Virginity/Masturbation

[Graybeard]

Homeschool.

Hi,
I think the best way to go about this would be to possibly go over all the scriptures in the bible that talk about masterbation with your son. You could also type it in on google, and it will give you a number of bible verses that are pertaining to this issue. I don't know if you can undo the seed that has already been planted in his mind, but I think that as a parent you can definitlely replace it with a better seed.
But I can understand how much you must be frusterated at the things schools are teaching our children, it is so wrong of them to teach children that. On that note, I would maybe consider a private christian school/homeschooling your son.
Although, these are just my opinions. I just thought I would throw that out there.

I agree to go over scriptures with him but I am sure that the seed planted can be undone by smothering it with lots of good seed.

Homeschooling.....very difficult to execute as although I am unemployed at the moment this will not be indefinite and my wife needs to work as well as one income is not sufficient.

Christian School......very expensive over here and besides just because it is a Christian School does not mean that they are excluded from other schools problems.....we have one nearby and a lot of the scholars are problem kids that have been rejected/expelled from other schools...from what I have observed is most of the kids are from secular homes anyway.

 

[NoTearsShed]

This is what i dont like about schools.
In middle/high school over here in texas were i live they tell them "USE PROTECTION" instead of saying "Dont have sex till you are older & married or older & ready"
Basically they tell them its okay to have sex as long as you use condoms ....
Bad teachers & counsolors.
It is NOT right for kids to be having sex. With or without condoms its still wrong.

 

[Sharp]

Graybeard

My suggestion would be, if your son already understands that things like homosexuality, premarital sex and polygamy constitute improper sexual conduct for a christian, then compare masturbation to these things, and explain to him that masturbation is not what God designed our bodies for, whereas sex within a marriage is.

If he understands that sex before marriage is sinful, then he may also realise that masturbation is the same concept, just without another person involved.

 

[Graybeard]

Graybeard

My suggestion would be, if your son already understands that things like homosexuality, premarital sex and polygamy constitute improper sexual conduct for a christian, then compare masturbation to these things, and explain to him that masturbation is not what God designed our bodies for, whereas sex within a marriage is.

If he understands that sex before marriage is sinful, then he may also realise that masturbation is the same concept, just without another person involved.

appreciate that, he knows this already as I have explained it to him..thanks

 

[Conquer]

Gen 2
23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Everybody know these verses right? This is how marriage works and this is how sexuality is ment from the beginning.
I think that a man who start on masturbation is actually trying to leave his/her parents in some form. And some man/woman will do that even without having a husband/wife. In that way I think they act no longer according to nature.
So the best thing you as a parent can do, in my opinion is try to guide him as far as he is willing. And give him much love as parents should do. In the time of being with your parents there is no need to become one flesh with someone else. Make sure you will be connected enough with your child. It is possible that your kid will reject, but have the attitude of the father with his lost son (prodigal son).
Masturbation is sexual activity and there are enough christian man who are single who do not do this. When not doing this it is also a good protection against porn. Also mention the social life. Most of the time these children will feel hurt, and there relationships with there parents is getting worse. The social aspect is very important i think. These children will feel alone, because they leave there parents in some form and become one with themselfs. Loneliness is one of the results of masturbation.

This theory becomes even stronger when you realise how masturbating people act. They get less social often in the parental house. How is that? They wish to become one with someone else, which is not yet there. AND they are trying to leave there parents.

Also read this verse 25 again. If the act of the man was pure he would have felt no shame. So I think that shame should be investigated seriously. And when you have had a pornography history, be very carefull with saying: i have no shame anymore with masturbation. Because where was the shame on you with pornography, so how could you judge masturbation right?

Then why would man feel themselfs ashamed of being naked when they sinned? I think because of there broken relationships.

I hope that this might also help in your situation. I have had a bad past on this on both pornography and masturbation. But i am free now. Also with help of that website settingcaptivesfree.com . I highly recommend it for those having trouble with it.
I cant masturbate with parents around me or any social form. And especially when i realised, do i want God watch me doing this? I realised that I really didnt want it. Be sure that every act should be able to be displayed in the full daylight.

Luc 12
2 For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known.
3 Therefore whatsoever ye have spoken in darkness shall be heard in the light; and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed upon the housetops.

These verse really made me stop. I knew that God would reveal everything, but these verses said more, that my most unkown acts will be proclaimed upon the housetops! And i was ashamed of my future. Then I fought my way out of porn and masturbation. Because THE thing i did in the most dark place, the most quiet area, where nobody saw me were these acts of masturbation. And I realised that I would not wish to have that being proclaimed from the rooftops. Get your shame back man, while you still can!

 

[TheJesusfreak1990]

Hey Im only 19 and I may not be as experienced as u ppl!! But I would say masturbation is a sin. God has given us a males a natural sex drive if one feeds it with lust( not necessarily porn it can be soft core cable stuff as well or staring) it becomes a SUMO sex drive( quoting from EVERY YOUNG MANS BATTLE) which is hard to control. Masturbation aint natural. Natural pressure relief valves for us males are Nocturnal emission( wet dream) or it passes out with urine every 72 hours( we need a release every 72 hours if its not sex the only natural ways are those 2) Masturbation may be a life saver against porn or staring at girls but it is done to release tension so where does that tension comes from???? Im thinking Lust and nothing else. So if the masturbation is the end product of a sin or sins It has to be a sin. Anything that looks like a duck. quacks like a duck and moves like a duck is a duck. I know it is possible to masturbate without lusting but it is hard to control and it might lead to something sinful. I suffered with it, I still do but Lord is making me strong every day. Masturbation is wrong, it degrades the value of a woman to a man, extreme cases like objectification of woman many other things. when Jesus said in Matt that we shouldn't have a hint of sexual immorality in us then masturbation is more than a Hint for me.

Coming to the main question lol!!! To get your youngest son not to masturbate is not going to be easy my bro. You have to be an example as a Christian to him, be open with him, ask him questions( dont invade his privacy, trust him and u will see he will respect u), get him to read good Christian books, try not to make Christianity too boring or formal to him and MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL PRAY ABOUT IT WITH HIM!! Hope I wasnt being too much of a bother in this thread!

 

[Graybeard]

TheJesusfreak1990 ,no bother bru!..thanks

 

[MahogonySnail]

If masturbation is not natural then why do all boys and many girls do it naturally once they hit puberty?

 

[Moviefan2k4]

In my opinion, some people in the Christian community who say that masturbation is inherently wrong are doing so because others said it to them. My mother practically condemned me to hell for it when I was 16, and to this day its something I struggle with. I don't deny that the lust which often accompanies masturbation is sinful, but I don't see how the physical practice itself could be as well. Folks will cite the story of Onan as a condemning example, when the tale actually matches better with the so-called "withdrawal method" of birth control. Regardless of individual viewpoint, lust is always sinful - there's no question nor dispute about that. However, if a person claims they are able to masturbate without lusting, then who am I to accuse them of falsehood? I don't know their hearts, only God does...and as such, I strongly doubt there's a simple "black-and-white" answer to this situation. If a person feels guilty after masturbating, is that righteous conviction from God, false blame from others, or condemnation from Satan? Furthermore, if its wrong for a person to engage in this while alone, then what about married couples who do so as well? Where does the line get drawn?

 

[MahogonySnail]

That's a valid point that sometimes the guilt and condemnation put on others over it can be worse than the act itself. Christianity has a history of condemning the practice sometimes going to extreme measures.

 

[songster]

That's a valid point that sometimes the guilt and condemnation put on others over it can be worse than the act itself. Christianity has a history of condemning the practice sometimes going to extreme measures.

Sex and all associated topics were extremely demonized in my granmother's home where I was raised, following my mother's death, which occurred when I was 4. My grandmother, dealing with the trauma of losing her only daughter was emotionally tormented for many years to follow.

I grew up with an almost natural contempt for her, possibly resulting from needing someone to blame for my mother's sudden absence. Her discomfort with sexual topics and dating, compounded my own feelings of confusion surrounding sexual matters. When masturbation became a part of my teen years, she became aware it, possibly by discovering pages of viewing material, which at that time would have been the lingerie section of a dept. store catalog.

It didn't matter whether I was in the bathroom for legitimate reasons or not, she would yell, I know what you're doing up there! She wasn't a bad person, and took me to a very traditional baptist church every Sunday, but it was clear that she did not know how to handle it.

I believe that in some households, sex is so demonized that it is considered unholy to even discuss it, while the educational system, of course, does not share our inhibitions, and will happily de-stigmatize sexual issues and train them according to their own philosophies, which may not be consistent with Christian beliefs.

For this reason, I believe that because certain addictions are strengthened due to their ability to isolate an individual, guilt and condemnation is a factor. I believe the lines of communication should be open between parents and children, pertaining to marriage, sex and masturbation. Educating children at home first, may shield them against the false truths interwoven into the educational systems of the world. I believe this is the most effective way to convince children that masturbation should be avoided.

Proverbs 22:6

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

 

[MahogonySnail]

We've come along way since the times when it was thought to lead to all kinds of diseases even death. (see Ellen White's teachings ,as one example)

 

[Moviefan2k4]

Sex and all associated topics were extremely demonized in my granmother's home where I was raised, following my mother's death, which occurred when I was 4. My grandmother, dealing with the trauma of losing her only daughter was emotionally tormented for many years to follow.

I grew up with an almost natural contempt for her, possibly resulting from needing someone to blame for my mother's sudden absence. Her discomfort with sexual topics and dating, compounded my own feelings of confusion surrounding sexual matters. When masturbation became a part of my teen years, she became aware it, possibly by discovering pages of viewing material, which at that time would have been the lingerie section of a dept. store catalog.

It didn't matter whether I was in the bathroom for legitimate reasons or not, she would yell, I know what you're doing up there! She wasn't a bad person, and took me to a very traditional baptist church every Sunday, but it was clear that she did not know how to handle it.

I believe that in some households, sex is so demonized that it is considered unholy to even discuss it, while the educational system, of course, does not share our inhibitions, and will happily de-stigmatize sexual issues and train them according to their own philosophies, which may not be consistent with Christian beliefs.

For this reason, I believe that because certain addictions are strengthened due to their ability to isolate an individual, guilt and condemnation is a factor. I believe the lines of communication should be open between parents and children, pertaining to marriage, sex and masturbation. Educating children at home first, may shield them against the false truths interwoven into the educational systems of the world. I believe this is the most effective way to convince children that masturbation should be avoided.

Is your belief about the practice of masturbation being wrong sourced in a genuine conviction to that end, or from your experiences with your grandmother? If I'm reading your response right, it almost sounds like you're saying, "Sex has been demonized in Christian homes, and so we need to be open with our kids...but masturbation is still evil!" Why is it so evil? Every response I've heard recently has said it's because of lust...but the lust itself is the sin, not the masturbation. Why is it so difficult to fathom that masturbation could be done without lusting? I'm not saying its easy - God Himself knows how much turmoil I've gone through over it - but I do believe its possible.

 

[MahogonySnail]

If grandma says eat your crusts to make your hair go curly I suppose you believe that too?

 

[Moviefan2k4]

OK Mahogany, that was overkill. Insults of any kind really aren't necessary.

 

[MahogonySnail]

How is that an insult? It's pointing out that grandma doesn't know everything but they say what they were taught even if it's wrong.

BTW an argument that masturbation is sinful can be made from the point of view of impurity, which covers not just masturbation but also wet dreams.

 

[livingbygrace]

I have three kids, ages 26(son) - 20(daughter) and 12(son)
Eldest son has recently got married and was a virgin until then (whew!..one down..two to go)
My daughter is a virgin as well and it looks like she will stay that way till she is married (please Lord!)
I am extremely proud of them for choosing to abstain from premarital sex.

Now my youngest son is at the age where he is seeing girls in a whole new light, a little while back at school, a male teacher was talking to them about aids and STD's and he said to them that they must rather masturbate than have sex. I found this rather disturbing as by saying this to these kids it basically is giving them permission to masturbate and that it is a natural, normal thing and nothing is wrong with it. I have tried to talk to him and teach him that it is not alright, but have caught him and his friend twice doing this.
What this teacher has done I feel is totally wrong and this is what is being fed to our kids at school.
These kids look up to their teaches and believe in everything they say.

My question is how would you go about undoing the seed that has been planted in these young minds?

Well I agree with you the teacher should not have said what he did.
But I will answer your question truthfully in relation to my own life. I had a mother who virtually expected perfection. I became a Christian when I was ten. I was consumed by guilt as I was growing up because I acted out fantisies and I felt totally dirty and corrupt because I knew what my mother thought of such behaviour. The strange thing was the dirtier I felt, the worse I became with impure thoughts. This may sound hard to believe, but it is the truth.
My advice would be to say nothing to your son at all. Pray for him concerning your worries and leave it at that. Trust God. If you continually tell him he should not be masturbating I would imagine he will feel dirty and just make sure you are not aware he is doing it.
When I look back at my childhood, if my mother had not demanded so much, I would not of erred in life as much as I did. She realises that now and feels terrible guilt. I tell her it doesn't matter, but it doesn't ease her pain
There is an excitement, allure in doing what we know is wrong, especially at your son's age. I sincerely hope this helps.
You know because my Mother demanded so much I was prepared to wreck my life rather to conform to what she wanted. When I was 21 I went out with someone she vehemently disapproved of. Because of my strict childhood the more she voiced her objections, the more determined I was to stay with this girl.
She was no good for me, but I would not let go.
It is hard to see our children growing up and during adolescance doing things that may even horrify us. But give him some slack, he will love you more for it, and there is a far better chance that in the end he will turn out just fine.

God Bless You, and your son

 

[songster]

Is your belief about the practice of masturbation being wrong sourced in a genuine conviction to that end, or from your experiences with your grandmother? If I'm reading your response right, it almost sounds like you're saying, "Sex has been demonized in Christian homes, and so we need to be open with our kids...but masturbation is still evil!" Why is it so evil? Every response I've heard recently has said it's because of lust...but the lust itself is the sin, not the masturbation. Why is it so difficult to fathom that masturbation could be done without lusting? I'm not saying its easy - God Himself knows how much turmoil I've gone through over it - but I do believe its possible.

I have heard the argument many times, that it is possible to masturbate without lusting. I will be very honest with you. When I used to struggle with this, I actually tried to do this without the use of pornography, without any viewing material whatsoever, and without creating any images in my mind. I am convinced that a person who tries to convince themselves that they successfully completed this act without lusting, is deceiving themselves. Momentary flashes in the mind, also count. It simply isn't consistently possible, if possible at all.

Therefore the act of masturbation doesn't become the issue at all, its the fuel which keeps the masturbatory habit going, and after having talked with countless numbers of people with this habit, I can tell you that the two most prevelant preferences are fantasy, (for women), and sexually explicit viewing material, (for men), homosexuality excluded.

The fact that this behavior cannot be consistently performed without these aids, signifies a struggle with sexual immorality, which is clearly sinful. Masturbation cannot be consistently separated from fantasy and/or pornography, and it is doubtful that anyone in history, ever struggled with a lustless masturbatory habit. So when we deal with real facts, instead of unfounded hypotheticals, it becomes clear that the behavior should be avoided.

 

[Moviefan2k4]

All you've demonstrated is what most already know - that many people wrestle with lustful masturbation. That doesn't completely rule out the possibility of lust being removed from the equation. It may not be easy ro common, but there's always the possibility.

Besides, there's still the issue of why, if it were such a spiritual threat, God didn't address it in the Bible. Many other acts are clearly forbidden, such as fornication, adultery, incest, sex with children, and even bestiality...but no mention of masturbation. Given that it was almost certainly known of in Biblical times, if God knew it would be such a problem later down the road...why didn't He make sure it was discussed? Lust is clearly outlined as sinful, but the physical act of masturbation isn't mentioned once...zero. So, either God didn't know it would be such a problem, which contradicts His infallible nature...or masturbation isn't inherently sinful. Just because many people wrestle with lust while doing it, that doesn't mean the alternative is completely impossible.

 

[MahogonySnail]

Masturbation in the bible itself even without lust, comes under the category of uncleanness I believe. Look up "uncleanness" in the old testament and consider the Jewish understanding.