Marriage Adultery Pornography

[Colorful]

Setting the scenario:

Chip Douglas is a married man who works for the cable company. He has never physically cheated on his wife, Julia Gulia Douglas, nor has he ever had personal communication with any other woman. They are both Christians and have ups and downs with their walk with the Savior Jesus Christ. During one of the downs, Julia Gulia wakes up in the middle of the night and notices her husband watching porn on their cable television (masturbation included).

Questions for this specific scenario:

1.) Did the cable guy, Chip Douglas, "cheat"/commit adultery? If yes, does this give biblical grounds for his wife to divorce her husband as he has committed adultery? If it's not, please explain why you think he didn't "cheat"/commit adultery.

2.) Matthew 5:28 "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." If Chip Douglas wasn't even watching porn, but lusted after Julia Gulia's best friend, is the adultery (committed in the heart) grounds for his wife to have a biblical divorce? If so, would it make almost 100% (if not 100%) of marriage eligible for biblical divorces? If it does not mean that, what does it mean exactly?

3.) If lusting (in the heart) is not grounds for a biblical divorce, would the ONLY difference between Chip lusting in his heart and watching pornography be that one involved manual physical activity and the other was mental? If so, to be consistent with principles and beliefs (assuming you believe lust is not grounds for a biblical divorce), then watching porn is not eligible for a biblical divorce (even if he refuses to stop watching it), correct?



Please answer any and all questions. I want people to vote, but I value written responses just as I do a quick vote. Thank you.

 

[Sirk]

If chip Douglas is looking at porn he is planting the seeds to act on his lust if the opportunity presents itself...and the opportunity will not be the thing that caused him to act because the act will have long been nurtured in his heart.

 

[hannahbeth1124]

Okay. The very quick "I only have ten minutes to answer at the moment" responses.

Did Chip cheat? Yes. But why?

We know Jesus said this about adultery in the book of Matthew.

27"You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'; 28but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29"If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

Unfortunately, Chip seems to have fallen into a very easy trap set for a lot of marriages. He's spiritually sick/injured. Which leads to the follow up. What is his wife and help-mate's responsibility to her partner in this scenario?

The world says divorce is a viable option here. And many might agree with that point. However, when vows are taken, even if one breaks those vows, if the woman is seeking after God's will her marriage she'll understand that the bible says this about love in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13. The very love these two pledged on their wedding day.

4 Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
5 It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
6 It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
7 Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fade less under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].
8 Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy ([d]the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].

And so as a Christian wife, though it may be difficult to suffer the injury of adultery, though it MAY seem impossible to continue in a loving relationship, the bible says if we act in love, it isn't. If Chip is remorseful, and seeks forgiveness and healing in his marriage, his wife is meant to be there as his helpmate to heal their hurting marriage.

To quote the movie Fireproof, "You never leave your partner. Especially not in a fire." I'd recommend counseling under their pastor, and a good dose of the Love Dare.

 

[Colorful]

If chip Douglas is looking at porn he is planting the seeds to act on his lust if the opportunity presents itself...and the opportunity will not be the thing that caused him to act because the act will have long been nurtured in his heart.

That you for your response. How do you feel towards the specific questions I asked though?

 

[Colorful]

Okay. The very quick "I only have ten minutes to answer at the moment" responses.

Did Chip cheat? Yes. But why?

We know Jesus said this about adultery in the book of Matthew.

27"You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'; 28but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29"If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

Unfortunately, Chip seems to have fallen into a very easy trap set for a lot of marriages. He's spiritually sick/injured. Which leads to the follow up. What is his wife and help-mate's responsibility to her partner in this scenario?

The world says divorce is a viable option here. And many might agree with that point. However, when vows are taken, even if one breaks those vows, if the woman is seeking after God's will her marriage she'll understand that the bible says this about love in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13. The very love these two pledged on their wedding day.

4 Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
5 It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
6 It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
7 Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fade less under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].
8 Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy ([d]the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].

And so as a Christian wife, though it may be difficult to suffer the injury of adultery, though it MAY seem impossible to continue in a loving relationship, the bible says if we act in love, it isn't. If Chip is remorseful, and seeks forgiveness and healing in his marriage, his wife is meant to be there as his helpmate to heal their hurting marriage.

To quote the movie Fireproof, "You never leave your partner. Especially not in a fire." I'd recommend counseling under their pastor, and a good dose of the Love Dare.

Excellent response. But more than what Chip or his wife ought to do at this point, I'm wanting to know in this hypothetical situation if the grounds for a biblical divorce are met (amongst other questions that I posted). If you can address the merits (by the letter of the law at least), that would be wonderful.

 

[Nautilus]

this thread is going nowhere fast. im always wary whenever someone asks a questions, doesnt get an exact answer he likes and tries to force people to fit into a mold of yes or no. ITs like you have some sort of angle youre playing.

 

[Colorful]

this thread is going nowhere fast. im always wary whenever someone asks a questions, doesnt get an exact answer he likes and tries to force people to fit into a mold of yes or no. ITs like you have some sort of angle youre playing.

An angle? How would you know what answer I like? I, myself, am not even 100% convicted on any answer... One reason for this thread. A "response" isn't always "answering" a question. If you ask me "what time is it?" and I answer "blue", I responded but didn't really give an applicable answer to your question.

I got the idea from other recent threads. My wanting a direct answer to a direct question would be appreciated, as well as whatever else they would like to add (as I said, I welcome responses). I'm not sure why you are wary whatsoever.

 

[JonahLynx]

Great question that I actually had to think about carefully. I would say conclusively that yes, Chip committed adultery; and yes, the wife has Biblical grounds for divorce. However, there is opportunity for forgiveness and repair if the wife chooses not to exercise her right to divorce. To some degree I believe we should be merciful towards one another - especially our spouses. That God allows divorce in the case of adultery is, in my opinion, an option given to those who may be extremely hurt or suffer repeated infidelity on the part of the spouse.

Filing a divorce should not be the first reaction to lust of the heart/eyes alone, because the flesh is weak and we are told to be forgiving... but I do believe it is within "Julia's" right to divorce, and she is not in the wrong for doing so.

 

[maditaylor]

For kicks and giggles, "this sounds like heart break to me!"

In all seriousness, watching porn is committing adultery. Especially when one is physically acting upon it.
Even if Chip had his wife in mind while watching porn, it is still unfaithful. Why on earth would one choose to watch porn and masturbate, VS. having sex with someone who they love and have devoted their life to??

"In the name of God, I, ______, take you, ______, to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow."

Julia made a promise to her husband that she would be his forever. She needs to do whatever she can to keep that promise to him. Whether that be finding a councilor, consulting their pastor, having a heart to heart, post the situation on CC's forum page, or anything else that she can think of to keep their marriage together. Chip obviously needs her help. She can't give up on him.

Giving up should never be an option.

I believe that what Chip has done is indeed cheating/adultery, therefore his wife can Biblically divorce him.
But I also believe that divorce is never the answer.

Unless, maybe, your husband is some kind of psychotic mass murderer... then you may want to shimmy out of that marriage ASAP.

"This concludes our broadcast day. Click."

 

[Sirk]

That you for your response. How do you feel towards the specific questions I asked though?

"Act is the blossom of thought and joy and suffering are its fruits". It is against God's design to view porn. It is a perversion on His design for sexual intimacy. Anything against His design is not in your best interest and will harm you. Is it grounds for divorce....I suppose it depends on the situation.

 

[Haniml]

Great question that I actually had to think about carefully. I would say conclusively that yes, Chip committed adultery; and yes, the wife has Biblical grounds for divorce. However, there is opportunity for forgiveness and repair if the wife chooses not to exercise her right to divorce. To some degree I believe we should be merciful towards one another - especially our spouses. That God allows divorce in the case of adultery is, in my opinion, an option given to those who may be extremely hurt or suffer repeated infidelity on the part of the spouse.

Filing a divorce should not be the first reaction to lust of the heart/eyes alone, because the flesh is weak and we are told to be forgiving... but I do believe it is within "Julia's" right to divorce, and she is not in the wrong for doing so.

I agree, and will add, in my opinion, at least in my book adultery committed by heart is worse than physical adultery just because you could be physically present but in your mind you're absent and desiring another rather than be committed to whoever you're with both in body and mind.

It is a lot easier to control actions than it is to control your mind from wondering, desiring another. I pray I'm committed physically and mentally to my spouse.

So to answer your question I believe chip did commit adultery but its in Julias hands if she exercises that right and like jonahlynx said we can be forgiven in such circumstances.

 

[Angela53510]

If porno is grounds for divorce, then over 50% of men are out the door, and 20% of women! To say nothing of 54% of pastors in ministry.

I do NOT think watching porno is godly. It is a terrible, addictive sin. It can wreck marriages, if the person is unable to stop. But to divorce over this, is nonsense. God can heal any marriage. Just like physical adultery, reconcilation can result if there is genuine repentance.

Instead of figuring out angles to divorce, why not concentrate on ways to save marriages?

 

[tourist]

If porno is grounds for divorce, then over 50% of men are out the door, and 20% of women! To say nothing of 54% of pastors in ministry.

I do NOT think watching porno is godly. It is a terrible, addictive sin. It can wreck marriages, if the person is unable to stop. But to divorce over this, is nonsense. God can heal any marriage. Just like physical adultery, reconcilation can result if there is genuine repentance.

Instead of figuring out angles to divorce, why not concentrate on ways to save marriages?

I agree with your line of reasoning on this topic of discussion.

 

[honeybee]

my prolem is female looking to talk to a Christian elder female

 

[Haniml]

my prolem is female looking to talk to a Christian elder female

Hi, sorry I'm a bit confused. Did you mean to say when they seek to speak to elder males?

Colorful, sorry not trying to derail the thread.

 

[kinzo]

I voted that Chip committed adultery in his heart according to Christ's sermon on the mount. His wife has the choice to divorce or stay in the marriage. I agree with Angela and tourist that persistent pornography can be destructive to any marriage. If both partners submit this problem to the Lord, then repentance, forgiveness can restore the relationship over time. This problem was clearly portrayed in the movie "Firetrap" (see Hannah's comment). It would have also been an appropriate ending if the wife chose to leave her husband.

James 5: 13-20
[SUP]13 [/SUP]Is anyone among you suffering? Then he must pray. Is anyone cheerful? He is to sing praises. [SUP]14 [/SUP]Is anyone among you sick? Then he must call for the elders of the church and they are to pray over him,anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; [SUP]15 [/SUP]and the prayeroffered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins,they will be forgiven him. [SUP]16 [/SUP]Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. [SUP]17 [/SUP]Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayedearnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months. [SUP]18 [/SUP]Then he prayed again, and the skypoured rain and the earth produced its fruit.

[SUP]19 [/SUP]My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, [SUP]20 [/SUP]let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.

 

[sc81]

wow, I am stunned at all the people voting for choice A.

no wonder christian divorce is so high, if a man falls once and watches porn his wife can divorce him apparently to most people here.

 

[Haniml]

Well according to Gods word adultery is the only valid reason for divorce, and lusting according to Christ is adultery.

Divorce high rate is not due to believers accepting the word, its due to people divorcing for any small thing such oh I didnt know he snored at night, I liked her laugh but after a while it became annoying, etc, including and especially adultery but people instead of exercising forgiveness use divorce as a way out of a marriage that somehow after vowing is not what they were expecting, and not committing.

Lusting is adultery, but that doesnt mean Im going to divorce I pray to God I can exercise forgiveness. People need to exercise that more often.

 

[Jimbone]

wow, I am stunned at all the people voting for choice A.

no wonder christian divorce is so high, if a man falls once and watches porn his wife can divorce him apparently to most people here.

Just in case you didn't know, and being here since 2013 I’d be surprised you didn’t, that is ALWAYS the answer on this site. If a anyone has any complaint about a sinful or lost spouse on this site "Leave them and get a divorce", or “take the kids and leave them and get a divorce", are always the biggest answers. I'm just glad my wife wasn't getting her advice from here before I was really saved, we would have never had both of our boys, or been together for 17 years at 35 & 33 years old. They would have had her leave me in high school and taken away my best guide to Truth 15 years ago. At least in this case it’s a hypothetical, but I would personally say yes it was cheating, and I don’t think it’s grounds for divorce after just 1 time. If it’s an ongoing battle that he just doesn’t seem to even bother him and he never tries to change, then later maybe.

 

[breno785au]

I have noticed people use what Jesus said concerning divorce as a ticket to divorce. It is better to learn to forgive, and walk with another person through their issues. That is love. It is not about you. I'm so thankful to God that my wife has walked with me through my pornography impulses, regardless of how much it hurt her. She has stood by my, believing the best and praying for me so that I could see clearly who I truly am. This is love. This is your answer.