What should I think of this?

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butterfly712

Guest
#1
#1
So the night I was talking to my bf after he had an emergency text from his father telling him that he needed him to leave my house to help him with his car,he told me that he didn't want me to have to wait for him and that I needed to be with someone that's closer to me,that it could take weeks,months before we get to see each other again,and that this was not a break-up,I told him that I wanted him and him only,and that I don't care how long it takes for us to be together,how do you think I should take this?I know no one can really tell me how I should take this,or what to think,but I would like some feedback on this please,what are your thoughts on this,thank you for reading this.
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#2
#2
An "emergency" text about a car that could require an ambiguous amount of time to work on?─

I should stop myself there, actually. I am often skeptical of people, so my two cents on this would be wrought with suspicion.

What was his reaction to you telling him you were okay with waiting?
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#3
Aug 2, 2009
24,600
4,272
113
#3
butterfly712 said:
So the night I was talking to my bf after he had an emergency text from his father telling him that he needed him to leave my house to help him with his car,he told me that he didn't want me to have to wait for him and that I needed to be with someone that's closer to me, that it could take weeks,months before we get to see each other again,and that this was not a break-up,I told him that I wanted him and him only,and that I don't care how long it takes for us to be together,how do you think I should take this?I know no one can really tell me how I should take this,or what to think,but I would like some feedback on this please,what are your thoughts on this,thank you for reading this.
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Sorry, but that sounds to me like he wants you to move on.
 
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butterfly712

Guest
#4
#4
Siberian_Khatru said:
An "emergency" text about a car that could require an ambiguous amount of time to work on?─

I should stop myself there, actually. I am often skeptical of people, so my two cents on this would be wrought with suspicion.

What was his reaction to you telling him you were okay with waiting?
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He didn't really say anything when I told him that I will wait for him,I think that he wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with him,he is his dad's caretaker,his dad lives independently,but if Gary's father needs help with something,then it's Gary's job to help him,his father apoligized to him for making him have to leave my house and go all the way back.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#5
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#5
butterfly712 said:
So the night I was talking to my bf after he had an emergency text from his father telling him that he needed him to leave my house to help him with his car,he told me that he didn't want me to have to wait for him and that I needed to be with someone that's closer to me,that it could take weeks,months before we get to see each other again,and that this was not a break-up,I told him that I wanted him and him only,and that I don't care how long it takes for us to be together,how do you think I should take this?I know no one can really tell me how I should take this,or what to think,but I would like some feedback on this please,what are your thoughts on this,thank you for reading this.
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It seems unbelieveable.

Let me put you this: The last GF I had told me that, Godtold herthat, after 3 years and a half, she would come back to me... Meanwhile, she would be "busy", doing whatever thing taking place... Do you think I will be waiting for her?

Sometime ago I heard a voice telling me: "Dignity! Everyone has it"

I will wait for no one.
 
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secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#7
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#7
Siberian_Khatru said:
An "emergency" text about a car that could require an ambiguous amount of time to work on?─

I should stop myself there, actually. I am often skeptical of people, so my two cents on this would be wrought with suspicion.

What was his reaction to you telling him you were okay with waiting?
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Skeptical?

If you sent me a test message for AN EMERGENCY I will believe you (with a grain of salt)

:p
 
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butterfly712

Guest
#8
#8
We both still have in a relationship with each other on facebook,he has always had strong feelings for me,and I have always had strong feelings for him,I guess the saying is true,the heart wants what the heart wants,and you really can't help who you fall in love with.
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#9
#9
butterfly712 said:
He didn't really say anything when I told him that I will wait for him,I think that he wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with him,he is his dad's caretaker,his dad lives independently,but if Gary's father needs help with something,then it's Gary's job to help him,his father apoligized to him for making him have to leave my house and go all the way back.
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butterfly712 said:
no,he said that it was not a break-up
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Well, let me put this in the most objective way I can think of at the moment:

There are any number of possible scenarios at work here, but none of us can really put Gary in a box and say "this is what he's doing." We don't know him, and even if we did, we still can only speculate what his motives and intentions are.

"Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts..." (1 Corinthians 4:5)

"But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7)

And so on, and so forth with the scriptures (hopefully you get the idea).

My point is: Don't stress! Not until he gives you something more cut and dried, more definitive, to actually assess. Talk to him when you can and see where the conversation leads. While what I'm about to say contradicts the above scriptures to some degree, I get the idea that you're insecure about losing him because of how much you care about him. Consequently, you might be blowing this out of context ─ e.g, remember the incident with the photo?

Just some food for thought.
 
Elizabeth619

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
#10
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
48
#10
It sounds to me that your boyfriend is afraid that it may be a burden for you to deal with him being a caretaker and he is trying to cut ties for that reason. Being a caretaker is hard, and it could be that he does want to be with you but doesn't want to burden you. His father will come first. As it should be. You could tell him you'll help him with his dad and you understand his responsibility to his father and you respect it.
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#11
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,173
113
#11
Sounds like a cowards way out to me and I could be totally wrong...But excuses just throw up red flags for me and sounds like he doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

I'd leave him alone for a while as in total silence not contacting him at all, because my bet is that he will be expecting phone calls from you, messages from you. Go silent for a while and see if he contacts you. If he doesn't then he has moved on if he does then even I might give him the benefit of the doubt.
 
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Jacob_Fitzgerald

Guest
#12
#12
I could definitely see myself saying something like this fellow did. If the gal I was dating was awesome and something happened where I had to leave her and go do something difficult, say, the Lord calls me away to the ends of the earth. I might very well tell her that she doesn’t have to wait for me, I’m not the best man, and there are lots of other guys out there who are much better than I. I would say this even if I really loved the woman and truly did want her to wait for me. It’s just that my life is difficult and I don’t want her to have to bear that burden also.


Two and a half Kleenex boxes in a day and a half. That’s got to be a new record;). Don’t worry, I’m starting to feel better now. It was a nasty flu.
 
Jimbone

Jimbone

Senior Member
#13
Aug 22, 2014
2,758
847
113
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#13
How far does his dad live from you? Why does helping his dad with the car take so long? There is something missing in my mind here.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#14
Mar 13, 2014
41,482
16,386
113
69
Tennessee
#14
Jacob_Fitzgerald said:
Two and a half Kleenex boxes in a day and a half. That’s got to be a new record;). Don’t worry, I’m starting to feel better now. It was a nasty flu.
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It appears that you are on the road to recovery as I am also. It has been a lifelong process but my prognosis is promising. I feel better as well.
 
SoulWeaver

SoulWeaver

Senior Member
#15
Oct 25, 2014
4,889
2,534
113
#15
JL, in case you are right, and the story does sound fishy based on what butterfly told us, that type of guy is ruled by ego so he might return even just because she is NOT texting... I know most men function like this and most women are intelligent enough to pull this game off pretty well and dose their affections masterfully, but long ago decided I would not play this type of games anymore... because I wasnt interested anymore into things that dont last forever and wanted to be me.
Unless you are mistaken, she is better off texting him - to bore him into good riddance! If I discern, I'd be sure to freak him out extra to get away from me.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#16
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#16
butterfly712 said:
We both still have in a relationship with each other on facebook,he has always had strong feelings for me,and I have always had strong feelings for him,I guess the saying is true,the heart wants what the heart wants,and you really can't help who you fall in love with.
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A FACEBOOK relationship?

A couple of years back, I spent a whole year reading about a woman I finally met in Venezuela (she was in Colombia, before we met and i didn´t know that). When we met (it wasn´t a dating, just 1st meeting) we spent several hours in a mall, and that meeting ended up because the mall was closing and then we were aware of the time that had an end. After that we became more than friends, and we dated as often as I could pay the cost... On facebook I knew she had more "relationships" that I had myself (so I close all the accounts I ever had)... That´s not the best way to "have" a REAL relationship, by the way.
 
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JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#17
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,173
113
#17
SoulWeaver said:
JL, in case you are right, and the story does sound fishy based on what butterfly told us, that type of guy is ruled by ego so he might return even just because she is NOT texting... I know most men function like this and most women are intelligent enough to pull this game off pretty well and dose their affections masterfully, but long ago decided I would not play this type of games anymore... because I wasnt interested anymore into things that dont last forever and wanted to be me.
Unless you are mistaken, she is better off texting him - to bore him into good riddance! If I discern, I'd be sure to freak him out extra to get away from me.
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I see only one problem with this thought you have and that is Her heart is really wrapped up into this guy and if she continues to talk and chat with him it only leads to more heart ache down the road....Been there done that and at 60 I have had a few trial runs..... If I can help spare a young ones heart then so be it. God certainly knows my intentions are good toward her....Not all of the young listen though and have to have a few broken heart experiences to become the skeptic that I was for 35 years..... It is up to butterfly as to which path she will travel we each have to make our own mistakes.....or victories which ever way they turn out.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#18
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#18
JesusLives said:
Sounds like a cowards way out to me and I could be totally wrong...But excuses just throw up red flags for me and sounds like he doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

I'd leave him alone for a while as in total silence not contacting him at all, because my bet is that he will be expecting phone calls from you, messages from you. Go silent for a while and see if he contacts you. If he doesn't then he has moved on if he does then even I might give him the benefit of the doubt.
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in that case, if he asks money, "to be helped" that man could be a scammer... Just guessing!, because I´m too often wrong.
 
R

Richie_2uk

Guest
#19
#19
butterfly712 said:
So the night I was talking to my bf after he had an emergency text from his father telling him that he needed him to leave my house to help him with his car,he told me that he didn't want me to have to wait for him and that I needed to be with someone that's closer to me,that it could take weeks,months before we get to see each other again,and that this was not a break-up,I told him that I wanted him and him only,and that I don't care how long it takes for us to be together,how do you think I should take this?I know no one can really tell me how I should take this,or what to think,but I would like some feedback on this please,what are your thoughts on this,thank you for reading this.
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Rather getting feedback from others? were you may get some negative comebacks and what they think that may be wrong, the sensible thing to do is to ask your bf what did he mean by what he had said.
 
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Jacob_Fitzgerald

Guest
#20
#20
tourist said:
It appears that you are on the road to recovery as I am also. It has been a lifelong process but my prognosis is promising. I feel better as well.
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Sorry tourist, this one wen't completely over my head. Could you explain:)
 
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