My wife wants a divorce and wont even consider trying to 'work it out'

[kaylagrl]

My wife has said a number of times now that our daughter is her number 1 priority in all of this. So if my wife thinks not telling me about her boyfriend helps our daughter, then she will never tell and she will never reveal him to anyone until much later on and she will pretend to everyone the relationship is new, and i will have to look that man in the face and pretend to be nice, all the while knowing he was the one coaching my wife to divorce me right from the start. Would it be so un-Christian to feel like giving him a big punch in the head?? lol

Well if you punched him in the head I think it would be a "bless me father for Im about to sin" deal. lol lol I really hope she reconsiders.From your sharing here you seem like a great guy and Im sure you're a wonderful dad.Sometimes people just cant see the forest for the trees. If your wife says again that your daughter is her number priority I'd say "if she was you'd go to counseling with me and make sure you are doing the right thing,for her,you and me.Whats the hurry?" You cant start another relationship til you finish the last one.Shes fooling herself.

No dont tell presidente this,but Im starting to agree with him.shhhh

 

[mystikmind]

Well if you punched him in the head I think it would be a "bless me father for Im about to sin" deal. lol lol I really hope she reconsiders.From your sharing here you seem like a great guy and Im sure you're a wonderful dad.Sometimes people just cant see the forest for the trees. If your wife says again that your daughter is her number priority I'd say "if she was you'd go to counseling with me and make sure you are doing the right thing,for her,you and me.Whats the hurry?" You cant start another relationship til you finish the last one.Shes fooling herself.

No dont tell presidente this,but Im starting to agree with him.shhhh

lol, but yes, i wondered what is the hurry myself? Again, it makes sense that if she is in love with someone else, she would be pretty keen to resolve matters and be with him.

 

[tourist]

Would it be so un-Christian to feel like giving him a big punch in the head?? lol

Probably. Or you could shake his hand as it may turn out that he is doing you a favor in the long run as there is no love in your marriage.

 

[mystikmind]

Probably. Or you could shake his hand as it may turn out that he is doing you a favor in the long run as there is no love in your marriage.

If we had the chance to try and save our marriage, and the marriage still failed, i would be at peace knowing we tried everything. You see, what that man stole was my right to have that chance in the first place, think about it, your forced to give up on your marriage without having lifted a finger to try to work it out? It is really the worst thing about this whole situation.

 

[bellaj1977]

I went through what u went through almost same story except it was he who did not want sex and Iwas the one who changed for him. I did everything that he wanted how he wanted it and lost myself. I grew to resent, hate, then to no feeling at all over the course of 13 yyes. It was hard as I have two kids with him but divorce was overall the best thing for everyone. I have been divorced three yrs now. My kids are happy, my ex is remarried and happy, and my ex and I get along better now for the kids then we ever did when we were married. As hard as it is sometimes divorce is the awnser. It is not a easy process but then life never is, which is why we have God in his infinite wisdom to guide us.

 

[bernardopancakes]

My ex did the same thing. .it actually was a blessing in disguise. God saved me.

 

[mystikmind]

I went through what u went through almost same story except it was he who did not want sex and Iwas the one who changed for him. I did everything that he wanted how he wanted it and lost myself. I grew to resent, hate, then to no feeling at all over the course of 13 yyes. It was hard as I have two kids with him but divorce was overall the best thing for everyone. I have been divorced three yrs now. My kids are happy, my ex is remarried and happy, and my ex and I get along better now for the kids then we ever did when we were married. As hard as it is sometimes divorce is the awnser. It is not a easy process but then life never is, which is why we have God in his infinite wisdom to guide us.

Sometimes it might be the answer, but at least i would have liked a chance to ask that question! Did you or he suddenly announce a divorce and refuse to try and save the marriage? or was it a long process, a fight to save a marriage but it just didn't work out and you could walk away knowing you tried everything and it just wasn't meant to be?

 

[presidente]

Well if you punched him in the head I think it would be a "bless me father for Im about to sin" deal. lol lol I really hope she reconsiders.

For some reason, this reminds me of the story of Tetzel, the monk who sold indulgences in such a reckless way that it helped open up the way for the Protestant Reformation. It is reported that he said that if someone slept with the Virgin Mary herself, the indulgence would forgive his sin. I'm not Roman Catholic, but reading that hundreds of years later made me a little angry.

A nobleman asked Tetzel if he could buy an indulgence for a sin he hadn't committed yet? Tetzel agreed. So he paid for two sins, then he beat Tetzel up and stole his money back. The ruler of the area there was going to punish the nobleman, but when he heard the story, he didn't.

No dont tell presidente this,but Im starting to agree with him.shhhh

What was that? What did you just say?

 

[mystikmind]

For some reason, this reminds me of the story of Tetzel, the monk who sold indulgences in such a reckless way that it helped open up the way for the Protestant Reformation. It is reported that he said that if someone slept with the Virgin Mary herself, the indulgence would forgive his sin. I'm not Roman Catholic, but reading that hundreds of years later made me a little angry.

A nobleman asked Tetzel if he could buy an indulgence for a sin he hadn't committed yet? Tetzel agreed. So he paid for two sins, then he beat Tetzel up and stole his money back. The ruler of the area there was going to punish the nobleman, but when he heard the story, he didn't.



What was that? What did you just say?

I don't think anyone in those days would punish a husband for punching a 'wife whisperer'. Not that i would actually do it, i abhor violence, don't have a violent bone in my body, but i would think it if i ever saw the man standing there with my wife in his arms when i came to pick up my Daughter.

 

[bernardopancakes]

No he actually just packed up his stuff and left. Got an apartment behind my back and walked out. To be fair I was not a Christian then and neither was he. He and I do not speak. I was left with the pieces and two teen age kids.

 

[mystikmind]

No he actually just packed up his stuff and left. Got an apartment behind my back and walked out. To be fair I was not a Christian then and neither was he. He and I do not speak. I was left with the pieces and two teen age kids.

You are right, he ran away from his responsibility to try to resolve his problems with the marriage just like my wife is doing. The only difference is she is doing it with a smile on her face standing in front of me. You know what she did just after telling me the marriage was over, she cooked some steak and asked me if i wanted one! Perhaps it is her way of coping but she has this demeanor that the divorce is no more of a big deal than going and getting a haircut.

 

[bernardopancakes]

Well my ex left his sons volleyball game went home packed up his stuff and then told me in the garage he was leaving and got in his car and drove away within 5 min of telling me. He actually planned it that we would use the same lawyer!:

 

[mystikmind]

Well my ex left his sons volleyball game went home packed up his stuff and then told me in the garage he was leaving and got in his car and drove away within 5 min of telling me. He actually planned it that we would use the same lawyer!:

May i ask, did it come as a big shock? What i mean is, well my wife did tell me she was not happy a couple of times but i did not know how to respond to that, so the problems remained unresolved. But I don't know why she did not suggest counseling? surly she could see i don't have the answers? So instead, her solution is to divorce me.

 

[mystikmind]

I went through what u went through almost same story except it was he who did not want sex and Iwas the one who changed for him. I did everything that he wanted how he wanted it and lost myself. I grew to resent, hate, then to no feeling at all over the course of 13 yyes. It was hard as I have two kids with him but divorce was overall the best thing for everyone. I have been divorced three yrs now. My kids are happy, my ex is remarried and happy, and my ex and I get along better now for the kids then we ever did when we were married. As hard as it is sometimes divorce is the awnser. It is not a easy process but then life never is, which is why we have God in his infinite wisdom to guide us.

I have been giving more thought to your post Bellaj, the reason is that as a man i can barely comprehend or identify with, in my mind that he was the one who did not want sex? I have heard it does happen, and i been wondering under what circumstances that could possibly happen to me? But i cannot think of anything much at all, all i can think is that i am the kind of person who has only known rejection my whole life, possibly a man who has grown up under circumstances where women have always chased after him, possibly a man like this could allow emotional upsets to cause him to lose interest in sex, and do those other things he did?

 

[bernardopancakes]

He told me he wasn't happy and never loved me. We barely had sex but that was bc I thought he was cheating on me..plus he took out of town transfers all the time.

 

[kaylagrl]

For some reason, this reminds me of the story of Tetzel, the monk who sold indulgences in such a reckless way that it helped open up the way for the Protestant Reformation. It is reported that he said that if someone slept with the Virgin Mary herself, the indulgence would forgive his sin. I'm not Roman Catholic, but reading that hundreds of years later made me a little angry.

A nobleman asked Tetzel if he could buy an indulgence for a sin he hadn't committed yet? Tetzel agreed. So he paid for two sins, then he beat Tetzel up and stole his money back. The ruler of the area there was going to punish the nobleman, but when he heard the story, he didn't.



What was that? What did you just say?

Ya I dont agree with the RCC either.And punching the guy wouldn't give any satisfaction.If his wife is cheating on him all he can do is face her with it and tell she is indeed wrong.

And yes brother you finally broke me down,on this issue I agree with you. See,I can actually say it out loud.lol lol

 

[kaylagrl]

sorry this is a repost since I figured out how to do this:
hello again, believe me I've thought of everything and have watched like a hawk. My husband, who was sexually abused as a child, hates that sort of thing and he's always been a super dad with our other children (who are now out of the house, our 20 year old moved out because of the fighting). I put the age I was saved on my profile (nervous about putting bday as I've never been on a chat room before). I'm 45 and was married as a teen, as the two people who raised me were getting a divorce and I wanted out of that home. I'm scared, he says he wants his wife and to stay married, but blows up if I ask any questions about things he's said or done. He does seem to try with me, but anything can get him yelling at me. He has hit me, but tries not to, it's mostly just yelling. I know it sounds whimpy, but I don't want to be alone or not have a home. I'm going to try to do better myself and just show him love, but I honestly sometimes wonder how I can take this until she's grown! She wants to be right next to him, and in the past did say she thought of him as a boyfriend, I've talked to her and she says he's not done anything but been a dad to her. But it does bother me that when she was saying stuff, and sending him inappropriate text I wasn't suppose to see, he's reaction was to viciously come after me. I thought he was trying to push me to divorce him, but he says he doesn't want one. I try hard to make things good for my daughter, and it seems to be helping but she is still obsessed with him (and would be this way with any man and has been to any she's around). I'm trying to help her so she has no problems later, but admit it has taken a toll on me and my family. Please pray my husband acts as he ought and puts an end to this behavior. I've been going solo in my attempts to set boundaries. I have no one but God, I don't have extended family and I have no friends that I'm close to. He knows this, and reminds me all to often. Reading what I'm writing, I would think what a creep, get out. But I've seen women alone, and have to confess I'm hoping for the best. I know God is greater than any evil and can crush this, I also know he loves God, but he is so changed I've wondered if he has a brain tumor at times! I'm a wimp, when we first got married if he'd hurt me, he'd be sorry and so nice but now that I'm older there's no remorse just blames me. And the attack we first came into was by people we thought were our friends and fellow Christians that came into our church, it was the most evil thing I've seen inside church walls. I forgive, but it did take a toll on us. After that we've had death to deal with, and many other things but thank God way more things to be joyful about so I should have let all that go a long time ago. Thank you for talking with me, you cannot know how much it means to me.

Still reading your posts.A red flag goes up for me when you say he has hit you.He may have been a man of God in different ways but a man never,ever had a right to hit a woman.{nor the other way round} That is abuse.I dont know if that was a one time thing or not but you cannot allow a person to hit you.Nor should you allow a person to verbally abuse you.Which it seems he is also doing.If he wont go to counseling see if he will agree to go to a doctor.Tell him you sre concerned about him.It sounds to me like he may have had a mental break down from the stress you say you went through.Also when people suddenly change and become violent you need to consider a brain tumor as a possibility.From reading your posts it seems your husband was once very good to you and then changed quickly,is that right? If so something is going on and you need to get to the bottom if it.

Another red flag is your daughter.You say she has had trouble with the women of the house before.She is just at the age when sex is of interest and can be used. many men of God have fallen because of sex,no one is above temptation if they do not see it coming.The relationship between your husband and daughter is something you need to watch in my opinion.Anyone can fall.And if he did he would feel very guilty and the first person he would hit out at is you! So just be aware.Also there is never any reason for a cell phone or computer to be private.My husband knows my passwords and there is nothing hidden.That is a safety in a marriage.I had a single male friend I use to email when I began dating my husband.The guy was rather flirtatious.When I began to get serious with dating my hubby I stopped emailing this friend from church and told him why.Now 6yrs later this guy began to email me again.I told my husband and did not email him back.My husband had to work a couple Sundays ago and I was alone at church and this guy offered to drive me home,he's now remarried.I told my mother to tell him no and didnt even speak to him.I told my husband when I got home.No secrets! Whatever is on that phone should be free for you to see.If not that is a problem.As I told mystik find the phone and find out whats being hidden from you.People that have nothing to hide,hide nothing.

Lastly your problem isn't loving your husband more.There is something deeper going on and you need to be strong and find out what it is.Keep and eye on your daughter,and also on your husband.Find out the truth.Your husband is not going off the deep end for no reason.You have a right to an answer.You may well save your marriage.Be strong and keep praying for the Lord to lead you to the truth.Blessings

 

[mystikmind]

He told me he wasn't happy and never loved me. We barely had sex but that was bc I thought he was cheating on me..plus he took out of town transfers all the time.

I think i understand much better now, yes, just like my wife did to me, your husband married you then after some time come to realize your not the person they want and then cannot be bothered to be responsible for their choice and work to turn it around under Gods guidance.

 

[mystikmind]

Still reading your posts.A red flag goes up for me when you say he has hit you.He may have been a man of God in different ways but a man never,ever had a right to hit a woman.{nor the other way round} That is abuse.I dont know if that was a one time thing or not but you cannot allow a person to hit you.Nor should you allow a person to verbally abuse you.Which it seems he is also doing.If he wont go to counseling see if he will agree to go to a doctor.Tell him you sre concerned about him.It sounds to me like he may have had a mental break down from the stress you say you went through.Also when people suddenly change and become violent you need to consider a brain tumor as a possibility.From reading your posts it seems your husband was once very good to you and then changed quickly,is that right? If so something is going on and you need to get to the bottom if it.

Another red flag is your daughter.You say she has had trouble with the women of the house before.She is just at the age when sex is of interest and can be used. many men of God have fallen because of sex,no one is above temptation if they do not see it coming.The relationship between your husband and daughter is something you need to watch in my opinion.Anyone can fall.And if he did he would feel very guilty and the first person he would hit out at is you! So just be aware.Also there is never any reason for a cell phone or computer to be private.My husband knows my passwords and there is nothing hidden.That is a safety in a marriage.I had a single male friend I use to email when I began dating my husband.The guy was rather flirtatious.When I began to get serious with dating my hubby I stopped emailing this friend from church and told him why.Now 6yrs later this guy began to email me again.I told my husband and did not email him back.My husband had to work a couple Sundays ago and I was alone at church and this guy offered to drive me home,he's now remarried.I told my mother to tell him no and didnt even speak to him.I told my husband when I got home.No secrets! Whatever is on that phone should be free for you to see.If not that is a problem.As I told mystik find the phone and find out whats being hidden from you.People that have nothing to hide,hide nothing.

Lastly your problem isn't loving your husband more.There is something deeper going on and you need to be strong and find out what it is.Keep and eye on your daughter,and also on your husband.Find out the truth.Your husband is not going off the deep end for no reason.You have a right to an answer.You may well save your marriage.Be strong and keep praying for the Lord to lead you to the truth.Blessings

Now that i think of it, yes, my wife knows the password to my email, my computer has no password to log on, she can pick up my phone any time and check it, she can see my phone records.

The entire time i knew her, i never once saw her phone records, i never had access to her email, i never had access to her phone (locked), well to be honest, i don't know if i could have a while back, because i never tried, i had complete trust for her.

You know, she actually made it one of her complaints that she sees her freinds getting phone calls from their husbands asking them where they are and what they are doing and what time their coming home, i don't do that, (unless something unexpected happens) and she is jealous of them!?!?

Also after my wife told me it's over, as part of my recovery plan, i wanted to try to learn to be more sociable, so i opened a Facebook page. My wife refused to friend me.... meanwhile she is telling me we should still be friends?? It may be normal for a woman not to want to friend someone they see as an ex, even if they are still friends and have a child together, any women here, is that an understandable thing? Or is it a clear signal she has something to hide? Even her mother, which i thought i have a good relationship with, refused to friend me on Facebook? What does her mother know that i don't?

 

[DawnIs12]

Still reading your posts.A red flag goes up for me when you say he has hit you.He may have been a man of God in different ways but a man never,ever had a right to hit a woman.{nor the other way round} That is abuse.I dont know if that was a one time thing or not but you cannot allow a person to hit you.Nor should you allow a person to verbally abuse you.Which it seems he is also doing.If he wont go to counseling see if he will agree to go to a doctor.Tell him you sre concerned about him.It sounds to me like he may have had a mental break down from the stress you say you went through.Also when people suddenly change and become violent you need to consider a brain tumor as a possibility.From reading your posts it seems your husband was once very good to you and then changed quickly,is that right? If so something is going on and you need to get to the bottom if it.

Another red flag is your daughter.You say she has had trouble with the women of the house before.She is just at the age when sex is of interest and can be used. many men of God have fallen because of sex,no one is above temptation if they do not see it coming.The relationship between your husband and daughter is something you need to watch in my opinion.Anyone can fall.And if he did he would feel very guilty and the first person he would hit out at is you! So just be aware.Also there is never any reason for a cell phone or computer to be private.My husband knows my passwords and there is nothing hidden.That is a safety in a marriage.I had a single male friend I use to email when I began dating my husband.The guy was rather flirtatious.When I began to get serious with dating my hubby I stopped emailing this friend from church and told him why.Now 6yrs later this guy began to email me again.I told my husband and did not email him back.My husband had to work a couple Sundays ago and I was alone at church and this guy offered to drive me home,he's now remarried.I told my mother to tell him no and didnt even speak to him.I told my husband when I got home.No secrets! Whatever is on that phone should be free for you to see.If not that is a problem.As I told mystik find the phone and find out whats being hidden from you.People that have nothing to hide,hide nothing.

Lastly your problem isn't loving your husband more.There is something deeper going on and you need to be strong and find out what it is.Keep and eye on your daughter,and also on your husband.Find out the truth.Your husband is not going off the deep end for no reason.You have a right to an answer.You may well save your marriage.Be strong and keep praying for the Lord to lead you to the truth.Blessings

Hello, I just got on. I told my husband about this site and he doesn't want me on, so I feel bad about this but I like having someone to talk to. Things were better today, as long as I don't bring things up, its good, he will get mad quickly though if I do bring things up and blames me for everything. I believe nothing inappropriate is happening with him and our adopted daughter, I watch closely and she and I are getting to be a close and normal mom & daughter. She says things are normal and she thinks of him like a dad now, she still wants all his attention but he seems to show her normal dad attention. He never hurt our kids, and does hate that sort of thing. I don't think he's capable of it. Why he was so mean to me and did nothing to help with her when all that happened is beyond me. It was awful. The bank account is still kept secret. As long as I don't make him mad, things are good and he's trying hard to be sweet. He was 99% of the time the best husband in the world until the last couple of years. He does get physical when I really make him mad, he rarely did in the past years and use to be sorry. Now he just blames me. He tries to just stay away though, so he won't hurt me if he's mad. He is a good man, just hurt himself too. He just wants to serve and follow God and have peace in our household as I do, and I have said mean things too I need to stop as well. Things are going good now though, as long as I don't upset him. He's getting out of the shower. Gtg thanks