How you treat your same gender means....
- Thread starter Crimson_Lark
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Hi Crimson,
I voted that they would most likely be... a very unpleasant significant other, but that it would also be on a case-by-case basis.
I was wondering if you had any examples? I was thinking of an overbearing woman who says that most other women behave like (they are easy.) Someone like this... most likely won't have any female friends because she is competitive and judgmental...
Super attractive women can get away with this because most guys won't care or notice right away if she's super attractive. But a woman like this will then drive away any other woman in the man's life because she will see them as competition, and that she, of course, is superior to all other women, including his mom, sisters, and female friends.
Of course, it can happen from the male perspective too but being a woman, I guess I've been around more women-who-demean-other women than guys who diss other guys... Although come to think of it, I've been around some guys who see themselves as superior to all other guys as well...
And it's never attractive, in either gender. The person is so focused on how much better they are than everyone else that any relationship they have will ALWAYS be about them, never the other person who is involved.
Just throwin' down some change... (2 cents
)
I voted that they would most likely be... a very unpleasant significant other, but that it would also be on a case-by-case basis.
I was wondering if you had any examples? I was thinking of an overbearing woman who says that most other women behave like (they are easy.) Someone like this... most likely won't have any female friends because she is competitive and judgmental...
Super attractive women can get away with this because most guys won't care or notice right away if she's super attractive. But a woman like this will then drive away any other woman in the man's life because she will see them as competition, and that she, of course, is superior to all other women, including his mom, sisters, and female friends.
Of course, it can happen from the male perspective too but being a woman, I guess I've been around more women-who-demean-other women than guys who diss other guys... Although come to think of it, I've been around some guys who see themselves as superior to all other guys as well...
And it's never attractive, in either gender. The person is so focused on how much better they are than everyone else that any relationship they have will ALWAYS be about them, never the other person who is involved.
Just throwin' down some change... (2 cents
)
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A couple times I've met women who hate other women and they always end up getting divorced. There is something about hating one's own gender and not being able to move past the issues that translates into not being able to deal with issues inside of a marriage. But I'm curious to hear/read other people's experiences.
I could be wrong but I personally feel that it's a lot harder, and nearly impossible, to compartmentalize feelings and emotions as some people think they can.
Hate that strong is going to seep out and affect every other area of one's life. If a woman dislikes other women and puts herself on a pedestal above them, she always needs a pedestal to feel good about herself.
Once she's driven away all the other women in her life and in her significant other's life, she won't have a pedestal to sit on because it was built on rejecting other women. This in turn will project the hatred onto herself--she won't feel good about herself unless there are other women close enough for her to put them down and compare herself to--and so her anger will turn on her partner because he's not building her pedestal of self-esteem.
I personally try to avoid having close ties to anyone of either gender who has this much negative emotion in their heart. It's basically a cancer that eats away the soul, and the worst part is, in this case, it's contagious.
Spend too much time with that kind of thinking and before long, you'll find it bleeding into your own.
Hate that strong is going to seep out and affect every other area of one's life. If a woman dislikes other women and puts herself on a pedestal above them, she always needs a pedestal to feel good about herself.
Once she's driven away all the other women in her life and in her significant other's life, she won't have a pedestal to sit on because it was built on rejecting other women. This in turn will project the hatred onto herself--she won't feel good about herself unless there are other women close enough for her to put them down and compare herself to--and so her anger will turn on her partner because he's not building her pedestal of self-esteem.
I personally try to avoid having close ties to anyone of either gender who has this much negative emotion in their heart. It's basically a cancer that eats away the soul, and the worst part is, in this case, it's contagious.
Spend too much time with that kind of thinking and before long, you'll find it bleeding into your own.
H
in my limited experience, women who hate on other women usually harbor hate towards themselves.
I don't know if this is from some fancy philosophical quote, but ive heard or read something to the effect of 'the qualities that bug you most about someone else is often the thing that you're guilty of.' (no apologies for the poor grammar) A common way that this seems to manifest itself - the fat shaming of other girls, or accusing other ladies of being anorexic/eating disordered, when deep down the person is actually really insecure about their own body/age/relationship status/whatever.
insecurities, jealousy, irrational competitiveness is not usually conducive to meaningful relationships, BUT funny enough, there are lots of people really, truly get off on being fought over, or being with someone who is really possessive, being with the "bad" girl/boy who is a jerk to everyone else except them. I have an uncle who is kind of womanizer who seems to be at his ABSOLUTE happiest when two or three women are fighting over him - I don't see the appeal in that sort of thing personally, but there is no shortage of people who are into partners who treat their own gender poorly.
I don't know if this is from some fancy philosophical quote, but ive heard or read something to the effect of 'the qualities that bug you most about someone else is often the thing that you're guilty of.' (no apologies for the poor grammar) A common way that this seems to manifest itself - the fat shaming of other girls, or accusing other ladies of being anorexic/eating disordered, when deep down the person is actually really insecure about their own body/age/relationship status/whatever.
insecurities, jealousy, irrational competitiveness is not usually conducive to meaningful relationships, BUT funny enough, there are lots of people really, truly get off on being fought over, or being with someone who is really possessive, being with the "bad" girl/boy who is a jerk to everyone else except them. I have an uncle who is kind of womanizer who seems to be at his ABSOLUTE happiest when two or three women are fighting over him - I don't see the appeal in that sort of thing personally, but there is no shortage of people who are into partners who treat their own gender poorly.
I found the question/thread to be a tad bit confusing, but then I am a Blond.... Don't know with gender dislike what the connection would be to having a boyfriend....
From my own experience as a younger female I did not like my gender very much as they seemed to be catty and liked to play games and I found myself a Tom Boy and had many more guy friends than girl friends as I found guys to be more reasonable when I was younger.
As I have gotten older I think the older females have put away some of the cattiness and game playing of younger years and I have equal amounts of female and male friends. I guess I am an equal opportunity friender (Blondese word).....
From my own experience as a younger female I did not like my gender very much as they seemed to be catty and liked to play games and I found myself a Tom Boy and had many more guy friends than girl friends as I found guys to be more reasonable when I was younger.
As I have gotten older I think the older females have put away some of the cattiness and game playing of younger years and I have equal amounts of female and male friends. I guess I am an equal opportunity friender (Blondese word).....
P.S. I didn't hate my gender I just was not a catty female or game player talking about other females to females to make myself look better. I just couldn't tolerate talking about each other behind each others backs I found doing things like that stupid and didn't want to take part in it. The guys just wanted to have fun, climb trees and play - running, hide n seek etc... I wanted to live life and have fun and not be petty. Was not jealous, didn't put my self on a pedestal I wanted to play and have fun....
By the way I climbed a tree when I turned 40 and plan to climb another one at 60 .......Why? Because I can....I still like to play and have fun.... Not gossip and tear each other down....
By the way I climbed a tree when I turned 40 and plan to climb another one at 60 .......Why? Because I can....I still like to play and have fun.... Not gossip and tear each other down....
C
terrible.... red flag, excessive baggage on the field, 10 yard penalty.
Stay 10 yards away...this one has something they've not worked through. Disdain for the stereotypical person in that gender role is a big difference from Hatred. Even then this disdain should be closely examined.
And ye shall know them by their fruits... look for someone that is Fruity, but not in that same gender kind of way.
Stay 10 yards away...this one has something they've not worked through. Disdain for the stereotypical person in that gender role is a big difference from Hatred. Even then this disdain should be closely examined.
And ye shall know them by their fruits... look for someone that is Fruity, but not in that same gender kind of way.
Instead of trying to clarify, because I don't understand the confusion. I'm just going to respond to the people who understood.
Hello: Thanks for the thoughts, when you broke out the story about your uncle and said, "but there is no shortage of people who are into partners who treat their own gender poorly." I agree completely. In high school and college I was surprised by the number of women who would date guys they knew had used and abused other women.
Seoulsearch: At work a long while back there was this woman who was mean to most of the other women, in a very cold and calculating way. She would bad mouth them, snub them, make nasty veiled insults. On the flip side she was nice to all the men and she was also very beautiful.
At the time, our boss was unhappily married and incredibly likable. The woman, let's call her Laura, made a play for him. He dropped his first wife and married her. In about 5 years I ran into my old boss. It turns out she divorced him and it was a train wreck of a marriage. Like a lamb to the slaughter, this guy was so tore up.
Even though bad character is always a red flag in my book, I find it interesting how some people think if it's not directed toward
them they are safe. Especially men. ( No offense men.) You can have a woman who is rotten to the core but if she's beautiful- someone will want her. The strange part is often the someone who wants her is a guy who is actually pretty nice and sane.
But in the case of gender I am curious if there are any cases where someone has managed to just keep their vitriol to one gender. I doubt it. Bitterness has a way of spreading.
Hello: Thanks for the thoughts, when you broke out the story about your uncle and said, "but there is no shortage of people who are into partners who treat their own gender poorly." I agree completely. In high school and college I was surprised by the number of women who would date guys they knew had used and abused other women.
Seoulsearch: At work a long while back there was this woman who was mean to most of the other women, in a very cold and calculating way. She would bad mouth them, snub them, make nasty veiled insults. On the flip side she was nice to all the men and she was also very beautiful.
At the time, our boss was unhappily married and incredibly likable. The woman, let's call her Laura, made a play for him. He dropped his first wife and married her. In about 5 years I ran into my old boss. It turns out she divorced him and it was a train wreck of a marriage. Like a lamb to the slaughter, this guy was so tore up.
Even though bad character is always a red flag in my book, I find it interesting how some people think if it's not directed toward
them they are safe. Especially men. ( No offense men.) You can have a woman who is rotten to the core but if she's beautiful- someone will want her. The strange part is often the someone who wants her is a guy who is actually pretty nice and sane.
But in the case of gender I am curious if there are any cases where someone has managed to just keep their vitriol to one gender. I doubt it. Bitterness has a way of spreading.
U
Yes, i was thinking the 'waiter' thing as well. What he's getting at is an old dating trick they used to tell women (though it can be reversed) is to watch how the man treats the waiter/waitress. If he talks down or rudely to them then that's a sign he would not be good to continue seeing as he seems to think some people are beneath him and not worthy of basic respect. But if he is neutral or even nice to the waiter/ess then it's a good chance he will be a nice person in general, and potentially a good partner.
It seems valid to me, though you can apply this to other areas as well. But, if you are in a 'going on a date' environment your chances to see the other person may be limited, so the waiter (or other worker, cashier, etc) is all you have to go on, so you use it.
It seems valid to me, though you can apply this to other areas as well. But, if you are in a 'going on a date' environment your chances to see the other person may be limited, so the waiter (or other worker, cashier, etc) is all you have to go on, so you use it.