How to be christain and not have bad thoughts or feelings tied to sex?

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nayaw

Guest
#1
#1
Hey everyone I'm new to this site I've been trying to find a place to ask my questions and find some kind of clarity. About a week ago I decided to try and abstain from sex with my bf I've been feeling god tugging at my heart telling me I'm not doing right. But now my issue for a while now is sex is supposd to be this gift to married people a way of them renewing their vows and promises over and over and I understand that and I understand why god wants us to wait ao we don't use and abuse it am end up with damaged emotions and pregnancy or stds. But the way the church talks about sex makes it feel like it's dirty or bad and they send us out to the world with all these negative feelings toward sex so how are we supposed to enjoy it once we are married if we were conditioned to have all these bad thoughts attached to it how can sex truly be a gift when we are married. I read this article last summer because I was also considering being abstinent then and it was on this girl who was born and raised in a baptist church and all they preached to her was don't have sex it's bad it's a sin you will go to hell so she waited till marriage and now she struggles with sex she can't enjoy it with her husband she has to go to therapy and now she is completely against the teachings of second in a church because they damaged here when she thought of sex even while married she only remembered evil and all the other things that she was taught to keep her abstinent. Now I'm a preachers kid and I was raised in the church but my church kind of just avoided sex I just don't like the teachings of sex in the church I'm pretty sure that's not how god wants is to be taught or to feel and carry that feeling into marriage. After reading that article I completely changed my mind about waiting but now I want to try I just don't want to end up like that poor girl. How can I prevent that how can I change the image of sex in my mind without lusting for it is scaring us the only way to ensure we stay abstinent ?
I'm sorry it's so long I just feel like in the times we live in now this topic is so big
 
Blain

Blain

The Word Weaver
#2
Aug 28, 2012
19,704
2,818
113
#2
If your church is teaching that sex is dirty wrong or sinful then i suggest you leave that church because they aren't teaching the truth they seem to merely be trying to scare young ppl into saving sex for marriage which is shameful. Sex is not dirty is not evil and is not a sin it's a natural thing God made for us.

Honestly I have never found scripture that specifically says to not have sex until marriage, i have seen it say a lot on keeping ourselves pure from sexual sins but that could be say cheating on your boy friend or girl friend. However if there is scripture that specifically talks about that and God is leading you to do this then go for it. But as for how to deal with sexual desires and thoughts your asking an age old question with the same answer rely on God's help
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#3
Feb 21, 2014
70,925
9,673
113
#3
Blain, pre-marital sex before marriage is wrong in God's eyes. That's why men and women are to stay virgins UNTIL they're married. You're practically telling her it's okay to go out and have sex with her bf, and that's just wrong. A person is to save themself for the one that God intends for them. Not randomly sleep around until then. I agree that her church is wrong on how it views sex. Sex IS good, and natural, between MARRIED people. Until marriage, it's just random sex with no true meaning to it. jmo
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
'The churches' teachings on sex, at least the way you seem to think, is still based off of Gods standards. Just because the churches you've been exposed to do it a poor job at teaching doesn't mean Gods word is irrelevant and you should go against His word willfully as an act of defiance against 'the church'.

And there is no easy way out. Either you want it or you don't. The best you can do, really, is minimize the effects by not dwelling on it. Often times the problem is people think that because they want or desire something they have to let their mind focus on it. It's normal to desire sex.

If you think being messed up by bad teachings of sex is bad, try going out and having sex. Look at the world around you and how messed up people are. How obsessed people are about sex. Try waking up every morning knowing that you made a choice you can Never take back, no matter how much you end up regretting it. Counseling won't fix that.

Your logic is way off base.
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#5
#5
blue_ladybug said:
Blain, pre-marital sex before marriage is wrong in God's eyes. That's why men and women are to stay virgins UNTIL they're married.
Click to expand...
Scripture, please?─because like Blain, I have not come across any that is clear on this.
 
G

Galahad

Guest
#6
#6
Siberian_Khatru said:
Scripture, please?─because like Blain, I have not come across any that is clear on this.
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Siberian, Blain,

Do you not know that the only person you can have sex with is your spouse?

Genesis 2, The two shall become one flesh. That's husband and wife. Jesus even quoted that in Matthew. Wow!

I'll check your ages after I post this. If either one of you is older than 45, I'll be surprised. And that's a generalization. I know the Lord always has faithful ones in every generation. But many of those who claim to be followers of Jesus and who are in the younger generation today don't accept the clear force of the scriptures. It's more of a self-help book than one inspired by God. And yes, this applies to older generation as well.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#7
Feb 21, 2014
70,925
9,673
113
#7
Siberian_Khatru said:
Scripture, please?─because like Blain, I have not come across any that is clear on this.
Click to expand...

I also doubt that there's a scripture where Jesus DOES say it's ok to go out and have sex with everyone until you marry. :rolleyes:
 
G

Galahad

Guest
#8
#8
blue_ladybug said:
I also doubt that there's a scripture where Jesus DOES say it's ok to go out and have sex with everyone until you marry. :rolleyes:
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If any dare or conjure up such, they'd better beware. One reason: Not every person of everyone is single!

Oh, and if sex okay with everyone, then same-sex?

What's that? Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4.
 
G

Galahad

Guest
#9
#9
And blueLB . . . you're only 44 years young! :)
 
G

Galahad

Guest
#11
#11
blue_ladybug said:
I may be 44, but most days I feel like I'm 900 years old..lol..
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Hope you start feeling more like you're 500 years old. Don't want to drop too fast, might send you into a wing spin.
 
Blain

Blain

The Word Weaver
#13
Aug 28, 2012
19,704
2,818
113
#13
blue_ladybug said:
Blain, pre-marital sex before marriage is wrong in God's eyes. That's why men and women are to stay virgins UNTIL they're married. You're practically telling her it's okay to go out and have sex with her bf, and that's just wrong. A person is to save themself for the one that God intends for them. Not randomly sleep around until then. I agree that her church is wrong on how it views sex. Sex IS good, and natural, between MARRIED people. Until marriage, it's just random sex with no true meaning to it. jmo
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No I wasn't saying that I was saying that her church teaching that sex is sinful wrong and dirty is wrong. i ti strue I haven't seen any scripture that specifically says sex before marraige is a sin but I told her if God is leading her to save until marriage then do it
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#14
#14
blue_ladybug said:
I also doubt that there's a scripture where Jesus DOES say it's ok to go out and have sex with everyone until you marry. :rolleyes:
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Wait...what? "Also?" I never used the word "doubt." :confused: Quit stalling, Blue!

And you'd be correct: Scripture does speak against whoremongering/fornication. Of course that's not what I'm asking about. :)

Galahad said:
Do you not know that the only person you can have sex with is your spouse?

Genesis 2, The two shall become one flesh. That's husband and wife. Jesus even quoted that in Matthew. Wow!
Click to expand...
I respect the reasoning in this, but it seems roundabout rather than an actual, direct answer. And in case it seems this way: I'm not asking in an effort to contend with anybody. This is a notion that I've struggled in finding a concise answer to. I'm hoping to be educated, to be edified─not to prick anybody's bubble. :)

Galahad said:
I'll check your ages after I post this. If either one of you is older than 45, I'll be surprised. And that's a generalization. I know the Lord always has faithful ones in every generation. But many of those who claim to be followers of Jesus and who are in the younger generation today don't accept the clear force of the scriptures. It's more of a self-help book than one inspired by God. And yes, this applies to older generation as well.
Click to expand...
You totally backpedaled here (to say the least). Please try to be consistent.
 
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C

Cloud9

Banned
#15
Apr 24, 2015
220
2
0
#15
Sex is holy.

I don't think any church is supposed to be teaching about it and especially not the public school system. The only one qualified to teach you is your mother.

We aren't suppose to entertain any impure thoughts in our minds at all. Doing that causes emotional disturbances.

We are suppose to be focused on the person. The person is our joy not the sex. The sex is just a pleasurable by product. Not the source of happiness. The person is.

That's why sexual experimentation is so bad. It upsets the delicate status quo in our heads. If you only have one partner there is nobody to compare or detract them against.

Fix your eyes on Jesus and fix your eyes on your spouse unless he makes it impossible to do that.

God is jealous of us and that is a protective jealousy...don't you think we can imitate God in this?
 
G

Galahad

Guest
#16
#16
Siberian_Khatru said:
Wait...what? "Also?" I never used the word "doubt." :confused: Quit stalling, Blue!

And you'd be correct: Scripture does speak against whoremongering/fornication. Of course that's not what I'm asking about. :)


I respect the reasoning in this, but it seems roundabout rather than an actual, direct answer. And in case it seems this way: I'm not asking in an effort to contend with anybody. This is a notion that I've struggled in finding a concise answer to. I'm hoping to be educated, to be edified─not to prick anybody's bubble. :)

You totally backpedaled here (to say the least). Please try to be consistent.
Click to expand...
Well, if you can't understand the Bible's teaching on this issue, then I can see how my answers would not be satisfactory.

But I'll try again.

Bluelb statement: Blain, pre-marital sex before marriage is wrong in God's eyes. That's why men and women are to stay virgins UNTIL they're married.

Your reply: Scripture, please?─because like Blain, I have not come across any that is clear on this.

What isn't clear? The two shall become one flesh. Those who are married. Genesis 2. The Lord ordained marriage. That's the relationship where man and woman express their love. Marriage honorable in all.
See also
Romans 1
Galatians 6 (works of the flesh)
1 Corinthians 6.9-10.
1 Corinthians 7.

Our country had a most pathetic president. He took advantage of his power and her vulnerability. What did he say, "I did not have sex."

Amazing what people will do when they can't see the plane teaching of scripture. Oh, it wasn't clear to that president. But that don't mean it's blurry. It's lust that blurred his vision.

Plane teaching of scripture. Marriage is for a purpose. Those married produce offspring. Two become one. It's man and woman.
 
P

pwrnJC

Banned
#17
Dec 1, 2014
1,430
27
0
#17
By saying that you "have not found scripture that specifically says to not have sex until marriage" is not the answer to this girl's confusion. You are only adding to it. Using your logic, there is no mention of a smoking pot in the BIBLE either, so therefore it would be ok to continue doing it!!!!!! What a joke. Where is good old fashioned GOD ordained Common Sense? I like how you try to cover yourself by saying "IF God is leading you to do this then go for it". Wow..why would GOd tell one young girl to 'go ahead and have sex before marriage" and then tell another "UH, hold back on that sex. IT's not good before Marriage". You offer NO advice here, sadly that she can lean on for spiritual guidance. Her body and it's desires are to be for her future soul mate and visa versa after God has united them and blessed them in holy matrimony. How can that be wrong? Who gives them permission to have sex, based on what they feel? The BIBLE does say "IF a man cannot control his passion and the woman is in the flower of her youth, let them marry. IT is not a sin". IT does not say "First comes sex and lust, marriage can come later, and what does love have to do with it anyway."
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#18
Apr 18, 2013
9,602
2,659
113
#18
nayaw said:
Hey everyone I'm new to this site I've been trying to find a place to ask my questions and find some kind of clarity. About a week ago I decided to try and abstain from sex with my bf I've been feeling god tugging at my heart telling me I'm not doing right. But now my issue for a while now is sex is supposd to be this gift to married people a way of them renewing their vows and promises over and over and I understand that and I understand why god wants us to wait ao we don't use and abuse it am end up with damaged emotions and pregnancy or stds. But the way the church talks about sex makes it feel like it's dirty or bad and they send us out to the world with all these negative feelings toward sex so how are we supposed to enjoy it once we are married if we were conditioned to have all these bad thoughts attached to it how can sex truly be a gift when we are married. I read this article last summer because I was also considering being abstinent then and it was on this girl who was born and raised in a baptist church and all they preached to her was don't have sex it's bad it's a sin you will go to hell so she waited till marriage and now she struggles with sex she can't enjoy it with her husband she has to go to therapy and now she is completely against the teachings of second in a church because they damaged here when she thought of sex even while married she only remembered evil and all the other things that she was taught to keep her abstinent. Now I'm a preachers kid and I was raised in the church but my church kind of just avoided sex I just don't like the teachings of sex in the church I'm pretty sure that's not how god wants is to be taught or to feel and carry that feeling into marriage. After reading that article I completely changed my mind about waiting but now I want to try I just don't want to end up like that poor girl. How can I prevent that how can I change the image of sex in my mind without lusting for it is scaring us the only way to ensure we stay abstinent ?
I'm sorry it's so long I just feel like in the times we live in now this topic is so big
Click to expand...
If you're a preacher's kid... you should go ask your dad.



 
P

pwrnJC

Banned
#19
Dec 1, 2014
1,430
27
0
#19
I totally agree with you on this topic. It used to be "Sir, I would like to ask your permission for your daugher's hand in marriage". Today, it is "Uh, okay...your daughter and I want to take our relationship to the next level so we are moving in together this weekend.!" A pastor friend of mine took a personal vow to NOT perform a wedding if the couple were already sleeping together. HE has not performed a wedding in the last 10 years. Sadly, I do not know of a single young person under the age of 40 who has anything to look forward to on their wedding night. MY dad, a Christian pastor, made sure he handed me and my new bride a signed wedding certificate to show the Hotel clerk that we were legit for the Wedding suite. As I was paying for the room, I showed them my fresh new wedding certificate, just a few hours old. THe manager laughed out loud and said "Sir, we don't care if you are married or not...we just want your money."
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#20
Feb 21, 2014
70,925
9,673
113
#20
Siberian_Khatru said:
Scripture, please?─because like Blain, I have not come across any that is clear on this.
Click to expand...
Siberian_Khatru said:
Wait...what? "Also?" I never used the word "doubt." :confused: Quit stalling, Blue!

And you'd be correct: Scripture does speak against whoremongering/fornication. Of course that's not what I'm asking about. :)




Now YOU'RE the one being confusing. You asked to be given scripture, and people obliged. If you think it's okay to have sex with everyone and anyone before marriage, you are sorely disillusioned. I know I wouldn't want a future husband who's been playing musical beds with all the women in town..lol.. But if some people want somebody who's looser than a goose, that's their choice.
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