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Well I can emphasize to a great degree. Before I came to Christ I got intoxicated and slept with a woman who already had a child with a Jehovah Witness. They were not together at the time. She did not tell me she had become pregnant but instead gave the child up for adoption. A year and a half later (and without knowing about the child) I made the same mistake. Again, she did not tell me she became pregnant but instead got back together with the JW and told him that she was pregnant with his child. Well, I found out shortly after my son was born. Unfortunately, the JW is the legal father to my son (who is now 5). I quit working and ended up spending all of my time in serious depression and hanging out with the mother of my children in an attempt to have a family with her so I could be with my son. While attempting to sort it out, we became pregnant again with my daughter who is now 2. While she was pregnant with my daughter, she started seeing the JW again and started saying that she would not let me see my daughter or my son ever, the JW was even in the delivery room with us the entire time while my daughter was born. The emotions and thoughts I had during these times were so difficult. I prayed to God that He would allow me to have a family and be with my children, shortly after my daughter was born, the mother of my children and I got married.
The JW is still raising my son, though I see my son all the time. But nobody respects or honors me as his father. Everytime I see him I have to say good bye. I have to hear him call the other man dad (although he calls me dad too). I could go into much more depth of details but this is what I really have to share with you:
This is the most tremendous opportunity that you have for God to teach you to become conformed to Christ. You have to turn from your sinful thoughts and anger, you have to learn to love (even your "enemies"). You have to rely on Christ for every bit of strength to accomplish this. But it is possible and I am proof of it. Crucify your flesh and it's evil thoughts and desires and walk by the Spirit, it is the only way for anything good to come out of this and for your to save your children from destruction. Hold firmly to what is true. Study the Bible and God's commandments, take every thought captive and bring it into submission to Christ. You will become so spiritually mature that nothing will be able to shake you, you will be built completely on the firm foundation of Christ.
The alternative is to be swept away by your flesh and your sinfulness, to become bitter and resentful and to play a part in the destruction of those you love. Pray to God for the things which you desire out of love and truth for your family and God will answer you. You have been thrust onto the path to greatness, but it is up to you to walk it. Literally stop all your sinning and get your mind off the flesh and what you see with your eyes. The mind set on the flesh is death, trust in God not what the world will tell you is true. Seek Christ and furthering the Kingdom of God. Become obedient to God in all things in order to "abide in Christ", if you abide in Christ, our Father will guide your steps and prune your life to make you fruitful. Do not allow yourself to become polluted by the world, turn off the worldly tv shows and ways of thinking.
1 Corinthians 13
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
John 15
“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. 3 You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. 4 Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.
5 “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. 6 Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. 7 But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! 8 When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father.
9 “I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. 10 When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love.
John 14
12 “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father. 13 Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.
The JW is still raising my son, though I see my son all the time. But nobody respects or honors me as his father. Everytime I see him I have to say good bye. I have to hear him call the other man dad (although he calls me dad too). I could go into much more depth of details but this is what I really have to share with you:
This is the most tremendous opportunity that you have for God to teach you to become conformed to Christ. You have to turn from your sinful thoughts and anger, you have to learn to love (even your "enemies"). You have to rely on Christ for every bit of strength to accomplish this. But it is possible and I am proof of it. Crucify your flesh and it's evil thoughts and desires and walk by the Spirit, it is the only way for anything good to come out of this and for your to save your children from destruction. Hold firmly to what is true. Study the Bible and God's commandments, take every thought captive and bring it into submission to Christ. You will become so spiritually mature that nothing will be able to shake you, you will be built completely on the firm foundation of Christ.
The alternative is to be swept away by your flesh and your sinfulness, to become bitter and resentful and to play a part in the destruction of those you love. Pray to God for the things which you desire out of love and truth for your family and God will answer you. You have been thrust onto the path to greatness, but it is up to you to walk it. Literally stop all your sinning and get your mind off the flesh and what you see with your eyes. The mind set on the flesh is death, trust in God not what the world will tell you is true. Seek Christ and furthering the Kingdom of God. Become obedient to God in all things in order to "abide in Christ", if you abide in Christ, our Father will guide your steps and prune your life to make you fruitful. Do not allow yourself to become polluted by the world, turn off the worldly tv shows and ways of thinking.
1 Corinthians 13
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
John 15
“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. 3 You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. 4 Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.
5 “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. 6 Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. 7 But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! 8 When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father.
9 “I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. 10 When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love.
John 14
12 “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father. 13 Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.
Wow! Sounds like Vancouver to me. For all intents and purposes under Canadian law and public opinion, your ex-wife is living common law with her girlfriend. I would not try and fight the law, as you know you will lose.
What you can do is stop being jealous of this woman. Your posts reek of jealousy. Yes, she has stolen your wife and is trying to steal your children. But you are still a man, and you need to find your self-respect. And that is found in Christ! Not what you can't do versus what this other "woman" can do.
Find some new commonalities with your children. Learn to meet their needs, instead of whining about your own needs. Stand up for yourself, and make sure you keep the kids in shared custody. They may think they like the other home better, but it could just be the novelty. Maybe they get away with more things there??
As for you, seek pastoral counseling, and perhaps a Christian counselor. You need to work on you, instead of dregging up the past. Find some strategies for moving forward, instead of dwelling in the past.
Pray for your wife, that God will open her eyes to what she is doing, and how she is damaging herself and her children. Find other believers to pray with you, for reconciliatlon or at least that you can retain custody of your children and influence them for God.
I'm truly sorry you are going through this pain. No man should have to find his wife in bed with another woman (symbolically). But you still need to let go of the past and find some reasons to live, and reasons to connect with your children. I'm praying for you.
What you can do is stop being jealous of this woman. Your posts reek of jealousy. Yes, she has stolen your wife and is trying to steal your children. But you are still a man, and you need to find your self-respect. And that is found in Christ! Not what you can't do versus what this other "woman" can do.
Find some new commonalities with your children. Learn to meet their needs, instead of whining about your own needs. Stand up for yourself, and make sure you keep the kids in shared custody. They may think they like the other home better, but it could just be the novelty. Maybe they get away with more things there??
As for you, seek pastoral counseling, and perhaps a Christian counselor. You need to work on you, instead of dregging up the past. Find some strategies for moving forward, instead of dwelling in the past.
Pray for your wife, that God will open her eyes to what she is doing, and how she is damaging herself and her children. Find other believers to pray with you, for reconciliatlon or at least that you can retain custody of your children and influence them for God.
I'm truly sorry you are going through this pain. No man should have to find his wife in bed with another woman (symbolically). But you still need to let go of the past and find some reasons to live, and reasons to connect with your children. I'm praying for you.
I don't know how to tell you this, but your wife is NOT PERFECT.
She is in the midst of a lesbian affair.
That isn't perfect.
That's actually pretty messed up.
And if she's put your kids in the middle of it... she's downright twisted.
It's understandable to miss her,
but if you still feel like she's PERFECT...
you really need to get into some counseling.
I recommend some regular counseling with your pastor,
and maybe some other counseling as well.
This isn't going to get easier... you're going to need some help.
She is in the midst of a lesbian affair.
That isn't perfect.
That's actually pretty messed up.
And if she's put your kids in the middle of it... she's downright twisted.
It's understandable to miss her,
but if you still feel like she's PERFECT...
you really need to get into some counseling.
I recommend some regular counseling with your pastor,
and maybe some other counseling as well.
This isn't going to get easier... you're going to need some help.
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V
In the vein of what Brother Maxwel just stated above, YOU ARE YOUR CHJILDREN'S GOD-GIVEN FATHER. What you can give them that nobody else on earth can give them is father's unconditional love.
I pray you take advantage of any free time you have to talk and meditate and listen to the holy Spirit and let God build you up in Him. I pray you surrender your wife and her friend to the Cross of Jesus and place them under the Lord's forgiveness and LEAVE THEM THERE. I pray you focus only on Jesus and let Him show you how to fulfill the needs in your kids' lives for a real, manly Christian Dad. You represent a strength to them nobody else can fulfill. You have a purpose in their lives and that is to show them what Father God's love looks like.
Again, PLEASE take your wife and her carnal lover to the Cross and release that part of your life to Jesus Christ and let it go. Get counseling, too. Professional counseling so you can move on and nothing will interfere with God's purpose for your life. Your kids need you and will need you even more in the future when your wife's affair runs its course and reality hits.
I pray you take advantage of any free time you have to talk and meditate and listen to the holy Spirit and let God build you up in Him. I pray you surrender your wife and her friend to the Cross of Jesus and place them under the Lord's forgiveness and LEAVE THEM THERE. I pray you focus only on Jesus and let Him show you how to fulfill the needs in your kids' lives for a real, manly Christian Dad. You represent a strength to them nobody else can fulfill. You have a purpose in their lives and that is to show them what Father God's love looks like.
Again, PLEASE take your wife and her carnal lover to the Cross and release that part of your life to Jesus Christ and let it go. Get counseling, too. Professional counseling so you can move on and nothing will interfere with God's purpose for your life. Your kids need you and will need you even more in the future when your wife's affair runs its course and reality hits.
I don't know your situation, but you sound very full of anger. I don't doubt that you have a reason to-- you have been betrayed, are still yearning for a reconciliation with your 'perfect wife', and the only connection you have with her, your children, seem to be leaving you behind. There can be nothing worse than the first time you see your family, being a family, without you-- the fact that she left you for another woman is just another complication.
I can't agree alltogether that the children would be better off with you, as you are now. You say that there are secrets in your past that are so damaging you wouldn't even consider going for custody--- this leads me to think that there may have been some abusive behaviours on your part, or drug use. Even if this is not the case, when children get a certain age, the courts will allow them to have a say on which parent they live with, in Canada, there is no-fault divorce even in cases of infidelity. Don't put them in an awkward place of having to choose between them. If anything, get a lawyer, and address it through the courts.
You are still the Only Jesus They See. If you try to alienate them from their mother, they will alienate themselves from you. As difficult as it is, you must begin to accept the situation as it is, to begin to heal. I have no advice as to how to speak to your children regarding their mom's homosexuality. I would suggest getting into a support group for people who are separated, as well as make new friends with people who are not drinkers, or partiers (Church is a good place to look for these people.) DON'T get into a romantic relationship. Still, you will have a lot of time on your hands now that you are single again-- find a constructive way to use it--
Pray a lot for God to help you heal. Pray that he will help you to deal healthily with your anger and disappointment. Pray that he will help you be able to connect authentically with your kids, and address issues as they arise.
I can't agree alltogether that the children would be better off with you, as you are now. You say that there are secrets in your past that are so damaging you wouldn't even consider going for custody--- this leads me to think that there may have been some abusive behaviours on your part, or drug use. Even if this is not the case, when children get a certain age, the courts will allow them to have a say on which parent they live with, in Canada, there is no-fault divorce even in cases of infidelity. Don't put them in an awkward place of having to choose between them. If anything, get a lawyer, and address it through the courts.
You are still the Only Jesus They See. If you try to alienate them from their mother, they will alienate themselves from you. As difficult as it is, you must begin to accept the situation as it is, to begin to heal. I have no advice as to how to speak to your children regarding their mom's homosexuality. I would suggest getting into a support group for people who are separated, as well as make new friends with people who are not drinkers, or partiers (Church is a good place to look for these people.) DON'T get into a romantic relationship. Still, you will have a lot of time on your hands now that you are single again-- find a constructive way to use it--
Pray a lot for God to help you heal. Pray that he will help you to deal healthily with your anger and disappointment. Pray that he will help you be able to connect authentically with your kids, and address issues as they arise.
Dear brother, I´m very sad to read your thread. Your sorrow must be immense, seeing your wife going that way and worse, seeing your children in that mess. I can offer little, dear brother, but to tell you to rest in God, to have faith in Him and to give Him the control of everything.
I agree you should find a good Church and also make things for your children to go with you. Pray for them, pray for your wife and for the woman she´s with. You´ll be in my prayers, dear brother.
To comfort you:
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Psalm 46:1
I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.
Psalm 130:5
He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3
I agree you should find a good Church and also make things for your children to go with you. Pray for them, pray for your wife and for the woman she´s with. You´ll be in my prayers, dear brother.
To comfort you:
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Psalm 46:1
I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.
Psalm 130:5
He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3
I
multi you sound so wise for a 22 yo. good advice.
carter, we divorced after 25 years, and 5 children. this was the worst experience in my life. my feelings similar to yours. all the advice in the world wont remove your pain, just time, try to be patient. your kids will come back better than ever, you must wait. keep feeding them good ethics. they will remember. forgive, everyone will benefit.
carter, we divorced after 25 years, and 5 children. this was the worst experience in my life. my feelings similar to yours. all the advice in the world wont remove your pain, just time, try to be patient. your kids will come back better than ever, you must wait. keep feeding them good ethics. they will remember. forgive, everyone will benefit.