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cmarieh

Guest
#1
#1
Hi,
I met this guy at a church only for about five minutes. He found out who I was related to and started to make comments, like I was a nice lady and my sister gave him my phone number so we could be friends. This guy is not the smartest monkey in the barrel and I have always had dreams of dating an educated man. I believe he is getting the wrong impression from me and wants to date me. I just want a friendship. I need help and advice on not leading him on and we scheduled a time next week to get together, to get to know each other and need to tell him before then. Please help
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#2
#2
Also, he keeps texting me and wanting to talk to me all the time and to be honest, I don't always have time to talk.
 
hoss2576

hoss2576

Senior Member
#3
May 10, 2014
552
23
18
#3
Just be completely honest with him. Trust me once you tell him you want an "educated" man, I sincerely doubt that he will bother you any further.
 
K

kinzo

Guest
#4
#4
How are you giving him the wrong impression? Take some time to think about how you have treating him. Maybe you can get some feedback from you sister if you are close to one another. On the other hand, he may be reading more into your words or actions because of what your sister may have told him. Sounds like your sister maybe playing match maker. Pray and ask God for wisdom. Reflect back upon how previous relationships have worked out. You must decide how much time you are willing to see him alone or with other friends. This also is true for talking on the phone. Let him know when you can talk to him and stick to it, this will help his nervousness. It sounds like you have other friends and commitments that are important to you. and that he will need to respect how you think best to balance your priorities. It is OK to let him know that right now you just want to be friends. Let God guide your heart with wisdom. Go at a pace that you are comfortable with that will honor the Lord.
 
JesusMyOnly

JesusMyOnly

Senior Member
#5
Jun 30, 2014
880
15
0
#5
The only way you can get your point across to him, is to do just that. Before it gets out of hand you just need to ask him his intentions. I believe you can do that in a respectful, not mean at all manner. You then need to make it clear that you just don't wish to seek a relationship. You can be nice but strict at the same time in making him understand where your boundaries are.
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#6
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#6
If you are really sure that he wants to date you, you have to be honest with him and tell him what you are looking for, from the relationship. After that, it is up to him to decide whether to accept you as a friend or not.
 
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kenthomas27

Guest
#7
#7
Just tell him about the plans you've made for the wedding. He'll probably leave rubber.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#8
Jan 15, 2011
6,058
3,371
113
#8
kenthomas27 said:
Just tell him about the plans you've made for the wedding. He'll probably leave rubber.
Click to expand...
Or jump for joy and promptly send a text to everyone he knows about the engagement......
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#9
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#9
kenthomas27 said:
Just tell him about the plans you've made for the wedding. He'll probably leave rubber.
Click to expand...

You made me laugh so hard that the one stitch in my side hurt.
 
Mo0448

Mo0448

Senior Member
#10
Jun 10, 2013
1,209
15
38
#10
I suggest insinuating and throwing the word "friend" around alot so that he gets the message. Things like it should be nice hanging out with a friend. Or you're a good friend. Emphasize the word friend enough and even the most intellectually challenged individual will get the hint. You should also talk to your sis as others mentioned she might have given him the wrong Idea about you or your intentions. If you guys get in the subject of what your intentions are...you can always go with the "classic", "I'm always so busy with work and other priorities that I do not have time to be in a relationship". Good Luck! Let us know how it goes :)
 
J

Jacob_Fitzgerald

Guest
#11
#11
I think I might have run into somewhat similar situations in the past, and seeing things from the guys perspective I wish those ladies had simply explained everything outright. It would actually have been really easy on me to find that they wanted a friendship and nothing more. Instead we got to play games where I had to do a lot of guessing, and I am terrible at guessing.

Merry Christmas!
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#13
#13
In all honesty, he makes me feel good about myself and a part of me wants to pursue this guy, but my head is telling me different. Yesterday, he was with his family and they were asking questions about me, what I looked like and that sort of thing. He sent me a message, for a picture,so I chose one with my sister and I at her bridal shower, calling me beautiful. This morning, he sent me a message that said, " Good Morning, Beautiful" Which I was like Awwww! I don't want to get my emotions to overshadow my senses because I know that it is smart to think with my head. Any thoughts? I appreciate all the advice you have given me and I will keep you all informed.
 
thezachattack

thezachattack

Senior Member
#14
Jun 12, 2014
256
1
18
#14
Hey cmarieh! At the risk of sounding overly blunt, I think you need to decide now what you want the relationship to be. If he is complimenting you through text like that, he obviously cares for you. You seem to be one of the first things he thought of this morning. If you are not interested in entertaining the thought of a relationship, I think you should make that clear to him. I think you should also offer him an "out" to hanging out next week if he seems disappointed that you do not feel the way he does. I wouldn't take it personal if he chooses not to hang out with you. He may have just read the situation wrong. If he does still choose to hang out, at least now he knows your intentions up front and you won't feel worse about the situation if he claims you "strung him along" once you are better friends. Good luck!
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#15
May 23, 2009
16,238
5,204
113
#15
Just food for thought as well... I'm certainly not saying that you have to date this guy (I agree with what everyone else has said about clearly telling him you're not interested), but never underestimate "the uneducated."

I have a good friend who only thought she'd date guys with at least a 4-year college degree, and she started dating a guy with a high school education but was an absolute gentleman to her. I'm not knocking wanting to date someone "educated", but it can also pay to keep an open mind.

I have a friend who struggled all through high school even though he tried his hardest but he can take anything apart and put it back together. He now has a job doing just that. (I visited his workshop once and he had everything from old radios to computer printers to lawnmowers and tractors that people were paying him to fix.)

Most of the people in my family do not have college degrees and God has blessed them tremendously through hard work and diligence. I have one relative who has a very high position at a huge company everyone knows, is younger than I am, and never finished their college degree. (Of course, they also work crazy hours and rarely see the light of day. Success always comes with a price.)
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#16
Aug 13, 2014
26,697
8,935
113
#16
cmarieh said:
kenthomas27 said:
Just tell him about the plans you've made for the wedding. He'll probably leave rubber.
Click to expand...
What does that mean?
Click to expand...
That means he will be scared away if you start talking about wedding plans, and he will be in such a hurry to leave that he will burn rubber with his tires on the road.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#17
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#17
It's very simple, be honest with him. I mean about your feelings. If you're not sure what you want from.this relationship tell him friends first, then if it's going to.be something else, then so be it.
 
IBDesmond

IBDesmond

Senior Member
#18
Jan 25, 2013
148
3
0
#18
I concur with everything (all of what I read) above.

If you feel like you're in a position where you can't be blunt and honest (for example, if you're not actually 100% sure he likes you and wants to be more than friends) then there are few things you can do.
If you're can't be blunt, be almost passively honest (for lack of a better word). Explain how you don't want a boyfriend or that you're not attracted to guys LIKE him but say it in a way where he doesn't feel attacked. Bring up the topic of educated men and exaggerate the fact you want a Harvard grad. with a phd haha. It's quite a harsh thing to do but the damage isn't lasting and it works. If you make a guy feel like he's not good enough for you without personally attacking him....he'll give up. I'm talking from experience. Make him feel like he doesn't have a chance. Alternatively you could keep comparing him to your ex....guys hate that as much as girls do.

Also, give him late replies and sometimes don't even reply at all. And when you do reply, make the replies short and boring. Don't try to engage conversation. He will get bored and give up.

However, you want to remain friends. If you make the effort to hang with him, he'll think you're interested. If you want to hang with him, invite him along to group chill sessions. Don't let him be the focus of your attention whilst hanging with him. Make him feel like a spare part almost, but not to the extent where you treat him like dirt.

Can you see how confusing and complex all this is?
That is why honesty is your best policy. Just let him know where he stands :/
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#19
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
138
63
#19
cmarieh said:
In all honesty, he makes me feel good about myself and a part of me wants to pursue this guy, but my head is telling me different. Yesterday, he was with his family and they were asking questions about me, what I looked like and that sort of thing. He sent me a message, for a picture,so I chose one with my sister and I at her bridal shower, calling me beautiful. This morning, he sent me a message that said, " Good Morning, Beautiful" Which I was like Awwww! I don't want to get my emotions to overshadow my senses because I know that it is smart to think with my head. Any thoughts? I appreciate all the advice you have given me and I will keep you all informed.
Click to expand...
I do think you need to make sure that you aren't just using him for an ego boost. That isn't fair to him. If you genuinely aren't interested in anything about him other than the compliments he gives, then cut things off by telling him plainly that you aren't interested.

But if you initially wrote him off based on what you perceived as a lack of intelligence and are now genuinely changing your mind about him, that's a little bit different. Just watch your motives and be fair to him and his heart. And be wary of making quick judgments next time. ;)
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#20
#20
Lynx said:
That means he will be scared away if you start talking about wedding plans, and he will be in such a hurry to leave that he will burn rubber with his tires on the road.
Click to expand...
Okay, that makes sense. Thank You for clearing it up. I feel dumb for wondering what this meant.
 
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