waiting till marriage???

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wtmOpal

Guest
#1
#1
Their reactions.... Then frustration

What kind of reactions do you guys get when you are open about being a virgin. I am a very open person about it. But in all honesty I'm almost sick of being open about it. Because of the way people react. Sometimes people just laugh and say Yeah right haha your 24 I don't believe you one bit. Then their are others who are just so dumbfounded and shocked. And then there are the ones who say I am do proud of you that is such an amazing thing, I could never have waited that long but good for you.. Like they say it in a way that they petty me or something..... And of course the guys reaction. The one who you are talking to getting to know and starting to like but no he isn't a virgin.... His reaction!! Extremely shocked... Sometimes I feel like some of them accept it and say that they think that is wonderful and still keep talking to me like it is all okay. Only because they didn't want to be a complete ass hole because they see the goodness in me and so instead of probably doing what they are really thinking which is that's great your a virgin but you should just leave now cause there is no way I could not have sex, it was nice meeting you though ... But no instead they wait it out for a little bit I'm assuming because they might think that they can change my mind and then they will get to have mind blowing sex with a virgin. Idk.. But in the end while waiting it out for a short while.. It always comes back to the same exact thing. I'm so into you and your personality and your such a great person, but it's frustrating not being able to have sex with you...
It always comes down to almost the same exact phrase after a while it's 'I'm sexual frustrated ". I'm sorry but when I first herd this phrase from a guy I'm like your joking right? You realize I'm a virgin and I'm breathing and walking I'm alive!!! It's not like your going to die without it... It's like they are so self centered that they don't even realize it is accttually possible and that there are a lot of people who don't have sex or who are virgins
It frustrates me when I hear the phrase this is sexually frustrating. Like they don't even realize also how that phrase makes me feel..
Which is to be honest a bit depressed like always that I'm stillllll a virgin at 24 with like absolutely no one around me who is also. And it makes me feel like I'm not good enough.. And kind of guilty in a small way. Like I really like this guy' but I'm jot making him happy. Again great. Or that I'm never going to be good enough for anyone. Cause they are always going to get "frustrated".... It's an awful never ending cycle.
But most of all I just can't stand people's reactions anymore towards it because of my age. Oh an also when like your with" friends " who all know about it and then are talking about sex stuff or whatever they talk to you like a child like you have no idea about anything they are talking about and say it's okay hunny and give you a pat on the back... Or something ridiculous like that...
Moral to the story I am so sick of people's reactions.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#2
Aug 13, 2014
26,702
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#2
o_O

My first reaction is you need some better friends. Some of the people at work may have the responses you described, but those I count as my friends would never say stuff like that.

My second reaction is tell them you know someone who is 36 and he survived just fine until now. They'll live.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#3
#3
I'm 31 and I'm still a virgin. I was teased for it in high school and in my tertiary school days (a bit like uni but more informal). I didn't even know what the word 'virgin' meant in early high school, but my friends they know and they accept me all the same. I've been rejected by many people for being myself, so I've never bothered to change for anyone. If you get teased for such things, find another group of friends/people to hang out with. And stick to your guns. It's tough being a virgin in a sex-soaked world but it's do-able, with the help of the Holy Spirit. I highly recommend waiting until marriage, despite what 'everyone' says. Honouring God, yourself and your future husband is far more important than being so-called cool. :)
 
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Moose_Almighty

Guest
#4
#4
I agree with Lynx, branch out and meet some new people who aren't that shallow minded. Be true to yourself and your beliefs and don't let anyone convince you otherwise. I was in your shoes not too long ago and gave into peer pressure. If I could go back I would have said no, but it is what it is. Stay true to yourself and stay true to God.
 
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GodIsSalvation

Banned
#5
Dec 18, 2013
6,733
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0
#5
The reactions I get are somewhat along the same lines as you have written here. I suppose a little different considerring I am a guy and have not really dated anyone in years.

As far as I know of it, I too am the only one in my area and age group that is.

To most of my friends it is a big joke to them. However, even those that do mock, usually they do it if they are in a group. However, one on one each and every single one of them has told me they do wish they had done the same.
 
JonahLynx

JonahLynx

Senior Member
#6
Dec 28, 2014
1,017
30
48
#6
Yeah, the pity thing used to be somewhat offensive to me as well, but now the ones who "awakened love" prematurely spend their life chasing that first high like a drug. Truly they are the ones to be pitied because the consequences of sexual sin are large in number and long in duration. Virginity is devalued partially because those who discarded theirs without thought do not want to face the reality that they've squandered their most prized possession to give.
 
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wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#7
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
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Indiana
#7
let me say 24 and still a virgin. A++++ to you. no really you should be proud you still are. And just like you said it seems like you are one of the only cause well its pretty much true. Not many men nor women can make it to 18 still a virgin let alone 24 or older.

smile be proud and don't just give it away.
 
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GodIsSalvation

Banned
#8
Dec 18, 2013
6,733
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#8
wisebeardman said:
let me say 24 and still a virgin. A++++ to you. no really you should be proud you still are. And just like you said it seems like you are one of the only cause well its pretty much true. Not many men nor women can make it to 18 still a virgin let alone 24 or older.

smile be proud and don't just give it away.
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Sadly most the people of my generation don't even make it to the age of 15. Different times I suppose.

Just to note on the pity part. I suppose that's the difference between men and women virgins. No one has expressed to me any sort of pity, pretend or genuine, for being a virgin. It seems most people kind of expect men to run around acting like common dogs. I think women are pitied for it because people think they will become spinsters.
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#9
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
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63
Indiana
#9
GodIsSalvation said:
Sadly most the people of my generation don't even make it to the age of 15. Different times I suppose.

Just to note on the pity part. I suppose that's the difference between men and women virgins. No one has expressed to me any sort of pity, pretend or genuine, for being a virgin. It seems most people kind of expect men to run around acting like common dogs. I think women are pitied for it because people think they will become spinsters.
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Well truth of it is.. I think 15 is being generous these day prob more like 12/13
 
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Tintin

Guest
#11
#11
GodIsSalvation said:
Sadly most the people of my generation don't even make it to the age of 15. Different times I suppose.

Just to note on the pity part. I suppose that's the difference between men and women virgins. No one has expressed to me any sort of pity, pretend or genuine, for being a virgin. It seems most people kind of expect men to run around acting like common dogs. I think women are pitied for it because people think they will become spinsters.
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Really? I'm a guy and I got a lot of crap for it, back in the day. False and true sympathy - everything.
 
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GodIsSalvation

Banned
#14
Dec 18, 2013
6,733
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#14
Tintin said:
Really? I'm a guy and I got a lot of crap for it, back in the day. False and true sympathy - everything.
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Yea, for myself it is mostly mockery and derision.

Though not to be too much of a debbie downer, as I said almost everyone I know of thinks it commendable if you can pull them away from the judgement of the group.
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#15
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
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Indiana
#15
GodIsSalvation said:
Yea, for myself it is mostly mockery and derision.

Though not to be too much of a debbie downer, as I said almost everyone I know of thinks it commendable if you can pull them away from the judgement of the group.
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im the groups worst nightmare.. some ages ago. I ran into a situation where some guys and their girlfriends were giving a girl a hard time about being a virgin. my comment was "well at least we know ____ isn't a whore"

Needless to say the group shut up.
 
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Jacob_Fitzgerald

Guest
#16
#16
Well... if you were looking for friends who are virgins then I think you have found a few. Welcome to the Singles Forum of Christian Chat:)

Yet another virgin,
Jacob
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#17
#17
I have been ridiculed for my virginity, so I know it is hard at times. The one thing that keeps me going is that I know that when I do get married to whoever God places in my life, that will be a very special night because I saved myself for him. Keep your chin up.
 
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psychomom

Guest
#18
#18
*deep breath...

my virginity was taken from me at 16 in what's now known as date rape...

you hang on to it, Opal...it's absolutely worth it. what a gift for your future husband.
it was hard, when i first was married, to clear former images from my mind.
i can only imagine it would be so for voluntary intercourse, as well.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#19
Mar 26, 2014
4,414
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#19
Well if you are looking for people to support you in the commitment to wait, you've found the right place. One of the things I appreciate most about the people around here is that many are committed to waiting and to God's standards for sexual activity. This is a great place to be encouraged and know you aren't the only one striving for holiness in your romantic relationships. Welcome.
 
S

Shouryu

Guest
#20
#20
I'm curious as to how virginity comes up in your day-to-day conversations.

As someone who held out until I was 28, up until I was 20 or so, I wore my virginity like a badge of honour. And much like the various people who have chimed in here, I got a wide range of reactions, from astonishment to "hey, that's impressive," to utter confusion and disdain. But something kicked in after a point...I realized that, since I REALLY didn't care what other people thought about it...why did I have to make a big point about it?

So, I stopped bringing it up. IF the topic of sex came up, I wouldn't contribute to the discussion. If someone asked me why I had nothing to say, or asked me my opinion, then I would plainly speak of my virginity, and why. And if they had a problem all of a sudden, it became REALLY easy to diffuse the situation.

"Look, ninety seconds ago, you didn't know this fact about me. Before that point, did you think I was weird, crazy, eccentric, stupid, or clearly unusual in an enormous way?"

"...well...no...but--"

"Nuh uh, no buts. Am I REALLY suddenly a whole new person just because YOU learned something about me two minutes ago, or am I really just the same dude you've been talking to for the last two years?"

"Well...I uh..."

"Furthermore, am I judging YOU or giving you a hard time about the personal choices that you, as a grown adult and an American have every right to make within the bounds of the law?"

"...no."

"So...still got a problem with me?"

End of conversation.

In the end, anyone who CAN'T deal with that, who can't accept that you've chosen to follow the Word of God...then maybe they just don't need to be your friend. It's not like you're supporting child slave labor or strip mining rainforests here, it's YOUR life, and therefore, none of their business. Meh.
 
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