoring a wee 5 year old boy called Paul in Malawi. Even though I had helped to provide things to them, I later found out the father abandoned them and his mother died from malnutriton as a complication of some kind of fever. I was only 19 at the time (Im now nearly 21) and it seriously broke my heart that I was not of age nor had the funds to rush over there and potentially adopt him.

I would still highly consider it. But because I have a very big desire my my own biological children, I would prefer to get pregnant the normal way than ignore the fact that being married and having a healthy child bearing type of body means I ignore that call and only think of children who need adoptive parents.

This might sound wrong and selfish, but I think I would definitely adopt if I kept getting pregnant and only had sons. If I got up to 4-5 sons, I would say to my husband, right I want a wee girl - lets adopt. The same would also happen if I only had daughters.

You are definitely right in that it can become difficult when the adopted child wants to know about their birth parents. Most adoptees, at some point, will want to know about their past. And I can certainly understand that the adoptive parents may feel betrayed ("What?? Why would you want to know about them when I'm the one who provided for and raised you? Aren't we enough?" etc.)

I went through that phase when I was younger but there is no information about my history (I was found in a box on the street and taken to the police, who took me to an orphanage--would you believe, some people ask if I made that up--that's so weird to me... I mean, why would I make something like that up??) I was bitter and upset for many years... but eventually have formed a bond so close with my adoptive parents that I can sincerely say that they are my true Mom and Dad, no matter what.

 

[Matthew]

Up til recently, I was sponsoring a wee 5 year old boy called Paul in Malawi. Even though I had helped to provide things to them, I later found out the father abandoned them and his mother died from malnutriton as a complication of some kind of fever. I was only 19 at the time (Im now nearly 21) and it seriously broke my heart that I was not of age nor had the funds to rush over there and potentially adopt him.

I sponsored two children for 6 years and I had a similar experience, they each had suffered great loss in their family had ended up in the care of an Aunt or Uncle who had several others to care for and the situation was extremely difficult, there were days I wanted to be right there with them to offer some comfort, it was worth it for the good I was able to do but the feeling of helplessness was really hard to deal with at times, especially when the sponsorships ended.