up to here Dad

[Percepi]

Dave, your advice is absolutely ridiculous.

OP, your daughter is growing up. By demanding her obedience, all you're doing is showing her that you see her as an irresponsible child. There's this stupid, completely-flawed, Dave-like, mentality in which you aren't an adult until you hit 18 years of age. But this is only what is concerned an adult legally. It does NOT translate to what it actually takes to become an adult.

You need to treat your daughter more like an equal as she grows older. Instead of telling her what she needs to do with her life, ask her what she thinks she should do. Then, discuss the options like rational adults. Telling her you're her father and what you say is right is a big slap in her face. It shows distrust, it shows her that you don't want her to be a problem solver, and it shows that you don't respect her input.

Telling somebody they're wrong, especially a teenager, often results in defensiveness and retaliation. Instead, you need to help your daughter figure out she's wrong herself. She's the one who needs to come to the conclusion. Be open to your daughter about what you would like to see from her, but listen to what she wants as well. Guess what, you'll have to compromise, especially as she grows older. But that's good! That's what becoming an adult is all about.

Am I telling you to give into you daughter's every demand? No. Am I telling you to let her do whatever she wants? Of course not! But you need to find a way to be a parent without being so overbearing. You need to find a way to treat her like your daughter without treating her like a tiny girl.

And most importantly, don't take DiscipleDave's advice. She's 12. Kicking her out of the house because she's filled with hormones and confused about her life will only devastate her more.

Also, if I see ANY parent hit their child with a belt - I WILL BREAK THEIR JAW. That is a promise. You're lucky I don't know you Dave because that IS a threat. I DO NOT tolerate child abuse.

 

[NewWine]

My best advice, after being a 12 year old girl and raising 3 daughters, is to have your wife talk to her. Have her keep talking to her too. There are a lot of things going on in a young woman's body that she won't feel comfortable telling Daddy, no matter how close y'all are. Your wife can explain that while is she is maturing into a woman, she will still need your guidance and safety for a while yet. She needs a safe place to ask questions and receive educated, intelligent answers, based on wisdom and experience, over her best friend's advice based on another 12 year old girl's wisdom and experience. Chances are it's just a hormone thing and growing pains, and she just needs reined in a bit is all, but if it's more than this, your wife should know within a couple of these private girl-chats. That's just my best idea without knowing your family. Peace!

 

[Polkadotzebra]

I would never recommend, being 15, to take a door away. It's like having all your clothes blown off in a mall or something and not being able to move.

 

[DiscipleDave]

Disciple Dave that is the worst parenting advise I have heard for a long time. All that will do is force a child into acting a certain way, it will not solve the root problems, it will also harbour more hatred for the parents.

Are you trying to say, that all the methods the parents of this generation uses is working? Have you looked around lately? Have you seen the kids of today? Kids tell the parents what they are going to do, the parents bend over backwords for their children, so as to not have to deal with them. Yeah, this generation knows all about parenting.
So i will stick with the Bible, spare the rod spoil the child. Bad parenting advice to a generation who breeds spoiled children.

^i^ Responding to Post #18

 

[DiscipleDave]

I would never recommend, being 15, to take a door away. It's like having all your clothes blown off in a mall or something and not being able to move.

The person that i know that did this, had a 13 year old girl who would not obey her parents, she thought she could be rebellious and not have to mind. She would go to her room and slam the door, the father took the door off, it was not a week later, that an agreement was made between the 13 year old girl and the parents, that is she would start minding she could have the door back, if she would start disobeying, he would remove the door again. When the door was gone, he would walk by and see that she was reading a book on her bed, he would go in and talk with her, as if the door was open inviting him in, he would sit on the bed with her and chat with her, "What are you reading?" "Oh that is interesting, have you ever read the Book ________?" He would come in and chat with her every time he walked past her open entry way. The wife would do the same thing as well. The guy told me, one night his wife went into her room when she was a asleep and started messing with her blankets, it woke her up, the mom said i was just walking by and your feet were sticking out of the covers, i just wanted to cover them up dear. A week later she was begging for the door back, and as far as i know they never had another problem with her not minding them again, imagine that a simple thing like a door FIXED the problem.
But as i said before, what works for one may not work for another. You just have to find the way that will work. The suggestions that i gave, even though YOU may think is stupid, absurd, wrong, or whatever other mean thing you can say, However these suggestions have PROVEN to work. OR continue to have problems all the while trying to convince yourself " We did all we could, it is not our fault they turned out the way they did"
Here is the Truth, if everything you have tried so far, (you know the sitting down with them trying to make them feel like an adult when they are but children, or TALKING with them) HASN'T worked, then trying the same thing over and over again is pointless. Try something else.
i wander how many less crimes there would be, if police officers (those put in authority over us) were to NOT punish us and put us in jail or prison, but how much better would it be if they sat down and just TALKED with them, yeah that works. lol

Those who are having problems with their 12-15 year old children, have tried the talking thing, with them, more than likely have tried the grounding things as well, But if they still have a problem with them, and hence they are here asking for advice, it is most likely they have tried all that is being suggested to them, as if they don't TALK to them, What needs to happen if they run out of option how to control their own child, that they seek help on Christian message boards, then my advice is you need to take the belt off, and maybe even have to use it. Oh and guess what, that is the exact same advice the Bible teaches as well.

^i^ Responding to Post #23

 

[Eva1218]

Consider the many influences that the enemy exposes to our children. What you must first do is Pray and seek GOD in covering your daughter. second anoint your home and set a Godly atmosphere in your home. now once you have covered her spiritually you must allow her room for error as a human being. Correct her behavior as far as being disrespectful out of love and not anger and frustration because it will only give her room to avoid you and your wife all together. Ask her what she feels would help you all communicate better this is not to have you give in to her but to hear what is really going on in her life. You and your wife pray and go over what she has asked and allow one to be an option with Godly Wisdom. Have her feel you are loosening the reins but are just merely leaving room to see and view what her enticements are and why. Do not allow her to not go to church and school that is a must. Do not address everything she does wrong just what will lead to danger. Always have the line of communication open because the teens are coming and female teen and their hormones can be challenging. Let her know she is loved, beautiful and precious and things of value most can not afford and do not respect therefore she must present herself in such a way that many will see that she first sees herself of value and worthy of respect and others will follow. Present her a Diary or journal for her to jot down her day to day life and just once a week ask her to share one thing. Do not explode if it is something eye raising love her through and share some 12 yr old experiences with her good and bad. Every night while she is asleep go in her room and Pray over any and all attempts the enemy has and command her to have encounters with GOD.

Blessings!!!!!!!

 

[JesusistheChrist]

hello I have a 12 year old daughter who has changed drastically. being disrespectful, unappreciative, does not want to go to school or church. and never wants to accept when she is wrong. I know in the word it says honor thy father and thy mother. and it also says parents do not taunt your children. my wife and I continually pray for her. i'm at a loss as far as making her behave. my wife stresses enough already. so if there is any positive feedback I would be much obliged. thank you and be blessed.

Hi, iamsetfree36.

My eldest daughter just turned 12 last month, so I can relate a bit. My daughter's attitude isn't as bad as what you described, but it's worrisome at times nonetheless. Rather than repeat some of the advice which you've already been given, I'll simply recommend listening to the following audio sermon entitled "Changing the heart of a rebel". I've heard it several times over the years myself and I've also given out several copies of the CD to others and I think that every parent can glean something from it. The primary text for the sermon is...

"My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways." (Proverbs 23:26)

...and the sermon itself is all about changing a child's heart by getting them to give it unto you.

Anyhow, here's the link and I hope that it helps:

Changing The Heart Of A Rebel by S.M. Davis - Sermon Index

 

[GETTY]

This is go great

 

[seekingg]

Do not forget, Satan wants to destroy your marriage so he can devour your child.

Christian based Family therapy has helped me and my daughters tremendously.

 

[MarcR]

hello I have a 12 year old daughter who has changed drastically. being disrespectful, unappreciative, does not want to go to school or church. and never wants to accept when she is wrong. I know in the word it says honor thy father and thy mother. and it also says parents do not taunt your children. my wife and I continually pray for her. i'm at a loss as far as making her behave. my wife stresses enough already. so if there is any positive feedback I would be much obliged. thank you and be blessed.

Twelve is a difficult age for kids of either sex. There are drastic physical changes happening in their bodies that they don't fully understand. Beyond that they are experiencing a need to assert their independence. While parents naturally want to protect our kids from the pain of unnecessary errors; it is NOT always the best course of action. Allowing them to make their own mistakes and experience the consequences often makes them more open to guidance. Try to limit these opportunities to areas where the the potential for real harm is limited.

Try including her in discussing family decisions, as a fellow adult, and take her input seriously. She will probably begin to extend you the same courtesy.