Building Blocks of a Successful Marriage within the Kingdom

[AuphirahQueen]

When a couple is in a courting or dating relationship what are the issues that should be discuss before marriage? Many marriages are ending in divorce in America because issues should had been resolve before marriage and both parties will know what to expect from each in other. What are the building blocks for a marriage among Christians to be successful in today's modern society? A man( woman) should complement each in all areas of the relationship. Please add your building blocks to a successful, and loving marriage.

Building Blocks for a Successful Marriage to ME:

1. Foundation of JESUS CHRIST
2. Prayer Life
3. Communication
4. Interests
5. Trust
6. Honest
7. Laughter
8. Forgiveness
10. Discussion on how each person should be treat in the relationship(define the roles)
11. Discussion on intimacy
12. Finance
13. Respect
14. Realistic views of marriage
15. No outside influence from others
16. House of Worship
17. Marriage is a vow and not a contract
18. Submission(men love this word LOOOL) to each other
19. Unconditional love
20. JESUS

[h=1]Genesis 2 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)[/h]21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to come over the man, and he slept. God took one of his ribs and closed the flesh at that place. 22 Then the Lord God made the rib He had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 And the man said:
This one, at last, is bone of my bone
and flesh of my flesh;
this one will be called “woman,”
for she was taken from man.

24 This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.

 

[nw2u]

Looks like a good list. There were a couple of things I thought were important to think about from your list.

17. Marriage is a vow and not a contract

Marriage is a vow with God, but a contract with the state.

19. Unconditional love

Truly, I believe only God has unconditional love.

(assuming U.S.) How do you reconcile your statements or rather will you explain? Thanks.

 

[AuphirahQueen]

Looks like a good list. There were a couple of things I thought were important to think about from your list.



Marriage is a vow with God, but a contract with the state.



Truly, I believe only God has unconditional love.

(assuming U.S.) How do you reconcile your statements or rather will you explain? Thanks.

Marriage, Divorce, and the Church: What do the stats say, and can marriage be happy? | The Exchange | A Blog by Ed Stetzer

[h=2]Marriage, Divorce, and the Church: What do the stats say, and can marriage be happy?[/h]
Are Christian divorce rates the same, or even higher, than the rest of the population? Is a happy marriage possible? |
Ed Stetzer

Valentine's Day.
Love is in the air, and that means church signs are awkwardly communicating the love of Jesus, teenage boys are cowering before their girlfriends' fathers, and married couples are waiting two hours for mediocre Italian food while their kids terrorize their babysitters.
However, for some, Valentine's Day isn't all chocolates and roses. It is a difficult day for some as it reminds them of a recent breakup or difficult divorce.
When it comes to marriage and divorce, people are drawn to shocking statistics.
But what do the stats really say? Do Christians divorce as often as the rest of the world or even more? Is happy marriage even possible? How can anybody actually be happy in marriage?
Let's look at some research:
What the Research Shows About Marriage and Divorce
One of the most common statements that I've seen is "Christians divorce at the same rate as non-Christians," undoubtedly giving the world another opportunity to shout "Hypocrite!" This is controversial statement that is surely going to attract eyes and pageviews, but how accurate is it? Some sociologists are even reporting that religious conservatives divorce more than the rest of society.
Furthermore, we've all heard that you have a 50% chance of getting divorced, because, you know, 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce.
One of the most common statements that I've seen is "Christians divorce at the same rate as non-Christians," undoubtedly giving the world another opportunity to shout "Hypocrite!"
Yet research found in Christians Are Hate-Filled Hypocrites... and Other Lies You've Been Told, shows that couples who are active in their faith are much less likely to divorce. Catholic couples were 31% less likely to divorce; Protestant couples 35% less likely; and Jewish couples 97% less likely, which in itself is quite impressive, I must say.
But, many news outlets breathlessly reported that being a conservative Protestant increases your chances of divorce-- even being near those conservative Protestants does so.
In a recent article on Canon and Culture that I featured in my Morning Roundup yesterday, Andrew Walker interviews Dr. Bradford Wilcox, Director of the National Marriage Project, and asks him the question, "Are religious conservatives really divorcing more than religious liberals, or more than people who have no religious affiliation at all?" Dr. Wilcox answers,

Up to a point, yes. The article finds that conservative Protestants, and counties with higher shares of conservative Protestants, are indeed more likely to divorce—compared to Americans in other mainstream traditions, from mainline Protestantism to Mormonism to Catholicism. But I'll mention two caveats that have gone unrecognized by popular media treatments, such as Michelle Goldberg's article in The Nation:
1. This study also finds that religiously unaffiliated Americans, and counties with higher shares of unaffiliated Americans, are the most likely to divorce. So, religion per se is not the problem and, indeed, secularism seems to be more conducive towards divorce than conservative Protestantism.
2. A new article by sociologist Charles Stokes in www.family-studies.orgsuggests that the problem here is mainly with nominal conservative Protestants—those who attend rarely or never. It's these nominal conservative Protestants—e.g., the Southern Baptist couple in Texas who rarely darken the door of a church—who are much more likely to divorce.
​

And, while we are addressing stats, let me add that no reputable study has found that 50% of marriages end in divorce—ever—though that does not stop it from spreading because people love bad stats. (The New York Times explains a bit on that stat here.)
Keep in mind that when you hear a stat that does not make sense—like going to church makes you more likely to divorce, contrary to many other studies—don't rush to assume it's true. It is often more complicated that the initial news reports.
So is a happy marriage even possible? Can anyone, Christians or not, be happy in their marriages?
What the Research Shows About Having a Strong Marriage
Shaunti Feldhahn is a Harvard-trained social researcher, popular speaker, and best-selling author of For Women Only and a number of other books.
I am thankful that Shaunti Feldhahn will be with me at the National Religious Broadcasters annual convention here in Nashville in a couple of weeks, and that I have the opportunity to interview her for TBN's Praise the Lord program at the end of this month.
53% of Very Happy Couples agree with the statement, "God is at the center of our marriage"
In her newest book, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, Shanti compiles some stats and conducts some research of her own on marriage, and specifically, what makes for a happy marriage.
Her statistical findings, and the implications of these findings, are fascinating.
Here are a couple of stats that I found to be particularly interesting as it relates to faith and marriage:

• 53% of Very Happy Couples agree with the statement, "God is at the center of our marriage" (compared to 7% of Struggling Couples).
• 30% of Struggling Couples disagree with the statement, "God is at the center of our marriage."

She writes, "Highly happy couples tend to put God at the center of their marriage and focus on Him, rather than on their marriage or spouse, for fulfillment and happiness" (pg. 178, Highly Happy Marriages). (See her book for the methodology.)
Dr. Wilcox finds that "active conservative protestants" who attend church regularly are actually 35% less likely to divorce than those who have no religious preferences.
In all cases, notice the active element of the faith commitment.
"Nominal" Christians, however, those who simply call themselves Christians but so not actively engage with the faith, are actually 20% more likely than the general population to get divorced—perhaps there is a link between putting on a show in the religious and relational context.
Glenn T. Stanton elaborated on Wilcox' and others' findings at The Gospel Coalition.
So practically, what can we do? How can we have a strong, happy marriage? I've only been married 26 years, but I've learned a lot.
Some Advice
Well, since it is Valentine's Day, I'll share from my own loving relationship with Donna. We are not perfect, but here are 10 basic principles I've learned in over 25 years of marriage that may be helpful to consider as a married couple or even as a single person thinking about getting married and serving or leading a man or woman in covenant love for the rest of your life.

1. Marriage is worth the investment.
2. You have to invest in a marriage for it to be worth the investment.
3. Choosing your marriage partner is the most important human decision you will ever make.
4. Most fights are over stupid things that don't matter.
5. Most arguments are resolved when both people are more concerned with being in a relationship than with being right.
6. Sex is essential to a marriage relationship.
7. Practices (like date nights, long conversations, and trips together) make your marriage stronger.
8. Kids are awesome, but stress your marriage.
9. Never go to bed angry.
10. You need Jesus.

You can read more about those 10 pieces of advice here.
Our sin supplants sacrifice with selfishness in our marriages.
Happy, strong marriages are definitely possible, but it takes work—an ongoing effort. We're all sinners who need a Savior, and when you put two sinners together in a relationship like marriage, it's bound to be difficult sometimes.
Our sin supplants sacrifice with selfishness in our marriages. If we want to experience marriage as God created it to be, a reflection of his sacrificial love and leadership of the Church, we've got to keep him at the center of our marriages.
Your spouse isn't your Savior, Jesus is. Live that truth and your marriage will more likely thrive.

 

[Oncefallen]

15. No outside influence from others

I think this is the only one I disagree with, but only partially. I am a firm believer that a couple should not be talking about their maritial issues with everyone and almost never with immediate family just because it can paint a bad picture of their spouse that will stick with the family long after the issues are resolved. However I am a firm believer that Godly counsel from Godly mentors can be a great help to a couple in developing a Godly balanced marriage.

 

[p_rehbein]

QUOTES:
19. Unconditional love



Truly, I believe only God has unconditional love.

END QUOTES:

The love of God is unconditional love, Agape love...........however we are charged to display this Agape love towards others. And men especially are charged in Scripture to display this Agape love towards their wives.

Ephesians 5:25 .) Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 .) That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 .) That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 .) So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 .) For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 .) For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 .) For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

And, in my opinion, men who fail to love their wives as they have been charged to do, do not deserve to expect their wives to be submissive to their spiritual leadership.

 

[Fenner]

I think this is the only one I disagree with, but only partially. I am a firm believer that a couple should not be talking about their maritial issues with everyone and almost never with immediate family just because it can paint a bad picture of their spouse that will stick with the family long after the issues are resolved. However I am a firm believer that Godly counsel from Godly mentors can be a great help to a couple in developing a Godly balanced marriage.

I totally agree, it can be very helpful to do that. There is an older man at our church I kind of think of him and thought of his late wife as mentors. I listened to what they had to say about marriage and most things in general. If you can find someone like that it can be very insightful.

 

[zeroturbulence]

This is way too complicated!! I just want someone who will make me sammiches..

 

[secularhermit]

Hey!

I seldom slept like a log and I checked myself well and... There´s no missing rib!

Could I be incomplete?

 

[secularhermit]

"The love of God is unconditional love, Agape love...........however we are charged to display this Agape love towards others. And men especially are charged in Scripture to display this Agape love towards their wives."



God´s love is CONDITIONAL, yet I only see it shown on the NT:

According to Jesus´:

Joh 16:27 For the Father himself gives his love to you, because you have given your love to me and have had faith that I came from God.


According to John´s:

Joh 3:16 For God had such love for the world that he gave his only Son, so that whoever has faith in him may not come to destruction but have eternal life.

1Jn 4:9 And the love of God was made clear to us when he sent his only Son into the world so that we might have life through him.

According to Paul´s:

2Co 9:7 Let each man do according as he hath purposed in his heart: not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.



Jesus´ love is conditional, also:

Joh 14:15 If you have love for me, you will keep my laws.

Joh 14:23 Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my word: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him. (*)

(*) Note: It´s rare that here, Jesus did not mention the "trinitarian doctrine; but simply two persons.

Joh 15:10 If you keep my laws, you will be ever in my love, even as I have kept my Father's laws, and am ever in his love.

Joh 14:21 He who has my laws and keeps them, he it is who has love for me: and he who has love for me will be loved by my Father, and I will have love for him and will let myself be seen clearly by him.