Hello Everyone:
I recently spent some time with a friend and her beautiful kids (her husband was at work, but he came home later that night and we all had dinner together as a family.) She is the same age as myself (we've known each other since we were 5 years old), has been married over 10 years, and her children are 5, 3, and 10 months old. They could be described as a "golden couple" to most-- they both grew up in Lutheran schools (as did I) so they were of equal faith, both have great careers (though they've been through some rough times with being laid off at different times this past year), are financially stable, have a close circle of friends and family, and get along well.
Because she and I have a long history, we talk with each other about any and every area of our lives... and I was able to ask her what married life (because she obviously has a bit of experience in this area) was REALLY like.
She said... there are a lot of times when she's alone with the kids because of their different work schedules. There are many times she feels she's raising them by herself. There are often times that she and her husband seem to miss each other as far as communication goes--no time to listen, no time to connect... and she said that their sex life had dwindled to maybe once every 3 months--and she has been the one who was trying to get his attention, but there was always too much too do, too many distractions... too much of life draining away any energy they may have to devote to each other.
On the drive home, I couldn't help but think to myself: "Gee, if I'm going to sit at home by myself and not have anyone to talk to but God and feel alone and not have sex... oh snap, I'm already doing that!!! So why on earth would I want to get married just to live that way, too?"
My question to you is this: what is your view of how you want your marriage to be someday? Hearts and roses and long walks on the beach and flowers and spontaneous romantic interludes at any given moment?
And my challenge to you is this: talk to people around you who are married or in a relationship and have been so for some time, then report back as to what you find. What do they love most about their marriages? What problems and struggles are they going through? Is their marriage anything like the way you hope yours is going to be? How many people actually have the marriage you dream of?
Marriage is a wonderful, blessed thing and a gift from God. But it can also be very lonely and painful (for those of you who haven't read my threads before--I used to be married--and he left for someone else.)
One of my goals in the time that God has granted for me to be single is to work my hardest at balancing dreams with REALITY, because reality is all too often a bucket of ice-cold water on your red-hot dreams of what you don't have and what you think it will be. I personally believe that many divorces are caused by dreams that were never met... and never can be, because reality was never taken into consideration.
If you aren't close enough to anyone around you who is married that you can talk to openly about their relationship, then I would still love to hear everyone's thoughts about how they hope marriage will be... and how it compares to what they see around them... and if you are convinced your marriage is going to be different and much better than those around you, share with us your ideas as to how you are going to make it that way.
Thanks in advance!
I recently spent some time with a friend and her beautiful kids (her husband was at work, but he came home later that night and we all had dinner together as a family.) She is the same age as myself (we've known each other since we were 5 years old), has been married over 10 years, and her children are 5, 3, and 10 months old. They could be described as a "golden couple" to most-- they both grew up in Lutheran schools (as did I) so they were of equal faith, both have great careers (though they've been through some rough times with being laid off at different times this past year), are financially stable, have a close circle of friends and family, and get along well.
Because she and I have a long history, we talk with each other about any and every area of our lives... and I was able to ask her what married life (because she obviously has a bit of experience in this area) was REALLY like.
She said... there are a lot of times when she's alone with the kids because of their different work schedules. There are many times she feels she's raising them by herself. There are often times that she and her husband seem to miss each other as far as communication goes--no time to listen, no time to connect... and she said that their sex life had dwindled to maybe once every 3 months--and she has been the one who was trying to get his attention, but there was always too much too do, too many distractions... too much of life draining away any energy they may have to devote to each other.
On the drive home, I couldn't help but think to myself: "Gee, if I'm going to sit at home by myself and not have anyone to talk to but God and feel alone and not have sex... oh snap, I'm already doing that!!! So why on earth would I want to get married just to live that way, too?"
My question to you is this: what is your view of how you want your marriage to be someday? Hearts and roses and long walks on the beach and flowers and spontaneous romantic interludes at any given moment?
And my challenge to you is this: talk to people around you who are married or in a relationship and have been so for some time, then report back as to what you find. What do they love most about their marriages? What problems and struggles are they going through? Is their marriage anything like the way you hope yours is going to be? How many people actually have the marriage you dream of?
Marriage is a wonderful, blessed thing and a gift from God. But it can also be very lonely and painful (for those of you who haven't read my threads before--I used to be married--and he left for someone else.)
One of my goals in the time that God has granted for me to be single is to work my hardest at balancing dreams with REALITY, because reality is all too often a bucket of ice-cold water on your red-hot dreams of what you don't have and what you think it will be. I personally believe that many divorces are caused by dreams that were never met... and never can be, because reality was never taken into consideration.
If you aren't close enough to anyone around you who is married that you can talk to openly about their relationship, then I would still love to hear everyone's thoughts about how they hope marriage will be... and how it compares to what they see around them... and if you are convinced your marriage is going to be different and much better than those around you, share with us your ideas as to how you are going to make it that way.
Thanks in advance!
