How do I control sexual urges so I won't have sex with my girlfriend?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
A

AliYala

Guest
#1
#1
I love her a lot and truly would like her to be my wife one day, but I just want us to be financially stable. I'm currently finishing up my fitness certification to become a trainer. I'm served time in the military (Honorably Discharged) and trying to finish up my associated degree. I was told due to my background it should be easy for me to get a well paying job at the YMCA.

She works daycare and in college as well. We do not live together. We've had sex a few times but recently I told her I want to stop to respect God, and that I can't live a God fearing life if I turn the other cheek to fall into lust. She understood and said she'll help me maintain control. But today I never felt the urge of wanting her so much, I wanted her really bad and told her I did.

How do I maintain control and a clear mind? I told her I want to marry her and she approves when the moment is right. I need help.
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#2
#2
There's no secret to it. There are all sorts of avenues and varying advice out there, but in the end it comes down to willpower. I know the struggle AliYala, and I will keep you in prayer.

P.S. I think it's really cool that she respected your position and was apt to support you on it!
 
K

kgraj

Guest
#3
#3
Forget her Forever. Replace with Holy Spirit. you will be Blessed.
 
V

Vigil

Guest
#4
#4
maybe substitute sex for something else, though I suppose that's hard and can be a slippery slope. I would recommend just things like cuddling and massage but that can well... set a bit of a mood. Maybe there is something you can do to take the edge off though if you find something innocent but intimate.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#5
#5
Stop being alone. Only get together in public places. Don't go in the same cars. Basically if you make a point to never put yourself in a situation where anything Can happen then it won't.
 
D

Deliver

Guest
#6
#6
Either keep it all at a distance, online, through ph calls etc
Or marry her.

Waiting until you're financially ready should happen before you even look at getting in a relationship. I know a lot of guys who go to college and work out their careers before they get married because they want to be able to financially support their families. They're Christians and don't concentrate on girls until they're able to provide in that way.

A few I know have built their careers while married, with understanding wives... But they haven't had children added into the mix during those years. I'm not sure whether that's deliberate or not.
Anyway, be sure you're not just using the excuse of waiting to be financially stable as .. An excuse because you don't really feel ready or want it yet. If you really love her and she you, you can work things out married.
Just my opinion.
 
P

pwrnJC

Banned
#7
Dec 1, 2014
1,430
27
0
#7
The BIBLE does say "IF The man cannot control his passion and the woman is in the flower of her youth, let them marry. It is not a sin." Seems like that moment is upon you both. Is anyone ever fully financially stable at all times, enough to hold back the obvious affection and respect that marriage embraces? The only way you two are going to maintain control and have clear minds is to face marriage, not as a duty, but as a new and much higher level that GOD Himself has endorsed. My girlfriend and I at the time, made it to the alter a few years before our wedding to take personal vows to be abstinent and hold back our physical love for each other so that we could have something to look forward to on our wedding night. I was 18 and she was 16. Yes, it was a challenge..but when I was 21 and she was clearly 18, we did marry and were still virgins. We are celebrating our 39th anniversary this year. LIfe brings it's own set of circumstances..but sometimes we have to hold hands together and say "This is the moment" for us to marry. Suddenly doors will open directly from GOD that you just can't imagine.
 
P

Pilkington

Senior Member
#8
Jan 13, 2015
640
101
28
#8
I think Ugly is right the only way to maintain self control is not to put your self in situations where you could have sex so basically not being alone together, go out together with friends etc. Also don't get too physical as if you do then one thing will lead to another.

I also agree with pwrnJC, maybe the answer is just to get married. Are you families Christian's, do you both live at home or do you rent a room. If you are renting a room, then would it cost that much more to marry and rent a larger room together potentially in a shared house. Getting married doesn't have to cost much, you can do it simply and cheaper.

Finally if you are ready to have sex you should be ready to marry the person.
 
M

mystikmind

Guest
#9
#9
Think of it as an opportunity, an opportunity to practice overcoming temptation.... because marriage is a very very long term commitment, it is highly likely there will be times you will experience temptation outside of the marriage. So if you can master your temptation now, it could mean you will greatly improve your capability to remain faithful in your future marriage.
 
MaranathaSoonQuick

MaranathaSoonQuick

Senior Member
#10
May 18, 2010
931
15
18
#10
I would say a little bit of self-control and abstinence, atop of much prayer and meditation on the purer things in life.
 
MarcR

MarcR

Senior Member
#11
Feb 12, 2015
5,486
183
63
#11
As I see it you have 2 options:

1) Marry her now and rough it financially until you finish your training.

2) Ask God to help you to honor your commitment to Him and believe that He will
 
P

presidente

Senior Member
#12
May 29, 2013
9,166
1,797
113
#12
Don't kiss. Don't be in her apartment or have her in yours. Stay in public places, preferably with a group of other people.

It's plain stupid to think you could hang out with her on the couch at your place with the lights dim, making out, and think you two won't fall into sin. Don't get into a situation where sex is reasonably possible.
 
A

AgeofKnowledge

Guest
#13
#13
Two great posts from MarcR and president. B O U N D A R I E S may not be sexy but they just might save your life.
 
M

michael56

Banned
#14
Feb 5, 2015
1,852
13
0
#14
AliYala said:
I love her a lot and truly would like her to be my wife one day, but I just want us to be financially stable. I'm currently finishing up my fitness certification to become a trainer. I'm served time in the military (Honorably Discharged) and trying to finish up my associated degree. I was told due to my background it should be easy for me to get a well paying job at the YMCA.

She works daycare and in college as well. We do not live together. We've had sex a few times but recently I told her I want to stop to respect God, and that I can't live a God fearing life if I turn the other cheek to fall into lust. She understood and said she'll help me maintain control. But today I never felt the urge of wanting her so much, I wanted her really bad and told her I did.

How do I maintain control and a clear mind? I told her I want to marry her and she approves when the moment is right. I need help.
Click to expand...
Could you not marry now(if you have both agreed that is what you want) then continue your lives apart for as long as necessary until you finish your degree. That way, when you do meet up you can have sex and you are doing nothing wrong.

''It is better to marry than burn with lust. 1Cor7:9

It is harder to draw back from a sexual relationship, once you have partaken of it, than if you have never partaken of it in the first place
 
sandtigeress

sandtigeress

Senior Member
#15
Apr 29, 2013
526
16
18
#15
the bible tells you to marry, instead of burning (with desire).

Stablity is very usefull in a marriage, but if you want to marry anyway and you are both finantially
stable. Why not marry now and simply wait with the children and/or let god help with the rest.
 
K

Kaycie

Guest
#16
#16
The bible says if you cannot control yourself you should marry, and if you want the benefits of marriage now, then it seems like now is good timing. What is the hold up if you guys get along? It only takes like twenty bucks to go down to the courthouse and get married if time is an issue.
 
A

AJJ

Banned
#17
Mar 29, 2015
17
0
0
#17
Get married if it's what the both of you want. Then use contraception 'til kids are what you want.
 
GracethroughfaithinChrist

GracethroughfaithinChrist

Senior Member
#18
Sep 6, 2014
7,034
5,435
113
#18
AliYala said:
I love her a lot and truly would like her to be my wife one day, but I just want us to be financially stable. I'm currently finishing up my fitness certification to become a trainer. I'm served time in the military (Honorably Discharged) and trying to finish up my associated degree. I was told due to my background it should be easy for me to get a well paying job at the YMCA.

She works daycare and in college as well. We do not live together. We've had sex a few times but recently I told her I want to stop to respect God, and that I can't live a God fearing life if I turn the other cheek to fall into lust. She understood and said she'll help me maintain control. But today I never felt the urge of wanting her so much, I wanted her really bad and told her I did.

How do I maintain control and a clear mind? I told her I want to marry her and she approves when the moment is right. I need help.
Click to expand...
Life happens while you are making plans friend not vice versa,
If you both have an intention of marrying each other you should become one flesh no? We are commanded not to be sexually immoral, having relations with your future spouse is not sexual immorality that's just how marriage works. Then you go down and get you a piece of paper after all is said and done that says you have became one flesh a.k.a. Mr. and Mrs.

Genesis 2:24,25
24Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Matthew 19:4,5
4He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#19
Mar 13, 2014
42,717
17,176
113
70
Tennessee
#19
Kaycie said:
The bible says if you cannot control yourself you should marry, and if you want the benefits of marriage now, then it seems like now is good timing. What is the hold up if you guys get along? It only takes like twenty bucks to go down to the courthouse and get married if time is an issue.
Click to expand...
Sixty bucks in Las Vegas. Get married one minute later if you want. License valid for one year.
 
A

AbbeyJoy

Guest
#20
#20
Yeah like ugly said don't be with her alone go with her like on a double date with someone. And stuff maybe go with parents with her or something. Idk I'll praying for you guys :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.