What to do when you realize you're forever alone.

[Shannon50]

I understand what you are saying, it wasn't like that. It was a way to feel like im worth something, a way to grasp something through my depression. My mental subconscious voice would be "i may be fat, ugly, and socially awkward, but at least im one of the smartest guys in the room. i went to college and that last part switched to "...but at least God made me one of the smartest guys in the room." God started his work in me and it became, "im fat, ugly, socially awkward, and not especially smart. Why do i have any value?" I've been here for a long time.

i realize it is an issue that i haven't given all my trust to God, that i haven't put myself entirely in his hands because i want to trust myself and my ability. This is something else i have worked on. I definitely have trust issues that need to be addressed and yet life makes these trust issues seem necessary. My trust issues are definitely part of my loneliness and if my self esteem ever improved enough to start asking girls out again, they would become an issue there (assuming i am more successful than i was in highschool at being worth dating).

GOOD NEWS-- Success in High School dating does not determine your success in dating or being happily coupled And so what if you've got some extra pounds on-- if you've got good hygiene (and better yet, some yummy smelling aftershave) there are a lot of girls who would like to snuggle with a teddy bear! Confidence speaks volumes--- I bet if you spent any time out socializing with people your age you would not only maybe find a potential mate, but you would be happier with yourself. But God will probably not drop someone special for you from the lightfixture in the dining room-- get out of your house-- and take a cooking class, or join a choir or something. It will be difficult to do it the first time, but I promise you, each time will get easier! Then the next time you post about relationships, it will be because you can't choose between two women!

 

[1joseph]

I understand what you are saying, it wasn't like that. It was a way to feel like im worth something, a way to grasp something through my depression. My mental subconscious voice would be "i may be fat, ugly, and socially awkward, but at least im one of the smartest guys in the room. i went to college and that last part switched to "...but at least God made me one of the smartest guys in the room." God started his work in me and it became, "im fat, ugly, socially awkward, and not especially smart. Why do i have any value?" I've been here for a long time.

i realize it is an issue that i haven't given all my trust to God, that i haven't put myself entirely in his hands because i want to trust myself and my ability. This is something else i have worked on. I definitely have trust issues that need to be addressed and yet life makes these trust issues seem necessary. My trust issues are definitely part of my loneliness and if my self esteem ever improved enough to start asking girls out again, they would become an issue there (assuming i am more successful than i was in highschool at being worth dating).

You understand this about yourself--"...i want to trust myself and my ability."--and admit to it. "Truth" is the first step in your relationship with God. Your trust in yourself and your ability has been your god, so to speak, because you knew your intellectual ability and you could always trust yourself in it. The problem with this, which you touched on, is that it is limited and comes up short at times. It got you through for a time. But it is time for a knew thought process.

Isaiah 42:9
"See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you.”

Isaiah 48:6
“From now on I will tell you of new things, of hidden things unknown to you."

As you said,, "God made me..." See yourself as God sees you; His creation!

Psalm 139:13
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

God doesn't make mistakes, and He made you. You can trust Him with your trust issues. Put Him first in your life. You're ready! Ask Him to help you to accept yourself, to remove your loneliness, and to give you confidence and courage, in Him.

Ask Him today for these things Tankman, in the name of Jesus. Believe and He will answer.

 

[1joseph]

I agree that you need to find your value in Christ, and that to do that you'll need to trust him and as he proves himself to you, continue to trust him.

May I let you in on a little tiny secret? We women know you men don't have it all together, and honestly (I'll speak for myself here) I don't want a man who has it all together. I sure don't have it all together. But the kind of man I am looking for leans on God for his sustenance as I must and do. This is a man who knows he has a deep need for God's intervention in his life, and will support me in getting my needs met in Christ as he does. That the two of us together in relationship lean on the Lord for our every breath.

So, it's ok to have it not all together.... I mean, if you are a broken and bleeding mess, you need to deal with that 1:1 with God (and hopefully with a trusted Christian adviser/friend/pastor).... but as a woman, I'm not looking for a perfect man. I'd mess that man up because I am messy. But a man who encourages me to walk humbly before God on my own and with him? THAT man is appealing and worthy of my time.

Love this post.

Thanks Olerica. This truly is the way to have an abundant relationship in Christ as a couple.

Often a woman sets a man up as her god, and the man cannot attain to this. This results in him failing her, in her eyes, and it puts insurmountable pressure on the man. Often a man looks down on a woman, thinking he is her god, and the woman is there to please him. This results in her failing him, in his eyes, and it puts insurmountable pressure on the woman.

But when they both put God first the relationship is off on the right foot and has a great chance to be something more than either could have hoped for.

 

[MyLighthouse]

I've realized the best thing to do is accept it. Appreciate all that you can do and be in God. I have been told that I'm very empathic, with this I feel I learn language quite easily. God has pretty much made me to be a missionary in many ways. sure I could be a married missionary, but theirs limits to it. As a single I can be far more risky and available to serve God on call.

When I'm lonely, honestly I just cry (depressing I know, haha). Then I read my bible and realize that I have God, I do things in the home and outside of the home. Such as Bible Studies, volunteering, witnessing, crafting, sewing, etc. ( excersize is probably good, I don't do it, but it's a good thing to do).

End remark is, you choose it. God doesn't predestine singledom as well as He doesn't predestine marriage. God gives us a choice to be or not to be. I believe God has many someone's out there for a person. Not that He made them all for you, just that there are many like you in some way. Think about best friends and such, people you trust, laugh, get a long with, like similar thing, get over things with, etc. I dislike that cliché with the highest dislike because it isn't true.

 

[Practice-English]

When it comes to relationships in christian circles and specifically comforting singles, there is a supremely overused cliche.

"God has someone out there for you."

Now i understand that it is quite possible that God has someone out there for the single being comforted, but what about those who God's plan is probably to leave without a significant other like myself?

Any comfort or advice to alleviate the feeling of loneliness that comes with this?

OK, I don't really speak English in Real,
that's the reason that I didn't really understand completely your Forum.
But I understood your question, so I'll answer my opinion for that!
I'll put too Verse from the Bible and sure a picture of my Dog for Fun
My opinion, about that is even if I'll be single once and for all,
I'm with God and I won't do any adultery.
I had too much pain and bad moments in life,
I never had boyfriend it was other things, anyway
I prefer to stay single event if it's really tough.
When you're single,
you can more grow up spiritually,
you can do your favorite activities,
you're not obligated to do compromises,
you're not obligated to shave any hairs...
Well, humans are not perfect,
I know that it's really not simple,
but you won't be in fight at all....
So have a good listening!




​

 

[Witness45]

I would often cry myself to sleep, and honestly wanted to die at several points in life.

Been there plenty of times. It's easy to forget you're not the only one feeling so alone...

 

[secularhermit]

Oh, my!

"you're not obligated to shave any hairs..."

Another hairy young lady...

 

[Witness45]

Oh, my!

"you're not obligated to shave any hairs..."

Another hairy young lady...

This seems a little out of the blue...

 

[secularhermit]

Honestly, keep crying out to Him to fulfill you in whatever he brings your way. (...)

Any lack in our earthly lives is completed in our relationship with God. Do I always live like I believe that? No. But writing it here reminds me. HE is enough.

May I contradict you on that?

If "He was enough" He Himself hadn´t said this way: "Gen 2:18 And Jehovah God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. "

If He knew Adam was alone, I´m sure He knows PPL´s loneliness (even of those who are actually married "unhappily").

Of course, any who said "God is enough FOR ME" I have nothing to say but GOD knows ppl´s needs (and caprices).

 

[secularhermit]

Been there plenty of times. It's easy to forget you're not the only one feeling so alone...

Quote: "This seems a little out of the blue..."

Because I don´t know what you meant.

 

[Pumicestone]

Is that bird with the hairy armpits Australia's "super-model" Elle MacPherson ?

Surely not.

But still, she's over 50 and married to a billionaire so why would she care ?

 

[Shouryu]

May I contradict you on that?

If "He was enough" He Himself hadn´t said this way: "Gen 2:18 And Jehovah God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. "

If He knew Adam was alone, I´m sure He knows PPL´s loneliness (even of those who are actually married "unhappily").

Of course, any who said "God is enough FOR ME" I have nothing to say but GOD knows ppl´s needs (and caprices).

Both Christ and the Apostle Paul said that marriage wasn't a for sure thing. Matthew 19 tells us that we can choose to live alone for the Kingdom's sake, and Paul reiterates this in 1 Corinthians 7.

Just because it wasn't good for Adam to be without a mate doesn't mean that EVERYONE is supposed to have a mate. When Adam was alone, he was truly ALONE. As in, NO OTHER HUMANS, female OR male. He was completely unique. By the time Christ came along, (heck, by the time Noah came along!) that was no longer the case.

 

[Gozinia]

Both Christ and the Apostle Paul said that marriage wasn't a for sure thing. Matthew 19 tells us that we can choose to live alone for the Kingdom's sake, and Paul reiterates this in 1 Corinthians 7.

Just because it wasn't good for Adam to be without a mate doesn't mean that EVERYONE is supposed to have a mate. When Adam was alone, he was truly ALONE. As in, NO OTHER HUMANS, female OR male. He was completely unique. By the time Christ came along, (heck, by the time Noah came along!) that was no longer the case.

Good words brother,
In my understanding, God is saying he understands we long for companionship.
As in the beginning, Adam had God as his constant companion, although God also provided for a companion that was as well suited to what we are here on earth.
We are not fully spiritual on earth.
Still partially flesh even if living and understanding in the spirit.
Jesus showed us we can live fully in the spirit even if still in the flesh.
Paul exemplified that even another than Jesus can live in the spirit without worldly things or desires.
It is an individual call as well as an individual conviction.
As Paul said, I wish every man were as I am.
But we can see not every one of us can be as Paul am.
As a human we must weigh our own limitations and weaknesses.
A companion can be a strength in weakness.
Provided by God.... just as God is our strength in weakness.
This is why I agree with...
1 Cor 7:21
21Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so.22For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. 23You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. 24Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.

 

[egeiro]

The bad thing is, i haven't been able to find an equivalent feeling of self worth through a God i know exists, but dont feel.

God started his work in me and it became, "im fat, ugly, socially awkward, and not especially smart. Why do i have any value?" I've been here for a long time.

My trust issues are definitely part of my loneliness and if my self esteem ever improved enough to start asking girls out again, they would become an issue there (assuming i am more successful than i was in highschool at being worth dating).

What I believe I am reading, the issue is 2% about being single and 98% about your self worth.

As you stated earlier, you were dealing with depression? First I want to come to common ground, I also had suffered from depression - which was directly related to my self-worth and a life without God. I lived a life where throwing myself against a wall, cutting myself and attempting suicide were ways to 'cope' or 'fix it'.

When I gave my life to God, I went through a long and painful process of unravelling myself before God and letting the potter shape my identity and call me by my true name. My idea of myself went through a major shaking, and still to this day, He still shakes my perception of myself because I can't afford to think thoughts that aren't His.

I wish I could look you eye to eye and say this, but if I can stress anything, it is this, "You cannot afford to see yourself other than how God sees you. You cannot afford to look at anyone else other than how God sees them."

Your worth isn't tied to any earthly thing or any human birthed idea or concept. Your worth lies in the price that was paid. You were bought, Mr Tankman. All of heaven went bankrupt for you, for me, we have been won over. You were joy who was set before Jesus as he gave His everything. The last thing that was on His mind was 'He's fat, he's ugly, he's not especially smart.' His thoughts were that of the highest love and affection towards you, a life laid down for another.

If God was working on your worth during that season, I can assure you that He didn't want you to conclude on all of those things you have stated. Could you honestly imagine Jesus standing before you now, breathing those words over you? Have you truly narrowed down God to such as one that would say those very things?

You ARE His beloved. You ARE priceless. You ARE worth fighting and worth dying for. You ARE new, redeemed, won over and valued. You ARE a son of a King, a son of the Champion of Light and Love, a son of a God clothed in Splendour and majesty... your read that? The Creator wants YOU, He chose YOU, He longs for YOU.

You intellect, your weight, neither the structure of your face will determine how worthy you are or how much love you deserve. It just doesn't.

You know what this God of ours has done? He has re-written your identity an your being. His promises are found in His word. Do you know what it says about you? You are a part of a royal priesthood, a representative of Christ, light of this world, a city on a hill, you are a saint, a new creation, a co-labourer with Christ, a child of promise.

You have looked inward, you have seen yourself through a one way lens for too long. You have made yourself your enemy and have taken those lies and allowed them to be the lullaby that sings you to sleep at night. You have taken hell's thinking and have raised it as truth above all truths.

Brother, I pray these words will pierce your heart in any way.

You were destined for so much more than this. You have been lovingly called to so much more than this. You are a part of this larger body. You and I both are part of the bride of Christ. You and I are church, and although you're thousands of miles away, we're still bricks intertwined in to each other. Holy Spirit has united us, whether you like it or not.

I need you to be everything God has called you to be on your side of the planet. We're in this together. We carry the Hope of Glory, the fullness of God in us. We carry the answer this world is desperately crying for. We're here to arise and shine, and to let light escape us as the gospel burns in our beings.

Brother, lift your heart and let the healing oil flow, you were made for so much more than this. You were made to be a warrior of love, a laid down lover of Christ. You were never meant to be hidden, please let your light shine.

My prayer for you,

Father,
Let Your love run like honey over Mr. Tankman's being, let Your presence that is fierce and sweet grab hold of his being, and in every sense be felt and known. Father, encounter him again in a very personal way, reveal Your wonderful ways and your loving nature to him... breathe new life in to the caverns of his soul. Sing a personal serenade to his aching heart and wake him up to new love, fresh love. Relentlessly woo him to You, reveal the heart beat of a Father's affection and love to Him. Wake up his understandings to everything you have called him to be, wake up the places of his heart and soul that groan and ache. Father, place a warrior's calling within him, burn him a passionate zeal for Your will to be done in his immediate world. Call him on home to Your presence, call Him out of worry, heart ache, hopelessness, and in to Your river of promises. Pour out Your Spirit over Him, refresh His soul, O Lord. Lift his weary head and captivate those lonely eyes again. Father, fiercely sweep him in to Your embrace, and tenderly speak to him. This I pray, this I declare.

In Jesus' most glorious name,

Amen.

 

[PoetMary]

There was a positive aspect to it as i no longer completely base my self worth on how much smarter i am than others. The bad thing is, i haven't been able to find an equivalent feeling of self worth through a God i know exists, but dont feel.

All humans are worthy of love and belonging. God created us for that purpose. We are manifestations of his great love and were created to belong to him and others. I think it's less about feeling and more about leaning into God himself. Either God is good or he is not. If he's good, then he is completely trustworthy.

 

[MollyConnor]

I checked your other threads to see how old you are and you say you are only 23 in the introduction thread. I think you have a very high chance of getting married in the future. I wouldn't worry about that at all right now. In fact I would be trying to better myself for my future wife if I were you.

I'm two years older than you and I'm not worried at all. I'm also a girl. Being a girl it's much more stressful because of the giving birth deal. We have to be young enough to do that. Men can get married at 40 and still have babies. For women it's harder!

But if I never get married then at least I know it's because God wanted it that way. Just follow Jesus and he will show you the path that he wants you to take.

BTW I love your dog! So precious.

 

[iveseenworse]

i think marriage is something God gave us on earth. for there will be no giving and taking of marriage in heaven - said jesus. so it's not going to matter in eternity. another human illusion, we THINK it's important. on the other hand, psalms says, he who finds a wife is blessed. the gospels say, if you can do without it's ok like paul was single. there are huge advantages to single but loneliness is not an illusion.

 

[Tankman131]

Thank you all. Im going to work to implement the advice given here and i pray God continues to work in me even though im terrified of it.