Looking For a Traditional Man...

[seoulsearch]

Hey Singles,

As a counterpart to Mitspa's thread about looking for a traditional woman, I'd really like to hear your thoughts about what exactly "traditional" is. Personally, I think the very definition of what's considered "traditional" has radically changed just because societal norms have changed so much over time. I am NOT saying that GOD'S laws have changed, but rather, what's seen everyday in society certainly has, which changes people's perceptions of what "traditional" might mean.

What would a "traditional" man look like in today's world? (At least, what does the term "traditional" mean to you?)

I was talking with a young co-worker who asked if my parents were married. "Yes,", I replied, "They're only a few years shy of 50 years." "WOW," my young comrade replied. "I wonder what that's even like. My Mom and Dad were never married, and my Dad had several other children with a bunch of other women." To this person, "traditional" would mean that one's parents are married and stay together.

I'm writing this thread not because I myself am looking for a traditional man in particular--I'm not opposed to a good Godly traditional man of course--but since there's been so much talk about what a traditional WOMAN supposedly is, or supposedly should be, I'd like to know what a traditional man would look like today. Is he a provider? Should he be expected to the sole source of income with a wife who doesn't work? Will he make all the major family decisions with little to no input from the other family members?

I come from what I consider a traditional home myself, with a man who provided (but most certainly doesn't lord over any of us) and a mom who stayed at home. But because my Dad has a more laid-back, "What does everyone in the family have to say before we make a final decision?" attitude, I'm sure some people would say even my family isn't "traditional enough."

How can we recognize a "traditional" man in today's society?

(Yes, I know some people are going to be shocked by the brevity of this thread. Just in case anyone feels cheated, I'll make up for it in the next one I plan to start. )

 

[blue_ladybug]

My parents have been married for 60 years..

 

[Lynx]

Oh good. I was wondering where the rest of your post was.

I would be called traditional by most, but my parents are separated. I would also be called an old fogey by some, but I ignore those.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Oh good. I was wondering where the rest of your post was.

I would be called traditional by most, but my parents are separated. I would also be called an old fogey by some, but I ignore those.

​nah, you're not old enough yet to be an old fogey.. Right now you're just a middle-aged fogey..

 

[MollyConnor]

I think a traditional man wouldn't follow the ways of the world, he would follow God's ways. He probably wouldn't dress the way some men dress today with skinny jeans and expensive sneakers. Not that that is wrong but he would know what is important.

So it would be fairly easy to spot one. He wouldn't look like the regular guy you see on tv nowadays. He would probably act different too. He would be gentle and have a sense of manliness in him that others lack. He wouldn't be into feminism and would recognize the differences between males and females the way God intended those differences to be.

He would go to church and have Christian values and morals.

I don't know if I'm right but this is just my guess. LOL

 

[seoulsearch]

Would a traditional man be expected to be the sole provider of the family?

I'm curious about this because there seems to be an expectation that traditional women are not to have their "own" money... even if they have jobs and bring in an income... I could be wrong, but it seems like traditional women are to be "seen and not heard"... as in... a man is more than happy to see her bring money in, but he makes the say on how it's spent.

I'm very interested in what people's views are in traditional marriages as far as money, provisions, and household spending goes, seeing as money issues are the #1 cause of divorce, Christian or not.

P.S. Blue, I can relate. My grandparents were married 64 years and it would have been longer had God not called one of them home.

 

[Mitspa]

I think a traditional man wouldn't follow the ways of the world, he would follow God's ways. He probably wouldn't dress the way some men dress today with skinny jeans and expensive sneakers. Not that that is wrong but he would know what is important.

So it would be fairly easy to spot one. He wouldn't look like the regular guy you see on tv nowadays. He would probably act different too. He would be gentle and have a sense of manliness in him that others lack. He wouldn't be into feminism and would recognize the differences between males and females the way God intended those differences to be.

He would go to church and have Christian values and morals.

I don't know if I'm right but this is just my guess. LOL

Wow! you got it molly

 

[Olerica]

I don't know if I can answer what a "Traditional Man" is... or if I am looking for a a man that I'd describe as a traditional man.

I'm looking for a man with integrity, kindness, a heart for God (really that should have been first), a heart to serve others. One who prioritizes me... and who can accept my love (I've seen that far too often, a man who can't be loved), someone who is smart enough to see the big picture, someone who balances me. Don't much care what he looks like, if we match heart, soul and mind.... the physical will follow

 

[Olerica]

I guess, I see what might be described as a "traditional man" as one who doesn't communicate well, or who doesn't express his emotions/isn't emotionally mature, or someone who thinks his opinion is the only one that matters... each of these would be a problem for me to feel secure in a relationship leading to and including marriage.

 

[Shannon50]

Hey Singles,

As a counterpart to Mitspa's thread about looking for a traditional woman, I'd really like to hear your thoughts about what exactly "traditional" is. Personally, I think the very definition of what's considered "traditional" has radically changed just because societal norms have changed so much over time. I am NOT saying that GOD'S laws have changed, but rather, what's seen everyday in society certainly has, which changes people's perceptions of what "traditional" might mean.

What would a "traditional" man look like in today's world? (At least, what does the term "traditional" mean to you?)

I was talking with a young co-worker who asked if my parents were married. "Yes,", I replied, "They're only a few years shy of 50 years." "WOW," my young comrade replied. "I wonder what that's even like. My Mom and Dad were never married, and my Dad had several other children with a bunch of other women." To this person, "traditional" would mean that one's parents are married and stay together.

I'm writing this thread not because I myself am looking for a traditional man in particular--I'm not opposed to a good Godly traditional man of course--but since there's been so much talk about what a traditional WOMAN supposedly is, or supposedly should be, I'd like to know what a traditional man would look like today. Is he a provider? Should he be expected to the sole source of income with a wife who doesn't work? Will he make all the major family decisions with little to no input from the other family members?

I come from what I consider a traditional home myself, with a man who provided (but most certainly doesn't lord over any of us) and a mom who stayed at home. But because my Dad has a more laid-back, "What does everyone in the family have to say before we make a final decision?" attitude, I'm sure some people would say even my family isn't "traditional enough."

How can we recognize a "traditional" man in today's society?

(Yes, I know some people are going to be shocked by the brevity of this thread. Just in case anyone feels cheated, I'll make up for it in the next one I plan to start. )

I'm going to say that I am not looking for a traditional man. I am not looking for a modern man, necessarily, but I'd like to meet someone who is not afraid to go against the grain when it's the best thing.

I would like to feel like my man would stand up for me; that he would honour me-- is that traditional? I don't want to feel controlled, and I would like it if my guy wore trendy clothes. Is that modern? I would also like to be with somebody that could be just as comfortable wearing rubber boots and plaid.

Is that traditional? lol, for the country, I guess!

Often, I think of a traditional man as a man who is very masculine. Sometimes I think of a traditional man as one who holds to conservative values, because he hates change.

I would like to take all the good qualities from a traditional man and from a modern man and shake-em up. What gets poured out as a result, that's the solution.

 

[PoetMary]

I think part of the problem that I have with labels like "traditional" regarding husbands and wives is that people don't marry for "traditional" reasons anymore. In other words, the expectations our modern society places on marriage are entirely different from previous generations. It seems to me that craving a "traditional" marriage, but maintaining modern expectations of a marriage is a bit like placing new wine in an old wine skin.

Traditionally, people would marry for very pragmatic or dynastic reasons. Why did the man marry the woman from the neighboring farm? Well, it seemed that she understood hard work and she fell within a reasonable range of attractiveness. Why did she marry him? Well, it was social stigma to be a spinster, and he seemed like he would be a hard worker who could provide for a wife and children.

Some traditional marriages (even today) were based on arrangements made by parents and family. The couple would agree to such arrangements because it was how their community functioned.

So, if you marry someone for these very pragmatic reasons, and they do indeed meet these expectations, then you can feel satisfied. There are plenty of "traditional" examples of adultery where people remained in marriages because "he's a good provider", or "she's so good with the children."

You'll notice no mention of "love", or "romance", or "soulmates", or "best friends," or possibly even free-choice.

Now, however, our expectations of marriage are much, much higher. Even in Christian circles people use language like, "I want my husband to be my best friend." Or "I'm looking for my soulmate" (forget the fact that "soulmate" is a platonic idea and not biblical). There is much romanticized language used regarding modern marriages, "You inspire me everyday to be a better person," "You're my hero," "You open up whole new worlds to me." And this doesn't even begin to touch on the sexual expectations that people have of a marriage.

None of these existed in the "traditional" times that people often idealize.

Most of the time, these expectations are impossible to meet. I mean, I'm a pretty awesome person, but I don't think I could be someone's inspiration *every single day.*

A BIBLICAL marriage is NOT a traditional marriage. It never was. If it were TRADITIONAL, then why would Paul have addressed it as an issue with the early church. If the Ephesians were engaging in biblical marriages, they would have needed no teaching on it.

A biblical marriage is actually a RADICAL marriage.

Part of what makes it radical is that our model for "the two becoming one" shifts to Christ and the Church. Previously, men were told to "leave and cleave" regarding their wives. Now they are told to BE LIKE CHRIST. An ancient Hebrew woman was essentially property, first belonging to her father, and then to her husband. Now, she is told she is "as unto the Lord." Her service and submission to her husband are seen and valued by God, regardless of whether she is noticed or appreciated by her husband or the larger society. BOTH roles were elevated.

I'm not sure why people began to associate "traditional" with "biblical." Nor do I understand why people associate particular behaviors with "husbandly leadership" or "wifely submission." If a man is egalitarian and wants his wife's input on everything within the marriage, isn't she engaged with "submission" when she follows his lead? If a wife has a rather fractured background and has issues with control, isn't her husband engaged with "Christly love" by allowing time for the Holy Spirit to work within her instead of aggressively asserting his "authority?"

What's interesting is that "biblical" doesn't really offer a lot of externalized trappings. It offers a philosophical basis for a marriage. People who bang on about "traditional" are often caught up with a lot of externalized behaviors.

 

[Rosesrock]

As my family watches happy days tonight Richie was making out with this girl and asks her to go steady.....she told him no...he replies, why would you make out with me and the not go steady with me.....
Sigh, exactly.

Im only advice here, nonsolicated sorry in advance, have standards and pray over them. Believe, trust, the Lord will supply all your needs, not necessarily wants. The closer you are to God, the more clear it will be in what your desires will be.
I pray for each of you, i sincerely believe God has someone for each of you who believe it's his will for ypu to marry.

 

[Rosesrock]

Would a traditional man be expected to be the sole provider of the family?

I'm curious about this because there seems to be an expectation that traditional women are not to have their "own" money... even if they have jobs and bring in an income... I could be wrong, but it seems like traditional women are to be "seen and not heard"... as in... a man is more than happy to see her bring money in, but he makes the say on how it's spent.

I'm very interested in what people's views are in traditional marriages as far as money, provisions, and household spending goes, seeing as money issues are the #1 cause of divorce, Christian or not.

P.S. Blue, I can relate. My grandparents were married 64 years and it would have been longer had God not called one of them home.

Own money?? I dont know if yhats a traditional thing or not. Ive been married 23 years and i think its smart to combine everything. When you enter into a marriage everything is ours, not his hers. If you start that, evenutally problems will arise, like who pays what.

 

[Mitspa]

You know the Lord was strong, unmovable in certain ways...not emotional but always ready to show compassion. He could be very tender but there was always a strength and confidence that allowed Him to humble Himself for others sake. He was the center of all things but never had to be the approved by others.... In my idea of "traditional" or "biblical" I think I would desire His qualities that He showed us as a man.

 

[Olerica]

You know the Lord was strong, unmovable in certain ways...not emotional but always ready to show compassion. He could be very tender but there was always a strength and confidence that allowed Him to humble Himself for others sake. He was the center of all things but never had to be the approved by others.... In my idea of "traditional" or "biblical" I think I would desire His qualities that He showed us as a man.

I agree that modeling oneself (male and female) after Jesus would be a wise thing indeed!

We can add to those attributes: forgiving, healing, compassionate, good with children, good with women, open to the downtrodden and the socially unacceptable, willing to give his life - though he stressed hard about it (to put it mildly)... gave the best (water to wine), a servant to those he stood with (washing of feet - which was like the lowest of the low type jobs)... wise, knew when to confront indirectly (writing in the dirt when the woman caught in adultery was brought to him directly (when her accusers left, he talks right to her)...etc.

I could go on, but your Bible is right over there... right?

 

[wisebeardman]

im not traditional, I am just me.

 

[Practice-English]

Once Again,
I didn't understand well the thread
but I've something to say to all people,
Just seek for the heart and not for the physical appearance,
it's really superficial!
The true beauty is in the heart,
The inner beauty is the right!
People must go deeply the flesh and seek for the general
and not just because he or she is pretty or have sex appeal...
What I would mean is even if we are Christians, we must search for the heart
and not stop at the skin...
Anyway!

 

[zeroturbulence]

Here's a whole courtyard full of traditional men...



(no offense to any muslims who might be reading this)

 

[Mitspa]

Here's a whole courtyard full of traditional men...

View attachment 121765

(no offense to any muslims who might be reading this)

I think the idea is having the western "Christian" tradition.....

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

Every time I pass by this thread I need to make sure that I'm on CC, not Craigslist.