My husband and the drama that follows PART 2 UPDATE!

[christianwife87]

I recently posted about my situation with my husband and his family.
Here is the update:
My husband and I exchanged words, he threatened me I called the police, he called his mother.
She picked him up, he packed up all his belongings and left, he called a few days later and asked for his mail. I wasn't sure if I was ready to see him but I prepared myself, he never came to get it. I suggested to him that I could give it to the neighbor who is his friend, he said no.
A few couple days ago he called again for his mail and I decided to sit my pride aside and let him know how I feel, so I apologized to him for my part in the argument before he left, I asked him to forgive me and he did. He also apologized for his part as well. He says that he doesn't want to be with me and that I should move on with my life and be happy, and also said he wanted to move on too because he thinks we are not good for each other and that I keep trying to put him in jail.

He didn't allow me to really speak because I was telling him that I love him and I want the marriage to work, also that I couldn't see myself with anyone else. He refused to listen and said he didn't really want to talk. So we ended the conversation.

I went out to the club with my best friend I had not been out in 4 years and guys tried to talk to me, I've never felt so uncomfortable in my life all I could think about was my husband.

So I sent him a text because I needed him to know how I felt and there is no way he couldn't let me talk because he would be reading a text.
I told him I was at the club, I told him about the guys, and he was very upset with me about it. I was confused at his reaction.

He called me to talk about the text and immediately brushed everything off questioning why i would want to be with him a nd send him to jail. He was so cold hearted, i asked him why he was being so cold hearted if he really loved me, he said because he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I'm so hurt right now, I'm lost for words and i don't know what to do. I still want my marriage and cannot see myself with anyone else, i didn't marry him to get a divorce. Need advice please.

 

[blondensmart]

I am never a proponent of divorce, but the relationship that exists between you right now appears to be toxic. Does that mean that I feel you should divorce? Certainly not! BUT, if you want this relationship to survive, you are both going to have to own up to the immaturity that seems to be a part of your relationship and get some quality, Christian counseling. I believe God can and will work in your lives! Let go and let God!!!

Praying absolute blessings upon your household.

 

[christianwife87]

I am never a proponent of divorce, but the relationship that exists between you right now appears to be toxic. Does that mean that I feel you should divorce? Certainly not! BUT, if you want this relationship to survive, you are both going to have to own up to the immaturity that seems to be a part of your relationship and get some quality, Christian counseling. I believe God can and will work in your lives! Let go and let God!!!

Praying absolute blessings upon your household.

Thank you for your response, I agree and I am willing to do what it takes to make things work. I just don't think he is willing anymore.

 

[Daffy]

Read through your post sister , seems like some words were too strong in the argument which messed up the mind and am no one to judge ...it might seem difficult now...but nothing is impossible for GOD, keep praying and so will i pray for you ..dont give up ..focus on God to what he has to say ...!!

 

[Trailblazer]

You guys get mad at each other. He says things that he shouldn't (Threats?). You trump his threats by calling the
police. Is he potentially violent? Or is he just blowing smoke when he gets mad? I can see this as a power struggle which he loses when you call the police. That would not make him very happy with you.

I have heard sermons saying! The root cause of our arguments is selfishness. We argue because we are not getting our way.
Relationships are suppose to be about what we can do for our better half. Some 30 year married pastor relationship counselors spoke of how they chose together not to resolve issues when they are emtionally charged. They both agreed to take a time out when they are not thinking straight due to being upset.

Just some tips that I had heard. God Bless!

 

[christianwife87]

Thank you for your response for the people who question the "threats" and why I called the police, my husband and I have been through domestic violence situations, yes I was the victim, yes he USED to be physically abusive but the threats of course are verbal, it has been a long time since he has actually hit me, but I do suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in result of the abuse. When we argue he knows that I become afraid of the possibility that he can hurt me and I sometimes have to take precautions. He does take advantage of the fact that I do get scared of him sometimes and he tries to intimidate me. He tells his family otherwise and they think that I'm the suspect.

 

[Jimbone]

Thank you for your response for the people who question the "threats" and why I called the police, my husband and I have been through domestic violence situations, yes I was the victim, yes he USED to be physically abusive but the threats of course are verbal, it has been a long time since he has actually hit me, but I do suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in result of the abuse. When we argue he knows that I become afraid of the possibility that he can hurt me and I sometimes have to take precautions. He does take advantage of the fact that I do get scared of him sometimes and he tries to intimidate me. He tells his family otherwise and they think that I'm the suspect.

I am so sorry the situation seems to keep getting worse sister. I see fault on both sides, but to me it really seem like he isn't going to the Lord with this, it seems he's going to his mom. Again in this situation (with his father just passing), it makes sense why this is going the way it is. How close to the Lord is he in general? <-- if this question is too personal I understand.

The whole overall story seems to suggest he was never really committed to you fully the whole marriage. Again I want to be very careful to let you know I'm talking about the feeling I get from what you said about the marriage before his dad passed, after that everything is going to be way emotionally charged and super dramatic, but in this time of test in his life, from a purely "outside looking in" perspective, he does not seem to be going to God with any of this, and that makes it even more complicated. All you can do sister in this time of hardship is go to Him in prayer. As a guy my perspective is limited and not knowing you two personally makes it even more limited, but if you need to talk with a sister there are plenty here that can help be there for you, but I shared your situation with my wife and she would be more then happy to listen and offer whatever perspective she can as well. We (as in all true believers) love you and pray His understanding and guidance will keep you going to the only answer to any problem. He works in wondrous ways we can never hope to predict or understand, but we serve a merciful and loving God, the ONLY one worthy of total trust, may His love be with all of you forever.

 

[jogoldie]

My sister christian....Gods word says if the unbelieving husband wants to leave we are to let them....
Its not easy I know......but once you change your routine and start living for God things will be differnt..

...but you have lost focus.....we all know you cant make someone want to
do what we want.....focus on the things you can control.....as I dont recommend the club thing....I do recomend
a new hobby..or activity.....make over....when I ran from my abuser...i tried to stay busy...time is a healer...
who knows what tommarrow brings.....but we are told to live for the day...tommarrow takes care of itself....
And I think you deserve more...... God is rearranging things for you. ..getting ready for your next move...
So whats it gonna be..??? Being taken for granted...lonely.....this is your choice....or are you going to check
out this adventure God has planned for you.....spread your wings and try them out.......it is scary and exciting...
If you continue to think you cant have a happy life without this man...you will continue to live a very sad life...
Look around you at God blessings...focus on the positive....dont see it....look for it....you will find it in the most
unexpected places......arent you tired yet.....living unsure....frightened...you are stronger than you think...
rise from this misery and find your joy.......this man has taken everything from you.....dont let him steal your
joy too.......reach for God and you will do things you never thought you could.......peace and joy for you.....jo

 

[christianwife87]

I am so sorry the situation seems to keep getting worse sister. I see fault on both sides, but to me it really seem like he isn't going to the Lord with this, it seems he's going to his mom. Again in this situation (with his father just passing), it makes sense why this is going the way it is. How close to the Lord is he in general? <-- if this question is too personal I understand.

The whole overall story seems to suggest he was never really committed to you fully the whole marriage. Again I want to be very careful to let you know I'm talking about the feeling I get from what you said about the marriage before his dad passed, after that everything is going to be way emotionally charged and super dramatic, but in this time of test in his life, from a purely "outside looking in" perspective, he does not seem to be going to God with any of this, and that makes it even more complicated. All you can do sister in this time of hardship is go to Him in prayer. As a guy my perspective is limited and not knowing you two personally makes it even more limited, but if you need to talk with a sister there are plenty here that can help be there for you, but I shared your situation with my wife and she would be more then happy to listen and offer whatever perspective she can as well. We (as in all true believers) love you and pray His understanding and guidance will keep you going to the only answer to any problem. He works in wondrous ways we can never hope to predict or understand, but we serve a merciful and loving God, the ONLY one worthy of total trust, may His love be with all of you forever.

Thank you for your response, I'm confused on how I should answer if he is a believer because he was and I sill believe that he is but I do believe that he is but he is lost. Thanks for your prayers. I would love all the support of can get I feel I don't have anyone right now

 

[Jamal]

I can see this as a power struggle which he loses when you call the police.

Yep.

I imagine most failed marriages follow a downward spiral of each spouse trying to undermine the other. The husband complained to his family what a bear she is, to get them to team up against her. I wonder if she has done the same with her family? Maybe with her friends? For sure, with the police.

 

[blue_ladybug]

​Short of smacking you in the head, your husband is SCREAMING that he no longer wants to be with you!! If there is abuse, and threats, and police being called, that is not good for either of you. You have tried more than once to talk to him, and he puts you off every time, which clearly tells me that HE is finished with this marriage. To keep bugging him about it is only going to create more resentment in your lives. He is telling you to move on, he's wishing you well. You need to be brave enough to let him go and get on with your life. I know this is hard, but life and marriage is not meant to be easy.

 

[biscuit]

​Short of smacking you in the head, your husband is SCREAMING that he no longer wants to be with you!! If there is abuse, and threats, and police being called, that is not good for either of you. You have tried more than once to talk to him, and he puts you off every time, which clearly tells me that HE is finished with this marriage. To keep bugging him about it is only going to create more resentment in your lives. He is telling you to move on, he's wishing you well. You need to be brave enough to let him go and get on with your life. I know this is hard, but life and marriage is not meant to be easy.

Agree with you 100% !!! He doesn't want her and she refuses to see the "handwriting on the wall." Personally, and from a man's perspective, he is tired of the drama & nagging.

I went through that with a woman who would virtually torture me with the nagging, trying to provoke me into a DV episode. She was a high-powered "drama queen," living for the moment. Packed up my stuff and left.

 

[christianwife87]

My sister christian....Gods word says if the unbelieving husband wants to leave we are to let them....
Its not easy I know......but once you change your routine and start living for God things will be differnt..

...but you have lost focus.....we all know you cant make someone want to
do what we want.....focus on the things you can control.....as I dont recommend the club thing....I do recomend
a new hobby..or activity.....make over....when I ran from my abuser...i tried to stay busy...time is a healer...
who knows what tommarrow brings.....but we are told to live for the day...tommarrow takes care of itself....
And I think you deserve more...... God is rearranging things for you. ..getting ready for your next move...
So whats it gonna be..??? Being taken for granted...lonely.....this is your choice....or are you going to check
out this adventure God has planned for you.....spread your wings and try them out.......it is scary and exciting...
If you continue to think you cant have a happy life without this man...you will continue to live a very sad life...
Look around you at God blessings...focus on the positive....dont see it....look for it....you will find it in the most
unexpected places......arent you tired yet.....living unsure....frightened...you are stronger than you think...
rise from this misery and find your joy.......this man has taken everything from you.....dont let him steal your
joy too.......reach for God and you will do things you never thought you could.......peace and joy for you.....jo

Thank you for your response, I do understand, I felt like I needed to let him know how I felt. But I do understand where your coming from. At this point it's extremely confusing because now he is calling me and trying to talk.

 

[christianwife87]

​Short of smacking you in the head, your husband is SCREAMING that he no longer wants to be with you!! If there is abuse, and threats, and police being called, that is not good for either of you. You have tried more than once to talk to him, and he puts you off every time, which clearly tells me that HE is finished with this marriage. To keep bugging him about it is only going to create more resentment in your lives. He is telling you to move on, he's wishing you well. You need to be brave enough to let him go and get on with your life. I know this is hard, but life and marriage is not meant to be easy.

Thank you for your response, I get your point but also I see nothing wrong with letting him know how I feel about him, he initiated a conversation with me today, I do feel like we are both fed up but if he is still wanting to talk about what went wrong in the marriage like me then it just gets confusing.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Thank you for your response, I get your point but also I see nothing wrong with letting him know how I feel about him, he initiated a conversation with me today, I do feel like we are both fed up but if he is still wanting to talk about what went wrong in the marriage like me then it just gets confusing.

He keeps telling you he does'nt want to be with you. That he wants to move on, and he wants you to do the same. He called to get his mail, that's all. He keeps putting you off when you try to talk to him. He's making it crystal clear that he is done with this marriage. Holding on and refusing to let him go is only going to end badly for both of you. You talked and forgave each other, and that's good. Now you need to let go and move on. Jesus does'nt want you to stay in a love-less, one-sided marriage with an unbeliever who is practically chomping at the bit to get free.

 

[christianwife87]

Agree with you 100% !!! He doesn't want her and she refuses to see the "handwriting on the wall." Personally, and from a man's perspective, he is tired of the drama & nagging.

I went through that with a woman who would virtually torture me with the nagging, trying to provoke me into a DV episode. She was a high-powered "drama queen," living for the moment. Packed up my stuff and left.

Thank you for your response, I have to disagree with you on the drama and the nagging especially since you also commented on the last thread I posted so you should be aware of what was said. Also I fail to see how I relate to that woman who "nagged" you and the drama queen stuff. I'm curious to know, are you married? Or have you ever been married? Because the way you respond doesn't sound like what a "man" would say. How can a man be provoked , we are all accountable for our own actions and for me to state that I was being abused and you respond with the word "provoked" makes me question your mindset. Also if that is the type of woman you had, please remember you attract what you are. My husband and I act a lot alike and also for your "nagging" comment my husband has actually made comments about me acting like a man because he usually is the one to want to talk and express his feelings I'm always the one just listening because I don't want things to turn into an argument. It's just that tables have turned in this situation. Thanks anyways

 

[LRG]

Yep.

I imagine most failed marriages follow a downward spiral of each spouse trying to undermine the other. The husband complained to his family what a bear she is, to get them to team up against her. I wonder if she has done the same with her family? Maybe with her friends? For sure, with the police.

No. Most marriages fail because of selfishness on one or both parties. Selfish people don't love and they cannot self-sacrifice. They just take and that is the problem.

 

[LRG]

​Short of smacking you in the head, your husband is SCREAMING that he no longer wants to be with you!! If there is abuse, and threats, and police being called, that is not good for either of you. You have tried more than once to talk to him, and he puts you off every time, which clearly tells me that HE is finished with this marriage. To keep bugging him about it is only going to create more resentment in your lives. He is telling you to move on, he's wishing you well. You need to be brave enough to let him go and get on with your life. I know this is hard, but life and marriage is not meant to be easy.

I think you are being a little harsh with the op. She still is married so if she wants to contact her husband then that is her business. Do you know her husband? Did he tell you he doesn't love his wife? Sounds to me like the man is immature and selfish and a momma's boy and that he needs to grow up a little in order to be a proper husband.

The man is probably having a pity pouty party. Believe it or not you can be very angry with someone and yet still love them. People fight and make up all the time. Only time will tell if he still loves her or not. But he definitely needs to grow up some emotionally.

 

[LRG]

Agree with you 100% !!! He doesn't want her and she refuses to see the "handwriting on the wall." Personally, and from a man's perspective, he is tired of the drama & nagging.

I went through that with a woman who would virtually torture me with the nagging, trying to provoke me into a DV episode. She was a high-powered "drama queen," living for the moment. Packed up my stuff and left.

You too are being a bit harsh with the op. Are you a bitter old man who really hates women? Sorry to say but it certainly sounds like that. To be honest you sound like an abuser. I know this may shock you but men can also nag and provoke a person.

Does it give you pleasure to tell someone you don't know that someone else that you also don't know doesn't want them? How do you know? Things are not always as they seem. At your age you should know that.

Why would you choose a drama queen for a mate? Is that not a reflection on you?

Your nasty comment is not helping the op when she is hurting. You and the other person are most insensitive to another person's pain.

 

[LRG]

He keeps telling you he does'nt want to be with you. That he wants to move on, and he wants you to do the same. He called to get his mail, that's all. He keeps putting you off when you try to talk to him. He's making it crystal clear that he is done with this marriage. Holding on and refusing to let him go is only going to end badly for both of you. You talked and forgave each other, and that's good. Now you need to let go and move on. Jesus does'nt want you to stay in a love-less, one-sided marriage with an unbeliever who is practically chomping at the bit to get free.

Please this is her marriage and not yours. Let her decide. Sometimes people have problems and don't get along. Sometimes it changes and sometimes not. But that is not for you to decide. I find it strange that you wouldn't want her marriage to work out if it could.

This is not just some boyfriend but a husband so she has a right to communicate if she wants to. If he rejects her repeatedly then she has tried her best and the rest is on his conscience.

It seems the main problem is the guy is immature emotionally and a momma's boy. He needs to leave and cleave. His wife is top priority over his mother believe it or not. Maybe it is the mother who needs to let the son go.

I really think momma's boy needs some tough love. Maybe he will grow up and be a real man and husband then.