Truth, Love, and interacting with people

[cinder]

So after seeing a minor flare up in another thread and not wanting to derail it, I thought this could be a productive topic. Then I had a second thought that this could get really ugly really fast, but decided to press on anyway.

We all know that the Bible says to speak the truth in love. (Actually this isn't a command but a description of mature believers - see Eph 4:15) However, most people don't do this or at least don't do it well.

Some of us lack tact and wield the truth like a club, somehow believing that we have fulfilled the conditions of speaking truth in love by just speaking truth no matter how harshly and having some sort of desire for the person to do right and be better. The truth doesn't get through because the recipient puts up their shield when they see the weapon coming.

On the other side of the debate, we have those who are so concerned with other people's feelings and how their words will be received that they make commandments sound more like suggestions. The truth doesn't get through because it comes in too softly and comfortably and is easily ignored.

So what have you learned about combining truth and love in your interactions with people? Can you think of any really good real life examples of when truth was spoken in love to you or by you and how it turned out? How do you ensure (well as much as you can ensure) that your love is effective and the truth you speak is likely to be received? And if you are feeling really brave where do you need to grow in this area and how can this community help you grow?

 

[jogoldie]

I personally take Jesus' term......I will make you fishers of men.....literaly.....to fish is to bait a hook....
to paitently wait for the fish to bite.......then slowly and steadily reel them in........to fish is not done
by clubbing the thing over the head........so I take the slow route......it takes time and some patience......
but I find more people are willing to hear and accept .....when they are not made to feel worse then they already do.....God tells us of seasons.....a time and purpose for all things......and this rings true
for the handling of His children......time to be comforting and time to kick butt.......and always time
for love and understanding......

 

[Tinkerbell725]

..........

 

[Lynx]

Jesus called the Pharisees hypocrites. Jesus also forgave the woman caught in adultery. The Pharisees were convinced they were right, where the woman knew she was wrong.

I would also add that the Pharisees sought Jesus out, to try to find fault. Jesus didn't seek out the Pharisees (no, the cleansing of the temple doesn't count as seeking them out.)

Some seek out their Pharisees to try to correct them. Some soft-pedal the truth too much to the woman caught in adultery. The response is dependent on the situation, and every situation needs a different response.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I consider compassion and truth-speaking to both be spiritual gifts. They both, of course, have their strengths and weaknesses. I fall a little too far on the compassion side. I will speak the truth, especially when pressed (by the Holy Spirit or by people), but I take great care in how I word it so that it will be received well.

Does this make me soft? Probably. Has it been fruitful? Many many times. I've been able to reach people on levels that they never would have been reached by a bolder approach. But those are people God has placed specifically in my life for me to minister to.

If we are all tools in God's kingdom, then I am a perhaps a rubber mallet. Some people need a mallet so they don't get bruised; so they feel safe and comfortable to open up and share or develop a relationship. And sometimes people need a sledge hammer. If we are prayerful and careful in speaking, we can use whichever gift to edify others. Both are important and necessary, and should each be respected and appreciated, as long as they are carried out in prayer and Christlike intent.

 

[hoss2576]

I think part of it still comes down to what your motive is. We are to always speak in truth, but at times, it feels like some people speak in truth solely to point out someone's shortcomings and to "knock someone down a peg."

I think when speaking in truth, we still need to encourage people toward the correct action.

 

[seoulsearch]

I was always taught this passage in regards to this topic: 2 Corinthians 3:6--He has enabled us to be ministers of His new covenant. This is a covenant not of written laws, but of the Spirit. The old written covenant kills (ends in death), but the Spirit gives life.

As Hoss said, I think the most important thing is the intent behind the words and approach, because the Bible tells us to edify one another. Not that there aren't times when one has to be particularly blunt... and I have plenty of failures from both extremes, whether being too gentle or too harsh.

My own personal philosophy is to try to see where the other person is coming from and give them an example from my own life to relate to if possible. I try to make it a matter of, "I understand what you're saying, let's try to work through this together."

However, my compassionate side tends to shut down if certain prejudices or attitudes arise. For example, I can't stand what I call Crystal Whackers, whether online or in real life. They insist on whacking everyone else upside the head because they think they're doing so in the name of the Lord. They say God has made them this way and they are appointed to preach or state the truth.

And yet, they never accept any of that truth for themselves. They are always their own exception, never accept correction from anyone, and treat other people's emotional needs or concerns with nothing but callous disregard. However, the minute they need prayer for something themselves and aren't flooded with warm fuzzy sympathies in reply, their crystal heart shatters and they lash out in anger because they think everyone should be showing them the compassion and concern they NEVER give to anyone else.

When I was younger, I was often too accommodating and more of a door mat. The older I get, I find I'm struggling with the opposite problem of becoming a wrecking ball (and sometimes, in my own words, a Crystal Whacker) myself. I especially have a hard time restraining myself when I see people (through my own interpretation) being ripped apart unjustly.

I'm trying to ask God to temper me into the right balance, because usually I think I'm either too hot or too cold.

 

[Fenner]

Here's something that I apply to myself in life and on the internet, if I wouldn't say it to their face, don't say it.

 

[Lynx]

Crystal Whackers... hmm, sounds like a character in a video game, maybe a Final Fantasy kind of game.

Anyway, about the OP - this problem is very evident in certain preachers, and is a good way to discern which preachers are getting a message from God and which are getting a message from their own hearts. It's easy to preach about grace, forgiveness, healing, etc. But a message of correction reveals the heart of the preacher... or the heart of God. I've seen many preachers who seemed to take an almost savage delight in tearing down sinners. One preacher was asked why he always looked angry when he was preaching. He replied, "I preach better when I'm angry." All I know is, listening to his sermons gave me the impression God was out to get me. And I wasn't even doing the things he was preaching against.

God never took delight in tearing people down. Sure He told people they were doing wrong, but He also gave them a way to do right. He never soft-pedaled anything, but love has been in everything He ever did. And when a minister gets a message of correction you can tell right away if it's really from God. It may step on your toes a bit if your toes aren't in line with the Bible, but if you get torn down a bit there will also be tools in the message to build yourself back up the right way. And you will NOT get the impression God hates you for being a sinner.

Hmm... reading back over what I typed, that excludes almost all the typing ever done in a certain well known forum right there. And all the protest signs carried by a certain infamous church that goes around picketing soldiers' funerals. Just saying...

 

[maxwel]

I personally take Jesus' term......I will make you fishers of men.....literaly.....to fish is to bait a hook....
to paitently wait for the fish to bite.......then slowly and steadily reel them in........to fish is not done
by clubbing the thing over the head........so I take the slow route......it takes time and some patience......
but I find more people are willing to hear and accept .....when they are not made to feel worse then they already do.....God tells us of seasons.....a time and purpose for all things......and this rings true
for the handling of His children......time to be comforting and time to kick butt.......and always time
for love and understanding......

To fish is to bait a hook, and wait patiently... hmmm.

Well, some people fish with dynamite.

I'm not necessarily recommending the use of high explosives while witnessing.
Not necessarily.
: )

 

[zeroturbulence]

So after seeing a minor flare up in another thread and not wanting to derail it, I thought this could be a productive topic. Then I had a second thought that this could get really ugly really fast, but decided to press on anyway.

We all know that the Bible says to speak the truth in love. (Actually this isn't a command but a description of mature believers - see Eph 4:15) However, most people don't do this or at least don't do it well.

Some of us lack tact and wield the truth like a club, somehow believing that we have fulfilled the conditions of speaking truth in love by just speaking truth no matter how harshly and having some sort of desire for the person to do right and be better. The truth doesn't get through because the recipient puts up their shield when they see the weapon coming.

On the other side of the debate, we have those who are so concerned with other people's feelings and how their words will be received that they make commandments sound more like suggestions. The truth doesn't get through because it comes in too softly and comfortably and is easily ignored.

So what have you learned about combining truth and love in your interactions with people? Can you think of any really good real life examples of when truth was spoken in love to you or by you and how it turned out? How do you ensure (well as much as you can ensure) that your love is effective and the truth you speak is likely to be received? And if you are feeling really brave where do you need to grow in this area and how can this community help you grow?

Best. topic. ever.

 

[seoulsearch]

To fish is to bait a hook, and wait patiently... hmmm.

Well, some people fish with dynamite.

I'm not necessarily recommending the use of high explosives while witnessing.
Not necessarily.
: )

Talk about an explosive faith.

Kind of puts the phrase, "I'm On Fire For Jesus!" into a rather literal sense.

 

[Lynx]

On the flip side of the coin, some people will get upset if you call sin sin. That doesn't mean you are wrong, it means they got offended because they don't want to think about what they like to do as wrong.

Simple fact of the matter is, you can't use people's reactions to gauge whether you are doing right. You have to look at your own heart and see WHY you are telling the truth. Are you doing it for that person's benefit?

Some like to put people down so they can feel better about themselves. Some people just love to argue and it's a handy thing to start an argument with. And of course they can always fall back on the old "I'm just telling you the truth because I love you." And don't forget the old "Well if you don't like it don't blame me - you're disagreeing with the Bible, not me."

Sometimes the best thing to do is just shut up. You can rub the truth in someone's face for all the wrong reasons and drive him further from God. Really the only reason to "tell the truth in love" is when the person needs to hear it, not when you need to tell it. And the best way to know that person needs to hear it is when God tells you to tell it.

 

[PopClick]

So what have you learned about combining truth and love in your interactions with people?
I agree with so much of what has been said already. I do notice some people seem to use correction as a form of latent bullying. It is not supposed to be a means of tearing someone down! I do not claim to know anyone's heart or motives, but if someone constantly hears, over and over, that they are too blunt, then I think they should check their hearts.

Some people think that age trumps everything else, and refuse to accept correction from anyone younger than they are. Physical age has nothing to wisdom, and I wish everyone could see what is good and right and true, regardless of who says it.

And some people seem very able to serve correction, but very determined to avoid receiving any. I do not think this is a Godly attitude. EVERYBODY needs to be corrected sometimes, and the New Testament is full of examples of how pastors and church members are supposed to reprove at times. We need to let our iron be sharpened.


How do you ensure (well as much as you can ensure) that your love is effective and the truth you speak is likely to be received?
I do pray for wisdom before I speak, that doesn't mean I never say anything wrong, but I am careful about what I say and how I say it. This also means that I don't respond to everyone the same way. You wouldn't respond to a five year old who was screaming and throwing things the same way as you would a fifty year old, you know? You have to take into account the other person's journey and maturity level (do they require milk vs meat), as well as whether this particular issue has been brought to their attention in the past. (Matthew 18:15-17)


Can you think of any really good real life examples of when truth was spoken in love to you or by you and how it turned out?
Haha, yes. Many. I can also think of a time I didn't say something I was supposed to say, which is probably what led to a young friend of mine making a poor decision. I think not saying something you were supposed to say is just as much of a sin as saying something you shouldn't have said.


And if you are feeling really brave where do you need to grow in this area and how can this community help you grow?
I honestly don't know. I wish I could be absolutely perfect in everything I say and the way that I say it, but that isn't really possible. I do seem to err on the side of not saying things I should have said (which is, of course, still wrong) so maybe I need to find my voice, in more ways than one. It's around here somewhere, I know.

 

[PopClick]

Physical age has nothing to wisdom...

Haha, I meant "Physical age has nothing to do with wisdom."

Sometimes I words. It's very.

 

[GaryA]

Haha, I meant "Physical age has nothing to do with wisdom."

Sometimes I { leave out } words. It's very { distinctively annoyingly evidently purposefully definitively absent-minded of me to do this }.

"Hey! You're not old enough for that, yet!"





( Just kidding honey --- It's always nice to "see you" on here... )

 

[jogoldie]

Z

To fish is to bait a hook, and wait patiently... hmmm.

Well, some people fish with dynamite.

I'm not necessarily recommending the use of high explosives while witnessing.
Not necessarily.
: )

I think that's called sushi.........its better when the brain is still intact.......

 

[junkyardmystic]

So after seeing a minor flare up in another thread and not wanting to derail it, I thought this could be a productive topic. Then I had a second thought that this could get really ugly really fast, but decided to press on anyway.

We all know that the Bible says to speak the truth in love. (Actually this isn't a command but a description of mature believers - see Eph 4:15) However, most people don't do this or at least don't do it well.

Some of us lack tact and wield the truth like a club, somehow believing that we have fulfilled the conditions of speaking truth in love by just speaking truth no matter how harshly and having some sort of desire for the person to do right and be better. The truth doesn't get through because the recipient puts up their shield when they see the weapon coming.

On the other side of the debate, we have those who are so concerned with other people's feelings and how their words will be received that they make commandments sound more like suggestions. The truth doesn't get through because it comes in too softly and comfortably and is easily ignored.

So what have you learned about combining truth and love in your interactions with people? Can you think of any really good real life examples of when truth was spoken in love to you or by you and how it turned out? How do you ensure (well as much as you can ensure) that your love is effective and the truth you speak is likely to be received? And if you are feeling really brave where do you need to grow in this area and how can this community help you grow?

I do my best to use tact when telling people things I think are true.

Tact is the art of telling someone the truth without making an enemy.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

So what have you learned about combining truth and love in your interactions with people?

That people tend to (but not always) see one or the other.

And if you are feeling really brave where do you need to grow in this area and how can this community help you grow?

I suppose the reality is that we can grow in any and all aspects of it, as can anybody in a cosmic sense, and not only through this specific community, but through the act of community anywhere and everywhere.

 

[Jimbone]

I've grown a lot on this site seeing this kind of thing on here, and being part of these conversations (the wrong part on more than 1 occasion) as well. I HATE seeing it done on here, especially when both parties are talking past each other trying to be right so hard they can't see that they really agree and just think of it from different perspectives.The biggest thing about the early church that turned this world upside down was the Christians unconditional love for each other, even between those who had never even meet yet. I don't get that feeling here very often, and get the exact opposite impression most of the time.

I personally think correcting anyone is done a lot better with questions than accusations. Heck you might even realize you agreed more than you initially thought once you get to actually know the other person and exactly where they were coming from. I know for a fact once you approach itlike an authority figure, point a finger, and accuse someone of being dead wrong, that will 99% of the time (if not 100%) cause the defenses to go up and the trenches dug in to be met with complete opposition. Once that's the tone you can hang it up, that's when pride take over and kicks out and kind of common ground or understanding. I would like to see more LOVE here, but can only control myself, and hopefully show what I’m talking about by His example, because it’s only by His spirit in me I can even attempt to do the right thing.