-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
I would use the approach that works. What you suggest does not work. This has been shown time and time again.
The leading clinical therapist for abusers and abusees has said exactly what I'm telling you.
Maybe there is a weird attraction that the abuser still has on the woman (like in the Stockholm syndrome). Whoever stays with a man who constantly says "you're nothing but a piece of garbage" must be a person that is mentally disturbed or had experienced in her life such treatment from people surrounding her. In general a normal woman, coming from a normal family, whose course of life was relatively normal, would not accept to hang out with a brute.
S
Sirk
Guest
Psychologists are typically overpaid band aid applicators. LCPN's are the ones that do the real work of helping people overcome past hurts and hangups to live healthy fulfilling lives......no offense.
I'm sorry but this statement is so stupid. The majority of women who leave don't get killed (maybe they do in Pakistan and Saudi Arabia).
They usually say worse than "You're nothing but garbage." I would get banned if I were to type exactly what was said.
I don't think you are, and this point is why:
Basically what I believe you are saying is that women who are abused believe things about themselves that are untrue, or they are somehow otherwise unhealthy physically, emotionally, etc., and they often end up in abusive situations because they gravitate, whether consciously or subconsciously, toward men who meet their needs, and those men often turn out to be manipulative, deceptive abusers.
The thing is that not all people who believe things about themselves that are untrue wind up being abused. People who don't believe false things about themselves can and do wind up being abused.
Believing false things about oneself does not immediately punch your ticket into abuse. Furthermore, manipulation and deception, let alone abuse, are not things that people consciously walk into. When you say that an abuser and abusee are "co-conspirators in ignorance," you are very far off the mark, my friend, and that is the main point at which LionEyes (and myself for that matter) do not agree. Certainly people do fail to take steps that could help them become healthier people and better their situation, but that does not mean that they contribute to their abuse in any way. If you know that people who murder at random with guns exist in the world and you don't leave your house everyday with protective gear on, that does not make you even partially responsible for your own death if you get shot and killed. When a person is abused, the full weight of the responsibility of the abuse is on the abuser. Zero weight or blame is on the abused.
I would add too that I think you need to consider the repercussions of suggesting that a person might even be partially responsible for their own abuse. That is a demeaning and devastating thing for an abused person to hear, and in the end it is an untruth--it is a lie. Not because of the emotional weight it carries, but because it's simply, objectively untrue.
Also, no one is saying that you're justifying abuse in any way, the point LionEyes and myself are making is that there is no weight of responsibility on a victim whatsoever, and that is true for all types and degrees of abuse across the board.
Again, what you're stating is opinion, not fact. The fact is that your methods just don't work.
Why would an abuser want to change their ways? They have all of the power and control. They're not going to give that up just because their abusee is seeing a therapist or getting some life advice from nurses.
I didn't say majority. But women do get killed for leaving. And the majority do get threatened, harassed, stalked, or physically attacked after leaving. One of my friends' ex-boyfriend threw her down a flight of stairs when they were no longer together. The controlling boyfriend I mentioned didn't become physically violent until after we broke up. Yet another friend of mine joined the military so that she could have the financial support to get away and so that she could be in a place where her ex-boyfriend couldn't stalk her.
Last edited:
S
Sirk
Guest
It seems lion eyes has a very fatalistic approach and the majority of Her dealings in mental health are with the very bottom of the barrel and encourages them to stay there.
That's actually not true across the board. It really depends on the psychologist and the person who goes to see them. Some are helpful and some aren't. I have heard plenty of stories of people who have found great healing in their life after some visits to a psychologist, though.
No need to sling mud. She's a bit too abrasive, but she makes good points. I would say what's fatalistic (or at least guaranteed to fail) is asserting that someone was a co-conspirator in their own abuse.
I don't need a degree in psychology to know the profile of an abuser. I had an abusive man (husband and father) as neighbor. He likes to control everybody and feels that everybody is there to satisfy him. Women stay with these men because they got used to the treatment they get. Not because they are afraid that the man will kill them, but because they got used to him.
S
Sirk
Guest
very true that people have to be active in their recovery. A good therapist however, will have the right balance of empathy and and aggressiveness in helping people chase their personal pain.
Yeah, I've only studied from experienced clinical psychologists and what I'm telling you comes directly from THEE LEADING EXPERT in the topic at hand.
I think you just don't want to accept what I'm saying.
S
Sirk
Guest
I'm just pushing a little. She has stated she is educated. I like to see what people are made of esp when they claim the education high ground on a public forum.
When abusers see that women are about to leave them they either try to play the "I'm a changed man" card, either become even more violent in order to force them to stay. One of the main source of their "power" is the fear of the woman. When they see that the woman no longer fears them, they feel their power and control under menace. The woman must break absolutely every contact with him and eventually, he'll get the message.
I continue believing that between abuser and abused their is a weird relation of attraction like I said before. Women who stay with these guys are attracted to them in some awkward way.
I don't want to generalize, but some women who have been abused tend to fall in love with men who present signs of abusers. I mean, they get away from an abusive relationship only to end up in another abusive relationship.
S
Sirk
Guest
okay....can you give a synopses of your point as clearly and concisely as you can of the point you are making. I believe mine to be clear.
It's not so much attraction. It's the fact they feel abusers are the only type of guys who will love them, and that's the only type of treatment they can get and feel is acceptable from men.
Maybe my mind is perverse but I see a sexual attraction in that kind of relation. Actually, a very tense sexual attraction.