I'm A Totally Committed Christian (Except When It Comes to Sex.)

seoulsearch · Jan 4, 2010

Hey Everybody,

I often meet nice people who are singles, whether in real life or online, who will talk about their faith and commitment to the Lord. Then they'll say something like, "Oh, when I get home tonight, my boyfriend/girlfriend is going to cook..." or they will talk about even more personal details, giving away the fact that they are obviously living with, and sleeping with, a partner.

Just the other day, a guy was giving me a big spiel about his service to Christ but not being able to find "the one"... and how his last fiance had told him nothing but lies, etc., ending with, "Yeah, it's a good thing I found out, because she was just about to move in with me."

As the old C+C Music Factory song went (yes, I'm dating myself here)... "Things That Make You Go 'Hmmm'".

Now, I realize sex is a very powerful, personal topic, and it could be just me, but you do guys and gals often find as well that so many people talk about their dedication to God... but apparently assume their sexuality is something off-limits and of their own free will to do with as they wish?

We ALL have struggles and mistakes in this area, but I am surprised by the number of Christians who will go on a 10-minute rant about the evils of homosexuality... and then tell me they are going home to their own, non-spousal significant other... Yes, I know homosexuality is wrong, but I find it hard to take from "Christians" who don't seem to think their own sexual sins are of any important or consequence to God.

What about all of you?

Any thoughts?

greatkraw · Jan 4, 2010

yes there is a lot of inconsistency out there

I have been very harsh in the past to those who "got the cart before the horse"

but having very nearly done the same thing myslef I am more understanding and compassionate

but I would rather sin and admit it to myself than play mind games with myself i see other believers play - that is deadly

heart4him · Jan 4, 2010

yeah. this is really interesting.

i actually have a friend who is extremely legalistic... only KJV bibles, a woman can never speak in front of a congregation even if its just like a testimony or something thats not a sermon, only skirts to church, etc....

yet she and her bf are sexually active and he sleeps over at her apt. most nights out of the week.

maybe i'm too harsh but to me, inconsistency proves insincerity.

Moviefan2k4 · Jan 4, 2010

Well, when my ex-GF and I were a couple (almost 4 years ago), sexual expression was part of our behavior. We were doing all sorts of things I know we shouldn't have, and as a result our relationship became corrupted by lust, selfishness, disloyalty, and fear. It took me a long time to admit that when a person turns away from God, everything goes to hell. At the time, I felt like I was caught between two immovable objects. I wanted to please God so very much, but I also wanted my ex like crazy, and I was afraid that if I suddenly told her "no more" she'd reject me. I didn't want to lose her, so I made the wrong choice. I've since repented, and I've been celibate ever since then. I'm also nearing my fourth "porn free" anniversary, which will be in April.

songster · Jan 4, 2010

Heart4him makes a good point; there is a certain level of insincerity here. There are several couples, at my place of employment, who consider themselves devoted Christians, but who proudly present the details of their live-in situations regularly. Some of these situations are quite complicated, which couldn't possibly be free of weekly drama.

I believe with all my heart that God does not want us to be legalistically bound to man made rules and doctrines of men, but some have seemingly interpreted this to mean that their belief in Christ, and the great love that they know God has for them, over rides any accountability whatsoever. The concept is, simply avoid any conversations, gatherings or scriptures which might cause them to confront their disobedience, and this results in a voluntary tailor made doctrine of personal deception.

The word of God has lost ground in some Christian lives, and in many Christian conversations it is often replaced with, "here's my take on things", "here's what I think", or "here's how I feel about that", and these are often accepted as truth, which actually contributes to the creation of a false understanding of Christian liberty, which allows willful sin with no accountability or fear of consequences.

I believe this is the reason why ‘religious pluralism’ is more palatable for some who claim to be Christian, because it allows the basic fundamentals of Christianity to be altered, ignored, and sometimes completely removed.

songster · Jan 4, 2010

Moviefan2k4 said:

Well, when my ex-GF and I were a couple (almost 4 years ago), sexual expression was part of our behavior. We were doing all sorts of things I know we shouldn't have, and as a result our relationship became corrupted by lust, selfishness, disloyalty, and fear. It took me a long time to admit that when a person turns away from God, everything goes to hell. At the time, I felt like I was caught between two immovable objects. I wanted to please God so very much, but I also wanted my ex like crazy, and I was afraid that if I suddenly told her "no more" she'd reject me. I didn't want to lose her, so I made the wrong choice. I've since repented, and I've been celibate ever since then. I'm also nearing my fourth "porn free" anniversary, which will be in April.

Congrats!

DinoDillinger · Jan 4, 2010

I know myself I have a "what do you expect" attitude to the post I'm about to make but if it makes it just a bit more startling the program was on abc FAMILY(some new kinda family they say, to which I say indeed).

The show is focused basically to teenage girls(my teenage sister was watching it

) called something like secret life of teenagers. From what I can tell the shows general theme is sex, teenage pregantacy and them all agonizing about the who's and who with's. The first time I saw it I was surprised that it wasn't on mtv, considering the supposed family claim the station makes.

The decline of modern secular morals isn't the point of my post though. What actually caught my attention is that there is are 'christians' on the show. Now this christian was mocked about hating her mother's new boyfriend(mom's a christian too) who was I gathered much younger than her mother was. She wasn't mocked for her own sexual activity, or her mother's out of wedlock oddly enough.

It would be nice to believe that this was just slander against christians by a secular society but honestly if you claim that everyone who professes Jesus as Lord at some point or were even to go to the higher threshold of regular church attendance for your defination of 'the church' then today's church is far more immoral than secular people from 50 years ago.

I know from polls taken on this site and general disscusion that people here still consider it sinful. I wonder if christians on this site are an exception today or alot of people here don't practice what they preach.

seoulsearch · Jan 4, 2010

Moviefan2k4 said:

Just wanted to say, thank you for being so honest in your post... and congrats on allowing God to help you break free!!

That's awesome!!

I think any person that has victory in this area should be teaching classes!

Sharp · Jan 5, 2010

What about............

Sharing a hotel room (separate beds).

What does everyone think.

Moviefan2k4 · Jan 5, 2010

seoulsearch said:

It's not easy by any means; I just keep hoping that somehow, some way, my relationship with God will take a turn for the better. I try so hard to trust Him, but there's so much pain and anger from the past locked up inside, and releasing it takes a long time for me.

Well, April of 2010 will mark 4 years since the last time I voluntarily searched for any piece of pornography. I still have memories from the addiction, and resisting them often hurts like hell, but it's a lot better than being crushed under even more guilt and shame than what I deal with now. My heart still longs for my ex sometimes, and combined with the porn memories and my natural sex drive...let's just say I am supremely eager for a Godly woman as my wife. I don't want to jump into another disastrous and/or spiritually bankrupt situation, but I've had it with being alone.

greatkraw · Jan 5, 2010

Sharp said:

some times - adults gotta be expected to behave like adults(ie be responsible and self controlled)

BellaFlor · Jan 5, 2010

Yeah, this is another reason that makes most people think that if also Christians can do and live the same like them, why should they bother with becoming a Christian? Because of many liberal Christians to this day, living the way they want, not always what the bible teaches, many of those that doesn't knows Christ nor have Him in their lives, looses interest in becoming a Christian because they see Christians doing and living the same life like them.

I think it is a very dangerous warning once Christians are becoming more and more liberal in their minds, because this also makes them justify their own sins and to tell others that it is okay however they live their lives. If they justify one sin, they can easily justify more sins to being alright for God. They start supporting more how other people live, and they loose more fear for God. It is dangerous when getting a more liberal mind, and it isn't weird if it confuses and leads other non-Christians away from Christ, because why should a life in Christ tempt them if Christians do things and live the same like them?

We are to be good examples in Christ, by how we talk, but also, most of all, by how we live.

carpetmanswife · Jan 5, 2010

Sharp said:

avoid temptation when possible......

greatkraw · Jan 5, 2010

One must be very wary about legalism

legalism is adding to the word of God - making the Bible say something that it does not

examples of legalism include

1 a marriage is not a marriage unless it takes place in a church

2 an unmarried man and woman should not be left alone together

3 there are a million more

the problem with legalism is that the unsaved CAN SEE that these extra rules make no sense

btw, the first legalist was the woman in the garden

mcubed · Jan 5, 2010

The thing I have to remember when looking at other peoples walks with the Lord is everybody is at a different place when they first come into the Kingdom and I don’t know what G-d has to remove from them, what He has, what has been reviled to them and what G-d has yet to reveal. We all grow differently and at different rates—G-d takes us from glory to glory as He reviles Himself to us more and more, and we change as we go through the refiner’s fire.
As a woman the kind of thoughts that G-d has had to work out for me in my mind are no man would stay in a relationship long enough for marriage, or at least, he would cheat on me with someone who will have sex with him. And many times these thoughts have been proven not to be irrational at all. In today’s society sex is as acceptable as breathing (even in the Christian community). So then I’m left with the questions, didn’t G-d know what society would be like today… times have changed since the time that it was written not to fornicate, surly it can’t apply today?? Times have not really changed at all. When Paul wrote the letter to Corinth they were under the Roman Empire living in the Roman culture and society. And to society at that time sex did not create any kind of bond between two people. What is peculiar though is that, whereas even the sharing of a meal created a form of social relationship with a person, having sex with them did not. It created no obligation between one side and the other. And, for the man at least, there appeared no reason why he should not share many sexual partners, - as long as it didn't get him into any form of trouble. As far as the law was concerned if you were married sex with slaves was not adulterous. Or at least not for men. However, adultery with a free-born was a crime, stuprum. And for this there was only one punishment; death. So as long as one steered clear of committing stuprum, anything was allowed. And sex with a free-born man or woman was only adultery if they were not doing it for money. Thus, sex with a prostitute did not constitute adultery. There was no limits on age and also none on gender either.
So then that just left me with the question of the authority of G-ds Word and His goodness. The Word of G-d is alive and it transcends all time and He meant every Word He said no matter what period of time we live in. G-d is good, He will not tell me to do something or not do something and then not give me the ability to be obedient to His Word. And that takes growth in Him and growth in my faith in Him which only comes through the reading of His Word and time spent with Him.

Wug · Jan 5, 2010

It is important to remember to judge one's self first. Physically speaking, I'm a virgin. But, Christ said that if a man looks on another woman with lust, he has commited adultery in his heart. It is only logical to assume that the same would be true for fornication. And I have definately looked at a woman with lust. So, spiritually speaking, am I a virgin? I think as long as I'm forgiven for it, I am. And for all I know, all my friends that ''lost the V'', could very well have turned their lives around and repented. Which could make them also, spiritual virgins.
Legalism is dangerous, but on an individual level, it's important to set rules for one's self, and know what your boundaries are. If you know that you will be incredibly tempted to sin if you share a hotel room with a member of the opposite sex, then don't do it. But if you're confident that you won't be (I don't know how you could be so confident) tempted, then there's nothing sinful about it. Know the difference between sin and folly. Also know that's it's neither good to be sinful, or foolish.

buckeyegirl700 · Jan 5, 2010

I am not trying to be grafic or ofend anyone but to share about something that happened to me recently that fits this topic. I was talking to a Christian woman the other day and I was sharing with her how I have not been in a relationship in 2 years. I assume she thought I was hinting around that I have not had sex in 2 years. She told me I should go to an adult store and purchase something. I was completely blowed away. I told her that it was a sin to masturbate. She said it does not say that masturbation is a sin in the bible. This women I was talking to is very active in my church and I was completely stunned.

I also had a good friend of mine who I go to church with, christian concerts, and bible studies tell me that she was spending the night with a guy that she had only known for a week. I am not judging my friends I am just really shocked. I admitt I battle with lustful thoughts but I know that God wants better for me and I think about how God wants me to wait untill I marry to have sex.

Moviefan2k4 · Jan 5, 2010

Well, the physical act of masturbation isn't actually mentioned in the Bible. Many interperet the story of Onan as a reference, but the account itself seems to fit the so-called "withdrawal method" better. Lust is definitely sinful, whether masturbation's involved or not, but I don't recall any specific mention of it in the bible. As guilt is often experienced by Christians over this practice, it seems like it'd be too important for God to just leave it out of Scripture. I heard a speaker named Mark Gungor say once, "Well, its not in there because God thinks that its peril is so obvious, everyone would know to avoid it", and yet the current reality of it - even in the Christian community - would seem to prove him wrong.

My personal belief is that masturbation, in and of itself, is not a sin, but the lust often associated with it is. If a person can engage in this activity without lusting, then God Bless and more power to them. Beyond that, its between them and God.

Sharp · Jan 6, 2010

Masturbation is having sex with yourself. If you do it before marriage, that's premarital sex.

BellaFlor · Jan 6, 2010

^ I agree with Sharp

I'm A Totally Committed Christian (Except When It Comes to Sex.)

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