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Hi everyone! I am new to here and seeking some advice.
I just recently left my husband and took our 2 children with me. I will try to make this short but no promises.
Back in 2011 my husband started to occasionally by pain pills. I didn't think much of it as he hated to go to the doctor but had really bad back pain. Then it started costing more money and more often. I finally said he couldn't buy these pills are bills were put on the back burner and we started to become in debt, but he didn't listen and would make me feel bad for saying no because he was in so much pain. At one point in the summer of 2012 we were over 1000 negative in our account due to this habit of his. Fast forward to March 2013 we got our taxes and they were pretty much gone by the end of march. I confronted him why he was making $300 withdraws every few days and he said he didn't know that someone much have stolen his card. I called to file a claim with our bank to have them look on the camera's. He card was shut off. I told him this and he got super angry. I couldn't understand why until a few day later he finally confessed that he was addicted to pain pills. I was pregnant during this time with our 2nd child. He said he wanted to come clean and started the process on his own. It was a very ugly time in our relationship. I became very angry at him. There were times when he was just so mean and ugly from the withdraws so he would go buy more pills and put us in a financial bind.
He works is a sellsman for alcohol so it finally came out that he had racked up over $5,000 in invoices so he could trade/or sell the alcohol on the side to support his habit. Those invoices where starting to be a heat on his back from his work, but with not extra means to pay those he decided to start selling drugs. (I didn't know it at the time) but in Dec 2013 I had taken his vehicle to school due to the cold (my car didnt' have a heater). I looked in the middle consul and there was meth and a homemade pipe. I confronted him and this is when he told me that he was selling drugs and that was his friends. During this time he wouldn't come home from work until 11 or 12 at night. I thought he was working this whole time. He lost weight drastically so I had my suspicions that he was using meth.
We were and down in our relationship. He would constantly lie about everything. I told him that I needed him to be honest if this relationship was going to survive.
In July I went on vacation with my mom and took my 2 girls. When I cam back I found out that he had people over and they had been doing meth in our house. I found meth and another homemade pipe in our closet. I told him that this needed to stop now. I wasn't going to raise our children around this.
In the middle of August 2014 I found meth/pipes/ect in our garage. I left at that time with our 2 children. We were gone for 2 weeks. He really felt guilty and apologized but still denied that any of it was his/he was holding it for a friend according to him. I agreed to go back on the basis that if I ever found any drugs in our house again that it would be over between us. Needless to say I didn't trust him at all. So I also said that I was willing to work on our marriage and our trust issues if he was willing to work it out. So we got back together. I am not perfect in all of this I still had issues with trusting him but I did let him know that it was going to be a long road but if we were willing to walk it then that is all that matter. So we were doing good. So I thought.
During this whole time we have been financially struggling because by husband was still occasionally buying pills. So on the October 31 as soon as he got paid he took out 300 supposedly to pay his car title loan. Then in the next few days the car was repoed. He confessed to buying pills with the money. I was like ok thank you for being honest. I said we will just have to figure it out but I told him that he wasn't going to have access to the account anymore since we have been behind in bills and I had to pay the utilities or they were going to shut us off. So I paid all those but he still managed to make us negative in the account.
On Thursday Nov 6 he pulled out 500$ and didn't tell me about it, supposedly to pay the title loan we had on our, now, on and only vehicle. Well he went out Friday night and since I already knew he was lying I followed him to the next town over (1 hour from were we live) He was going to stay the night because he didn't want to be drinking and driving.
Whenever he said he was at a location i would drive over there and see and he wasn't at any location he ever said he was. at 1130 pm he said he had made it back to his friends so I drove over there and he wasn't there.
This was a final straw for me. It is obviously clear that he doesn't want to stop lying to me and doesn't want to stop his ways. I asked him about the 500 he pulled out and he said he still have some of it. So the truck never got paid.
But where I get doubts is I know that it isn't a Christian way to get divorced but I am just so fed up I can't even look at him without feeling disgust because of all the things that he has done emotionally and financially to our family. I feel that it would be different if he really wanted to change and stopped doing the things he is doing.
We have talked and he says he is done because he is tired of me not trusting him but he really hasn't given me any reason to trust him.
Any advise or guidance?
I just recently left my husband and took our 2 children with me. I will try to make this short but no promises.
Back in 2011 my husband started to occasionally by pain pills. I didn't think much of it as he hated to go to the doctor but had really bad back pain. Then it started costing more money and more often. I finally said he couldn't buy these pills are bills were put on the back burner and we started to become in debt, but he didn't listen and would make me feel bad for saying no because he was in so much pain. At one point in the summer of 2012 we were over 1000 negative in our account due to this habit of his. Fast forward to March 2013 we got our taxes and they were pretty much gone by the end of march. I confronted him why he was making $300 withdraws every few days and he said he didn't know that someone much have stolen his card. I called to file a claim with our bank to have them look on the camera's. He card was shut off. I told him this and he got super angry. I couldn't understand why until a few day later he finally confessed that he was addicted to pain pills. I was pregnant during this time with our 2nd child. He said he wanted to come clean and started the process on his own. It was a very ugly time in our relationship. I became very angry at him. There were times when he was just so mean and ugly from the withdraws so he would go buy more pills and put us in a financial bind.
He works is a sellsman for alcohol so it finally came out that he had racked up over $5,000 in invoices so he could trade/or sell the alcohol on the side to support his habit. Those invoices where starting to be a heat on his back from his work, but with not extra means to pay those he decided to start selling drugs. (I didn't know it at the time) but in Dec 2013 I had taken his vehicle to school due to the cold (my car didnt' have a heater). I looked in the middle consul and there was meth and a homemade pipe. I confronted him and this is when he told me that he was selling drugs and that was his friends. During this time he wouldn't come home from work until 11 or 12 at night. I thought he was working this whole time. He lost weight drastically so I had my suspicions that he was using meth.
We were and down in our relationship. He would constantly lie about everything. I told him that I needed him to be honest if this relationship was going to survive.
In July I went on vacation with my mom and took my 2 girls. When I cam back I found out that he had people over and they had been doing meth in our house. I found meth and another homemade pipe in our closet. I told him that this needed to stop now. I wasn't going to raise our children around this.
In the middle of August 2014 I found meth/pipes/ect in our garage. I left at that time with our 2 children. We were gone for 2 weeks. He really felt guilty and apologized but still denied that any of it was his/he was holding it for a friend according to him. I agreed to go back on the basis that if I ever found any drugs in our house again that it would be over between us. Needless to say I didn't trust him at all. So I also said that I was willing to work on our marriage and our trust issues if he was willing to work it out. So we got back together. I am not perfect in all of this I still had issues with trusting him but I did let him know that it was going to be a long road but if we were willing to walk it then that is all that matter. So we were doing good. So I thought.
During this whole time we have been financially struggling because by husband was still occasionally buying pills. So on the October 31 as soon as he got paid he took out 300 supposedly to pay his car title loan. Then in the next few days the car was repoed. He confessed to buying pills with the money. I was like ok thank you for being honest. I said we will just have to figure it out but I told him that he wasn't going to have access to the account anymore since we have been behind in bills and I had to pay the utilities or they were going to shut us off. So I paid all those but he still managed to make us negative in the account.
On Thursday Nov 6 he pulled out 500$ and didn't tell me about it, supposedly to pay the title loan we had on our, now, on and only vehicle. Well he went out Friday night and since I already knew he was lying I followed him to the next town over (1 hour from were we live) He was going to stay the night because he didn't want to be drinking and driving.
Whenever he said he was at a location i would drive over there and see and he wasn't at any location he ever said he was. at 1130 pm he said he had made it back to his friends so I drove over there and he wasn't there.
This was a final straw for me. It is obviously clear that he doesn't want to stop lying to me and doesn't want to stop his ways. I asked him about the 500 he pulled out and he said he still have some of it. So the truck never got paid.
But where I get doubts is I know that it isn't a Christian way to get divorced but I am just so fed up I can't even look at him without feeling disgust because of all the things that he has done emotionally and financially to our family. I feel that it would be different if he really wanted to change and stopped doing the things he is doing.
We have talked and he says he is done because he is tired of me not trusting him but he really hasn't given me any reason to trust him.
Any advise or guidance?
