Forgiving Someone

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SeaGlass1111

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#1
#1
If someone does something terrible to you and you ask the Lord to help you forgive them for it...and you believe that you have...how do you know if you really did? God tells us to forgive people and I am trying to do just that and not to EVER have contact with the person again, but rather I feel that I am supposed to for my own sanity and peace...

Any thoughts, advice or scripture to share with me on this issue?
 
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ChickenMan3122

Banned
#2
Nov 21, 2009
36
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Yes you are to forgive your enemies. There is nothing in the Bible that says you should have a close relationship with them, actually it's the opposite if they are unbelievers. A lot of the reason to forgive them is to help you, yes. =)

How do you know? There isn't a system. You just know in your heart. =)
 
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SeaGlass1111

Guest
#3
#3
Perhaps I haven't then, because I still feel a lot of anger and bitterness and a lot of hurt. I can't seem to let it go and I want to...very much, oh trust me I never want to lay eyes on the person again, but I sure would like for it not to have any impact on me anymore. I don't want the memories to creep back in. Often times people who are doing what this person did I get literally sick to my stomach and fearful...that doesn't seem like peace to me.

 
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suaso

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#4
#4
The popular saying goes "Forgive and forget."

I am all for forgiveness. As Christians, we have to forgive others the sins they commit against us. We have to love them, as hard as it may be.

But forgive and forget? I say forgive but do not forget. If you forget, you will not learn. We remember our own sinfulness as something to be avoided in the future. You can forgive a brother for striking you in anger. You can forgive him, but if he is angry in the future, remember how he struck you in the past, and take yourself away from him until he subsides to avoid being struck again.

Forgive those who have sinned against you, and love them with a Christian love. You don't have to like them. You don't have to be around them ever again. You only have to forgive them.
 
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coolcat

Guest
#5
#5
Forgiveness is not really easy but by God`s grace u can forgive. Pray that God guides you and i promise u, everything will be alright
 
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giantone

Guest
#6
#6
If you have un forgiveness for anyone then they control you, they control your mind your body and likely your speech.

I'll give you a few thoughts.

There is a verse in the old testament that says God wants us to get rid of every false god not to even mention there names on your lips, I had this verse come to me when I had a person I had trouble forgiving and every time her name was mentioned it tore me up inside so I started calling her the "G" woman It helped huge time.

When I loan people money some of them I don't expect it back but some I definitely do. A few times different people don't pay me back it is irritating but I let it go because I know I will never get it back and (see first sentence).

I know what being hurt is I'm an expert at being hurt, it took me two months after I was saved to regain the ability to cry I don't think I cried for ten years. I asked God over and over and a month later I cried and it was wonderful. Hate and anger can be so subtle you don't even know they are there. But they are constant companions and jailers to those they master.

Remember that God forgave you. Remember God is good and the devil is bad.

Forgiveness is relinquishing the right to get even.

It's very easy to give advice on forgiveness but very hard to do many times.
 
pickles

pickles

Senior Member
#7
Apr 20, 2009
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SeaGlass1111 said:
Perhaps I haven't then, because I still feel a lot of anger and bitterness and a lot of hurt. I can't seem to let it go and I want to...very much, oh trust me I never want to lay eyes on the person again, but I sure would like for it not to have any impact on me anymore. I don't want the memories to creep back in. Often times people who are doing what this person did I get literally sick to my stomach and fearful...that doesn't seem like peace to me.
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You said how do you know that you have really forgiven? When with the helping grace of Jesus you no longer feel any anger or bitterness in your heart. I have found that sometimes I to forgive more than a few times untill with Jesus I have forgiven. In fact once forgiven I am able to love the person even though I know that I can not ever trust them agian.
I often consider how Jesus forgave all on the cross. His words , forgive them father, for they know not what they do.
His example has helped me to see that in relecing those that have harmed by understanding that Jesus already forgave. He already suffered for their sins. I began to see that when I held on to the hurt it was like telling Jesus that all he suffered for me did not matter. I did not want to dissmiss his gift and saw that in no longer feeling the hurt, realizing that I was the one letting them hurt me, I was really binding myself more with their sin.
So as Jesus did, I let it all go, and put it behind me by forgiving.
God bless, pickles
 
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greatkraw

Guest
#8
#8
Firstly, you are not obliged to forgive someone unless they ask you to. THis involves making restitution if they are able and it is appropriate.

I will give an example. My brother once borrowed money from me never intending to repay it. I have long since given up expecting to see it. I do not tell other people about it. I treat him civilly but I do not trust him in any financial matters and he knows better than to ask again.

A christian member of my family has lent him money many times which has never been paid. I think she forgives him each time although he never acknowleges his fault and he sees her as a soft touch.

There is a difference between foregive and forebear. You are entitled to learn from your experiences, just don't go continually badmouthing whoever it is to others; do not bear a grudge. The only exception is if there is a danger of someone experienceing the same betrayal from them.
 
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carpetmanswife

Guest
#9
#9
Ive been told that you know youve forgiven someone when you have the opportunity to get revenge but dont....still having the painful feelings doesnt mean you havent forgiven this person , just means you havent been healed from the pain and sometimes those hurts take a very long time to heal. The thought of the past wrong may always cause discomfort , thats because we are human..ive also been told that if you dont forget you havent forgiven...that i totally disagree with because if we so called forget we make ourselves vulnerable to be hurt again..that i dont believe is Gods will..i sincerely wish you the best and hope for complete healing of the heart for you :) Gb
 
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SeaGlass1111

Guest
#10
#10
greatkraw said:
Firstly, you are not obliged to forgive someone unless they ask you to. THis involves making restitution if they are able and it is appropriate.

I will give an example. My brother once borrowed money from me never intending to repay it. I have long since given up expecting to see it. I do not tell other people about it. I treat him civilly but I do not trust him in any financial matters and he knows better than to ask again.

A christian member of my family has lent him money many times which has never been paid. I think she forgives him each time although he never acknowleges his fault and he sees her as a soft touch.

There is a difference between foregive and forebear. You are entitled to learn from your experiences, just don't go continually badmouthing whoever it is to others; do not bear a grudge. The only exception is if there is a danger of someone experienceing the same betrayal from them.
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Does the Bible say that I do not have to forgive unless I am asked to do so? I personally feel like I should for my own peace to get rid of any bitterness that I have left in me. I don't want it anymore...I've carried it around long enough and for the past couple of years I have done my best to stop feeling it. I want to be cleansed of all of this sinful muck that has caused so much pain and unnecessary interference in my life. I am ready to move on.
 
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carpetmanswife

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#11
#11
SeaGlass1111 said:
Does the Bible say that I do not have to forgive unless I am asked to do so? I personally feel like I should for my own peace to get rid of any bitterness that I have left in me. I don't want it anymore...I've carried it around long enough and for the past couple of years I have done my best to stop feeling it. I want to be cleansed of all of this sinful muck that has caused so much pain and unnecessary interference in my life. I am ready to move on.
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i can so understand that , it makes me angry when i think of what i KNOW is in my heart about someone that has and still is affecting my family in a bad way...and the anger is towards myself because it seems so unfair that im afflicted my this burden with no fault of my own but i dont know what else to do except keep doin what im doin...i HAVE to be around this person..so i TRY to overcome evil with good...when i can..at least a kind word
 
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happynGod

Guest
#12
#12
I was trying to search the Bible to see if there is a scripture that says to forgive before asked. I will continue searching. But there are many examples.

Colossinas 3:13
Luke 6:37
Mark 11:25
Ephesians 4:31-32

There are a lot more. As of right now until I can find the scripture I am looking for I think we should forgive before it is asked of us. But I think it plainly states this in the Bible.
And yes the Bible does say in Luke 17:3: Take heed to yourselves; If they brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
But why wait till he asks for forgiveness? You may have to wait a lifetime. It is better for yourself to forgive before it is asked.
 
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machew

Guest
#13
#13
greatkraw said:
Firstly, you are not obliged to forgive someone unless they ask you to. THis involves making restitution if they are able and it is appropriate.

I will give an example. My brother once borrowed money from me never intending to repay it. I have long since given up expecting to see it. I do not tell other people about it. I treat him civilly but I do not trust him in any financial matters and he knows better than to ask again.

A christian member of my family has lent him money many times which has never been paid. I think she forgives him each time although he never acknowleges his fault and he sees her as a soft touch.

There is a difference between foregive and forebear. You are entitled to learn from your experiences, just don't go continually badmouthing whoever it is to others; do not bear a grudge. The only exception is if there is a danger of someone experienceing the same betrayal from them.
Click to expand...

The Bible says if you don't forgive, God won't forgive you.(Matthew 6:14-16) Jesus also tells a whole parable on the result of unforgiveness. (Matthew 18:21-35) Paul also commands us to forgive (Colossians 3:13).

I think the issue might be people's definition of forgiveness. Forgiveness means to relinquish all rights you have to punish the person for what they did to you. It does not mean you have to trust the person again. Sometimes it may even mean having healthy boundaries with that person, so they can't take advantage of you. But, if you have forgiven someone, the way the person wronged you shouldn't come up in your conversations with anyone, and shouldn't be held over their head every time you relate or think about them.

We make the mental choice to forgive, so that the Holy Spirit can help us forgive in our hearts.
 
Elijah23

Elijah23

Banned
#14
Oct 23, 2009
366
1
0
#14
I think forgiveness is a difficult issue. It usually seems to come up when someone has done something awful. If someone does something awful to you, I suppose you have to forgive them the best you can.

Perhaps what is more important is whether or not we forgive people for their more common transgressions. For instance, if someone accidentally steps on your toe and then immediately apologies, should you forgive them, or punch them in the nose? (I would encourage you to forgive them, not that you wouldn’t anyway.)
 
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swago

Guest
#15
#15
he who angers you conquers you,
 
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greatkraw

Guest
#16
#16
machew said:
I think the issue might be people's definition of forgiveness. Forgiveness means to relinquish all rights you have to punish the person for what they did to you. It does not mean you have to trust the person again. Sometimes it may even mean having healthy boundaries with that person, so they can't take advantage of you. But, if you have forgiven someone, the way the person wronged you shouldn't come up in your conversations with anyone, and shouldn't be held over their head every time you relate or think about them.
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Thank you Machew. This is what I call forebearing.

To forgive is to make yourself vulnerable all over again.

If the person has never acknowleged their fault then we should not set ourselves up to be abused again.
 
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charisenexcelcis

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#17
#17
I believe that forgiveness means releasing them to God's judgement, which is more just and gracious than ours. Unforgiveness is like a chain that we forge, link by link, each link may be real and each may represent a real wrong done, but in the end we are the one bound by this chain, not the one who has wronged us. Forgiveness does not mean that I will like the other person or that I must become his or her friend (although some may be given a gifting in that regard). What it does mean is that my mind is free to think upon good things, the things of God and His healing, rather than having a mind centered upon the wrongs against me. As one great man of God said, "I forgot I was ill, and thus I was healed."
 
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greatkraw

Guest
#18
#18
charisenexcelcis said:
I believe that forgiveness means releasing them to God's judgement, which is more just and gracious than ours. Unforgiveness is like a chain that we forge, link by link, each link may be real and each may represent a real wrong done, but in the end we are the one bound by this chain, not the one who has wronged us. Forgiveness does not mean that I will like the other person or that I must become his or her friend (although some may be given a gifting in that regard). What it does mean is that my mind is free to think upon good things, the things of God and His healing, rather than having a mind centered upon the wrongs against me. As one great man of God said, "I forgot I was ill, and thus I was healed."
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This is an important point(of course I use the term forebear to distinguish from those who DO acknowlege their fault)
We are priests and have a resposibility of intercession.
And we should pray for those that despitefully use us.
It is unhealthy and wearying to carry a grudge.
 
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carpetmanswife

Guest
#19
#19
machew said:
The Bible says if you don't forgive, God won't forgive you.(Matthew 6:14-16) Jesus also tells a whole parable on the result of unforgiveness. (Matthew 18:21-35) Paul also commands us to forgive (Colossians 3:13).

I think the issue might be people's definition of forgiveness. Forgiveness means to relinquish all rights you have to punish the person for what they did to you. It does not mean you have to trust the person again. Sometimes it may even mean having healthy boundaries with that person, so they can't take advantage of you. But, if you have forgiven someone, the way the person wronged you shouldn't come up in your conversations with anyone, and shouldn't be held over their head every time you relate or think about them.

We make the mental choice to forgive, so that the Holy Spirit can help us forgive in our hearts.
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I love your response it spoke to my heart and im reminded of it quite often by the Holy Spirit ," the way the person wronged you shouldnt come up in conversations with others" thanks.... sincerely Denise
 
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MaggieMye

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#20
#20
I"ve heard it taught that when you have truly forgiven someone, seeing them again or recalling the incident will NOT foster any angst in you.
So, if you see the person and your shackles go up or you recall the incident and still feel negative emotion....you've more work to do. Try standing back from the situation and see the REAL enemy behind the person that hurt you. It is none other than Satan seeking whom he can destroy, kill or steal from.
Then you can stop him from stealing your peace and truly stepping into true forgivenness. Remember Jesus' words...."Father forgive them FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO". This is a spiritual truth as well as a human/physcial truth. When people hurt others, most often it is because they, themselves have been hurt. Change your perspective and true forgiveness will be much easier to walk in.
Maggie
 
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