Living In a Dream World: Are Some Things Better Left To Our Imaginations?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

Do you ever feel like some of the things you want to try for are better off left in the World of Fantasy rather than the Truth of Reality? Are you ever in love with an IDEA more than finding out what it could actually become? Does fear keep you from trying or reaching out, only to have you ever longing for what seems like a dream?

Here are some examples:

1. You dream of asking out/hinting that you like that really sweet, funny, faithful girl or guy at church or school or maybe even here on CC... but you're afraid of rejection. And so, you just live with the dream of "what could have been" instead of taking the risk. (I know that feeling. As I posted in the "crushes" thread, I had crushes on two former users--at completely different times--but neither felt the same towards me. I am much more reserved now... and cautious.) I also realize that even if two people do like each other, various circumstances, such as long distances (which work for some but not for others) may pose problems that can't be worked out.

But still. Do you sometimes like the IDEA that you and so-and-so could have been an item rather than finding out what so-and-so really thinks? Would you rather just leave it as an open possibility, even if it's only a dream, rather than risk having the door slammed in your face?

2. You dream of pursuing/taking that dream job/starting a business, but you're afraid of failing. Do you sometimes feel like it's better to hang on to the dream of "What Could Have Been" rather than risking all and going for it? Maybe you have images of becoming a CEO of your own company... but for whatever reason, you never actually go after that dream. Do you comfort yourself with thoughts of "where your life could have gone" and "what it could have been", because if you at least don't try, you also don't have to face failure?

3. You dream of adopting a child or adding another baby to your family... but due to money issues, marital conflicts you are afraid to talk to your spouse about, a job that eats up all your time... You are never able to see what could have been if your family had been expanded. Do you still dream about what you believe could have been if you were able to expand your family?

Any and all experiences and thoughts are welcome--please don't feel limited to these examples. Some other examples could be confronting a bully or domineering relative, choosing to go on a missionary trip, volunteering for something that scares you, etc.

I know someone is going to bring up 2 Timothy 1:7 that says God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind.

But there is also such a thing as common sense. And I am certainly not recommending that anyone take risks that will bring harm to them or their family. For example, if a man dreams about starting a business and he has a wife, 2 toddlers, a mortgage and two cars to pay off, and nothing to start the business with (meaning another big loan), it might not be the best time or idea, seeing as 90% of new start-up businesses fail. (Don't hold me too strictly to that stat--it's just what I've recently read.)

Although we aren't to be held by fear, God has also called us to use wisdom and discernment.

But are we sometimes just afraid to even try because at least we can hang on to thoughts of what "could have been" instead of what we might see as an epic failure?

 

[Lynx]

I'm reminded of a poem about two roads diverging, and the author wondering what would have happened if he had taken the other road. Had the author taken the other road the result would have been the same - he would have wondered about the road not taken, whichever it was.

Whatever we do, there will be some things left to the imagination. All we can do is the best we can do right now.

 

[BananaPie]

Well, my Mom was involved in the orphanage ministry with her church friends, and at times, I'd come along. When I was 14, I got to take care of a 2-yr-old that had arrived at the orphanage that week, and I began imploring my Mom to allow me to adopt the toddler.

I became very attached to the toddler that I actually cried myself to sleep for about 2-3 weeks when I realized that nobody was going to be taking that baby home anytime soon, and I was too young to adopt her.

I've never returned to serve the Lord at an orphanage.

 

[Lynx]

For real, you can get way too attached to those kids. :/

 

[kenthomas27]

Well, my Mom was involved in the orphanage ministry with her church friends, and at times, I'd come along. When I was 14, I got to take care of a 2-yr-old that had arrived at the orphanage that week, and I began imploring my Mom to allow me to adopt the toddler.

I became very attached to the toddler that I actually cried myself to sleep for about 2-3 weeks when I realized that nobody was going to be taking that baby home anytime soon, and I was too young to adopt her.

I've never returned to serve the Lord at an orphanage.

Did you have a hankering to go back?

 

[seoulsearch]

Banana, how heartbreaking!!! I have been to my former orphanage and there were two little girls I wanted to take home with me. One was just a baby and though I only held her for about 10 minutes, she screamed and fought the home mother when I had to give her back because for some reason, she wanted ME. I had never really experienced the power of bonding in that way before and it left me in tears.

The other little girl was 4 years old and one of a set of identical twins who were complete opposites. Her twin was smiling and happy in her crib--until you tried pick her up. The "smiling" twin fought and kicked until you set her back down, but as soon as you did, she was all smiles again. The other twin was painfully shy with no smile at all and a sad look at her eyes. She clung to the door frame and looked up at all the outgoing kids who were getting all the attention.

Like her, I am used to being in the shadows. I got down on my knees to talk to her (even though we spoke different languages) and though she didn't fight me, I had to physically place her hands on my shoulders because she was limp as a rag doll when I tried to pick her up. I smoothed her hair and talked to her for several minutes. She played with my camera and eventually, slowly, carefully rested her head on my shoulder. When I went to leave, she followed me to the door, and as I was putting on my shoes, she looked up at me with the saddest, puppy dog eyes and held her arms out as if to say, "Why are you leaving me? Please take me with you--I'll follow wherever you go because no one else notices me." I was a MASSIVE WRECK. I cried myself to sleep for the next three nights.

I asked if I could sponsor all three of these girls (the baby and the twins) but the happy news is that I was told they had already been adopted and were waiting for all the paperwork to go through.

When I was about 11 I saw a picture of a girl from the Philippines in the "Children Who Wait" section of my adoption agency's newsletter and brought it to the attention of my parents. This girl was 13 and I still remember that her name was Elizabeth. I was very excited as my parents called and found out more information about adopting her.

But seeing as my siblings and I were already going through a turbulent time, my parents decided this would not be the best choice for our family at that time. I remember cutting this girl's picture out, taping it in my diary, and crying my eyes out over not being able to have her as my sister.

I still kind of wonder what could have been.

 

[BananaPie]

It's been so long now, I no longer remember the details, but I did stay with the orphanage for about a year when I realized all the children were not getting adopted. The older girls took care of the younger ones when we volunteers were not there. The boys were housed in a separate unit, which I never got to visit.

BTW, the toddler was found in a dirt road, so nobody knew her age or birth name. The locals said that the Dad had been shot-dead and the mother was in prison. The orphanage never got to verify the story nor find any parents, relatives; nothing.

I named her after my name, and everybody started calling her by that name. She could have been 18 months for all I knew. I just remember she would always run to me when I'd arrive and wouldn't let go when I had to leave.

I wanted to bring her home with me to raise her for the Lord, but the Lord had other plans.

 

[BananaPie]

Wow! Kim, that's pretty sweet of you to visit the orphanage again.

Perhaps if we each would pray for God to grant us serving others by way of taking 2-3 hours during the week to volunteer at an orphanage, a Juvenile Hall, participate in Prison Ministry, a retirement home, or volunteer at a homeless shelter, it would impact one's life as much as the Lord would impact their's.

 

[MissCris]

My imagination gets me in trouble, so I try not to leave much to it. I either go for whatever it is I'm wanting to do, or I kick it out of my head for taking up space and not paying rent.

...well, in theory, I'm that tough...

*sigh*
I'm a chronic day dreamer. I think I've imagined having a different life, or being a different person, since I was little...and I don't even dislike myself or my life that much (usually).

But the biggest What If for me is what if I'd stayed in school and Not gotten married that first time? If I'd put in the effort to catch up on credits, and ignored the empty flattery from guys? I just get to wondering how different the last decade would look if I'd been...better. Smarter.

 

[seoulsearch]

From kindergarten through 8th grade, I had an "on-again, off-again" boyfriend (I still remember his name.) He was blond and had beautiful blue eyes. He used to go over to the drugstore across the street and buy me those $1 adjustable rings and bring me flowers from around his parent's house. By second grade, we had decided that we were going to get married someday.

One year he got me silver necklace with a puffy heart (which was all the rage back then) and I remember how blown away I was when his best friend told me it was from JCPENNEY (which to me, was pretty doggone fancy) and cost $14. I couldn't really grasp the thought of a boy spending so much money on me. In return, I saved my allowances and bought him a t-shirt and a watch. But after 8th grade, we went to different schools.

I ran into him at a restaurant when we were in our 20's... and one of my best friends said she saw him just a few months ago... and that he still looks the same. Sometimes I wonder what his personality is like now because I never knew him as an adult.

And sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if we would have gotten married.

Just... maybe a little later on than second grade.

 

[Kaycie]

I have a crush on a great guy. No one has ever made me feel like he does. And yes I am in a dream world with him. Do I want it to stay in a dream world and not in reality like your example? Well yes and no. I want it to happen for real, but not until I am ready. I want to lose weight first, not just for him but for me. I want to feel like I can be romantic, and in the real world I can't do that right now, but in my dreams I can. I think I could be ready by this summer.

If this summer comes and I do feel ready and it does not happen, I would still want to be in that dream world with him even if it can't happen in reality. But yes, I really, really, really want it to happen in reality. But if it can't I will take what I can get- even if that's his smile, his presence, a handshake, a wink, a dream. Something is better than nothing at all, but I would rather have it all. Heehee. He smiled at me last night and that's enough to keep me going for a while.

Still, I wonder, if just his smile is that powerful to me, wow how great it would be to be his girlfriend, or better yet his wife. If it doesn't happen though I would feel better about it if he at least gave me a chance in stead of just trying to calculate in his mind whether it will work or not. Just one date, one kiss then I'd feel like he gave me enough chance. I don't ask for much do I lol

 

[VioletReigns]

I'm reminded of a poem about two roads diverging, and the author wondering what would have happened if he had taken the other road. Had the author taken the other road the result would have been the same - he would have wondered about the road not taken, whichever it was.

Whatever we do, there will be some things left to the imagination. All we can do is the best we can do right now.

Brother Lynx, that poem by Robert Frost (The Road Not Taken) was one of my husband's favorite poems to recite. He and I were friends long before we married because we were both dreamers and did things some people might consider kinda risky.

We would go fishing in places way off the beaten track where we'd have to hack down foliage to make a path - we'd take a telescope up on hills & mountains to look at stars at night - we would bundle up & hop on his motorcycle for rides through the wintry snow - we swam in icy waters in the springtime - have picnics in old church yards & graveyards and look at old headstones - we searched for and found snakes, salamanders, frogs, numerous bugs, etc. - and when my heart was breaking after my favorite aunt died of cancer, he took me up to a mountain top one night, played "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M. on the car stereo and took me into his arms and danced me around. I fell in love with him spiritually before I fell in love with him in the flesh because he was a man who dreamed outside of the box.

My husband went home with the Lord almost 10 yrs ago and I'm jealous because he got to experience the breathtaking ecstasy and eternal exhilaration of being face to face with Almighty God before I did. \/

 

[VioletReigns]

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

[by Robert Frost]

 

[Hellooo]

We would go fishing in places way off the beaten track where we'd have to hack down foliage to make a path - we'd take a telescope up on hills & mountains to look at stars at night - we would bundle up & hop on his motorcycle for rides through the wintry snow - we swam in icy waters in the springtime - have picnics in old church yards & graveyards and look at old headstones - we searched for and found snakes, salamanders, frogs, numerous bugs, etc. - and when my heart was breaking after my favorite aunt died of cancer, he took me up to a mountain top one night, played "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M. on the car stereo and took me into his arms and danced me around. I fell in love with him spiritually before I fell in love with him in the flesh because he was a man who dreamed outside of the box.

My husband went home with the Lord almost 10 yrs ago and I'm jealous because he got to experience the breathtaking ecstasy and eternal exhilaration of being face to face with Almighty God before I did. \/

Violet, that's beautiful. What a great love.

 

[rachelsedge]

I dunno...despite my introvertedness and shyness, I'm a pretty big go-getter. When I have something in mind, I go after it almost to the point of obsession. I've pursued moving a few times (as you all know), job opportunities, risks, learning new skills, etc. Because sometimes I think, "I'm going to regret it if I don't try this."

For example, that one time I cliff jumped, I almost didn't do it, but then I did. I knew if I didn't, I'd spend the rest of the day wishing I would have tried it.

Another time I went to a shooting range with some friends, and another group we didn't know offered for us to shoot their AR-15. That day was my first day shooting a gun and I had only shot a really mild rifle (didn't have a kick at all) and a pistol before they offered that. At first I didn't want to, it was so big and intimidating. But then...I went for it, last minute. And it was the most fun gun I shot that day.

There's also things that I have tried and failed, such as ice skating. I was like a newborn giraffe not sure what to do with its legs, sprawling everywhere. But I can say that I have done it. I just can't say I'm GOOD at it.

Those are just a few examples. I could give more, but hopefully that shows my point. It seems to be less "I wish I had done that" and more "What have I done??" for me.

NOW, when it comes to guys I like...not a go-getter at all, though I still daydream and overthink.

However. I am single. I can do these things. I am not responsible for a family nor do I have a boyfriend/husband/fiance. If I did, I would not be able to do things on a whim the way I do sometimes now. When you are taking care of other people/other people are counting on you, it's harder to take chances.

 

[VioletReigns]

My children are also dreamers and go-getters. The had no fear of the dark even when they were small and were never shy at all. They once some big monstrosity of an insect (which my husband identified as a male Dobsonfly) and brought him home as a pet. I soon got over my fear of it when I discovered that the male, which has long mandibles, will not hurt you. Only the females bite.

Mr. Dobsonfly tolerated our holding & petting him for a few days and he seemed to like our garden. But eventually he fly away, no doubt looking for a Miss Dobsonfly.

 

[rachelsedge]

Mr. Dobsonfly tolerated our holding & petting him for a few days and he seemed to like our garden. But eventually he fly away, no doubt looking for a Miss Dobsonfly.

View attachment 93646

(Sorry, big bugs creep me out a little. I just did a whole body shiver imagining that thing crawling on my hand)

 

[seoulsearch]

^^^ I'm pretty sure that thing could have carried me off... I'm alright with spiders, but I've never been around a spider that big before... especially with wings.

 

[kenthomas27]

Violet's quite right. In my studies of intimolo...entymeetolo...entermelegy...entymelog...when I look at insects, the male dobsonfly is quite harmless. Actually they're docile good natured lil fellers and with poor taste in women. Here's a close up of the male...






clearly you will note the difference in the female's overall demeanor.....

 

[seoulsearch]

Ok, I think Kenthomas just got himself 10 bonus points for those pics... LOL!