A Father's Role

MollyConnor · Mar 27, 2015

I haven't seen my father since 2008. His choice, not mine. But that's okay. I talk to him on the phone every now and then. It's difficult to reach him because he doesn't understand English and is sick to the point where he doesn't really answer the phone. His new wife does.

With that being said, I have a wonderful relationship with my mom and younger brother who is 21. Sometimes I feel that he's like a big brother even though he is younger because of the spiritual maturity that he has. So I would hope that the man who is interested in me will ask both my mom and brother for my hand in marriage.

Yes, I'm very old fashioned. While my mom worked, my grandma took care of us and she was raised in the 40s...so you can only imagine.

tourist · Mar 27, 2015

I believe that it would be best to just tell the father of your intentions. You could ask for permission but what would you do if he says no. You really don't need his permission but you should always be respectful and not to alienate yourself from her father.

secularhermit · Mar 27, 2015

secularhermit said:

When a "husnand" talks to his future "father in-law" he surely knows the one who would spent several years around those "expected"children. It gives a man to know his new "family" and he also has the chance to run (not hiding).

Today, for example, my mom texted me telling me things about the woman who lives with one of my brothers... That woman is asking my mom a simple mat she has to receive her family visiting my brother´s home (we´re different here). Let´s say the can go to a hotel to rent a room, but a family here wants to know, for sure, if a man snores or if her daughter is too fussy or picky. It depends on the love relationship each children has.

I lacked the malice (or wisdom) to know my in-laws their own house and, by time, I had several of them my roof, until the time I asked her to get rid of them and, her primary idea was helping them to get a job the place we lived... By doing that, I think, we got divided, particularly because I lacked privacy, and I was used to live alone (until the time Josh, our 1st baby, came our life).

Building a family requires building healthy relationships with the in-laws, unless all of them are dead... (Just guessing!).

Ha! Ha!

secularhermit · Mar 27, 2015

MollyConnor said:

When I read that I felt that sadness... I wanted my mom and dad came back and, for many years, I wanted my dad paid more time and attention to me and, after high school, I guest, we shared a lot of time (until his death). Yet I regret I wanted him to climb mountains with me, I wanted him to come to some places he was used to go, when he was used and, when he became old, he was willing to go to some places I wanted him to go with me... Before he died, he asked my ex-wife: "Take care of him!... " And I won´t say my ex wife failed on that: It was me who failed.

secularhermit · Mar 27, 2015

John Chap. 2

I bet Mary, the mother of Jesus knew there would be "gossipers" or critics when they lacked wine that wedding party (and probably other things).

The best man to have invited is God and the Lord Jesus... I like Tobias prayer in Tobias 8: 4-8.

http://www.christchurchlaredo.org/uploads/3/1/3/6/31363491/planning_a_wedding__bilin.pdf

secularhermit · Mar 27, 2015

cmarieh said:

In my case, I never wanted a person like my mother (she is alive) and, I´m not quite sure, but I tend to be like my dad (but never planned to marry one like him). Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja!

Those characters, in that movie, are very idealized; but I bet there are couples outside there (basicly inside the Christian culture) and I had the blessing of meeting some of them.

I have a friend, a pastor, who behaves like one of them but, his daughters, few weeks ago, forgot to call him on his birthday and I know, by his wife, he cried and shed some tears, because only his son phonecalled him to congratulate and say "hello!"; while his daughters use to call him whenever they need money and, rarely, their children attends the church he´s pastoring.

What a grievance he has these days!

secularhermit · Mar 27, 2015

Roh_Chris said:

I never asked such a permission, I asked if "they minded"... But I should have asked better (13 years of marriage were wasted)

Loveneverfails · Mar 29, 2015

My fiance asked both my mother and father for their permission and blessing to marry me before asking me directly, and I was there to witness it. It was something we both believed was appropriate so it wasn't something I had to convince him to do.

I do think it makes the most sense to do this when the woman still lives at home, but in other cases where she is older or more independent, it may still be appropriate if it's just something that the father of the bride expects as a courtesy.

Fenner · Mar 29, 2015

My Father died when I was a teenager and I didn't have a step Dad yet when I got married. I wonder if after 15 years if it's to late for my step Dad to grill him with questions?

I think it's a really nice gesture when a man speaks to the Father. Especially since you have a good relationship with yours.

jeremyPJ · Mar 30, 2015

I am so lost on this subject, honestly! I think it would be nice to do this, having verbal permission to marry, as I think it would make for a closer family relationship instead of all the silliness we see on television or from friends in life. I have never been in a situation where me or my spouse did that. I do like the idea.

wisebeardman · Mar 30, 2015

I wouldn't ask. I don't ask for stuff. but he could ask me to that is up to him.

JonahLynx · Mar 30, 2015

wisebeardman said:

LOL, I dunno, "Please please date my daughter," sounds a bit suspicious.

cmarieh · Mar 30, 2015

JonahLynx said:

I don't know, my dad has tried to get me hooked up with a bank teller, a cop, gas attendant, and the waiter. He just wants to marry me off. From a daughter's standpoint, it is really embarrassing.

JonahLynx · Mar 30, 2015

cmarieh said:

All of those scenarios sound hilarious!

I'd be embarrassed for you, lol.

cmarieh · Mar 30, 2015

JonahLynx said:

What can I say, my dad is a character. I have been told that I am a lot like him.

Kaycie · Mar 30, 2015

I think it's an act of a true gentleman.

secularhermit · Mar 30, 2015

jeremyPJ said:

I have seen situations where any of her family asked the man: "What do you do for a living? or How much do you get a month?"

If a lady is single, with a baby, that would be nice, if she is not, their concern is "securing" the bread for those a man has to raise and, in the long run, today, that´s not asking a father permission to marry her daughter, it´s just to "assure" then man are planning to keep on that relationship and, as in some places like India, man seemed to be marrying even the extended family (a wrong thing to do) because If 2 have problems of misunderstandings, how much more would misunderstanding would occur if we lacked an appropriate interaction with the family of others.

No matter how risking THAT could be, building relationships is a GODD THING and, at the end of this life, that´s the reward we could be bragging on heaven (or earth) because that involves LOVE, its best way: Agape and its friendship.

secularhermit · Mar 30, 2015

Kaycie said:

Haven´t you seen a woman asking a man? (I did).

secularhermit · Mar 30, 2015

cmarieh said:

Hmmm!

I hope u don´t have a long bear...

wisebeardman · Mar 30, 2015

cmarieh said:

well now I know not to ever visit, he would try getting me to marry you right off the bat >_>

A Father's Role

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