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B
My husband has given me a "blanket" forgiveness in that he has not said specifically what it is he is forgiving me for (or even said the words adultery/unfaithful). Part of my original confusion and question was is it possible to be forgiven for a SPECIFIC sin like adultery if he is just giving me a "blanket" forgiveness. God, of course, knows the full details of all and I have confessed and asked forgiveness from Him.
I am now working on scriptures about forgiving myself and also listening to a recent sermon (over and over again) all about forgiveness.
I am now working on scriptures about forgiving myself and also listening to a recent sermon (over and over again) all about forgiveness.
B
Part of me certainly feels "if you REALLY knew every sordid detail you would not be forgiving me" I have googled 'family life weekend' and they all seem to be USA or Canada and we are in the UK. However, we do have "marriage enhancement courses/seminars" and it was one of those (4 sessions overall spread over one evening and one day) that we just attended which is what gave me chance to even start to raise with my husband that there were things I had done which I had not been able to tell him about.
Hi Jesus forgave an adultress,he said go and sin no more.She didnt have 2 go and tell anyone the full detail,also it tsates if u dont forgive other 4 their sinning against u,he will not forgive your sin.But if your husband doesnt forgive u,That if u totally repent God wont forgive u.But pray see if u r lead 2 share more detail,I think this is a subject one can see through without every fine detail in the act be displayed.but GBU both and truly learn from this.Hopefully God will restore and reconcille the relationship 2 its fullest.
M
What has come over loud and clear from this thread is the helpful and loving attitude by all posters - it's truly refreshing to see such a caring attitude poured out.
To the original poster, I probably would have answered a little differently in my first post had I know the details and the reasons why you do the things you do. I do think that you and your husband should partake in a little marriage counselling - together, bring it all out into the open and begin the healing process. The counsellor will help you to see the reasons behind the affairs and help stop it happening again if you can understand your thought process before the event. The counsellor will also help you understand the reasoning behind your husband's apparent blanket forgiveness, forgiveness without question. Obviously God is aware of your circumstances and I believe He therefore has already forgiven you.
To the original poster, I probably would have answered a little differently in my first post had I know the details and the reasons why you do the things you do. I do think that you and your husband should partake in a little marriage counselling - together, bring it all out into the open and begin the healing process. The counsellor will help you to see the reasons behind the affairs and help stop it happening again if you can understand your thought process before the event. The counsellor will also help you understand the reasoning behind your husband's apparent blanket forgiveness, forgiveness without question. Obviously God is aware of your circumstances and I believe He therefore has already forgiven you.
After catching up on all of you post and getting a fuller picture, I think he knows and just doesn't need to fill in all the blanks. This is a lot different then what I thought when I made my last comments. I think you have done everything right to the best of your ability. I also think the fact you still feel this way may just be the conviction of the Holy Spirit in your heart. You are going to God, being completely honest, and even asking fellow believers for their perspectives. I don't see much else you could do. You seem to have realized how bad that was, and what you could lose if it happens again, so I think those are the most important lessons learned. Just keep praying on it, and if your husband does ever come with question, don't freak out if he ever does and just sit down with him and go through it.
If he is the kind of guy that does realize and is willing to just move on and doesn't want all names, places, and times, then just praise God for him. He really sounds like one heck of a husband, and it sounds like you realize this and want to do the right thing moving forward.
I would also like to add that my wife and I were high school sweetheart, went to each others proms, waited 10 years to get married, and would be called the perfect couple by most anyone who know us. We have now been together 17 years, and me being 34, that's more than half my life. Right before we got married she came to me with a little secret as well. It hurt bad, but was really nothing compared to what I came clean with her on. My point here is that even though this mistake was made as long as you go with God all of this will work out. I commend you for your honesty and drive to do what's right no matter what that may cause, and I admire your husband for his willingness and love for you to move past this in the way he seems willing to. Just stay with God sister and you can't lose.
If he is the kind of guy that does realize and is willing to just move on and doesn't want all names, places, and times, then just praise God for him. He really sounds like one heck of a husband, and it sounds like you realize this and want to do the right thing moving forward.
I would also like to add that my wife and I were high school sweetheart, went to each others proms, waited 10 years to get married, and would be called the perfect couple by most anyone who know us. We have now been together 17 years, and me being 34, that's more than half my life. Right before we got married she came to me with a little secret as well. It hurt bad, but was really nothing compared to what I came clean with her on. My point here is that even though this mistake was made as long as you go with God all of this will work out. I commend you for your honesty and drive to do what's right no matter what that may cause, and I admire your husband for his willingness and love for you to move past this in the way he seems willing to. Just stay with God sister and you can't lose.
There I see two problems involved and the biggest is you and what your husband would do with it. Are you aware what were the things that got you in such RECURRENT indulgency?
You said: I am a Christian but committed adultery several times.
He, your husband, will not care those several times, because he could be hurt enough with a single one. He would not think: "what am I doing wrong she sinned or GOT PLEASURE whith another" because he could be hurt, even is he is another adulterer: There are also mental-emotional adulterers.
If he is an adulterer also, his sin or pain could be as bad as yours but, the need of forgiveness is a preriquisite, for both. GOD can forgive you EASILY, with the condition you are really repented but, it could be inferred THERE IS SOMETHING you liked in those several times (and any man hope it has happened with ONLY ONE MAN). That is a thing you should sort with GOD and your emotional- physical apetites.
Do I need to say more? There is something missing in that matrimony that you felt you would find it outside. Have you talked to your husband YOU NEED HIM for something more you need or would like? That could be sex or simple affection your husband is not giving you expomtaneously or frequent.
You said: I am a Christian but committed adultery several times.
He, your husband, will not care those several times, because he could be hurt enough with a single one. He would not think: "what am I doing wrong she sinned or GOT PLEASURE whith another" because he could be hurt, even is he is another adulterer: There are also mental-emotional adulterers.
If he is an adulterer also, his sin or pain could be as bad as yours but, the need of forgiveness is a preriquisite, for both. GOD can forgive you EASILY, with the condition you are really repented but, it could be inferred THERE IS SOMETHING you liked in those several times (and any man hope it has happened with ONLY ONE MAN). That is a thing you should sort with GOD and your emotional- physical apetites.
Do I need to say more? There is something missing in that matrimony that you felt you would find it outside. Have you talked to your husband YOU NEED HIM for something more you need or would like? That could be sex or simple affection your husband is not giving you expomtaneously or frequent.
I don { t agree with your pastor. Never!
Do you agree with my pastor in that you think I have to tell my husband the full detail of everything in order to be forgiven by God? My pastor says that unless my husband forgives me God will not forgive me.
There was a time, before I got divorced, I knew details I did not need. My ex wife had sex with someone she loved (perhaps something more than sexually) so, SPIRITUALLY the important thing is regreting what you have done but,if you badly need SEX or affection -outside matrimony- you would keep it on, and that is the sin GOD would not like and that is what your husband would badly regret.
Who would you hurt, your husband or GOD?
Who would you miss, your husband, that visceral pleasure your are seeking or finding outside that legal relationship or God´s healing?
I think this is enough for you to think!
Dont tell him: I have enjoyed being with another man. Dont tell him, he made me feel and never tell him those datails, EXCEPT TO GOD and,if you planto keep on doing it, please, be divorced, because emotionally you are divorced. No doubt you missed something you dont have with the manyou are married and, probably, he is not awareyou are a human being and, probably, he is also hindered or uninformed of those things you badly liked or missed, that you were lured away, butGOD can forgive you if you face it, with its consequences.
Signs: An ex-adulterer and divorced man.
Antonio Toro
Do you agree with my pastor in that you think I have to tell my husband the full detail of everything in order to be forgiven by God? My pastor says that unless my husband forgives me God will not forgive me.
There was a time, before I got divorced, I knew details I did not need. My ex wife had sex with someone she loved (perhaps something more than sexually) so, SPIRITUALLY the important thing is regreting what you have done but,if you badly need SEX or affection -outside matrimony- you would keep it on, and that is the sin GOD would not like and that is what your husband would badly regret.
Who would you hurt, your husband or GOD?
Who would you miss, your husband, that visceral pleasure your are seeking or finding outside that legal relationship or God´s healing?
I think this is enough for you to think!
Dont tell him: I have enjoyed being with another man. Dont tell him, he made me feel and never tell him those datails, EXCEPT TO GOD and,if you planto keep on doing it, please, be divorced, because emotionally you are divorced. No doubt you missed something you dont have with the manyou are married and, probably, he is not awareyou are a human being and, probably, he is also hindered or uninformed of those things you badly liked or missed, that you were lured away, butGOD can forgive you if you face it, with its consequences.
Signs: An ex-adulterer and divorced man.
Antonio Toro
B
I think the verse my pastor would use to back up his idea of me needing to confess to my hubby as being:
[h=1]Matthew 5:23-24New International Version (NIV)[/h] [SUP]23 [/SUP]“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, [SUP]24 [/SUP]leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
I do not know where this page gets it's info from but it says that confession should be specific so that we can take full responsibility for what we have done: To Whom Should We Confess Our Sins? - BibleAnswers Ireland
[h=1]Matthew 5:23-24New International Version (NIV)[/h] [SUP]23 [/SUP]“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, [SUP]24 [/SUP]leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
I do not know where this page gets it's info from but it says that confession should be specific so that we can take full responsibility for what we have done: To Whom Should We Confess Our Sins? - BibleAnswers Ireland
To be honest I feel you are taking full responsibility, and I think your husband does know what you did, but is willing to move past it and just doesn't want the details. I can't say I disagree with him on that, but I think your own guilt is what's making you feel all these insecurities. I will continue to pray for your peace, understanding, and guidance in this matter.
Have you thought what were those things you found outside marriage? if you are not aware of you, of those things you probably still missing, the problem willbe recurrent.
Be honest to you 1st. If you are aware of those things U would like to receive and have, both, your husband and you, would work together to solve the problem and, please, think how you would feel if your husband were the one with that problem. He could be hurt beyond measures and, in the other side, he could not be capable of giving you what you were seeking outside. So, I think important you would be honest to yourselve first.
As a man, if a were married to someone who seeks outside what I¨m not giving, I will be scared my wife had tried with several men and, perhaps, I will understand she badly needed an EMOTIONAL bond I wasn´t giving her but, if she was seeking sex solely, with several men, that would be my panic alarm and, by experience, I know what ladies like and have liked.
Be honest to you first, sister! Later on tell him what you have planned to do. Sort it out with you and spare the suffereing.
Be honest to you 1st. If you are aware of those things U would like to receive and have, both, your husband and you, would work together to solve the problem and, please, think how you would feel if your husband were the one with that problem. He could be hurt beyond measures and, in the other side, he could not be capable of giving you what you were seeking outside. So, I think important you would be honest to yourselve first.
As a man, if a were married to someone who seeks outside what I¨m not giving, I will be scared my wife had tried with several men and, perhaps, I will understand she badly needed an EMOTIONAL bond I wasn´t giving her but, if she was seeking sex solely, with several men, that would be my panic alarm and, by experience, I know what ladies like and have liked.
Be honest to you first, sister! Later on tell him what you have planned to do. Sort it out with you and spare the suffereing.
You are THE GIFT Godwould want to have in His altar.
Second, read those instances where Jesus spoke to those who failed "that way" and told them: Do not sin any more.
Jn 8 will show us the lady who was catched in adultery and no one stoned her. Why?
Sort out the problem luring you way from his arms, your husband arms.
Second, read those instances where Jesus spoke to those who failed "that way" and told them: Do not sin any more.
Jn 8 will show us the lady who was catched in adultery and no one stoned her. Why?
Sort out the problem luring you way from his arms, your husband arms.
B
Thank you. We have had some marriage counseling in the past and I am already aware of why the affairs happened and listed the reasons why it will not be happening again in one of my previous posts on this thread but for ease here are the reasons: a) I am no longer suicidal - the reason for that has been removed by the fact we now have a son b) I have established that I am not able to "respond" in sex even with an "experienced" partner so my hope of "learning how to respond in order to bring that into my husband and my sex life" is no longer valid and therefore there is no requirement for further adultery. c) God did bring me to one place of massive healing a few years back in the fact He gave me the ability to finally say "no" and stand up to a man wanting sex d) I am aware it might be a "weak" area for me and have removed myself from some of the "sources" where men may be able to "access" me.
For a long while I have been seeking out someone to act as a Mentor to me and someone who can Mentor my husband - or mentor us both as a couple and God has provided me with a woman and possibly a man (her husband) who can help both of us. I am particularly praying her husband will draw alongside mine on a 1-1 basis and give him direct man-to-man input.
I have also had a long period of psycho-sexual professional counseling but it did not resolve the problems I have with sex so it seems that only God can fix that and I will keep on seeking healing in that area.
For a long while I have been seeking out someone to act as a Mentor to me and someone who can Mentor my husband - or mentor us both as a couple and God has provided me with a woman and possibly a man (her husband) who can help both of us. I am particularly praying her husband will draw alongside mine on a 1-1 basis and give him direct man-to-man input.
I have also had a long period of psycho-sexual professional counseling but it did not resolve the problems I have with sex so it seems that only God can fix that and I will keep on seeking healing in that area.
What is it going to take for you to find peace? God will forgive you when you confess to Him. Sounds like your husband is at peace with the matter. You pastor may not be doing the wisest thing in pushing for more.
Demonstrate your repentance by not doing it any more and all will have peace. Trust is hard to restore and will take time. I see no reason why it cannot be achieved by those involved. Trust the Lord then you will be able to trust others.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
Demonstrate your repentance by not doing it any more and all will have peace. Trust is hard to restore and will take time. I see no reason why it cannot be achieved by those involved. Trust the Lord then you will be able to trust others.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
B
His personality is very "laid back" and (unlike me who would want to know the ins and outs of everything) I think he really is able to say that he does not need the information. We have been together for 27 years of which we have been married 23 ad, like you, I was 17 when I met him and he was 22. I know that he "absolutely" loves me, almost unconditionally and that is indeed a precious and rare thing to have.
God is my primary relationship and it would be "right" and "correct" punishment for me to end up single and never able to re-marry, to lose all we have worked for and maybe lose our son as well and whilst that is the last thing I want to happen if it really *had* to be done for me to be right with God then that would have to be the sacrifice. The very sad thing in all of that is that the two innocent parties ie husband and son would also have massive suffering too. Mine would be deserved but theirs would not.
I cannot trust my "feelings" at the best of times, emotions are so flimsy but I particularly cannot trust them in this area and you may be right that it is still the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Until I get peace in my heart over this I cannot cease to pursue what is absolutely definately the correct thing to do for sure and so I continue to seek Him...read, worship, pray etc until the peace comes.
God is my primary relationship and it would be "right" and "correct" punishment for me to end up single and never able to re-marry, to lose all we have worked for and maybe lose our son as well and whilst that is the last thing I want to happen if it really *had* to be done for me to be right with God then that would have to be the sacrifice. The very sad thing in all of that is that the two innocent parties ie husband and son would also have massive suffering too. Mine would be deserved but theirs would not.
I cannot trust my "feelings" at the best of times, emotions are so flimsy but I particularly cannot trust them in this area and you may be right that it is still the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Until I get peace in my heart over this I cannot cease to pursue what is absolutely definately the correct thing to do for sure and so I continue to seek Him...read, worship, pray etc until the peace comes.
Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. -Romans 8:1
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[SUP][b][/SUP] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. [SUP]39 [/SUP]No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:38-39
Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. -1Peter 4:8.
Please meditate on these verses sis - and God will heal your heart and his peace will rule your heart.
PS. If you have truly repented before God - your forgiven, don't worry about anything else, just walk in his way and live in peace with your husband
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[SUP][b][/SUP] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. [SUP]39 [/SUP]No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:38-39
Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. -1Peter 4:8.
Please meditate on these verses sis - and God will heal your heart and his peace will rule your heart.
PS. If you have truly repented before God - your forgiven, don't worry about anything else, just walk in his way and live in peace with your husband
Oh reading to what you wrote burdens me. You should know that we all deserve hell and we dont deserve heaven or to be with the Lord - But, in his unconditional love took our punishment, he took yours and mine and all ours punishment on the cross - you don't have to feel that you deserve punishment - Jesus had already taken it on him - Your forgiven and loved - believe and don't believe the lies of Satan anymore - confess on Satan's face that Jesus accepted you and your forgiven. I will be praying for you sister! May God bless you.