Is it really that difficult for a man to be the head of his household?

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PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#1
Nov 25, 2014
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0
#1
Since we have seen so many threads grinding on about women being submissive in a marriage, I thought I'd try starting a discussion about men being the head of the household.

What does that even mean?

Some people claim it's that the man holds all the final decision-making powers with important choices. Some claim that the man holds all the decision-making powers, no matter how minor. Some claim that it means that a man is an overt leader. Others claim that it means the man is a servant leader. Some say that the man is the head, but the wife is the neck. Some claim that the man is the "king of his castle," others claim "happy wife, happy life." I wonder if it actually means ONE thing.

For example, the "traditional" idealized, circa 1950s, family model presents a kind of leadership where the man is working to support the family (more than likely outside of the home), and the wife stays home to maintain the house and care for the children.

Is it possible that a man can be the head of his household and send his wife off to her job while he stays home to care for the house and nurture the children? Would people consider this man a leader? Or would this violate the biblical mandate?

I'm not a wife, but I do have quite a bit of experience with leadership, and what I've discovered about leadership is that it's not ONE THING. There are all kinds of leaders and leadership styles out there. It seems to me that some might elevate one kind of style (i.e. the "traditional nuclear family") and proclaim that other styles are unbiblical. However, this seems based on a rather biased interpretation, imo.

What do y'all think?
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#2
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#2
Christ is the head of the church. The husband is the head of the family. The husband is to head the family like Christ heads the church. Eph 5:23-33

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#3
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#3
PoetMary said:
Since we have seen so many threads grinding on about women being submissive in a marriage, I thought I'd try starting a discussion about men being the head of the household.

What does that even mean?

Some people claim it's that the man holds all the final decision-making powers with important choices. Some claim that the man holds all the decision-making powers, no matter how minor. Some claim that it means that a man is an overt leader. Others claim that it means the man is a servant leader. Some say that the man is the head, but the wife is the neck. Some claim that the man is the "king of his castle," others claim "happy wife, happy life." I wonder if it actually means ONE thing.

For example, the "traditional" idealized, circa 1950s, family model presents a kind of leadership where the man is working to support the family (more than likely outside of the home), and the wife stays home to maintain the house and care for the children.

Is it possible that a man can be the head of his household and send his wife off to her job while he stays home to care for the house and nurture the children? Would people consider this man a leader? Or would this violate the biblical mandate?

I'm not a wife, but I do have quite a bit of experience with leadership, and what I've discovered about leadership is that it's not ONE THING. There are all kinds of leaders and leadership styles out there. It seems to me that some might elevate one kind of style (i.e. the "traditional nuclear family") and proclaim that other styles are unbiblical. However, this seems based on a rather biased interpretation, imo.

What do y'all think?
Click to expand...
There are plenty of men that have disabilities that prevent them from work. Does that make them any less of a man just because the wife would have to be the one to work? I also have disabilities that prevent me from driving. If God blesses me with a wife one day, would that make me any less of a man because she would have to do the driving?
 
PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#4
Nov 25, 2014
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44
0
#4
jsr1221 said:
There are plenty of men that have disabilities that prevent them from work. Does that make them any less of a man just because the wife would have to be the one to work? I also have disabilities that prevent me from driving. If God blesses me with a wife one day, would that make me any less of a man because she would have to do the driving?
Click to expand...
I'm SO happy you brought this up. So much of what we call "manly leadership" has much more to due with the trappings of being a man than actual biblical manhood.

My answer to you is a very firm "absolutely not!" (And I've known women married to men with a variety of disabilities who would agree with me). None of this makes you any less of a man, nor does it preclude you from being the head of your future household!
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#5
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
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#5
PoetMary said:
I'm SO happy you brought this up. So much of what we call "manly leadership" has much more to due with the trappings of being a man than actual biblical manhood.

My answer to you is a very firm "absolutely not!" (And I've known women married to men with a variety of disabilities who would agree with me). None of this makes you any less of a man, nor does it preclude you from being the head of your future household!
Click to expand...
Too many people try to take those words (head of household and submission) and try to make it into something they're not. The people that actually know what those words are about, tend to have the best marriages. Once people start turning the terms into what THEY want, then there's a problem.
 
PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#6
Nov 25, 2014
942
44
0
#6
jsr1221 said:
Too many people try to take those words (head of household and submission) and try to make it into something they're not. The people that actually know what those words are about, tend to have the best marriages. Once people start turning the terms into what THEY want, then there's a problem.
Click to expand...
Very pointed comment here! So much of it does become about what WE are seeking and what WE prefer. I do believe a lot of fine Christian singles are overlooked because of this.
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#7
#7
PoetMary said:
Since we have seen so many threads grinding on about women being submissive in a marriage, I thought I'd try starting a discussion about men being the head of the household.

What does that even mean?

Some people claim it's that the man holds all the final decision-making powers with important choices. Some claim that the man holds all the decision-making powers, no matter how minor. Some claim that it means that a man is an overt leader. Others claim that it means the man is a servant leader. Some say that the man is the head, but the wife is the neck. Some claim that the man is the "king of his castle," others claim "happy wife, happy life." I wonder if it actually means ONE thing.

For example, the "traditional" idealized, circa 1950s, family model presents a kind of leadership where the man is working to support the family (more than likely outside of the home), and the wife stays home to maintain the house and care for the children.

Is it possible that a man can be the head of his household and send his wife off to her job while he stays home to care for the house and nurture the children? Would people consider this man a leader? Or would this violate the biblical mandate?

I'm not a wife, but I do have quite a bit of experience with leadership, and what I've discovered about leadership is that it's not ONE THING. There are all kinds of leaders and leadership styles out there. It seems to me that some might elevate one kind of style (i.e. the "traditional nuclear family") and proclaim that other styles are unbiblical. However, this seems based on a rather biased interpretation, imo.

What do y'all think?
Click to expand...
To quickly dismiss the last paragraph, it really doesn't matter if there are other lifestyles, since mostly your asking about the husband's role. (And, of course there are other lifestyles. Not like everyone is married. lol)

The husband's role, simply put, is to be submissive to God and to love his wife.

Actually, I feel kind of bad for hubbies. It's a lot easier to submit to someone than to love someone. And given the men are stuck with women for wives, it's a lot harder to love a woman. Men don't get PMS and they aren't as talkative was women, especially with the amount of time we need to grumble about our day.
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#8
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#8
PoetMary said:
Very pointed comment here! So much of it does become about what WE are seeking and what WE prefer. I do believe a lot of fine Christian singles are overlooked because of this.
Click to expand...
Going back to what you said about Biblical manhood, what I'm about to say might open a can of worms on a millionth gender debate, but when it comes to what WE want, it seems like women get a free pass when they are told they can't have children, yet men are looked down upon and overlooked as a potential mate just because he can't drive or work. Jesus did all of His ministry through walking, and He's the standard. I think there's definitely a double standard when it comes to men and women.
 
W

WolfGaming

Guest
#9
#9
I really thought we settled this in the other post but you know what thank you guys I will be making a YouTube vid about this so thanks for the inspiration.
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#10
#10
jsr1221 said:
Going back to what you said about Biblical manhood, what I'm about to say might open a can of worms on a millionth gender debate, but when it comes to what WE want, it seems like women get a free pass when they are told they can't have children, yet men are looked down upon and overlooked as a potential mate just because he can't drive or work. Jesus did all of His ministry through walking, and He's the standard. I think there's definitely a double standard when it comes to men and women.
Click to expand...
Pffft, sorry. Can't help this. But, ya know, if a woman turns you down simply because you can't drive, that's a blessing. You don't waste a lot of time dating an idiot!

Same deal the woman who can't have kids gets.
 
R

Rosesrock

Guest
#11
#11
atwhatcost said:
Pffft, sorry. Can't help this. But, ya know, if a woman turns you down simply because you can't drive, that's a blessing. You don't waste a lot of time dating an idiot!

Same deal the woman who can't have kids gets.
Click to expand...
I readily admit im difficult and hard to live with...poor guy
 
W

WolfGaming

Guest
#12
#12
atwhatcost said:
Pffft, sorry. Can't help this. But, ya know, if a woman turns you down simply because you can't drive, that's a blessing. You don't waste a lot of time dating an idiot!

Same deal the woman who can't have kids gets.
Click to expand...
hey I would not care if my future wife can not bear children however sad I would still love her.
 
Joidevivre

Joidevivre

Senior Member
#15
Jul 15, 2014
3,838
272
83
#15
Isn't the head always supposed to be an example of Christ to his family? In serving them - in loving them - in putting their needs before his own?

And that doesn't seem to be easy in today's culture - which sometimes makes it difficult for a wife to respect him.
 
P

psychomom

Guest
#16
#16
interesting... i'm not a man, let alone a husband, so i have no clue how easy or how difficult it must be to head a household.

i don't know what it must be like to carry that burden and do as the Lord commands.
but i do see my own husband laying down his life for me daily.
i see him dying to self for my sake, and for the children.
i see him becoming a servant to us for Jesus' sake.

my hero husband. :)
 
C

cmarieh

Guest
#17
#17
jsr1221 said:
Going back to what you said about Biblical manhood, what I'm about to say might open a can of worms on a millionth gender debate, but when it comes to what WE want, it seems like women get a free pass when they are told they can't have children, yet men are looked down upon and overlooked as a potential mate just because he can't drive or work. Jesus did all of His ministry through walking, and He's the standard. I think there's definitely a double standard when it comes to men and women.
Click to expand...
You brought up a very good point and it is very true. However, a good woman will know the difference between a person being disabled and not wanting to do anything. What I mean by that is there are a lot of people that can't work due to medical reasons, but there are many people that use that as an excuse not to do anything and would rather have things handed to them on a silver platter.
I will give you an example. My dad's cousin was in a car accident when he was nineteen due to excessive speed and drove his car through a deep ditch. The paramedics had to use the jaws of life to remove him from the vehicle. As a result he is paralyzed from the waist down and cannot use his hands like he should, so he can't work, but he does drive. He actually has the brake and accelerator as a button on his vehicles. This man is so full of life, he is always doing something whether it is working on his Corvette or running around town. Very seldom is he watching TV, he would much rather be active and visit his sister in Las Vegas and go out with his friends. He could have let his disability get the better of him, but he is living his life to the very fullest he can. I think this is what people would rather see in a potential husband if he can't work or drive it is not stopping him from getting out and doing things for the community or even for himself.
 
Joidevivre

Joidevivre

Senior Member
#18
Jul 15, 2014
3,838
272
83
#18
psychomom said:
interesting... i'm not a man, let alone a husband, so i have no clue how easy or how difficult it must be to head a household.

i don't know what it must be like to carry that burden and do as the Lord commands.
but i do see my own husband laying down his life for me daily.
i see him dying to self for my sake, and for the children.
i see him becoming a servant to us for Jesus' sake.

my hero husband. :)
Click to expand...

Mine too - it can be done.
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#20
#20
cmarieh said:
You brought up a very good point and it is very true. However, a good woman will know the difference between a person being disabled and not wanting to do anything. What I mean by that is there are a lot of people that can't work due to medical reasons, but there are many people that use that as an excuse not to do anything and would rather have things handed to them on a silver platter.
I will give you an example. My dad's cousin was in a car accident when he was nineteen due to excessive speed and drove his car through a deep ditch. The paramedics had to use the jaws of life to remove him from the vehicle. As a result he is paralyzed from the waist down and cannot use his hands like he should, so he can't work, but he does drive. He actually has the brake and accelerator as a button on his vehicles. This man is so full of life, he is always doing something whether it is working on his Corvette or running around town. Very seldom is he watching TV, he would much rather be active and visit his sister in Las Vegas and go out with his friends. He could have let his disability get the better of him, but he is living his life to the very fullest he can. I think this is what people would rather see in a potential husband if he can't work or drive it is not stopping him from getting out and doing things for the community or even for himself.
Click to expand...
Sometimes disability is that. We can both do for each other. We can't do for the community. (And you need to have enough money to buy a customized car.)
 
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