Sweet Vs. Sarcastic: Which One Are You Attracted To?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

Here's a phenomenon I've seen time and time again. Although it definitely goes across both genders, because I am a girl, I guess I notice it more when it comes to guys being attracted to certain types of girls.

Have you ever noticed that most guys (at least, from my personal viewpoint) tend to go for the most streetwise, sarcastic girl in the bunch?

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this. I like a little bit of sarcasm myself--just enough to keep things interesting and funny. But what I'm talking about is when the girl is actually kind of... how else do I say this? She's downright mean a lot of times, and basically has an attitude of, "What makes you think you can get with this?" (only said in a much more clever, sarcastic way than I can currently think of to convey here)... and the guys seem to love it. In fact, I've seen some women pretty much tell guys, in so many words, that "You can't touch this," (and not because they're trying to avoid sinning, but because... they really think no one is good enough to get near them) and, "You're an ugly loser... How hard did you fall on your head to make you think you could talk to me?"

I know it sounds crazy but I've seen this again and again, both in Christian and non-Christian circles. I currently work with a great guy (NOTHING romantic between us at all) who always says sarcastic things to me, such as, if I tell him I went to Sam's Club, he'll say, "For what? A 5-gallon drum of soy sauce? Were they having a Gift-With-Purchase on woks?" (We are both from minority races and I find his jokes funny, not demeaning.) He cracks me up all the time, but what he REALLY wants me to do is make jabs right back at him--he tells me all the time that I'm not very challenging... I simply smile and tell him I guess I'm not a good enough racist to really know any jokes I could make about his race (and I wouldn't want to even if I did.)

The point is... No, I'm not trying to win his affections but I've met dozens of guys over the years who have told me the same thing. I'm not challenging enough. I don't have rapid-fire, smart aleck comebacks for every sarcastic thing they can spit out. I'm too sweet, too accommodating, too helpful.

In other words... I'm boring. And if it's one thing that guys seem to not want in a woman , it's someone who's boring.

Now believe me, I can be anything BUT sweet, accommodating, or helpful--my friends will tell you I'm plenty ornery and from some of my posts in these forums, you can tell the biggest sense of "smarts" I have... is as a smart aleck. But for some reason... I seem to be missing that key element that guys are drawn to like flies (kind of like guys saying that women are always attracted to bad boys) -- apparently, I'm not mean enough to make it seem like I'd be a worthy challenge.

I'm not trying to make this a guy vs. girl thing because I have my own twist on this genre as well. The best example I can think of is Ryan Reynolds--one of his hallmarks is an almost deadly sarcastic personality, which can be quite amusing. I'm looking forward to seeing his future work as Deadpool because he's so doggone entertaining in those kinds of roles.

However, would I be ATTRACTED to someone with Deadpool's personality? (This is the kind of sarcasm I guess I'm talking about--I couldn't think of a female version, sorry.) NO. Sarcastic CAN be interesting, but for me, it has to have the right balance of sweetness mixed in. While I wouldn't be too keen on Mr. Deadpool, I DID really like Reynold's character in The Proposal.

I normally hate romantic comedies but this was an exception because 1. they didn't have sex, 2. they had a long history together instead of "I just met you and I'm obsessed", and 3. he actually knew everything about her and took care of her in crucial situations.

Sarcasm is great... but for me, if it's not mixed with the right dose of compassion and genuine care (and discernment of when to use all three), I'm just not attracted.

But maybe most people feel differently than I do? I would love to hear your thoughts.

What do you find irresistible... Sarcastic or Sweet? And if you like both, what do you think is the proper ratio one needs to have?

I am almost considering taking up lessons in Sarcasm and Cruel Comebacks in order to try to attract a date.

(Give me a few minutes to try to come up with a poll. It will be anonymous and multiple choice, but please only use it as a GUIDE for our discussion, NOT a substitute. I REALLY want to hear your thoughts.)

If you don't share your thoughts, you are a big loser!!! (I'm KIDDING, everyone!!! It's just me trying to practice my sarcasm...)

 

[Theygaveutheirworst]

However, would I be ATTRACTED to someone with Deadpool's personality? (This is the kind of sarcasm I guess I'm talking about--I couldn't think of a female version, sorry.) NO. Sarcastic CAN be interesting, but for me, it has to have the right balance of sweetness mixed in. While I wouldn't be too keen on Mr. Deadpool, I DID really like Reynold's character in The Proposal.

Nice Deadpool reference!!!

Sarcasm is okay for me, but I wouldn't date a girl just because it was a noticeable quality. If they're overly sarcastic, and most of everything comes off as a joke, it's definitely not attractive. Sometimes I think people do use sarcasm to cover up saying something rude by saying they weren't being serious when, in all honesty, they really were.

 

[Crimson_Lark]

The problem with sarcasm, when it's pervasive, is that it's often a symptom of pride. Sweetness on the other hand can be perceived as weakness. So if a guy is sweet he also needs to know(and practice) standing up for himself.

Backbone + intelligence + sweetness = win.

 

[Lynx]

I know some people who seem to have a genius for putting people down. I work with one of them, two go to my church and one is in my own family. I have never, ever, ever understood how this is attractive.

However...

I remember once when I found this series of videos on youtube, around this character called Foamy. Foamy was a smart-aleck, always criticizing everyone and everything, but he did it in an amusing manner. And because it was amusing, I watched a few videos. But I noticed the next few days I had a smart remark for everything people said. I wouldn't SAY the smart remarks, but I sure was thinking them. What you choose to put in your mind is what will be there, you know. I got over it after a while.

So I dunno, maybe some people like being amused more than they care about who is put down.

 

[zeroturbulence]

The problem with sarcasm, when it's pervasive, is that it's often a symptom of pride. Sweetness on the other hand can be perceived as weakness. So if a guy is sweet he also needs to know(and practice) standing up for himself.

Backbone + intelligence + sweetness = win.

Intelligence + sweetness + no backbone = friendzone?

 

[Lynx]

I will say this though, I have known of a few young ministers that will never be invited to preach at some churches again... not because of what they said from the pulpit, but because of how their wives talked. Fun is fun, but if your spouse is always making sarcastic jokes about everyone around you it reflects on you as well.

(And no, I don't know of any ministers who will never be invited to preach at MY church again... I've heard some pastors of other churches talking about some ministers they regretted inviting. I'm thinking if I ever find the girl of my dreams, I'm gonna wait and see how she talks to and about other people before I decide she's the one.)

 

[seoulsearch]

Intelligence + sweetness + no backbone = friendzone?

I know a lot of guys won't want to hear this, but this is very true.

We all know the world is a harsh place. I can't speak for all women, but I often find myself in situations where I have to stand up for myself. For example... I've had to correct people at work who think I'm a little girl and don't realize I'm almost 41 years old. I stood up to a guy who kept shouting unwelcome comments at me in front of the other guys at work. I am also in the process of curbing several managers at work who think they have an automatic right to call me "Kimmie," which I absolutely hate, especially in a work setting.

I've had female friends who've had to deal with much worse, such as filing a lawsuit against a manger who thought he could get away with sexually harassing her.

Women spend a lot of time standing up for themselves. We have to.

If a man can't stand up for himself, how is he going to help us fight against the things we stand up to on a daily basis? Yes, I am guilty of friend-zoning a very sweet guy once who couldn't even stand up to his 5-year-old cousin while we were trying to have a conversation. If he couldn't tell her that this was grownup time and he would be with her after our conversation was done (she kept interrupting her and he literally begged her to just give him a minute... about 5 times), how could I expect that he could stand up to anyone else when needed?

Unfortunately, as a modern-day woman, you don't have the luxury of falling for a man who doesn't have a backbone. We don't want a jerk, of course. But if he can't stand up for himself, how could he possibly stand up for us? And at some point, if a man wants to be with a woman, you are going to have to make a stand. Sometimes for her. And sometimes, you'll have to stand up TO her.

(You'll ask me how it's possible to be that sort of person without being a jerk... Well, maybe when I stand up for myself, I AM a bit of a jerk sometimes. But you just have to take that chance, or life will walk all over you... and you'll miss some too many key opportunities.)

 

[Crimson_Lark]

Intelligence + sweetness + no backbone = friendzone?

Yes, exactly

 

[wisebeardman]

no idea...

 

[rachelsedge]

But really.

I say both. Possibly because I am both. I love sarcastic, witty, back-and-forth banter and someone who is too serious is likely not going to get some of my stuff. I wouldn't say my sarcasm is mean, though. More playful. And it's not all the time, really it's just with people that I'm comfortable with or who dish it back out. I think there's appropriate sarcasm and inappropriate sarcasm: You have to know your audience and the situation.

But I also want sweet because, well...I like sweet people. As long as it's not overly sweet (hence why I think sarcasm can "cut" the sweetness, like adding water to sugary lemonade) then that's good.

It's hard to say, exactly. I make it sound so complicated, but what do I know.

 

[Tintin]

I love a good combination of sweet and silly (playful, witty, creative - good with banter). Not sarcastic as such, but some sarcasm is fine.

(Thank you, Arlene).

 

[zeroturbulence]

I have one more for you, ladies...



Intelligence + sweetness + dreamy good looks + no backbone = fixer-upper?

 

[ahavah]

I really don't mind sarcasm! It can be fun so long as the person doesn't use it as a guise for personal attack. Imo, sarcasm is used best in a general sense and not personal, just because you never know how that person might perceive it, even if you were "just being sarcastic". On a side note, people are just as fun and playful without it!

As for me, sweet takes the cake

 

[Ugly]

I'm never sarcastic. So no worries there.

 

[DanielTate]

I like the sarcastic, withdrawn, sorta emotionally detached type (not so forthcoming with their feelings but not to mean they're cold hearted) whether it's friends or a potential gf. Maybe sweetness just sometimes.

 

[seoulsearch]

I have one more for you, ladies...



Intelligence + sweetness + dreamy good looks + no backbone = fixer-upper?

Unfortunately, both genders are guilty of falling for this, definitely. They say love covers a multitude of sins... but if we are all honest, good looks seem to COVER UP a fair share of faults as well. Or at least, it makes others blind...

For all the people who are attracted to sarcasm, do you find it hard to talk to the person about what you're really thinking or feeling, or the problems you're going through in life?

One of the reasons I have a hard time relating to super-sarcastic people is because I've found they're not very empathetic, but maybe that's just me.

 

[cinder]

I think I bond better with people in general through sarcasm. If we can get the banter going and it is fun and quick witted I'm going to want to talk to you or be around you again. People who are overly sweet well I suspect them of being insincere, or I'm very flustered because there's no humor release valve when the situation starts to get more intense (this can be either guys or girls). That being said eventually, if a guy is interested he needs to show some kindness or partiality (ok this is me we're talking about so he needs to follow up any show of interest by saying, " I'm interested in you , what do you think?").

Yeah those people who are so helpful and sweet because they need to be needed or need your approval, so not attractive.

 

[kenthomas27]

Let's see.....ok Kimmiedoodle, lemme think ............ ok - the bad part about going out with Kimmie is an hour after the date's over you're hungry for another one. (sarcastic side)

Now the sweet side (this one's going to be harder)......ok - what I like to see in a woman is not only the sweet/sarcastic sides but also the intelligence to be able to voice her thoughts in a cognizant, well developed way. The woman needs to be able to word her thinking in such an enumerative fashion as to catch ever.frigging.detail and pull me through, screaming, so that I understand all feelings and judgements and beliefs, points of view, opinions, considerations, reflections and meditations and on and on and on and on that Kim might have.....whoa whoa whoa whoa....... - that got sarcastic again...............ok

Kim - I like you enough to think I can get away this. love ken.

 

[Pipp]

I grew up with a very sarcastic older brother so it kinda turned me off to too much of that. I prefer sweet.

 

[tourist]

Intelligence + sweetness + no backbone = friendzone?

Very interesting relational equations. The friendzone is like a Twilight Zone for those with relational challenges.