Punishment by parents?

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DavidWilly

Junior Member
#1
Feb 14, 2014
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#1
Hy together I am David from Switzerland,
I had a lot of problems with my parents in the last time.
They are both verry christian. They love my, but they are strong.
I am nearly 18 years old. I get punisht verry hard, they grounded me or if I make a big mistake, ... I get spanked. I wonder what other parents in this forum say. Did you spank your childreen?
 
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purpose

Guest
#2
#2
I will soon be a Parent. Waiting on the arrival of my daughter yet very patiently. As A Child my Parents did spank me yes. When i Had sone something wrong I got pinished . Sometumes it was more than a spanking. Sometimes we would stand in the corner for hours or we would not get fed our next meal. When it came to grounding i would come home from school and everything would be out of my bedroom except my bed. Part of me thinks at times it would go on to long or to far. One time my Adopted mom got mad at me and she sent me outside to our little picnic area . I was mot to go into the house for a month or more. I couldnt change my clothes , i bathed when it rain ( It was summer time), Couldnt brush my teeth. The only time i ate was when my adopted dad came home and that was a glass of milk and peanut butter sandwich once a day. ! I lost alot of weight that summer. Finally my older sister called my mom and said enough is enough . Finally let back in.! As for me and my future daughter i will correct her as our loving Heavenly father does us . Surely Not in the way i was. How bad do you really Have it.!
 
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wwjd_kilden

Guest
#3
#3
Is it legal to spank children in Switzerland? If not you could always contact some sort of child protection organization or the police.

when you turn 18, you also have to option of moving out
 
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Sirk

Guest
#4
#4
18 is a little to old to be getting spanked. I'd be finding my own place as soon as I was able if I were you.
 
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Pilkington

Senior Member
#5
Jan 13, 2015
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#5
At 18 your an adult and as such I do not believe parents should be punishing you. Certainly they should not be spanking you. However while you live under there roof you have to live by their rules.

Purpose, the way you were treated was abuse I am horrified by the way your were treated and personally I think they should be prosecuted, hopefully they would be convicted and sent to prison.

I was spanked twice, but then I was very complient child. I don't believe in spanking or hitting children, however I do believe in discipline and boundaries. When he was younger we had a reward chart. My son has to sit on the time out step or he loses priviledges such as playing on the WiiU. I child should never ever be denied food. My son is not perfect however we have had lots of comments on how well behaved and charming he is. Also when my husband was very ill in hospital people were more than willing to look after him.

Ephesians 6: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. [SUP]2 [/SUP]“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— [SUP]3 [/SUP]“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”[SUP][a][/SUP]

[SUP]4 [/SUP]Fathers,[SUP][b][/SUP] do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Colossians 3:
[SUP]20 [/SUP]Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
[SUP]21 [/SUP]Fathers,[SUP][c][/SUP] do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
 
MarcR

MarcR

Senior Member
#6
Feb 12, 2015
5,486
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#6
If we believe that Jesus died to forgive our sin, How can we punish that which Jesus has forgiven?

I did spank my children; but not to punish them. I believe that the Bible teaches that spanking is God's tool for HELPING children REMEMBER to do RIGHT.

I spanled their bare buttocks 3 swats on each buttock hard enough to smart but not hard enough to injure with a wooden paddle; and I told them:

If you think about your embarrassment and your pain the spanking will not do anything for you; but if you think about Jesus' pain and His embarassment when He suffered for your sin: it will really help you remember to do right.
 
MarcR

MarcR

Senior Member
#7
Feb 12, 2015
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#7
Sirk said:
18 is a little to old to be getting spanked. I'd be finding my own place as soon as I was able if I were you.
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The Bible commands to train up a child in the way he/she should go.

The question arises when does one cease to be a child.

IMO one ceases to be a child when one makes a significant economic or physical contribution to the well-being of one's household.
 
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mystikmind

Guest
#8
#8
To me, spanking is for pre teen children, spanking a teenager is what i would consider to be outside normal behavior. At this age you are learning to be an adult, and as an adult, you should be learning that no one should be perpetrating physical violence at you and if they do, it is not acceptable.

I don't know about the OP's country, but in Australia, the age of consent is 16, and you have the legal and moral right to refuse to be spanked, and if necessary, the right to self defense, although that would be a far from ideal situation. I had good parents, but if they were that strict and tried to spank me at the age of 16 i would have refused, and if they had come at me i would have repelled then with whatever level of force was necessary, but i would not harm them. If they wanted to take it to such an extreme to do me harm to enforce their way, then i would let them, then allow the police to handle it from that point on. One way or another they will learn what they need to learn to let you become an adult.
 
MarcR

MarcR

Senior Member
#9
Feb 12, 2015
5,486
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#9
mystikmind said:
To me, spanking is for pre teen children, spanking a teenager is what i would consider to be outside normal behavior. At this age you are learning to be an adult, and as an adult, you should be learning that no one should be perpetrating physical violence at you and if they do, it is not acceptable.

I don't know about the OP's country, but in Australia, the age of consent is 16, and you have the legal and moral right to refuse to be spanked, and if necessary, the right to self defense, although that would be a far from ideal situation. I had good parents, but if they were that strict and tried to spank me at the age of 16 i would have refused, and if they had come at me i would have repelled then with whatever level of force was necessary, but i would not harm them. If they wanted to take it to such an extreme to do me harm to enforce their way, then i would let them, then allow the police to handle it from that point on. One way or another they will learn what they need to learn to let you become an adult.
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I believe that starting from the age of 12 or 13 children should be guided in making their own decisions; including, when not too serious, facing the consequences of their own mistakes. By the time they reach legal adulthood they should be able to make effective decisions for themselves.

The numerous references in both the OT and the NT to the ' rod of correction, and to adults receiving 'stripes' suggests that God might disagree with your timeline.

By my standard in post #7, a young person might become 'adult' before the age of twelve (with respect to spanking), while others have not become adult by the age of 24.

I found it unnecessary to spank my children after they were 14 or 15 years old; but I have met people in their early twenties who IMO would certainly benefit from frequent spankings and who in first century Israel would have received 'stripes'. In first century Israel, when a miscreant was deemed worthy of stripes, the recipient was publicly stripped naked and made to lie on the ground prone while 13 men with rods about the size of broom handles each delivered 3 whacks between the shoulders and the ankles.

I don't advocate that sort of corporal punishment in our time; but it does put things in perspective.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#10
Jan 24, 2011
11,786
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#10
I did spank my children, but not after the age of 12. I think that is is just wrong to spank adults, which is what you would be in most places in Canada.

If you are still in school, you may have to stick it out. I truly think you need to get out of that situation, if you are able to get a job and support yourself.

You do not deserve this kind of abuse. I don't care what your mental age is, you are grown up, even if you live at home.

I would talk to my pastor about this, and see if he can intervene if you cannot leave just yet, because of school or finances.

I do think that grounding is ok, if you have deliberately disobeyed them. You do live under their roof. But corporal punishment at your age is just wrong.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#11
#11
MarcR said:
The Bible commands to train up a child in the way he/she should go.

The question arises when does one cease to be a child.

IMO one ceases to be a child when one makes a significant economic or physical contribution to the well-being of one's household.
Click to expand...

You have been a foolish parent if you have to resort to physical punishment or discipline or whatever you want to call it on any teenager. I would argue that if one is that kind of parent they have failed to "train up a child in the way they should go" when they had the chance.
 
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mystikmind

Guest
#12
#12
MarcR said:
I believe that starting from the age of 12 or 13 children should be guided in making their own decisions; including, when not too serious, facing the consequences of their own mistakes. By the time they reach legal adulthood they should be able to make effective decisions for themselves.

The numerous references in both the OT and the NT to the ' rod of correction, and to adults receiving 'stripes' suggests that God might disagree with your timeline.

By my standard in post #7, a young person might become 'adult' before the age of twelve (with respect to spanking), while others have not become adult by the age of 24.

I found it unnecessary to spank my children after they were 14 or 15 years old; but I have met people in their early twenties who IMO would certainly benefit from frequent spankings and who in first century Israel would have received 'stripes'. In first century Israel, when a miscreant was deemed worthy of stripes, the recipient was publicly stripped naked and made to lie on the ground prone while 13 men with rods about the size of broom handles each delivered 3 whacks between the shoulders and the ankles.

I don't advocate that sort of corporal punishment in our time; but it does put things in perspective.
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Of course, some people are not adult by the age of 24, and some people are not adult by the age of 44, but the point is, you don't get to make that judgement once they are passed the age of consent. Becoming an adult means you have to decide for yourself if you are an adult, because no one else can or should be doing it for you.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#13
#13
The truth is that the human brain is not fully developed until about 23 for women and 25 for men. That is why generally speaking you won't see the fruits of your parenting until after that.
 
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mystikmind

Guest
#14
#14
Sirk said:
The truth is that the human brain is not fully developed until about 23 for women and 25 for men. That is why generally speaking you won't see the fruits of your parenting until after that.
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Once you get beyond a certain age such as puberty, brain development and emotional maturity diverge and become two very different things.
 
MarcR

MarcR

Senior Member
#15
Feb 12, 2015
5,486
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#15
mystikmind said:
Of course, some people are not adult by the age of 24, and some people are not adult by the age of 44, but the point is, you don't get to make that judgement once they are passed the age of consent. Becoming an adult means you have to decide for yourself if you are an adult, because no one else can or should be doing it for you.
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Not that it really matters in terms of wise parenting; but the age of consent in CA was and is 18.

More pertinent was the fact that both my kids agreed that was both Biblical and helpful.

In fact, they both frequently requested it when they had done something they were ashamed of.
 
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psychomom

Guest
#18
#18
Sirk said:
The truth is that the human brain is not fully developed until about 23 for women and 25 for men. That is why generally speaking you won't see the fruits of your parenting until after that.
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man, you ain't kidding! :rolleyes:

we did spank our children...some of them. three never ever needed it; they responded well to other forms of correction. and i don't believe any of the kids were older than 6 by the time they could respond well to a simple warning of impending doom. ;)
(at that age, we still issued warnings, as they're impulsive and forgetful little humans)

they must know what the rules are, and what the discipline for breaking those rules will be.
and no matter how weary a parent may be, consistency is key.

but 18? that's not discipline (teaching)... that's humiliation, imo. :(

and purpose? i'm sorry for what you went through. ♥
that is what i would call child abuse.


 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#19
#19
Sirk said:
The truth is that the human brain is not fully developed until about 23 for women and 25 for men. That is why generally speaking you won't see the fruits of your parenting until after that.
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Given what scientists know today (compared to a few decades ago or what they will know in a few decades from now), that first sentence is truth. The second sentence is opinion.

Given you've deemed yourself judge and jury for a fellow Christian before this statement, I thought it was time for you to understand the difference.

I am not a parent, but I know my parents saw some of the fruits of their parenting skills before any of us went to our first day of school. If you wait until 24 to see how your parenting methods are working out, you've got problems.
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#20
#20
DavidWilly said:
Hy together I am David from Switzerland,
I had a lot of problems with my parents in the last time.
They are both verry christian. They love my, but they are strong.
I am nearly 18 years old. I get punisht verry hard, they grounded me or if I make a big mistake, ... I get spanked. I wonder what other parents in this forum say. Did you spank your childreen?
Click to expand...
As I already stated, I'm not a parent. I am an American. I think it's weird to spank a teenager, but I think that because I'm American. Check out the flags of all who have responded to you, and you'l see they're answering from their societal norms too.

Here's an idea though, if you don't like getting spanked don't do the "big mistake." And, really? Was it a mistake? Were you just walking along the road one day, tripped and landed in the mistake, or did you totally know what you were doing was wrong and just hoped you wouldn't get caught? Nine out of ten times we sin, we sin on purpose. No mistake.

I am a child. That is I will always be Dad's child no matter how old I get. (Note my age, yet Dad does think of me as an adult and as his little girl. And, honestly? His little girl is bigger than he is. lol) His rules were set up, in part, to make us want to leave home. That's part of the purpose of being a parent -- guide them until they get to a certain age and then kick them out. They don't really kick us out, but the last cord cut for getting me to move out of Dad's house for good was after he took away my car for good, (a 1967 -- albeit badly beaten up -- Mustang! A 1967 Mustang, and he never did get "it's a classic, Dad." lol), because I got back from a date at 5 AM. I was 21 at the time, didn't have a curfew, tried to go home at 2 AM, but got lost for three hours in the worst neighborhoods of Philadelphia (and I didn't know the city back then, so there was no way out of getting lost easily.) So, yeah, it was no mistake I left my date at 2 AM, I should have skipped the last half of the Rocky-tour (we watched the movie Rocky together, and since he lived in Philly he was showing me all the spots in the movie -- lots of spots in that movie lol) and be responsible, but I wasn't, and that was no mistake. The getting lost part was.

So, absolutely, I didn't think that was fair on Dad's part, but the consequences taught me two things:
1. Dad has all rights to keep raising me as long as I lived under his roof.
2. I took on the financial responsibilities of my life and got my own place.

That's what parents do for us, so even though I think it's weird your parents still spank you at 17, I do see you running off to the Internet to prove you're right/get sympathy, so maybe they aren't so wrong in treating you like a child still. You're 17. Time to grow up.

(I still miss that car and it was a piece of junk way back when. lol)
 
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