Bringing home the bacon

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K

kiwi_OT

Guest
#1
#1
Whats everyones opinion on a wife earning more than her husband?

Guys, how would you feel about this?

If this is happening in your life already how are you working with it?


My opinion is easy to give. I love my career choice and I would not give it up just because my husband (to be) didnt like that I earnt more than him. I think there are more ways a man can 'provide' and give direction to as the head of the family than just financially. Nuff said lol.
 
D

Demeter

Guest
#2
#2
God told Eve, "Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you" (Genesis 3:16b).

Money doesnt necessarily mean the head of the household. Just as long as the wife does what ever the husband says, all will be well.
 
MahogonySnail

MahogonySnail

Banned
#3
Jan 8, 2009
7,576
23
0
#3
I'd like the idea of the woman being the bread winner for the household. Would give me more time to focus on my embroidery.
 
B

Beeb0

Guest
#4
#4
It wouldn't bother me at all. Aslong as both are doing their part in the Lord & striving together to make a good household, everything is fine by me.
 
F

FixYourWeave

Guest
#5
#5
I want my husband to be the one to earn all the money, i wanna sit at home and watch jerry springers love triangles, my cousins sisters moms babys daddy is in love with my cocker spaniel.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#6
May 23, 2009
17,410
6,245
113
#6
I think I could be open-minded to the situation as long as I knew I wasn't in a situation where a man was just trying to use me as an excuse not to work. I don't make that much, but that has always been my situation in the past--I tend to stay in jobs for a very long time and every guy I was around would always use that as an anchor to constantly be "in-between jobs" or just quit working altogether. The thought was always, "Oh, she's working, she'll always have steady money coming in... so I can just loaf around and do whatever I want and if I don't like a job for any and every reason, I'll just quit so I can hang out more, drink more, etc... because I don't have to work that much or at all if I have her around to depend on..." That's not a pat on my back, that's a huge gaping wound because I put up with supporting guys and their families for way too many years.

I might be the "bad guy" in saying this, but since I come from a family in which the men are the main earners (my Mom and sisters-in-law were/are all stay-at-home moms), it would be very hard for me to look up to a man as the head of the household if he wasn't at least earning some kind of income, simply because that's what I'm used to. He wouldn't have to earn more than me necessarily... but for once in my life, I'd like to be with someone who could hold a job. (Yes, I'm working on trying to not judge someone from my own past experiences but I'm trying to be honest here as well.)
 
J

jewjewbeed

Guest
#7
#7
You've been blessed. Don't let anyone take that from you. If he's open minded then he'll know he's the man no matter what you bring to the table. Be blessed.
 
G

greatkraw

Guest
#8
#8
FixYourWeave said:
I want my husband to be the one to earn all the money, i wanna sit at home and watch jerry springers love triangles, my cousins sisters moms babys daddy is in love with my cocker spaniel.
Click to expand...
you are soooooooooooooooooooooo lying

he would be a CC widower!!
 
G

greatkraw

Guest
#9
#9
If I was in that situation as a husband I would insist that my wife keep her money separate and have the house in her name

my biggest concern would be my wife's family and what they thought or said

I know a little bit about this, I was interested in a girl and it was all about "what is his earning potential"
 
K

kiwi_OT

Guest
#10
#10
seoulsearch said:
I think I could be open-minded to the situation as long as I knew I wasn't in a situation where a man was just trying to use me as an excuse not to work. I don't make that much, but that has always been my situation in the past--I tend to stay in jobs for a very long time and every guy I was around would always use that as an anchor to constantly be "in-between jobs" or just quit working altogether. The thought was always, "Oh, she's working, she'll always have steady money coming in... so I can just loaf around and do whatever I want and if I don't like a job for any and every reason, I'll just quit so I can hang out more, drink more, etc... because I don't have to work that much or at all if I have her around to depend on..." That's not a pat on my back, that's a huge gaping wound because I put up with supporting guys and their families for way too many years.

I might be the "bad guy" in saying this, but since I come from a family in which the men are the main earners (my Mom and sisters-in-law were/are all stay-at-home moms), it would be very hard for me to look up to a man as the head of the household if he wasn't at least earning some kind of income, simply because that's what I'm used to. He wouldn't have to earn more than me necessarily... but for once in my life, I'd like to be with someone who could hold a job. (Yes, I'm working on trying to not judge someone from my own past experiences but I'm trying to be honest here as well.)
Click to expand...

Trust me lol your not the bad guy. Those guys you dated sound like moochers. And I completely agree with you - holding down a job and/or being financially responsible is a requirement needed from both sexes in my opinion. My family is a little different from yours. My mum is seen as the most career and financially successfulwith in our extended family, with my brother and I comming up behind her. We view education and a dash of ambition as more important than earning potential.
I think in terms of moochers you need to assess before supporting them what theyve been like in the past with things like how their parents support them and if so how much and why. And sneaky little ways of getting others to pay for things and whining about being poor etc.
I think due to the recession things are changing at least here in NZ. Jobs domineered by men are freezing up and jobs that women traditionally go for like in the education and health sector are increasing (yay for me lol).
 
K

kiwi_OT

Guest
#11
#11
Demeter said:
God told Eve, "Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you" (Genesis 3:16b).

Money doesnt necessarily mean the head of the household. Just as long as the wife does what ever the husband says, all will be well.
Click to expand...
*GAG

"The man may be the head of the house, but the woman is the neck.. And she can move the neck anyway she likes"
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#13
#13
I would not consider it to be a problem because in many cases the situation is beyond our control, if both people follow their heart into a career/job that is right for them the job type may dictate a higher salary even if both people have highly successful careers.
For instance I am a chef and even in a high position my salary would likely be quite a bit lower than a woman working in the financial sector assuming a growing economy, so it would be silly to be bothered by her earning a higher wage but it is simply luck of the draw.

The key issue is that the structure of the family has to be correct in that the man is the head of the household and is given all due respect, as long as everyone is contributing in a meaningful way I don't see it would be any problem.

I think if a husband was offended by his wife earning more it could be indicative of other problems within the marriage rather than that being the problem itself, a husband might feel his wife didn't respect him and so it might highlight a communication or self-esteem problem that was not previously in evidence.

There are possible exceptions though, if a wife made an active attempt to pursue a career to achieve some kind of supremacy then obviously that would be wrong, but again that would be a symptom of a different problem.

Trying to see this from a woman's perspective I think if a man had this expectation it would be unfair, a man may be the head of his family and the leader but a wife still has the right to a life and a successful career, so long as it compliments her home life and does not detract from it then it is fine, it would be a very harsh standard for a husband to impose because as I said we (unfortunately) do not get to set our own salaries, so if she were to earn more it likely wouldn't be a situation she had purposely engineered.

I certainly wouldn't use it as a reason to stay home, but if a man takes the oppourtunity to sit back and relax a woman probably shouldn't commit to marriage until that attitude was well broken.
 
W

WastingTheDawn

Guest
#14
#14
If a man really makes a problem out of that, his values are totally twisted. It's money over everything at that point. If my wife would make 10 000 dollars a month and I'd make 1000, I'd be happy because: 1. She really has succeeded in monetary life and probably has a great career 2. I get the benefits out of it 3. The kids can also benefit from her high pay.

WHERE IS THE PROBLEM??? Come on guys, crying about someone getting more belongs to the sandbox.
 
K

kiwi_OT

Guest
#15
#15
Matthew said:
I would not consider it to be a problem because in many cases the situation is beyond our control, if both people follow their heart into a career/job that is right for them the job type may dictate a higher salary even if both people have highly successful careers.
For instance I am a chef and even in a high position my salary would likely be quite a bit lower than a woman working in the financial sector assuming a growing economy, so it would be silly to be bothered by her earning a higher wage but it is simply luck of the draw.

The key issue is that the structure of the family has to be correct in that the man is the head of the household and is given all due respect, as long as everyone is contributing in a meaningful way I don't see it would be any problem.

I think if a husband was offended by his wife earning more it could be indicative of other problems within the marriage rather than that being the problem itself, a husband might feel his wife didn't respect him and so it might highlight a communication or self-esteem problem that was not previously in evidence.

There are possible exceptions though, if a wife made an active attempt to pursue a career to achieve some kind of supremacy then obviously that would be wrong, but again that would be a symptom of a different problem.

Trying to see this from a woman's perspective I think if a man had this expectation it would be unfair, a man may be the head of his family and the leader but a wife still has the right to a life and a successful career, so long as it compliments her home life and does not detract from it then it is fine, it would be a very harsh standard for a husband to impose because as I said we (unfortunately) do not get to set our own salaries, so if she were to earn more it likely wouldn't be a situation she had purposely engineered.

I certainly wouldn't use it as a reason to stay home, but if a man takes the oppourtunity to sit back and relax a woman probably shouldn't commit to marriage until that attitude was well broken.
Click to expand...
Well said Matt, well said :)
 
O

oorbot

Guest
#16
#16
My fiance and I will be getting married next year. Right now, I am getting more money than her. However, since she is a n optometrist who is jjust starting her practice, I know she will be getting more once her professional practice starts to kick in. I really dont mind that she'll be getting more money than me. I dont think it is an issue since i have my own small businesses as well that I can grow. We are not competing, instead we are supprotive of each other. Life is so short fpor competition and stupid insecurities. I think the communication here is the key. I really dont mind at all.
 
O

oorbot

Guest
#17
#17
correction, I should have typed "not an issue". I have told her that she will be holding our pourse for us. I will be giving her my whole money and we will decide how we are going to do with our money. I and her will not be purchasing anything without each others approval ( well of course except for those really important ones). It's the problem with us most guys. we never get to throw away our "mine-is-bigger-than-yours attitude".
 
G

greatkraw

Guest
#18
#18
oorbot said:
correction, I should have typed "not an issue". I have told her that she will be holding our pourse for us. I will be giving her my whole money and we will decide how we are going to do with our money. I and her will not be purchasing anything without each others approval ( well of course except for those really important ones). It's the problem with us most guys. we never get to throw away our "mine-is-bigger-than-yours attitude".
Click to expand...
This may not be wise considering the example her mother has set when dealing with money.(see other thread)

This may be a case where it is appropriate to each have your own money.
 
E

easygoing

Guest
#19
#19
This situation is exactly how my wife and I are. She is a RN and i am a hvac technician. I switched my career about 5 years ago from restaurant business to hvac and i had to go to school and literally had to start at the bottom and work my way up in my newly chosen field. However money issues arose and it was tough for a while financially but we never had the issue of competitiveness of who was the bread winner. I have had to put in my time and schooling along the way thus far and the lord has blessed me with an almost natural fit for what i am doing now and advances in my pay scale has come quite rapidly as a result. My wife and I actually make about the same amount of money now but as i said before there never was a power struggle over who made what. We have been blessed financially and share in all the decisions of where our money goes. We share the role of "head of the household" because i don't place myself over her and she has just as much right to run our household as i do.
 
Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#20
May 5, 2009
2,569
23
38
#20
It would bother me! But I don't know why!
 
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