Do The "Things We're Looking For" Lists Make You Feel Like No One Is Looking For You?
Hello, all you talented, beautiful single people out there!
Ok, now that I've duly flattered everyone...
How do you personally react to reading about what singles are looking for in other singles?
What I mean is that, as can be expected, questions such as, "What Are You Looking For In Someone?" are always common here in Singles.
However, is it just me, or does reading about all the qualities people are looking for in a significant other... make you feel as if no one will ever be looking for you??!! I've come to realize that over time, as I read everyone's lists (and especially the gentlemen's, of course!), I find myself thinking, "Hmm... Well, I could maybe be seen as kind of being #'s 3, 5, and 18 on this person's list, and I could kinda sorta maybe-on-windy-day-with-no-rain-and-partly-cloudy-skies be seen as partially qualifying for Characteristics #'s 4, 7, and 32... But there's no way I fit all 47 (or 58, give or take) characteristics this person is looking for so... NO WONDER I'M SINGLE!" (And maybe always will be, and that's ok, but...)
The thing is, I'm not even meaning any of this in a self-pitying or "looking down at myself" way at all. I am who I am, nothing more, and nothing less. But I'm also trying to be realistic according to what I read, and I'm just saying... that I think the things we (myself included) all want in another person can be downright intimidating at times. I often find myself struggling with the definition of the line between realistic and "just settling."
Even the "simplest, most basic" qualities can be a breaking point. For instance, every Christian here will say they want someone who is "God-centered" or a "a true Christian." But the definitions of what that means can be very different among different people.
I have been around people who expect "a real Christian" to be someone who literally spends all their free time at the church and is constantly receiving "communication from God", such as an elder who would regularly have "dreams from God" and would interpret every last detail, including the time ("I had this dream at 7:10, and the number 7 means X, while the number 10 means Y, so obviously, God is telling us all Z with the time of the dream.")
This person would not have married anyone of "lesser faith", and not because they thought they were better than anyone else, but because they sincerely, truly believed that this is what it was to really serve God and be a TRUE Christian.
Sigh. There are countless other examples... and I guess in the long run it doesn't matter in the sense that you obviously don't have to meet the qualifications of EVERYONE'S list, but rather, just ONE person... who hopefully has enough leeway to see that you just might be the one he or she is looking for.
And, I'm speaking to myself as well in what I'M looking for in another person.
But after taking in what people do and don't want in a significant other... It makes me pause just a bit and wonder how realistic I myself am being in my "list" of what I'm looking for in someone... And I also have to wonder if someone, anyone at all is even considering looking for (or at) ME!
How about the rest of you? Do you ever feel intimidated by the threads that talk about what men and women are looking for? Do you feel like someone will come looking for you someday? And how does it also affect your own list of what you are looking for in another person?
Do you feel there is line, and what is it, between being realistic and finally having to "settle"? If so, what is that line?
Hello, all you talented, beautiful single people out there!
Ok, now that I've duly flattered everyone...
How do you personally react to reading about what singles are looking for in other singles?
What I mean is that, as can be expected, questions such as, "What Are You Looking For In Someone?" are always common here in Singles.
However, is it just me, or does reading about all the qualities people are looking for in a significant other... make you feel as if no one will ever be looking for you??!! I've come to realize that over time, as I read everyone's lists (and especially the gentlemen's, of course!), I find myself thinking, "Hmm... Well, I could maybe be seen as kind of being #'s 3, 5, and 18 on this person's list, and I could kinda sorta maybe-on-windy-day-with-no-rain-and-partly-cloudy-skies be seen as partially qualifying for Characteristics #'s 4, 7, and 32... But there's no way I fit all 47 (or 58, give or take) characteristics this person is looking for so... NO WONDER I'M SINGLE!" (And maybe always will be, and that's ok, but...)
The thing is, I'm not even meaning any of this in a self-pitying or "looking down at myself" way at all. I am who I am, nothing more, and nothing less. But I'm also trying to be realistic according to what I read, and I'm just saying... that I think the things we (myself included) all want in another person can be downright intimidating at times. I often find myself struggling with the definition of the line between realistic and "just settling."
Even the "simplest, most basic" qualities can be a breaking point. For instance, every Christian here will say they want someone who is "God-centered" or a "a true Christian." But the definitions of what that means can be very different among different people.
I have been around people who expect "a real Christian" to be someone who literally spends all their free time at the church and is constantly receiving "communication from God", such as an elder who would regularly have "dreams from God" and would interpret every last detail, including the time ("I had this dream at 7:10, and the number 7 means X, while the number 10 means Y, so obviously, God is telling us all Z with the time of the dream.")
This person would not have married anyone of "lesser faith", and not because they thought they were better than anyone else, but because they sincerely, truly believed that this is what it was to really serve God and be a TRUE Christian.
Sigh. There are countless other examples... and I guess in the long run it doesn't matter in the sense that you obviously don't have to meet the qualifications of EVERYONE'S list, but rather, just ONE person... who hopefully has enough leeway to see that you just might be the one he or she is looking for.
And, I'm speaking to myself as well in what I'M looking for in another person.
But after taking in what people do and don't want in a significant other... It makes me pause just a bit and wonder how realistic I myself am being in my "list" of what I'm looking for in someone... And I also have to wonder if someone, anyone at all is even considering looking for (or at) ME!
How about the rest of you? Do you ever feel intimidated by the threads that talk about what men and women are looking for? Do you feel like someone will come looking for you someday? And how does it also affect your own list of what you are looking for in another person?
Do you feel there is line, and what is it, between being realistic and finally having to "settle"? If so, what is that line?