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I do not think anything is wrong with you. Mabey he needs to see that side of you as far as standing your ground.
Tell him when he say's something ugly. Don't do it in anger. You have liberty in Christ. I tell mine he is crossing the
line and I do not like it. Why would it be your fault? You are a child of the king. He should treat you with respect and love.
Tell him when he say's something ugly. Don't do it in anger. You have liberty in Christ. I tell mine he is crossing the
line and I do not like it. Why would it be your fault? You are a child of the king. He should treat you with respect and love.
Let this sinning by your unsaved husband strengthen your faith, strengthen your faith that God's word is true. Read Romans 1-4 where the unbeliever is described. If the unbeliever did not act very sinful, then God's Word would be wrong, and Christianity would be a lie. So your unbeliever is going to sin, and sin won't wait for a few days. And when the unbeliever stops sinning for a few days, then know that Christianity is false.
But the fact is that you also are going to sin and the Bible says so (James
"in many things we all stumble.").
But your husband can't help sinning. And rebuking him for sinning won't stop him from sinning. Trying to punish someone in authority over you will not stop him from sinning either. But if you are a Christian then you can help sinning. You don't have to sin. You can say, "When you do X, I feel sad" (I doubt you will say, "When you do X, my pride is injured because I am a god and how dare a mortal treat me with dishonor.")
1 Peter 3:1 In like manner, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, even if any obey not the word, they may without the wordbe gained by the behavior of their wives; 2 beholding your chaste behavior coupled with fear.
"It gets tiring."
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a human being sows, that shall she also reap. For she that sows unto her own flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but she that sows unto the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not be weary in well-doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. So then, as we have opportunity, let us work that which is good toward all.
Thus while it is more than tiring, it is painful to be treated in a wicked injurious way, be encouraged that the Bible is validated by the wickedness. And your ability to love via the fruit of the Spirit also validates God's Word. And since you are a Christian, your Christ-love and reverential fear for your husband may constrain him to trust Christ as Savior -- there being no guarantee, though 1 Cor 7 assures us that the unbelieving husband of a Christian woman is special (even "holy") to God.
But the fact is that you also are going to sin and the Bible says so (James
"in many things we all stumble.").
But your husband can't help sinning. And rebuking him for sinning won't stop him from sinning. Trying to punish someone in authority over you will not stop him from sinning either. But if you are a Christian then you can help sinning. You don't have to sin. You can say, "When you do X, I feel sad" (I doubt you will say, "When you do X, my pride is injured because I am a god and how dare a mortal treat me with dishonor.")
1 Peter 3:1 In like manner, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, even if any obey not the word, they may without the wordbe gained by the behavior of their wives; 2 beholding your chaste behavior coupled with fear.
"It gets tiring."
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a human being sows, that shall she also reap. For she that sows unto her own flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but she that sows unto the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not be weary in well-doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. So then, as we have opportunity, let us work that which is good toward all.
Thus while it is more than tiring, it is painful to be treated in a wicked injurious way, be encouraged that the Bible is validated by the wickedness. And your ability to love via the fruit of the Spirit also validates God's Word. And since you are a Christian, your Christ-love and reverential fear for your husband may constrain him to trust Christ as Savior -- there being no guarantee, though 1 Cor 7 assures us that the unbelieving husband of a Christian woman is special (even "holy") to God.
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J
Hi, Honja.
In relation to your unsaved husband, you asked, "Why does he have to use that tone and say things that way?" and here is the answer to your question:
"Either make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by his fruit. O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned." (Matthew 12:33-37)
Spiritually speaking, as an unsaved man, your husband is presently a "corrupt tree" and his "fruit" therefore is going to be "corrupt" as well. Yes, spiritually speaking, he presently has an "evil heart" and therefore only "evil treasures" are going to proceed forth from the same. That's your husband, presently...BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU?
As "tough" as this may sound, Honja, I honestly believe that you need to repent of your own SELFISHNESS before the Lord. I say that for at least two reasons:
1. You really don't seem to be the least bit concerned that your husband is presently unsaved and therefore headed for eternal damnation. I mean, maybe you do have such a concern, but if you do, then it's certainly not coming forth in your posts here.
2. You spoke to your husband of what you "deserve". Let me tell you plainly what both you and I "deserve", Honja:
ETERNITY IN THE LAKE OF FIRE.
If it wasn't for the mercy and grace which has been offered us in Christ in that He laid down His Own life that we might have life, then we'd be lost for all of eternity. Are you willing to be so SELF-SACRIFICIAL with your own husband or are you rather only concerned with what you believe that you "deserve"? Again, I'd admonish you to go back and reread what I posted here yesterday from I Peter and how it pertains directly to your present situation. God has given you the necessary guidelines to best potentially HELP YOUR HUSBAND TO BE SAVED, Honja, but, quite frankly, I haven't heard any concern for the same uttered by you here up until the present moment. Do you care about your husband at all, Honja, or simply about how he treats YOU? Again, he is a "corrupt tree", presently, so why are you seeking "good fruit" from the same? What you need to be doing, Honja, is taking whatever steps are necessary to best aid him in potentially coming into a saving relationship with Jesus Christ and, again, I believe that I helped to lay those steps out for you yesterday as they have been revealed unto us via Peter's first epistle.
Finally, and this may sound REALLY "tough", whereas your husband is, by analogy, presently a "corrupt tree which cannot produce good fruit", you're supposed to be "a good tree which cannot produce bad fruit". As such, you really ought not seek to justify your own wrong responses to your husband's bad actions. Don't get me wrong...I'm not seeking to justify your husband's bad behavior in any way, shape or form, but I am trying to get across to you that like the scorpion in the story that I shared with you yesterday, your husband basically cannot help but to "sting you" with his present fallen nature. You, on the other hand, are called by Christ to "overcome evil WITH GOOD" (Romans 12:21). Why don't many people seek to or want to do the same? Well, in many cases, simply because they're too selfish and proud to seek after such a thing. Again, Honja, as "tough" as it may sound, you "deserve" hell and the only reason that you won't go there (assuming that you don't reject Christ, that is) is because SOMEBODY ELSE LAID DOWN THEIR LIFE FOR YOU. Are you willing to do the same for your own husband? Again, please reread what I posted here yesterday. The love and affection which your unsaved husband isn't presently giving you IS OBTAINABLE FROM YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER. Seek the same there until the time comes (if it ever comes) that your husband is actually capable of giving you the same. Honja, no man can love you in the manner in which Christ loves the church APART FROM CHRIST and your husband is presently apart from Him. As such, I ask you, once again, are you willing to take the necessary steps to best potentially help your own husband to get saved? If you are, then I believe that I gave you a pretty good blueprint for the same yesterday from Peter's first epistle.
Anyhow, I'm not insensitive to your present plight, so please don't think that I am. IOW, I'm not like the Pharisees of old who laid heavy burdens upon others and then wouldn't move so much as one of their own fingers to help them. If I can be of any assistance to you, then please don't hesitate to ask. "Tough love" isn't always popular, but sometimes it is necessary and I've therefore spoken rather plainly with you in this response. Hopefully, you recognize that I'm trying to best help BOTH you and your presently unsaved husband.
Have a blessed day in the Lord.
In relation to your unsaved husband, you asked, "Why does he have to use that tone and say things that way?" and here is the answer to your question:
"Either make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by his fruit. O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned." (Matthew 12:33-37)
Spiritually speaking, as an unsaved man, your husband is presently a "corrupt tree" and his "fruit" therefore is going to be "corrupt" as well. Yes, spiritually speaking, he presently has an "evil heart" and therefore only "evil treasures" are going to proceed forth from the same. That's your husband, presently...BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU?
As "tough" as this may sound, Honja, I honestly believe that you need to repent of your own SELFISHNESS before the Lord. I say that for at least two reasons:
1. You really don't seem to be the least bit concerned that your husband is presently unsaved and therefore headed for eternal damnation. I mean, maybe you do have such a concern, but if you do, then it's certainly not coming forth in your posts here.
2. You spoke to your husband of what you "deserve". Let me tell you plainly what both you and I "deserve", Honja:
ETERNITY IN THE LAKE OF FIRE.
If it wasn't for the mercy and grace which has been offered us in Christ in that He laid down His Own life that we might have life, then we'd be lost for all of eternity. Are you willing to be so SELF-SACRIFICIAL with your own husband or are you rather only concerned with what you believe that you "deserve"? Again, I'd admonish you to go back and reread what I posted here yesterday from I Peter and how it pertains directly to your present situation. God has given you the necessary guidelines to best potentially HELP YOUR HUSBAND TO BE SAVED, Honja, but, quite frankly, I haven't heard any concern for the same uttered by you here up until the present moment. Do you care about your husband at all, Honja, or simply about how he treats YOU? Again, he is a "corrupt tree", presently, so why are you seeking "good fruit" from the same? What you need to be doing, Honja, is taking whatever steps are necessary to best aid him in potentially coming into a saving relationship with Jesus Christ and, again, I believe that I helped to lay those steps out for you yesterday as they have been revealed unto us via Peter's first epistle.
Finally, and this may sound REALLY "tough", whereas your husband is, by analogy, presently a "corrupt tree which cannot produce good fruit", you're supposed to be "a good tree which cannot produce bad fruit". As such, you really ought not seek to justify your own wrong responses to your husband's bad actions. Don't get me wrong...I'm not seeking to justify your husband's bad behavior in any way, shape or form, but I am trying to get across to you that like the scorpion in the story that I shared with you yesterday, your husband basically cannot help but to "sting you" with his present fallen nature. You, on the other hand, are called by Christ to "overcome evil WITH GOOD" (Romans 12:21). Why don't many people seek to or want to do the same? Well, in many cases, simply because they're too selfish and proud to seek after such a thing. Again, Honja, as "tough" as it may sound, you "deserve" hell and the only reason that you won't go there (assuming that you don't reject Christ, that is) is because SOMEBODY ELSE LAID DOWN THEIR LIFE FOR YOU. Are you willing to do the same for your own husband? Again, please reread what I posted here yesterday. The love and affection which your unsaved husband isn't presently giving you IS OBTAINABLE FROM YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER. Seek the same there until the time comes (if it ever comes) that your husband is actually capable of giving you the same. Honja, no man can love you in the manner in which Christ loves the church APART FROM CHRIST and your husband is presently apart from Him. As such, I ask you, once again, are you willing to take the necessary steps to best potentially help your own husband to get saved? If you are, then I believe that I gave you a pretty good blueprint for the same yesterday from Peter's first epistle.
Anyhow, I'm not insensitive to your present plight, so please don't think that I am. IOW, I'm not like the Pharisees of old who laid heavy burdens upon others and then wouldn't move so much as one of their own fingers to help them. If I can be of any assistance to you, then please don't hesitate to ask. "Tough love" isn't always popular, but sometimes it is necessary and I've therefore spoken rather plainly with you in this response. Hopefully, you recognize that I'm trying to best help BOTH you and your presently unsaved husband.
Have a blessed day in the Lord.
V
Unfortunately, you cannot expect an unsaved spouse to abide by the Lord's instructions to married couples. If your husband doesn't have Jesus in his heart and mind, you have the privilege to show him Jesus by example.
On the other hand, every human being knows right from wrong and can understand the Golden Rule. You said, "We don't communicate our feelings to each other." It's not going to accomplish anything to remind him over and over of his offenses against you. You need to get counseling to learn how to communicate effectively. If your husband doesn't want to go along, get counseling for yourself. You need to learn what your boundaries are and he will learn not to cross them.
It's not your fault the way your husbands acts. We are each accountable 100% for what we do and say. But again, your husband is not a Christian and you can't expect him to be the godly husband the Lord instructs him to be.
And pray for your husband and treat him the way you want to be treated. Show him unconditional love. Love him in spite of his weaknesses, just as Jesus loves us with a perfect love. Let your love be higher than the love of the world.
It sounds to me like your husband is a good provider, he trusts you with his money, he enjoys activities at home (even if it is video games), you said your relationship is good when you are not arguing. Again, get counseling to learn to communicate in effective ways. Possibly you will learn to approach him better and he might listen to you.
I pray in Jesus' name the Lord give you wisdom and grace in your situation. May your marriage be blessed in the beauty of holiness, in Christ Jesus I pray!
On the other hand, every human being knows right from wrong and can understand the Golden Rule. You said, "We don't communicate our feelings to each other." It's not going to accomplish anything to remind him over and over of his offenses against you. You need to get counseling to learn how to communicate effectively. If your husband doesn't want to go along, get counseling for yourself. You need to learn what your boundaries are and he will learn not to cross them.
It's not your fault the way your husbands acts. We are each accountable 100% for what we do and say. But again, your husband is not a Christian and you can't expect him to be the godly husband the Lord instructs him to be.
And pray for your husband and treat him the way you want to be treated. Show him unconditional love. Love him in spite of his weaknesses, just as Jesus loves us with a perfect love. Let your love be higher than the love of the world.
It sounds to me like your husband is a good provider, he trusts you with his money, he enjoys activities at home (even if it is video games), you said your relationship is good when you are not arguing. Again, get counseling to learn to communicate in effective ways. Possibly you will learn to approach him better and he might listen to you.
I pray in Jesus' name the Lord give you wisdom and grace in your situation. May your marriage be blessed in the beauty of holiness, in Christ Jesus I pray!
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H
Today is our wedding anniversary... but it seems like my husband doesn't care. He left for work early, while I was still sleeping. Until now, no txt message of greeting or hint that he remembers our special day. I feel like he has totally neglected me. Last night, he didn't sleep in our room. He slept in the livingroom.
H
@VioletReigns: My husband doesn't trust me with money. He made it clear to me when we were talking about our finances. I told him that I want to manage our finances. We put our salaries together when we are both earning, but right now, I am unemployed. He said right out loud: "I don't trust you with money." When I asked him why, he said it's because my computation skills are "not good". Is that the right thing to say to a wife who hasn't even done anything to cause her husband to distrust her? I don't know where he drew his assumptions that he can't trust me with money. I have never spent money on anything extravagant. In fact, since we got married, I haven't spent even my own salary for shopping. When I buy something for myself, I always tell him about it... sometimes I'd even ask his permission. I haven't stolen anything from him! When we put up a business, it was our joint account that we used, and some of my own money from my own account, as well as his money from his account which he spent for our plane tickets to my home country. I feel like he always judges me. I don't know what I did to justify his claim that I can't be trusted with money. He told me he would give me all his salary this time, and then he will see if I can "manage finances well"... but a few days after, he said he wanted to throw the money in my face. Maybe for him, it was just a joke... but for me, that was crossing the line. That is why we are not talking now. I was hurt, but he thinks that I am only making a big deal out of a joke he made about money. I feel soooooo small, so unimportant to him that he doesn't consider my feelings at all.
J
Hi, Honja.
I'm sorry to hear that the anniversary of your wedding has gotten off to a bad start. Please remember that you have another Bridegroom, Jesus Christ, Whose love can sustain you through your present distress. May He truly be your strength during these trying times and forever.
Have a blessed day in the Lord.
I'm sorry to hear that the anniversary of your wedding has gotten off to a bad start. Please remember that you have another Bridegroom, Jesus Christ, Whose love can sustain you through your present distress. May He truly be your strength during these trying times and forever.
Have a blessed day in the Lord.