Just got here - a bit desperate - need someone to talk to - phone, email, smoke signa

[Wildwind]

[h=2]It was suggested I re-post this here...[/h]

Been here all of five minutes. Quickie background:

Very solid Christian, strong walk
Gifted musician, very active in worship
Gifted writer
Very strong sense of humor
Well-raised, no pre-marital abuse, raised to be a man of intergrity and honor, still very close to my father
Been through a lot fire, but much refinement
61 years old, don't look it or act it (the music helps a lot...)
Professionally employed

And now for the meat - twice divorced. Realizing you're only getting my side...both had/have serious mental issues (yes, I realize I'm the common thread here), both cheated on me and were very abusive. No, I'm not abusive, not in the least. And both have begged me to get back with them (first marriage ended in 2000, last in 2013.

Not looking for a relationship or marriage (at this point, though I realize the two divorces pretty much puts me in the wrong district) and that has nothing to do with why I'm doing this.

In a relationship of nearly a year - therein is my desperation and reason for reaching out. She baffles me in so many ways. I'm nuts about her (and her martial history is similar - she's actually perfect in almost every way - almost).

I've been praying for months for someone who will talk to me, a women who has gathered her wisdom in similar fashion. I really need someone who understands the way a woman thinks.

And I will give what I can - I'm not selfish. I just need some insight. And someone to talk to. I have no idea if this is the right place so I only paid for a month...is this the right place?

Thanks for reading this. BTW, my real name is Greg.​

 

[atwhatcost]

You aren't seeking a relationship, but you're in one and you're still praying for one?

Sorry. Completely lost here. You're not making any sense to me.

I can give you some advice someone gave hubby -- figure out what you like in a woman, and then seek the exact opposite. He had a habit of falling in love with woman with serious mental disorders. Because of that, the only thing his ex and I have in common is we're both women.

 

[jogoldie]

Hello my brother........I don't think you will like what I have to say but here goes........
It seems maybe .........you are finding women without the guidance from God......jumping the
gun so to speak......there is a key to finding a perfect wife.......if a woman says to you......"God is
first I my life".......keep her......makes friends......and let God take care of the rest.......I am terrified
to even meet men.......I'm waiting on God.......and if it doesn't happen......if I am not suppose to find
someone......and its Gods Plan....I will be happy......full filled......and love my life.......
God tells us.......Seek ye first the Kingdom of God......then all else will be added........
I think spouses are included in this........take your time......allow God to prepare you for
a wife......work on you........trust God......He knows your desires.....and He knows what's best for you....
You will surely find fellowship here.........a lot of brothers and sisters who give good and solid advice.....stick around here for a while ....get you life in line with God......and see the adventure
He will take you on........peace .....jo

 

[ember]

Look at the name you gave yourself....'wildwind'...why is that?

And now for the meat

I think the meat is tainted

In a relationship of nearly a year - therein is my desperation and reason for reaching out. She baffles me in so many ways. I'm nuts about her (and her martial history is similar - she's actually perfect in almost every way - almost).

actually you are baffling me....either you are a glutton for punishment, or you are not who you say you are

what kind of issues do you have personally, that you keep going back to the dungheap?

I've been praying for months for someone who will talk to me, a women who has gathered her wisdom in similar fashion. I really need someone who understands the way a woman thinks.

now why is that if you are such a solid Christian

if I look down the road you are on, I see a big flashing light...it says disaster

 

[blue_ladybug]

the OP's post makes absolutely no sense to me. You're looking for a woman, but neither a relationship nor another marriage? With two divorces under your belt, it sounds like you have really bad luck with women and relationships in general..

 

[atwhatcost]

the OP's post makes absolutely no sense to me. You're looking for a woman, but neither a relationship nor another marriage? With two divorces under your belt, it sounds like you have really bad luck with women and relationships in general..

I don't think its a matter of luck.

 

[Wildwind]

To atwhatcost (or blueladybug? guess I didn't read that entire thread) - sorry for the confusion. Yes, I am in a relationship. It seems a wonderful fit, but there are baffling things. I do believe God wants us together, but my faith is being tested.

My main purpose in joining was to maybe get some insight into where she's at, given her own background, etc. And I have spent a lot of quality time on my knees, but I'm just hurting. Sorry, not sure I can say this any clearer. So maybe this was a mistake? I guess I'll find out.

And I am very, very lonely. Being divorced seriously cuts down (eliminates, it seems) on social opportunities. You're never more alone when you're in a crowded room with no one to talk to, or invite you to lunch...or married to someone who doesn't love you. Whatever the cause, I have chosen to not accept that this is how it is and how it will stay.

 

[damombomb]

To the op, what are the questions you want to ask about the lady you are dating? You want to know how women think.
Go ahead and ask. I have a question. Did you know both women were nuts when you married them? Was your Mom this way?
Do you feel you don't deserve a good one?

 

[Wildwind]

Okay, now I read the entire thread.

Wildwind - it's the name of an old Christian soft rock band, which was very successful in the Michigan and surrounding states back in the 80s. We played hundreds of concerts and led scores of people to the Lord. This was during the height of the coffeehouse era, a very heady time to be in the Kingdom. It comes from John 3:8 - the wind blows where it wishes, etc. Somehow Wildwind seemed to personify the Holy Spirit in my mind. Even now I pray for His Spirit to manifest according to the image of this verse.

As for the rest - I have no defense to offer. I just wanted someone to talk to. Have you ever felt you are THIS close but something is stopping you? Have you ever spent so much time in battle and tears before God, desperately desiring His heart and will and the sound of His voice?

Am I who I claim to be? No answer will satisfy you. Are you who you claim to be that you can question me like that? I do hope your life and relationships are so satisfying that you can feel good about the tenor of your message.

Obviously it's a mistake being here. I do thank the few who have welcomed me. Don't get me wrong - I am very teachable and don't mind the correction. But I don't think this is correction. Maybe I'm wrong. I'll go and be wrong somewhere else.

 

[MadParrotWoman]

Okay, now I read the entire thread.

Wildwind - it's the name of an old Christian soft rock band, which was very successful in the Michigan and surrounding states back in the 80s. We played hundreds of concerts and led scores of people to the Lord. This was during the height of the coffeehouse era, a very heady time to be in the Kingdom. It comes from John 3:8 - the wind blows where it wishes, etc. Somehow Wildwind seemed to personify the Holy Spirit in my mind. Even now I pray for His Spirit to manifest according to the image of this verse.

As for the rest - I have no defense to offer. I just wanted someone to talk to. Have you ever felt you are THIS close but something is stopping you? Have you ever spent so much time in battle and tears before God, desperately desiring His heart and will and the sound of His voice?

Am I who I claim to be? No answer will satisfy you. Are you who you claim to be that you can question me like that? I do hope your life and relationships are so satisfying that you can feel good about the tenor of your message.

Obviously it's a mistake being here. I do thank the few who have welcomed me. Don't get me wrong - I am very teachable and don't mind the correction. But I don't think this is correction. Maybe I'm wrong. I'll go and be wrong somewhere else.

Hey don't leave us, you've only just showed up!

 

[JesusLives]

So Wildwind before you go. Please ask the questions...There are several ladies here that just might take the time to answer questions you have.....But remember you are asking to get your girlfriend's perspective....So I guess the question I would have for you is...... Why didn't you start with her and just ask her directly on how or what her perspective is on whatever question you may have?

I am willing to give a stab at answering questions for you from a woman's point of view, but the problem with asking a possible single lady these types of questions is that your feelings change to them instead of your current lady friend. I am married by the way and would give a woman's view with no strings attached as are a few that have chimed in here....

So ask your questions....Just maybe we can help.....

 

[tourist]

You aren't seeking a relationship, but you're in one and you're still praying for one?

Sorry. Completely lost here. You're not making any sense to me.

Yeah, he lost me there, too.

 

[tourist]

Okay, now I read the entire thread.

Wildwind - it's the name of an old Christian soft rock band, which was very successful in the Michigan and surrounding states back in the 80s. We played hundreds of concerts and led scores of people to the Lord. This was during the height of the coffeehouse era, a very heady time to be in the Kingdom. It comes from John 3:8 - the wind blows where it wishes, etc. Somehow Wildwind seemed to personify the Holy Spirit in my mind. Even now I pray for His Spirit to manifest according to the image of this verse.

As for the rest - I have no defense to offer. I just wanted someone to talk to. Have you ever felt you are THIS close but something is stopping you? Have you ever spent so much time in battle and tears before God, desperately desiring His heart and will and the sound of His voice?

Am I who I claim to be? No answer will satisfy you. Are you who you claim to be that you can question me like that? I do hope your life and relationships are so satisfying that you can feel good about the tenor of your message.

Obviously it's a mistake being here. I do thank the few who have welcomed me. Don't get me wrong - I am very teachable and don't mind the correction. But I don't think this is correction. Maybe I'm wrong. I'll go and be wrong somewhere else.

Hey, you did say that you were very teachable and did not mind correction. Stick around a little while Greg. I understand about the loneliness aspect that you described. I am not sure at all what it is that you area struggling with. Why does this woman that you are interested baffle you? I don't think that it is a mistake that you are on this site at all.

You don't have to apologize for anything in your past. I am sure that you have already done so to God and to anyone that you may have hurt.

I'm not sure why it is that you paid to join this site as it used to be free.

Welcome to CC.

 

[patience]

What do you mean you only paid for a month? this site is free give if you can. So what confuse you about her? For us to help you have to be more direct with your question.

 

[atwhatcost]

To atwhatcost (or blueladybug? guess I didn't read that entire thread) - sorry for the confusion. Yes, I am in a relationship. It seems a wonderful fit, but there are baffling things. I do believe God wants us together, but my faith is being tested.

My main purpose in joining was to maybe get some insight into where she's at, given her own background, etc. And I have spent a lot of quality time on my knees, but I'm just hurting. Sorry, not sure I can say this any clearer. So maybe this was a mistake? I guess I'll find out.

And I am very, very lonely. Being divorced seriously cuts down (eliminates, it seems) on social opportunities. You're never more alone when you're in a crowded room with no one to talk to, or invite you to lunch...or married to someone who doesn't love you. Whatever the cause, I have chosen to not accept that this is how it is and how it will stay.

Ah, bugger! I'm new here, thought I put down Lynn as my chat name, and didn't even notice I'm down as AtWhatCost again. So, okay, obviously I'm a woman, and I'm Lynn. (If nothing else, you can now feel like you're talking to a real person, instead of two teddy bears in an avatar. lol)

So, still confused. You want us to tell you what she's thinking? That's not a good sign in two ways. The obvious one is we're not mind readers, but I think you kind of suspected that already. The other one is, why aren't you asking her? If she is to be your partner in life, you're supposed to be partnering already to see if you two work together as partners. We're not here to turn you into a puppet with our words. This is your relationship.

And, frankly, I don't think you're near ready for another one for several reasons:
1. You've been married to two different women in this decade! This decade is only half way over. I get the first one lasted longer, (or I hope it did), but still two wives + one decade = something is seriously wrong... with you. (Might have been with them too, but you decided to marry them, when obviously they weren't the ones to marry.)

2. Because you're lonely? Bingo! That's what's wrong with you. Marriage isn't a "what I want out of it alone" proposition. It's more about what we can give. That this is completely about you tells me you aren't in a position to give, don't want to give, only think of yourself, a combination of those, or all of those. (Also entirely possible the first wife was a long struggle, so the second was a rebound wife.) NOT good! It's not that you've been divorced twice that's the problem, it's that you seem to be sucking out the air around people. You're like a leech, sucking what you need from another, until they are dry, and then falling off. I sense it here too.

Second, if you are a Christian, as you claim to be, then how in the world are you lonely? Where is God? He certainly didn't leave you, so why are you ignoring him? You ain't alone with God. Can't be lonely, unless you go back to me-first!

Apparently you have.

Do you love this new girl? (I'm 58, so please understand we use the same language. Girl is woman. I'm a girl. Ask my dad. lol) Whether you do or don't, send her packing quickly. Leave her life. It's the best way you can love her at this point, because you're not loving, you're leeching.

You've got to get your priorities right. God first. Neighbor next. You last. This has been completely inverted. You're not first. You will never be first.

And, yes, I know I'm telling you the impossible. It is in all of us to be leeches. That is the very nature of sinful Man. That's also the reason we need Jesus, to change that in us. He won't change (he can, but he won't) you unless you go to him in need. He only changes you when you get through with yourself and are willing to give yourself to others -- him first, neighbor next.

Do that and there is NO chance of "I'm lonely." Do that, and once you get what that is, if it is God's will for you to marry a third time, he will make it happen. You may never get married again. You might. That's up to God. Your duty is to him, not you. Through him, and only through him, is it possible! Get married now, and I see three wives in the same decade. (There may be another one to come, but that's not your priority. If God thinks you need one, he'll make that happen in his timing, not your timing.)

 

[atwhatcost]

Hey, you did say that you were very teachable and did not mind correction. Stick around a little while Greg. I understand about the loneliness aspect that you described. I am not sure at all what it is that you area struggling with. Why does this woman that you are interested baffle you? I don't think that it is a mistake that you are on this site at all.

You don't have to apologize for anything in your past. I am sure that you have already done so to God and to anyone that you may have hurt.

I'm not sure why it is that you paid to join this site as it used to be free.

Welcome to CC.

Really? Women don't baffle you? I'm a woman and I baffle myself.

I've never met anyone that doesn't baffle me. I just thought baffled was a state-of-being verb.

 

[tourist]

Really? Women don't baffle you? I'm a woman and I baffle myself.

I've never met anyone that doesn't baffle me. I just thought baffled was a state-of-being verb.

Well, OK, at times women do baffle me. Really though, the only woman that I have to figure out is my wife. She doesn't really baffle me too much but she does amaze me, I just do my best to connect the dots.

 

[MadParrotWoman]

Lots of tdubious posts and trolls here today, I think it may be one of the same person LOL

 

[Dan58]

Wildwind, you wanted someone to talk to, 14 responses and you tip out the door because it was nothing you wanted to hear? And you've been divorced twice, hmmm. Your reluctance and apprehension towards your current relationship might have something to do with your 2 previous failures. I suspect you don't trust your own inclinations now? Women aren't hard to figure out, just give them everything they want and the puzzle is solved

 

[skylove7]

Whew Woodwind! Why don't you take take a break, and spend some time with God, and do some soul searching for a bit. You won't find any fulfillment by rushing through women! But I promise you, through prayer and some alone time with God, perhaps He will direct you two the right women. I can assure you that your trousers, will not set aflame if you don't have a women this instant. True love takes patience....and you need to take a deep breath, and praise God...and see what happens. I will pray for you! Its all I can do. Take care.