need advice asap

[marissa1989]

I am not sure what I should do ive been feeling like I should go to church but my husband says no everytime I ask now I thought it might be because hes not comfortable with me driving our car but ive been offered rides to and from church with another family member and he still says no your not going and im trying hard not to be angry or bitter but its been weighing on me for a long time and I could really use some advice please?

 

[Sirk]

I am not sure what I should do ive been feeling like I should go to church but my husband says no everytime I ask now I thought it might be because hes not comfortable with me driving our car but ive been offered rides to and from church with another family member and he still says no your not going and im trying hard not to be angry or bitter but its been weighing on me for a long time and I could really use some advice please?

Seems controlling....not a good sign.

 

[jogoldie]

Hello my sister......sounds like the beginning of my walk.....my husband was furious......I studied
while he was gone.......hiding my bible under the couch.......I can't imagine now hiding Gods Word......but I was willing to do what I could to find it....and if it meant in secret for a short while I was willing to hide it.....I grew stronger though God's
love and guidence.......I was soon strong enough to stand tall and claim my faith......let no one stand in your way to God....thank God for softening your husbands heart....and keep studying the Word....
God will find a way for you to get as close to Him as you can......then all will be well......
We are here for you.....to help you...to hear you.....peace young sister.....with God in your life
you will concour all your battles......peace and joy to you .....jo

 

[Joidevivre]

I don't blame you for being angry as I would be also. As Sirk said, your husband is controlling you in ways he should not. The anger you are feeling is righteous anger at someone keeping you from worshiping and being with other Christians.

As to how you are to handle it, that is only from the Lord's direction as you wait in prayer.

So my prayer for you at this moment is that your spiritual ears will be opened to hear the Lord's thoughts giving you wisdom and the right actions to take. That you will be given the discernment to understand your husband's perspective and his needs. That the Holy Spirit will fill you with love as you follow what you sense in your spirit to do.

I pray that the Lord will use either your words or action to reach this man's heart. That your husband will find in himself a deep hunger for the things of God.

God bless you so much!

Joi

 

[Sirk]

Him not allowing you to drive and go anywhere is classic signs of an abuser. If you can talk to a professional counselor....you should asap.

 

[NewWine]

While I agree, he is showing signs of obsession, a controlling nature and so on, I don't have enough information to say he's a controlling person in general or this is leading towards abuse. If this is the case, however, please seek help IMMEDIATELY!

As for a husband not wanting his wife to attend church: By following the Bible's lead, respecting your husband in all matters, and by prayer, You are showing him Christ working in your life. Many time we are the only Jesus people ever see, and being the closest person to him, this could be an opportunity to show him Christ in you. You don't have to attend a church to be a good Christian. Seek God first in all things and let God work on his heart. He could have very deep seeded issues with churches and christian congregations. I can't say what his reasons are, but let God lead your steps in this. (sorry I can't be more help here)
Peace!

 

[ddavisson]

This is a tough one. I don't believe for a second that God wants us to be abused, there is also the chance that the unbeliever can be brought around to see the light, with God all things are possible! God did not create the unity of marriage for divorce. Against His initial design of marriage, God did make a one provision; adultery. I would pray, even fast from something if you must, but pray for GOD'S guidance. We, who have been hurt, will only guide you to the defense. God is your best counselor. You may also want to start with a study for yourself such as "Beauty for Ashes" by Joyce Meyer. Best of luck sweety.

To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. **A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? (1 Corinthians 7:12-16) Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. (1 Peter 3:1-6)

 

[ddavisson]

One more note....
GOD MUST BE FIRST IN YOUR EVERYTHING! He MUST be #1 priority in you and your life, PERIOD.

 

[cmarieh]

Is it possible that he could have been really hurt by either a person saying they are Christian or from a church in general? I would be praying for him and I would also show Gods love to him. I know that actions do speak louder than words and so maybe if you start loving him the way Christ does he may come around. I will be praying for you and your family.

 

[secularhermit]

This made me to think differently from you: " I don't believe for a second that God wants us to be abused, there is also the chance that the unbeliever can be brought around to see the light, with God all things are possible! "

In some minutes I will mention why...

 

[Jacob_Fitzgerald]

Don’t be dismayed because you are not allowed to go to church. Read the following passage:

John 4:20-24
[SUP]20 [/SUP]Our fathers worshipped in this mountain; and ye say, that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship. [SUP]21 [/SUP]Jesus saith unto her, Woman, believe me, the hour cometh, when ye shall neither in this mountain, nor yet at Jerusalem, worship the Father. [SUP]22 [/SUP]Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship: for salvation is of the Jews. [SUP]23 [/SUP]But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him. [SUP]24 [/SUP]God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.

An old woman pointed this passage out to me. She was an avid church goer, but when she got older and her health failed, she couldn’t make it to church anymore. She was dismayed because of this. Then the Lord showed her this passage and she realized that going to church was not necessary.


When it comes to understanding others, I have found that it is exceedingly important to discuss and explain a matter until everyone involved understands. Sometimes it takes a long discussion, and sometimes I have to step away for a while and think before resuming the discussion, but in the end it is worth it.

May the Lord lead you along the path to him

 

[Elijah19]

You know, you can just go anyway... It's not like he's going to chain you to the bedpost is he (or is he)? At any rate, let nothing come between you and God, and try dragging that fuddy-duddy with you instead of being so submissive...

 

[secularhermit]

@ David´s


" I don't believe for a second that God wants us to be abused, there is also the chance that the unbeliever can be brought around to see the light, with God all things are possible! "

Could this be literal (and abusive)?

Mat 5:41 And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

What about this, literal or just a figure?

Luk 6:29 To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.

I know what to do, then.

 

[ddavisson]

Does that apply to the marriage relationship?
Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
Malachi 2: 15-16 reads, "Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. ‘I hate divorce,’ says the Lord God of Israel, ‘and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,’ says the Lord Almighty."

WANTING us to be abused and allowing us to endure abuse are two very different things. Our God is a god of love, mercy and grace. I DO NOT believe for a second that God WANTS us to be abused, that's not to say that we will never endure abusive behaviors. Of coarse we will, people are mean like that, but God did not design us to be that way, we did that to ourselves. We, as Christians, are to love with the love of Jesus. Man was CRUCIFYING Jesus on the cross and what was he doing? “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” THAT is the love of Jesus. Not knowing the situation personally, if I were marissa1989 I would go to church anyway and pray pray pray for my husband. By standing by her God and praying for her husband and his salvation, that is one way of showing the love of Jesus to her husband. Ephesians 5:33 tells us that each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. I believe that going to church against her husband's command is not disrespectful. I believe, in fact, that is the opposite: as respectful of their relationship as she can get considering a) she is putting God first and b) she is more concerned about her husband's salvation and having God in their home than making her husband mad. If he loved her right he would want her in church.

Most of all I believe your best coarse of action marissa1989 is PRAYER and Godly counsel from your pastor.

 

[Sirk]

The abuse cycle is easily identified. It begins with the tension building stage then goes on to the acute battering stage... followed by the calming respite stage, and then it repeats this pattern. As the abuser continues in this cycle it is completed faster and faster with more severe abuse becoming common. There are three types of abuse....physical, sexual and emotional/spiritual.

 

[VioletReigns]

@ David´s


" I don't believe for a second that God wants us to be abused, there is also the chance that the unbeliever can be brought around to see the light, with God all things are possible! "

Could this be literal (and abusive)?

Mat 5:41 And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

What about this, literal or just a figure?

Luk 6:29 To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.

I know what to do, then.

Secularhermit, a woman once told me how when she separated from her husband because of his violent abuse, her pastor telephoned her to preach about forgiveness and advised her to let her husband back into the home. The wife replied to the pastor, "If you feel so strongly about my husband's comfort over my safety, then YOU take him into YOUR home and YOU deal with his violent temper."
The pastor hung up on her and never said another word about taking him back again.

What I'm saying is, before you advise someone to allow themselves to be abused in their own home, ask yourself if you would take the abuse for her (or him).

 

[Dan58]

A man would never ask his wife for permission to go to church... Just Go.

If he doesn't want you to go, ask him why, and if he doesn't have a good reason, tell him your going.

Your not being abused or controlled when your a willing participant. jmo

 

[Sirk]

Your not being abused or controlled when your a willing participant. jmo

You sure about that?

 

[mene71]

Begin praying for God to touch his heart and watch God honor your request since you desire to have a closer relationship with him don't give up on your husband even if he doesn't go with you the first time, begin reading your word and watching church programs on television and change the atmosphere in your home ....God Bless!

 

[Dan58]

You sure about that?

If her husband didn't want to paint the house, but she told him that she wanted him paint the house, and he did it, would that be construed as abusive or controlling? That's all I meant. When a person is voluntarily complying with what another person wants, I don't define it as abusive. If the husband was forcing her not to attend church, that would be another story.

I told my girlfriend that she needs to go on a diet, she didn't want to, but she's loosing weight none-the-less. Does that make me an abusive or controlling person? People always say what they think and express their wishes, but is it right to label them an abuser just because we don't agree with their opinion?