My wife the slob

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Matt1626

Guest
#1
#1
I thought about how to title this post but I just had to be truthful.

my wife is a Christian, a very attractive lady, athletic, and a great mom to the kids but she is a pig pen.

She never ever puts things away, starts projects and leaves everything out, her car smells like food garbage, she is a hoarder and saves everything.

I have resigned myself to excepting this of her and embracing it by being helpful. But it is tiring and it brings a real lack of peace to have so much clutter in our home.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#2
Apr 18, 2013
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#2
So... how long ago did this start??
 
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Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
Depending on the degree of the problem it could just be her natural personality to be a messy person. And that won't likely change. If it's more extreme she may require some form of counseling. But you have an obviously critical attitude and that will only serve to make things worse. You may outwardly show yourself as 'helping' but there's no hiding your real feelings.
 
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Matt1626

Guest
#4
#4
maxwel said:
So... how long ago did this start??
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The entire time I have known her, it wasn't a big deal before we were married but know having a number of children it is pretty crazy. I think because her only sibling is 14 years older and her father came from money along with her being attractive has lead it this it is really deeply part of her personality
 
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ChristIsGod

Guest
#5
#5
my wife is a Christian, a very attractive lady, athletic, and a great mom to the kids but she is a pig pen
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I imagine that some guys with unsaved, not attractive, out of shape and screaming mom type wives that do keep things neat and tidy, envy you.

I'm sorry but that was my first thought. ;)
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#6
Oct 11, 2013
14,554
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#6
I bet she is really great at something else other than housework. How would I guess or know this?....Because housework is not a top priority for me either.

I warned tourist of this right up front, but I am fantastic at getting important things done like taxes, travel arrangements, any kind of appointments, if there is a problem I can help solve it and in work situations I can be extremely organized. It is just housework falls way down on my priority list.

So I bet she is really great at something else. Me personally I am seriously thinking of hiring someone to clean the house. As I would not mind giving someone a way to earn a living doing something I could care less about and continue to do the things I am great at.... Maybe you should consider hiring a maid too.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#7
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
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#7
Matt1626 said:
I have resigned myself to excepting this of her and embracing it by being helpful. But it is tiring and it brings a real lack of peace to have so much clutter in our home.
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To be blunt, it sounds like your part of the problem. Your an enabler, in that by embracing the problem, your enabling your wife, the slob :). The solution is simple, tell her to clean-up and throw-out all the junk, or your going to do it for her, and mean it. When she fails to comply, and she will, your going to need to clean house. It will take some coordination and planning on a day that she's not going to be home, but make the necessary arrangements to have all the junk hauled off, and be prepared to work your rear off on that day. There will no doubt be some consequences, but you need to decide if the repercussions will be worth having a clean house.

You've let the problem escalate to an unmanageable situation, but once its brought under control, you'll need to maintain it by throwing stuff out on a regular basis. This is what I'd do, but I suspect you'll need to reach a point of intolerance before you can muster the desire to take action and clean house. Lots of luck
 
JesusMyOnly

JesusMyOnly

Senior Member
#8
Jun 30, 2014
880
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#8
Oh Matt1626, if only you could see my house you'd feel even more blessed to have HER as your wife.


Any way this is something rather common between married people. My uncle and his wife and my friends parents went through this and surprisingly it was both of the men that had more of a problem with the house being messy...


I understand that having a clean house is not that much to ask for and I'm sure even God would rather have a clean enviornment over a cluttered, very messy one. There could be a number of reasons why she does this. I'm not gonna try to play the therapist however you have to sit back and think if there is any possible explanation as to why she doesn't fix up her cluttered space. Usually with hoarding it could have come from a past of something not so great or even OCD. Usually how we feel on the inside it comes out in our actions and this mess could be from the core of something she is dealing with.


You do however say she is very athletic, a great mom and a Chrisitan so it doesn't really sound like much else is the problem. From what I can gather here it doesn't sound like she has given up on taking care of her self or your family. It could very well just be in her personality to be that way. As I am the exact same way (only probably worse) when it comes to being messy. I've always had it in me to just be unorganized and such which it always got worse when I was dealing with mental things.


Out of all the marriage problems in the entire world, please do not make this more important than what some other couples are dealing with. Please, because I know those who have it much worse than just some clutter here and there. I'm not saying that you are complaining, and I'm not saying you are a bad husband. I know you are just reaching out for advice but just calm. Remember this isn't something to be angry over. You need to try talking to her (maybe you've already done this) and really look for signs of why she could be messy.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#9
Mar 13, 2014
42,717
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Tennessee
#9
JesusLives said:
I bet she is really great at something else other than housework. How would I guess or know this?....Because housework is not a top priority for me either.

I warned tourist of this right up front, but I am fantastic at getting important things done like taxes, travel arrangements, any kind of appointments, if there is a problem I can help solve it and in work situations I can be extremely organized. It is just housework falls way down on my priority list.

So I bet she is really great at something else. Me personally I am seriously thinking of hiring someone to clean the house. As I would not mind giving someone a way to earn a living doing something I could care less about and continue to do the things I am great at.... Maybe you should consider hiring a maid too.
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...or the Tidy Bowl man.
 
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MadParrotWoman

Guest
#10
#10
Encourage her and HELP her - it's not her job alone. You both contribute to the mess so....

My husband is always leaving stuff lying around too and my son - I work full time and still do 90% of the housework, it's tiring and should be a joint effort especially if you have small children.
 
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Matt1626

Guest
#11
#11
MadParrotWoman said:
Encourage her and HELP her - it's not her job alone. You both contribute to the mess so....

My husband is always leaving stuff lying around too and my son - I work full time and still do 90% of the housework, it's tiring and should be a joint effort especially if you have small children.
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I do help her and no I really don't have much stuff to leave around I am kind of a minimalist you could probably fit all my possessions in the back if a pickup truck. I do help
 
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ChristIsGod

Guest
#12
#12
Matt1626 said:
I do help her and no I really don't have much stuff to leave around I am kind of a minimalist you could probably fit all my possessions in the back if a pickup truck. I do help
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You may have to one day if you're not careful.
:rolleyes: I do know from experience that our MadParrotWoman is right about you needing to help her.

The best thing to make all things fair is to have her write down ALL that she does in a week while she's just sitting there with her coffee --- but not 'as' she does them - but right now, just off the top of her head and you do the same and you compare notes. Most men have no idea, in a complete sense, just what their wives do during a week -- unless she goes away for a month or two and leaves their man to do it all. [Yikes!]

Actually, knowing women with this one handicap - a husband can actually make 'clean-up-day' a Fun event for the whole family if he picks a day when no one in the house has anything planned and you assign the part each will play and as much as possible - you work with your wife with good music semi-blasting and make it like playing a game with your wife. Putting soap bubbles on her nose, etc. etc. -- you know what makes her laugh -- and feel loved.
The children will see it all as fun too and that will last them into their later lives, just as much as decorating for any holiday together.
A family having fun together with the menial things in life will build the best memories in their lives.

Bless you and yours much, Matt16:26.
 
Agricola

Agricola

Senior Member
#13
Dec 10, 2012
2,638
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#13
Why has it become an issue now? what has changed since you first knew each other? Is there something else that is eating away that has allowed this to become such a big deal.
 
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Matt1626

Guest
#14
#14
Agricola said:
Why has it become an issue now? what has changed since you first knew each other? Is there something else that is eating away that has allowed this to become such a big deal.
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She started a kitchen remodel Labor Day that she wants to do 100% on her own and it is about half way done now there is piles of Christmas stuff out
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#15
Jan 24, 2011
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#15
Why not get a housekeeper to come in every two weeks? I know most women start to clean up for the housekeeper! At the very least, your bathrooms, kitchen and floors will be clean.

If you want your marriage to last, compromise on the small things. If that is what is really bothering you.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#16
#16
Dan58 said:
To be blunt, it sounds like your part of the problem. Your an enabler, in that by embracing the problem, your enabling your wife, the slob :). The solution is simple, tell her to clean-up and throw-out all the junk, or your going to do it for her, and mean it. When she fails to comply, and she will, your going to need to clean house. It will take some coordination and planning on a day that she's not going to be home, but make the necessary arrangements to have all the junk hauled off, and be prepared to work your rear off on that day. There will no doubt be some consequences, but you need to decide if the repercussions will be worth having a clean house.

You've let the problem escalate to an unmanageable situation, but once its brought under control, you'll need to maintain it by throwing stuff out on a regular basis. This is what I'd do, but I suspect you'll need to reach a point of intolerance before you can muster the desire to take action and clean house. Lots of luck
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Well, if she has more of a mental condition, like hoarding, this could backfire big time. And possibly be traumatic to her and damaging to the relationship. Not a wise call if she's at hoarding level.
 
Chopper

Chopper

Senior Member
#17
Nov 8, 2014
402
11
18
#17
Matt1626 said:
She started a kitchen remodel Labor Day that she wants to do 100% on her own and it is about half way done now there is piles of Christmas stuff out
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I've read a lot here, and generally, the replies have been spot on, but this comment has disrupted my train of thought considering you are one who claims to be a follower, but then you turn around and celebrate a pagan holiday (Holy Day) called Christmas, and probably even knowing that was not the actual day the Messiah was born? What god does this really serve?

Read Angela's signature...
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#18
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
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#18
Chopper said:
I've read a lot here, and generally, the replies have been spot on, but this comment has disrupted my train of thought considering you are one who claims to be a follower, but then you turn around and celebrate a pagan holiday (Holy Day) called Christmas, and probably even knowing that was not the actual day the Messiah was born? What god does this really serve?

Read Angela's signature...
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Oh cry me a river with your anti-christmas propaganda nonsense. Everyone knows Jesus wasn't born on the 25th of December. But is taking a day to celebrate what His birth means really that awful? The answer is NO. So take your personal convictions which don't belong in this thread in the first place(stay on topic) somewhere else.
Oh, and have a very Merry Christmas.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#19
Apr 18, 2013
9,667
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#19
Nautilus said:
Oh cry me a river with your anti-christmas propaganda nonsense. Everyone knows Jesus wasn't born on the 25th of December. But is taking a day to celebrate what His birth means really that awful? The answer is NO. So take your personal convictions which don't belong in this thread in the first place(stay on topic) somewhere else.
Oh, and have a very Merry Christmas.
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I'm agreeing with Nautilus...

the apocalypse is surely upon us.

: )
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#20
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#20
MwaHaHaHaHa, my plan for domination is coming together...
 
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