The 5 Marriage Questions

[hoss2576]

Okay, so you are in a dating relationship and are thinking about marriage. You have spent months or even years getting to know this other person. Now you have the opportunity to sit down in front of them and ask 5 questions (yes, only 5) that in your mind are essential in your decision whether or not you would want to spend your life with this person.

What are the 5 questions? Why each question?

For the sake of the thread:

a) let us assume everyone is a christian in these scenarios (shouldn't get to this point if not)

b) everyone involved already knows how to make a good sandwich

 

[biscuit]

Okay, so you are in a dating relationship and are thinking about marriage. You have spent months or even years getting to know this other person. Now you have the opportunity to sit down in front of them and ask 5 questions (yes, only 5) that in your mind are essential in your decision whether or not you would want to spend your life with this person.

What are the 5 questions? Why each question?

For the sake of the thread:

a) let us assume everyone is a christian in these scenarios (shouldn't get to this point if not)

b) everyone involved already knows how to make a good sandwich

You have the right idea but a thorough background/investigation of the individual's background should take place first.

I would hate to see a person pass the 5 question test and later checked out to be already married or did prison time for murdering his wife or her husband.

 

[JesusLives]

1. Do you know if mice fart in the dark?

2. Who cut the cheese?

3. Do you like Blonds and do you think you could live with one?

4. Mayo or butter?

5. Do you own a tall ladder to change light bulbs?

 

[biscuit]

After a thorough background check and she passes these are the 5 questions before marriage I would get her opinions on and discuss. And if she flunk this test, the marriage is on hold. Below is a quick list from a male perspective.

1) decision-making process: some women are independent, power thirty and others prefer a man to lead. Sharing power sounds nice but usually doesn't work in the long run.

2)social circles: some women insist on keeping their friends even if they are a negative influence on a possible marriage. Others will insist on keeping close contacts with male friends, even though some were former lovers.

3) family: how to handle in-laws and intrusive family members. Keeping them out of the marriage business.

4) Christian values: lukewarm, hypocrite or serious Christian

5)resolving arguments: 2 adults working together or running to family & friends for advice

 

[cinder]

Ok this is a tough one because I would hope most of this had come out in conversation already, but here it goes:

1) What haven't you told me about your life and previous relationships that I should know before things get any more serious between us (i.e. what will I be very angry about you keeping from me if I find it out from someone else) Because I'd like to know what baggage this person is carrying before I decide to live with it for the rest of my life.

2) (If previous sexual history) Have you been tested for STD's Because I'd like to know if I'll be putting my life or health at risk by consummating the marriage.

3) What things are you not willing to live without? Need to know how important material things are to him. Is there anything he is going to need to spend lots of our money on that I will consider stupid (and vice a versa)?

4) Do you want [more] children? How will we handle it if life doesn't go as we want in this area? Because children or lack thereof will have huge impact on our lives.

5) Of all the women in the world, why would you choose to be with me? Because I'm a secretly insecure female who is all too aware of her own faults.

Probably should have asked how important spending time with his extended family is to him as well somewhere in there. And if he would ever want to live overseas or not.

 

[Lynx]

Can you tolerate it if I sing to myself all the time? All christian songs, I promise, but I sing to myself ALL the time. If you're stuck with me for the rest of our lives you need to be sure you can deal with that.

Do you have a reasonably large vocabulary (i.e. it has words in it that are more than three syllables?) If you don't, can you at least refrain from making fun of me if I occasionally use a word you don't know? This is something many in my geographic region have a problem with. They don't know "big words" and they automatically mock those who do. I never have been able to figure out the mocking part.

Are you good at dealing with people? I can preach a sermon that touches and changes lives if God gives me one, but I'm not much good at socializing. Eventually I need a front-man... er, front-woman to handle social stuff. And maybe teach me a thing or two about dealing with people.

Do you like cats? Because I'm probably going to want a cat. I'm not a crazy cat guy who has to have his 42 cats... one is enough for me. But if I don't currently have a cat I intend to get one. If I currently have one, I intend to keep it.

Do you have a place in God's church? No, I don't mean are you a christian... what are you DOING in the church these days? Teaching a Sunday School class, driving the bus, typing the bulletin, leading the choir, vacuuming the floor, cooking for a bake sale? The christians who get involved are the christians I can count on to stay in it for the long haul.

 

[blue_ladybug]

1.) Can he cook well?

2.) Does he do housecleaning, cuz honey I HATE sweeping floors!!

3.) Is he a good kisser?

4.) Is he a hunky fireman?

5.) Can he give me a good foot massage?

 

[hoss2576]

1. Do you know if mice fart in the dark?

2. Who cut the cheese?

3. Do you like Blonds and do you think you could live with one?

4. Mayo or butter?

5. Do you own a tall ladder to change light bulbs?

I do not mean to pick on you, you just happen to be the first person to post these questions on the thread. It is frustrating to start a thread where you want to create some type of discussion about marriage and perhaps stir some new thoughts for different people, only to have it turn into a goofy thread. I am not trying to begrudge people having fun, but there are plenty of threads with that purpose. Several people have shared their hesitancy to write in the forums over the last few months because even the more serious attempted threads are getting run over with .gifs and people trying to one up each other being funny.

If you want to create a thread of the 5 goofiest questions to ask your perspective mate - fantastic! I am sure I can come up with some whoppers. Please though, give some of these other threads the opportunity to accomplish what they are trying to do.

 

[blue_ladybug]

I do not mean to pick on you, you just happen to be the first person to post these questions on the thread. It is frustrating to start a thread where you want to create some type of discussion about marriage and perhaps stir some new thoughts for different people, only to have it turn into a goofy thread. I am not trying to begrudge people having fun, but there are plenty of threads with that purpose. Several people have shared their hesitancy to write in the forums over the last few months because even the more serious attempted threads are getting run over with .gifs and people trying to one up each other being funny.

If you want to create a thread of the 5 goofiest questions to ask your perspective mate - fantastic! I am sure I can come up with some whoppers. Please though, give some of these other threads the opportunity to accomplish what they are trying to do.

​I'm pretty sure JesusLives questions were ones that she intends to ask tourist, seeing as how they are engaged, and are soon to be married.

 

[JesusLives]

After a thorough background check and she passes these are the 5 questions before marriage I would get her opinions on and discuss. And if she flunk this test, the marriage is on hold. Below is a quick list from a male perspective.

1) decision-making process: some women are independent, power thirty and others prefer a man to lead. Sharing power sounds nice but usually doesn't work in the long run.

2)social circles: some women insist on keeping their friends even if they are a negative influence on a possible marriage. Others will insist on keeping close contacts with male friends, even though some were former lovers.

3) family: how to handle in-laws and intrusive family members. Keeping them out of the marriage business.

4) Christian values: lukewarm, hypocrite or serious Christian

5)resolving arguments: 2 adults working together or running to family & friends for advice

These look like statements to me and not questions, but then I am a Blond and what do I know?

 

[JesusLives]

I do not mean to pick on you, you just happen to be the first person to post these questions on the thread. It is frustrating to start a thread where you want to create some type of discussion about marriage and perhaps stir some new thoughts for different people, only to have it turn into a goofy thread. I am not trying to begrudge people having fun, but there are plenty of threads with that purpose. Several people have shared their hesitancy to write in the forums over the last few months because even the more serious attempted threads are getting run over with .gifs and people trying to one up each other being funny.

If you want to create a thread of the 5 goofiest questions to ask your perspective mate - fantastic! I am sure I can come up with some whoppers. Please though, give some of these other threads the opportunity to accomplish what they are trying to do.

1. Can you take a joke?

2. Can you live with a goof? Maybe not.

3. Did I hurt your feeling? I didn't mean to.

4. Will you marry me? February 29 asking date.

5. Will you accept an apology?

Life is too short to not laugh at ourselves, better than to laugh at others. In order to get married though one must trust the other person and being friends first is a major plus. Background checks and pre-nups seem to be lacking in the trust department I mean really do we love the money/property more than the person? I don't have enough of any of it to make a difference. But if and because I love someone with all my heart I would trust them with my life and I would imagine that they would answer any question this Blond could come up with silly or not.

 

[Loveneverfails]

Okay, so you are in a dating relationship and are thinking about marriage. You have spent months or even years getting to know this other person. Now you have the opportunity to sit down in front of them and ask 5 questions (yes, only 5) that in your mind are essential in your decision whether or not you would want to spend your life with this person.

What are the 5 questions? Why each question?

For the sake of the thread:

a) let us assume everyone is a christian in these scenarios (shouldn't get to this point if not)

b) everyone involved already knows how to make a good sandwich

Here are five questions that I needed to have answered prior to getting engaged. However, I did not need to sit down and specifically verbalize any of them, because I found that the answers revealed themselves over the course of getting to know one another. Answers may have come up in the context of a related conversation, or simply through watching his everyday behavior. To me, this felt much more natural than sitting down and interviewing him, but I don't see anything wrong with asking outright either. As long as you find out whatever it is you need to know.

- how do you handle major life decisions? I'm looking for someone who shows maturity and wisdom, or at the very least a pursuit thereof. Is he praying about these things?

- how do you envision your future family? (This answers lots of other questions such as how many children do you want, if any, as well as expectations for gender roles between spouses, relations with extended family and in-laws)

- do you handle your finances responsibly?

- what is your sexual background? I wouldn't seek to know all the little details, but if there was a history of any kind, I would have added the previously mentioned question of "have you been tested for STD's?"

- what priority does the Lord have in your life? Yes, I want to know the answer to this even if I know he's a Christian. I also believe this is one that needs to be answered through observing a person's behavior/choices daily rather than asking a question once. I now know the difference between someone who says God comes first and someone who actually means it. I genuinely want to take second place in my husband's heart - AFTER Christ.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

1. Do you have a dark secret that I need to know about? (Hidden Addictions, hereditary illnesses, traumatic experiences, etc) I want to know because i want to be prepared before I go to war. I want to know what i will be up against before its too late.

2. Do you want to have kids? Are you willing to adopt one? Because there are so many orphans who deserve to be loved.

3. Are you willing to be completely honest with me? Will you promise to tell me what's troubling you,no matter how hard it is for you? Because I'm not a mind reader and honest communication is what makes a marriage work. I have trust issues so honesty is very important to me.

4. What are your issues in handling finances? Because I dont want to fight over money because it shows lack of trust that God will provide for our needs.

5. Can I still have a career? Because I think i cant imagine life just staying at home.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

1. Can you take a joke?

2. Can you live with a goof? Maybe not.

3. Did I hurt your feeling? I didn't mean to.

4. Will you marry me? February 29 asking date.

5. Will you accept an apology?

Life is too short to not laugh at ourselves, better than to laugh at others. In order to get married though one must trust the other person and being friends first is a major plus. Background checks and pre-nups seem to be lacking in the trust department I mean really do we love the money/property more than the person? I don't have enough of any of it to make a difference. But if and because I love someone with all my heart I would trust them with my life and I would imagine that they would answer any question this Blond could come up with silly or not.

I agree with you and I love the goofy JL but its time to put on the serious face...wait did you leave the serious face somewhere?

 

[Patnubay]

Ok this is a tough one because I would hope most of this had come out in conversation already, but here it goes:

1) What haven't you told me about your life and previous relationships that I should know before things get any more serious between us (i.e. what will I be very angry about you keeping from me if I find it out from someone else) Because I'd like to know what baggage this person is carrying before I decide to live with it for the rest of my life.

2) (If previous sexual history) Have you been tested for STD's Because I'd like to know if I'll be putting my life or health at risk by consummating the marriage.

3) What things are you not willing to live without? Need to know how important material things are to him. Is there anything he is going to need to spend lots of our money on that I will consider stupid (and vice a versa)?

4) Do you want [more] children? How will we handle it if life doesn't go as we want in this area? Because children or lack thereof will have huge impact on our lives.

5) Of all the women in the world, why would you choose to be with me? Because I'm a secretly insecure female who is all too aware of her own faults.

Probably should have asked how important spending time with his extended family is to him as well somewhere in there. And if he would ever want to live overseas or not.

I like number 3

 

[Patnubay]

1.) Can he cook well?

2.) Does he do housecleaning, cuz honey I HATE sweeping floors!!

3.) Is he a good kisser?

4.) Is he a hunky fireman?

5.) Can he give me a good foot massage?

You do know what you like

 

[Patnubay]

Okay, so you are in a dating relationship and are thinking about marriage. You have spent months or even years getting to know this other person. Now you have the opportunity to sit down in front of them and ask 5 questions (yes, only 5) that in your mind are essential in your decision whether or not you would want to spend your life with this person.

What are the 5 questions? Why each question?




For the sake of the thread:

a) let us assume everyone is a christian in these scenarios (shouldn't get to this point if not)

b) everyone involved already knows how to make a good sandwich

Here's mine:

1. Are you biologically a woman?

2. Do you like dogs?

3. Can you fish?

4. Is eating a need or a want?

5. Are you Christian?

 

[Roh_Chris]

1) Considering that we are about to embark on an important phase in both our lives, I would like to open the "closet of skeletons". Let's talk about our past, our baggages, our insecurities, our ex-es, our mistakes, etc. (It will not be a blunt question like this, I will steer the conversation to this topic.)

2) What do you think of finances? What was your credit rating when you were single? How do you balance between your expenses and your savings? Do you save what is left after spending or spend what is left after saving?

3) How about kids? Any particular desires for kids (e.g. number of children, what career they must pursue, etc.)

4) If I am serious about sharing my life with you then you must be a person who loves good food, music, people and travelling. How comfortable are you with sharing your interests with me? Also, what is your definition of space?

5) What does being a "Christian" mean to you? How do you think we, as a Christian couple, ought to live?

 

[Rachel20]

Nice topic Hoss.

I'm actually taking a bit off a break to write down what I would like because I think it's a great exercise and a really mature way to go about things.

Firstly, I think it's important how we ourselves view marriage. I think part of the reason some marriages have so much friction is because of a mismatch of people's lifestyles.

Their whole lives seem to change after marriage, and they're surprised by the difference in routine. That smooth transition never happened. Marriage is two individuals becoming one!

Love to me, is wanting to bring the best out of the other person. To be there for them, to make life happier for them. I would want to do things for my husband to make it as easy as breathing for him to be with me!

My husband should feel this -

An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31)

Keeping in mind, that I've sufficiently dated that person - know his likes and dislikes, share a laugh with him, know his personal background (no criminal records, no gangster or mafia connections), these are the questions I would ask him.


1. What is his expectation of me?

- This is to glean what does he want out of our relationship and how does he view our marriage. Does he see me as his partner, his other half in everything. Does he trust me ? Does he see me as a friend or just a kid raiser?

What could I do for him that would make him lead a better life?


2. What is our financial position?

- Money can be such a sensitive thing. So how would we handle our finances? It doesn't matter who earns more, but just if we both could handle whatever we have. Debts, loans, taxes, property whatever -I would want to make sure I have everything out clearly.

If he needs money to buy his toys, he should have them. Likewise, I would want to have money to spend on my interests. He shouldn't suddenly wake up and go " wow, I used to have so much fun when I was single."

If he is with me, he should never ever think about days of yore


3. Where would we live?

Yep - do we buy our own house or do we move into his/my place. If one of us has a job in a different location, how would we work that out? Who would relocate? Stuff like that.


4. How do we handle our families?

How does his family view me? Are they okay with us? How could I integrate myself into his family and how would we plan out so that we can have equal time with our loved ones.


5. Are there any secrets that we're keeping from each other?

Personally, we don't need to know all the sordid details of our lives. But I believe I want to be secret-free for the most part with my husband.

If he's helping someone, or starting out with a new venture, I would want to support him in all things... It's okay if he's been through many trials in his life, the next one - I'll be standing right next to him


This is what I would want -

Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”

(Proverbs 31)

 

[MissCris]

I missed my chance to sit down with my husband before we were married and ask all the things I realized too late I should have asked. While I regret that we were both young and fairly dumb (which does NOT always go hand in hand, youth and stupidity, but in our case it did), I also am thankful for the things we have both taught each other over the last 10 years of being together.

I did, however, recently have the opportunity to have important questions answered by my husband before I made my decision to come home. There were a heck of a lot more than five questions asked (and answered), but here's a few:

-"Have your priorities changed in the last five years, and if so, how?" I had to know if God and family had moved up in his list, and I had to know if our priorities were anywhere near the same.

-"In ten years' time, where do you plan to be (living, working, church/faith-wise)?" If he was still heading down the road I left him on, I couldn't have come back. Marriage doesn't work when you're not going the same direction, or if one spouse is dragging the other towards a goal they don't agree on.

-"Why did you pick me?" This was something I couldn't wrap my mind around for a long time; why marry somebody you seem to not even like as a person? Why propose to someone you don't enjoy talking to and being with? Why marry a person you don't respect and love deeply? So, I needed to know, out of all the people in this world, what made him decide I was the one for him?

-"Can you ask for/accept help?" It's a painful thing to watch someone you love go into a downward spiral due to depression, or to see them struggle with things at work, or have to stand by and watch them fighting with a project that's giving them hell...and you want to help, or you want to get someone else who can help, but they won't let you. When they won't ask you for your time, or your assistance, or just a listening ear...when they won't admit that they need those things, and instead continue to struggle and bottle things up and push you away when you try to help...it's just awful. But if he- well, both of us- can learn to recognize when we need something from each other or when a situation requires outside help...that's a huge burden off of our marriage.

-"How are you going to handle days when you've worked 12 hours, and you come home to cranky, screaming toddlers and dinner in the process of being burnt to a crisp and the phone ringing off the hook, and your mother inviting herself over, and everyone just needing and demanding your time and attention when all you want to do is sit down and relax?" I had to know if he could learn patience with us.

I really wish I'd known to ask a lot of this stuff (my questions and many of the others posted here) years ago.