Part two of my testimony a journey into faith. From then on God became very active in my life, I was stuck in my house almost 24/7 for a very long time. but soon after I went to that church supernatural things began happening to me. I remember how I began to receive dreams from him how I began to hear his voice and I remember how often he and I would connect intimately. How he taught me that he seeks such a love with us how he desires a child like faith and relationship with us with him as a loving and strong father while we are the small child in him arms.
We made such a relationship together and I grew very quickly. about three months in something inside me changed. He poured his love into my spirit body and soul, the love was a constant 24/7 thing, it was so rich and strong as if I was drunk with love and it satisfied my soul. I only saw out of this rich love and I constantly poured this love into my words here in cc and it touched many people. This love made God and I grow a lot closer a lot faster and I grew in love very fast as well, I cant tell you how amazing this was how many times a day he and I would just sit there spending time together connected intimately with our hearts. I felt his love- his heart pierce my own like a hot blade and it was as if my heart bleed for him but it wasnt blood it was love. it didnt hurt at all in fact I was overcome with such love intimacy and adoration for him far greater than you can ever imagine.
This was how I got to know him so well, I remember how he would tell me that he would show me the great and deep secrets of his heart how I will know I am as in the great I am. Oh how happy I was how I loved him and how I loved faith because it was so amazing so beautiful and fun, this lasted until I was nine months into my faith when I woke up one morning and the connection or at least the rich and deep love was gone and I heard the words your training is done.
ever since then supernatural occurences happened much less often and he was not near as much active in my life like that. I prayed and prayed for things to be like they were even today i want this back butit was for a good reason he did this. things began to get harder, i went through trials I went through spiritual droughts I went through the desert in faith and I became victim to doubt and i became much more aware of my sins. I was not able to trust God yet, and I still hungered for him deeply but he would not fill me like he used to and boy what a wake up call.
eventually I learned to deal with it and with my eyes on God even though he wasnt holding my hand like a small child and let me start walking the love I had for him kept me going and I sought to be just like him. I made a covenant with him, I said to him I do not seek an ordinary kind of love and faith I wanted a dangerous kind of love and faith one that this world has never seen. I honestly still don't know if I can seeing how the apostles had a faith and love like that and all before them, I sometimes think who am i to even desire to have a love and faith greater than that? But my issue is I always speak from my heart and when my heart says something it means it. I began to go through different supernatural things, I began having what I called prophetic daydreams. I saw myself being some kind of spiritual warrior for God and for others, I felt such a fire burning in me as I saw this I can't tell you how strong I became I saw how I went to great lengths to protect others how greatly I suffered for their protection how far I was willing to go and boy when I saw demons trying to harm them I was so angry I often saw my eyes burning with fire the same fire Jesus had in revelations. these eyes burned as if saying you will not harm a single hair on God's beloved's
I also had daydreams of me being a servant, how humble and loving I was. But I also had one more kind of prophetic day dream, I saw me and God as one and how deeply and richly we were filled with love. the love was beyond powerful it flowed through me and was so abundant and powerful it created a blasting aura around me touching every person we came near. Honestly I didnt know what to make of these things and i couldnt talk to anyone about them because I got so many bad responses in fact to this day i have trouble believing these things because of how people had rebuked me for them. All I know is when they happen to me which they still do there is no question about it i somehow just know this is who we are to be these are the things we will do and this is how God and I will connect.
For the past year and a half I have gone through so many hard trials, so many deserts and droughts and so much attacks from the enemy and honestly had God and I not been as close as we were I wouldn't have made it i mean these are things that are so horrible and hard. But even though I questioned God nearly the entire way when the time came that our faith was to be tested we passed every time or at least as far as I know. even now i go through horrible trials and terrible attacks just last night it was so overbearing my soul has been so weary and sorrowful with what seems like God is ignoring my cries and never responds to my pleas. However everyday I wake up strong again and I continue to walk because while the enemy says I can't my heart tells me I can because I refuse to be anything but love and to see only out of love.
And I come on here everyday and seeing all of you even the nutty ones lol♥ I know that my reason for being is for all for you. all of you and all the lost people of this world are why God and I seek to be so strong in the first place.
My love for you all and for God and the love of God in me is poured out a lot because no matter how much I have to suffer no matter how hard times are for me I love you all far to much to let all my sufferings effect me. I don't tell of my sufferings a lot and even when I do i don't tell very much of it and trust me im not going to either♥ It is not your place to suffer and it is not your job to bear the heavy burden i chose to bear and its not your cross to carry. I chose this suffering because I sought after a dangerous level of love and faith and there is always a great price for seeking such a thing.
I just want you all to know that I love you all very much and I truly hope that my suffering really is for all of you and for God because that is the only reason why i want to carry such things. if it is because of my own failings and sinfulness that would just shatter my heart
We made such a relationship together and I grew very quickly. about three months in something inside me changed. He poured his love into my spirit body and soul, the love was a constant 24/7 thing, it was so rich and strong as if I was drunk with love and it satisfied my soul. I only saw out of this rich love and I constantly poured this love into my words here in cc and it touched many people. This love made God and I grow a lot closer a lot faster and I grew in love very fast as well, I cant tell you how amazing this was how many times a day he and I would just sit there spending time together connected intimately with our hearts. I felt his love- his heart pierce my own like a hot blade and it was as if my heart bleed for him but it wasnt blood it was love. it didnt hurt at all in fact I was overcome with such love intimacy and adoration for him far greater than you can ever imagine.
This was how I got to know him so well, I remember how he would tell me that he would show me the great and deep secrets of his heart how I will know I am as in the great I am. Oh how happy I was how I loved him and how I loved faith because it was so amazing so beautiful and fun, this lasted until I was nine months into my faith when I woke up one morning and the connection or at least the rich and deep love was gone and I heard the words your training is done.
ever since then supernatural occurences happened much less often and he was not near as much active in my life like that. I prayed and prayed for things to be like they were even today i want this back butit was for a good reason he did this. things began to get harder, i went through trials I went through spiritual droughts I went through the desert in faith and I became victim to doubt and i became much more aware of my sins. I was not able to trust God yet, and I still hungered for him deeply but he would not fill me like he used to and boy what a wake up call.
eventually I learned to deal with it and with my eyes on God even though he wasnt holding my hand like a small child and let me start walking the love I had for him kept me going and I sought to be just like him. I made a covenant with him, I said to him I do not seek an ordinary kind of love and faith I wanted a dangerous kind of love and faith one that this world has never seen. I honestly still don't know if I can seeing how the apostles had a faith and love like that and all before them, I sometimes think who am i to even desire to have a love and faith greater than that? But my issue is I always speak from my heart and when my heart says something it means it. I began to go through different supernatural things, I began having what I called prophetic daydreams. I saw myself being some kind of spiritual warrior for God and for others, I felt such a fire burning in me as I saw this I can't tell you how strong I became I saw how I went to great lengths to protect others how greatly I suffered for their protection how far I was willing to go and boy when I saw demons trying to harm them I was so angry I often saw my eyes burning with fire the same fire Jesus had in revelations. these eyes burned as if saying you will not harm a single hair on God's beloved's
I also had daydreams of me being a servant, how humble and loving I was. But I also had one more kind of prophetic day dream, I saw me and God as one and how deeply and richly we were filled with love. the love was beyond powerful it flowed through me and was so abundant and powerful it created a blasting aura around me touching every person we came near. Honestly I didnt know what to make of these things and i couldnt talk to anyone about them because I got so many bad responses in fact to this day i have trouble believing these things because of how people had rebuked me for them. All I know is when they happen to me which they still do there is no question about it i somehow just know this is who we are to be these are the things we will do and this is how God and I will connect.
For the past year and a half I have gone through so many hard trials, so many deserts and droughts and so much attacks from the enemy and honestly had God and I not been as close as we were I wouldn't have made it i mean these are things that are so horrible and hard. But even though I questioned God nearly the entire way when the time came that our faith was to be tested we passed every time or at least as far as I know. even now i go through horrible trials and terrible attacks just last night it was so overbearing my soul has been so weary and sorrowful with what seems like God is ignoring my cries and never responds to my pleas. However everyday I wake up strong again and I continue to walk because while the enemy says I can't my heart tells me I can because I refuse to be anything but love and to see only out of love.
And I come on here everyday and seeing all of you even the nutty ones lol♥ I know that my reason for being is for all for you. all of you and all the lost people of this world are why God and I seek to be so strong in the first place.
My love for you all and for God and the love of God in me is poured out a lot because no matter how much I have to suffer no matter how hard times are for me I love you all far to much to let all my sufferings effect me. I don't tell of my sufferings a lot and even when I do i don't tell very much of it and trust me im not going to either♥ It is not your place to suffer and it is not your job to bear the heavy burden i chose to bear and its not your cross to carry. I chose this suffering because I sought after a dangerous level of love and faith and there is always a great price for seeking such a thing.
I just want you all to know that I love you all very much and I truly hope that my suffering really is for all of you and for God because that is the only reason why i want to carry such things. if it is because of my own failings and sinfulness that would just shatter my heart
