50 Shades of Grey is Women's Porn

[Sirk]

The question that needs to be asked is "is what I am doing in the best interest of the person I am doing it to?" This is my attitude in the bedroom with my wife.

 

[kaylagrl]

I don't think bondage or BDSM are abusive in and of themselves. Many women like to feel overpowered and dominated by men during sex, and many men nowadays have this idea that women have no such sex drive or are much too fragile to be treated as such. That simply isn't true. However, in that the book portrays the female character as submissive in all aspects of her life, and as without her own sense of self, and as totally reliant and dependent upon ''Mr Grey'', the book does romanticize psychological dependency, does portray the woman as nothing but a toy or a sex object, and does emphasize the idea that women need a man to validate their existence.

In that regard, it is not healthy to emulate such a relationship, but I see no issue with sex being what people want it to be, and that-- the brash statement the book makes about what many womens' desires in bed really ​are -- is why it has sold so many copies.

It is liberating in that it gives women a platform to say ''yes, we want this from you, sexually'', but it is also oppressive in that it paints a picture of a woman totally devoid of her own sense of self. If the female character had been independent it would not be so dangerous as it is. But then, what do you expect from Twilight fan fiction? Have you ever seen Bella in the movies? She's utterly without her own thoughts!

Lol to the Twilight comment,yes the character seemed pretty stunned.So I agree with you mostly.I'd just like to make two points.I annoys me when society tells us what we want in the bedroom.That we need to be liberated to say what we want.I'm just recently married and I can tell my husband what I want.I dont want him watching 50 Shades to try and figure what I want,or apparently another female favorite "Magic Mike".This leads into my second point that men and especially young men are seeing this going on and thinking a woman wants to be beat and raped for his pleasure and gratification.And young women are being taught that if he chooses you over all the others to be his sex object you ought to be ecstatic with that.He stalks you like prey and thats a compliment. I hate to be too vulgar,and perhaps I am,but women fought for the vote and burned bras for "equality" and now their being taught their best work is on their knees.This tripe is why we have collage boys gang raping young women and seeing nothing wrong with it.Woman are treated with less respect today in many ways then 50yrs ago.My grandmother was known as "Mrs.So and So". Now days women are suppose use stripper poles for "exercise".Once again women are nothing more than sexual objects as far as society is concerned.

 

[kaylagrl]

IM just going to say there is a huge difference between the quasi-consensual form of bdsm discussed in the novel and then the kidnappings you try to relate it with. A bit more understanding of your conversation topics may be in order. You would be surprised how many couples incorporate bdsm in some form or another into their relationships.

Yes Im well aware kidnapping is not the same thing.I've read about it,I understand it can be consented to.My thought on that is simply this,and just my opinion,that "vanilla" sex is passe these days because people have had so many sex partners,in so many different ways with no commitment that "regular vanilla" sex is dull.To me the reason for sex,with a committed partner,is to come closer together,to be intimate and share love and the deepest part of ones self.How whacking one with a paddle does that,tying one up or gagging them accomplishes that is beyond me.As for Christian couples I dont see how it would enhance your love and respect for one another.

 

[Sirk]

Yes Im well aware kidnapping is not the same thing.I've read about it,I understand it can be consented to.My thought on that is simply this,and just my opinion,that "vanilla" sex is passe these days because people have had so many sex partners,in so many different ways with no commitment that "regular vanilla" sex is dull.To me the reason for sex,with a committed partner,is to come closer together,to be intimate and share love and the deepest part of ones self.How whacking one with a paddle does that,tying one up or gagging them accomplishes that is beyond me.As for Christian couples I dont see how it would enhance your love and respect for one another.

Its a one up one down relationship and a perversion of what God intended for sex to be.........a union into "one flesh".

 

[kaylagrl]

Its a one up one down relationship and a perversion of what God intended for sex to be.........a union into "one flesh".

Yes,I'd agree with that.Thanks for putting it better than I did.

 

[Sirk]

Yes,I'd agree with that.Thanks for putting it better than I did.

When sex is about a heart to heart connection between husband and wife it is truly incredible.

 

[JonahLynx]

Does not even remotely come close to the severity of "men's pornography."

 

[Stephen63]

Does not even remotely come close to the severity of "men's pornography."

It is what it is, no matter what color it's painted.

Personally, I see it as something much more sinister than porn..... it's a tool to destabilize the church.

 

[Stephen63]

1) Irrelevant. What couples do consensually in the bedroom is free-reign to experiment.
2) The interweb? Magazines? TV? Newspapers? The sales figures for Ann Summers? His own sex life?

What he said is true, regardless of your issue with it.

And if it's true, about it being a tool, then those using it & backing its use are even more sinister, yes?

 

[Stephen63]

1) Irrelevant. What couples do consensually in the bedroom is free-reign to experiment.
2) The interweb? Magazines? TV? Newspapers? The sales figures for Ann Summers? His own sex life?

What he said is true, regardless of your issue with it.

Nautilus seems to have backup wherever he goes..... interesting.....

 

[MadParrotWoman]

Nautilus seems to have backup wherever he goes..... interesting.....

Isn't it? LOL

 

[LionEyes]

... I dont see how it would enhance your love and respect for one another.

Honestly, roleplaying power dynamics can be a lot of fun (the key word here being "roleplaying"). It involves an incredible amount of trust and communication which can greatly benefit a relationship.

But I want to be clear that what was in this "book" is not BDSM. There was no trust and no communication; just one person controlling another. It was abuse dressed up to look like BDSM.

 

[Stephen63]

Isn't it? LOL

I'm glad you see it..... I hope plenty of others do too.

 

[kaylagrl]

Honestly, roleplaying power dynamics can be a lot of fun (the key word here being "roleplaying"). It involves an incredible amount of trust and communication which can greatly benefit a relationship.

But I want to be clear that what was in this "book" is not BDSM. There was no trust and no communication; just one person controlling another. It was abuse dressed up to look like BDSM.

Ya thats what I got from the bit I read and things Ive seen on tv.They discuss stuff so much in the media now days you dont have to read a book to basically know what its about.From what I read I was like "who took their crayola out to write this stuff"? I read somewhere online in a blog that a woman wrote 50 reasons why she hated the book.It was funny at times.What I dont get is why it is so popular.Boggles my mind.

 

[LionEyes]

What I dont get is why it is so popular.Boggles my mind.

Here's the thing ... It isn't actually that popular. I used to write fanfiction, so I was vaguely aware of EL James's antics when she was still writing the fanfiction. The hype was entirely manufactured by James who used to work as a marketer. She used the popularity of the Twilight fandom to gain a huge following in fanfiction. Stories which are obscenely long and frequently updated tend to become the most popular on fanfiction, regardless of quality, because frequently updated stories are always on the front page. James used this to her advantage by making minor changes to her story several times a day.

When she published the books, she urged her fans from fanfiction to buy the books and give them high ratings. Once the books went viral, she shunned her loyal followers and claimed the book was wholly original. Also, the idea for the book wasn't even new to fanfiction; James stole the BDSM idea from another Twilight fanfiction ... so it's a rip-off of a rip-off.

tl;dr The hype was created because EL James is really good at marketing terrible stories, not because the story was good.

 

[kaylagrl]

Here's the thing ... It isn't actually that popular. I used to write fanfiction, so I was vaguely aware of EL James's antics when she was still writing the fanfiction. The hype was entirely manufactured by James who used to work as a marketer. She used the popularity of the Twilight fandom to gain a huge following in fanfiction. Stories which are obscenely long and frequently updated tend to become the most popular on fanfiction, regardless of quality, because frequently updated stories are always on the front page. James used this to her advantage by making minor changes to her story several times a day.

When she published the books, she urged her fans from fanfiction to buy the books and give them high ratings. Once the books went viral, she shunned her loyal followers and claimed the book was wholly original. Also, the idea for the book wasn't even new to fanfiction; James stole the BDSM idea from another Twilight fanfiction ... so it's a rip-off of a rip-off.

tl;dr The hype was created because EL James is really good at marketing terrible stories, not because the story was good.

Ok well that explains a lot.I was rather surprised when I saw a movie was being made of it.Looks like she'll make some cool cash for her efforts.

 

[JonahLynx]

It is what it is, no matter what color it's painted. Personally, I see it as something much more sinister than porn..... it's a tool to destabilize the church.

Given the sheer number of men in the church who are addicted to real pornography, which isn't just words on a page and fictional characters, I'd say whatever damage 50 Shades does to the church (if any) does not compare to what people participate in and support regularly.

 

[Stephen63]

Here's the thing ... It isn't actually that popular. I used to write fanfiction, so I was vaguely aware of EL James's antics when she was still writing the fanfiction. The hype was entirely manufactured by James who used to work as a marketer. She used the popularity of the Twilight fandom to gain a huge following in fanfiction. Stories which are obscenely long and frequently updated tend to become the most popular on fanfiction, regardless of quality, because frequently updated stories are always on the front page. James used this to her advantage by making minor changes to her story several times a day.

When she published the books, she urged her fans from fanfiction to buy the books and give them high ratings. Once the books went viral, she shunned her loyal followers and claimed the book was wholly original. Also, the idea for the book wasn't even new to fanfiction; James stole the BDSM idea from another Twilight fanfiction ... so it's a rip-off of a rip-off.

tl;dr The hype was created because EL James is really good at marketing terrible stories, not because the story was good.

Typical..... when the world goes after something, it's usually done/conceived/ written by a true hypocrite. Come to think of it, so does the liberal church.

 

[Stephen63]

Given the sheer number of men in the church who are addicted to real pornography, which isn't just words on a page and fictional characters, I'd say whatever damage 50 Shades does to the church (if any) does not compare to what people participate in and support regularly.

Oh, 50 shades is by no means the first piece of porn liberal christian women have been reading. I remember "True Story" magazines in the late 60's & romance novels right after that. When you sum them all up, you'll get a quite a total of porn trash.

 

[JonahLynx]

Oh, 50 shades is by no means the first piece of porn liberal christian women have been reading. I remember "True Story" magazines in the late 60's & romance novels right after that. When you sum them all up, you'll get a quite a total of porn trash.

True, it's all the same thing when you get down to the spirit.