I've tried reading and applying it to my daily life. Ask for a better understanding of it I get different answers all the time when I ask what does this mean or what does that mean. I have made effort. If I wasn't I wouldn't come here looking for help. It doesn't help the fact I'm dealing with anxiety and depression at the same time. I've heard different views on what blasphemy of the Spirit is so I'm still not sure what it is exactly. I don't know every single sin I've commit and due to the life I have had leading up to right now I have blocked many things out. I know all of our sins, from past to future, are forgiven. And I know anyone can have that relationship. For some it doesn't just happen overnight. I like the driving the car example, as you just don't learn that overnight.
I've dealt with depression since i was 14. Anxiety for 10 years. So i understand the struggle. But part of being a Christian is having faith, and faith is what? Basically the bible says faith is believing in what we can't see. It means actively believing even when there is no evidence, no direction, no answers.
I have never been one to get clear answers either. And so i also get how difficult it can be to read and pray. But as a teen i did a lot of going to church and bible studies. One thing i found is, though i felt i wasn't learning a lot, when it came time to need to know something of what i had spent all that time learning, but felt i hadn't learned much, i actually Did know something. Sometimes you just have to have faith that though you don't see change that it's still happening.
Yes, some people do seem to have an easier time. Wish i knew why. But regardless i still have pushed on in my walk. Some days it's easier than others. But Christ himself knew what it was for God to turn His back. And during the hardest point of his life. Something the bible does not say God does to us.
Silence isn't always distance or a lack of caring. I can sit in a room with someone for hours and not speak a word, not because i don't care or because there is distance between us, but because i'm content just to be in their presence.
Far as the 'unforgivable sin', i have heard a couple variations, but by far the most common (by at least 90%) answer i've heard is that it simply means to reject Christ. There's nothing in the NT that suggests any other way. Accept Christ and do your best to live according to Gods will, and do so not grudgingly or out of obligation, but out of a desire to do so. Live this life and you're good. Long as your heart desires to change and grow away from sin and towards God, God will see this in your heart and accept it, even if your body/mind can't always seem to follow through.
Go back and re-read the scriptures i posted. Paul was admitting to his inability to stop sinning. Did God hold this against Paul? Or did God recognize Pauls heart over his actions?
This isn't to say we shouldn't' still try. To accept sin in our life without conscience is a warning sign of where our heart truly is.
Perhaps it will help to listen to some good preaching. I think Charles Stanley (
In Touch Ministries > Home) is awesome to listen to. He's not the most 'exciting' speaker, but if you listen to what's being said the information is good.
Maybe see if your church has a bible study you can attend as well. There are a Lot of resources to learn, it's just a matter of using them.