My light therapy box got here almost a week ago, and I've been using it every morning for thirty minutes. I sit with my face turned towards it, and try not to look at it because whoa, it's bright. Um...like sun light, kinda...imagine that. Anyway, I think it's helping, a little so far. I think I'm supposed to use it for longer periods of time, but I can only get by with half an hour before my kids are up and demanding weird stuff like...breakfast, or juice, or...you know, diapers or cartoons...(Note: the last time I said my kid was "demanding" something in one of my posts, I was informed that I'm doing a poor parenting job. To avoid such annoying assumptions, when I say my kids are "demanding" things, I'm j.o.k.i.n.g. and only mean they're hungry or asking for stuff...exuberantly...)
So last night, I had a dream about my dad, that he was still with my mom, but we were all the ages we are now...and we were going on a family vacation in an RV, except that we never really got that far, we just ended up sitting in my grandmother's garage, which isn't even actually a garage but just a little work shop, and my dad was sitting and working on some crazy metal project like he used to do when I was little, but he wouldn't talk to me, so I was mostly just taking care of my kids, who weren't actually in the dream...
I dunno, my brain does weird stuff when I'm sleeping. What am I saying? My brain does weird stuff when I'm awake.
I was thinking how ungrateful I am, a lot. About this house, how it's so small, how it's falling apart, how the washing machine is in the basement and how the dryer is way out in the garage which makes doing laundry a serious pain in the rear end, and how the kitchen is tiny and...I just realized I complain a lot about what a lot of people haven't got to complain about. The folks who sleep under bridges would call me spoiled if they could hear me, and I guess I have that spoiled kind of attitude sometimes- Yeah, I've got a roof over my head (and it doesn't even leak), but it's not the roof I'd like to have. That's messed up, and it's not even really that I'm not grateful for it- but more that I've forgotten what it was like to live in a tent, or in a place where the roof was caving in slowly and the floor was collapsing and drug dealers and meth heads would randomly knock on my door (that didn't even close all the way, let alone lock) late at night. I get a little bored in this town of 60 people, where the most exciting thing that happens is a chili dinner at the community center or a wild animal getting into the horse trailer where the meat processing place up the street keeps the deer hides, or someone gets arrested at the store for parking the wrong direction.
...when I put it that way, I have no right to be bored. I could actually go to the chili dinners. I could hunt the critters that get into the deer hides (actually, come to think of it, half the time it's probably one or more of my cats...). I could be grateful to live in a place that gives me oddball stories to share here.
Coffee consumption has been cut in half, and I feel a lot better for it.
...my head is all jumbled today...