So it's not that you don't believe in God its just that God doesn't "fit" what you want. We don't understand everything about God so we just question Him on "why". Instead of giving ourselves to Him we want Him to give Himself to us. Actually God did give himself to us when He went to the cross.
If an engineer made a building to stand tall through hurricanes, but pulled out one of the foundational parts of the building that gave it sway in storms, and he knew that this would mean it would be unfit for its purpose, then when the building toppled he blamed the building rather than his design, would you say that engineer was being reasonable?
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